“It’s Not About Money!”
If all children are priceless, $100,000 won't justify the worth of one’s daughter either. Only items sold in a business have a price tag justifying its worth. If we put a price on our daughter’s hand in marriage, we’re taking a huge step back in time, undoing all the efforts made to empower the women of today. In a way, the 'bride’s price' objectifies women and it should never be an accurate representation of someone’s worth. In the case where grooms pay the dowry, an expensive one can only be justified if daughters are perceived to be more precious and valued than sons – where true love and sincerity alone is considered a ‘low ball price’ for marrying a woman. Has the feminist movement tipped the scales of equality in their favour or is it just a money making opportunity? Millennials we reached out to unanimously agreed that dowries place unnecessary stress on engaged couples. We’ve even heard of couples who had to cut back on their ideal wedding budget or loan money from their parents to afford the dowry. In worst case scenarios, wedding planning becomes a failed business deal and both families end up falling out – just because of dowries. Clearly, the dowry only benefits one party. I thought no one would want to pay money in the name of tradition – I was wrong."Where got daughter worth $50 one?"
Ultimately, like our chou chou, a comforting pillow we hug or smell to feel safe, the dowry is a false sense of security we cling onto. If someone is innately a violent person or lacks the courage to stand up for his wife, no amount of money can change that. You can only trust your daughter’s choice in your son-in-law and her strength to walk away if things turn sour, or trust in the Singapore law to protect her."If I don't pay the dowry, they might treat my daughter poorly."
Where’s the safety deposit in case something happens to your daughter or if she runs off with another man? We act as if women are always the victim of toxic relationships even though we've all heard our fair share of nightmarish girlfriends, but that's a story for another time. In Singapore, the various laws and rules that enable women to achieve just as much as men makes it easy to forget that gender equality runs deeper than just equal opportunities. It’s about our perception of women. We still think females are weak and emotional beings with the inability to cope when things go south despite the many single mother success stories. The number of dual income families has not help us outgrow the concept of men being the sole breadwinner either. Dowries are proof of our wayward thinking despite equal opportunities. It is through subtle things like this that tells of how we still can’t see a woman as an equal to her male counterpart. We are hindered by the inertia of tradition. There is no logical reason to pass this custom onto the next generation. Instead of expensive dowry gifts, I vote for a more meaningful use of money – a bigger to help kick start the newlywed’s lives together. Also read, Why Securing A BTO First Makes A More Meaningful Proposal."If anything bad happens to my son-in-law or if he runs away with another woman, I can use the dowry money to help my daughter."
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Being single’s great. You have the freedom to do anything you want, whenever you want.
When all your friends start to get attached and you’re the only one left on the shelf, you tend to notice the ‘coupley things’ they do. More so than ever, these lovey-dovey exchanges between the lovebirds bother you.
As much as you’re sincerely happy for them, there are times you wish you could deck them in the face for behaving as such.
You try not to react to their cheesy banter, but that doesn’t mean you’re comfortable with them cooing at each other in your presence.
It can be hard to tell a friend that they’re being super gross though. So we reached out to our single friends and put together a list of typical things Singapore couples do that annoys them. A list you can use to drop subtle hints on your (cringey) couple friends.
Dear couples, stop:
It makes us mildly uncomfortable to hear one friend call the other friend ‘dear’, ‘darling’, or even ‘baby’, but we’re still cool with it - we probably just need time to get used to it.
But when you start calling each other “princess”, “dear dear”, or “bii bii” from across the room, it’s tough for us to not cringe.
We’re just amazed at how someone can talk (and behave) like a dominant leader with us, yet go all soft and talk with the voice of a ‘super kawaii’ anime girl in front of her boyfriend. It's even worse when it's the guy who goes soft in front of his girlfriend.
Don’t act cute leh.
Control your hormones, can? Stop. Touching. Each. Other.
It’s super awkward for us when you keep touching, hugging, and playing tongue wrestle while you’re on the train. Or anywhere really, when you’re hanging out with us.
When you bring up your Bae or relationship in every single topic, it makes us feel like you’re subtly showing off your ‘in-love status’ at every opportunity.
We’re not jealous of you, but we wonder if your relationship is all that defines you.
You do not belong to your Bae.
It’s understandable if you’re heading out with people of the opposite sex, but do you really have to ask Bae if you can go for dinner and shopping with your girlfriends - or for the guys, drinks with your buddies? There’s a line between letting Bae know what’s going on in your life and being a puppet y'know.
It’s annoying enough to have someone fly aeroplane on gatherings that have been planned weeks ago. But it’s even more irritating when you’re ditching us to have dinner with your Bae because s/he's having a bad day.
Priorities.
It’s called a girls/boys night out for a reason. It’s not for us to see you guys flirt with each other at one corner while we have girls/boys talk.
We’re all for healthy ‘arguments’ in a relationship, but not when we're supposed to be out having a good time with the group.
You wouldn’t want to see your parents argue in front of you. Likewise, we don’t want to see you guys screaming at each other over ridiculous disputes while we try to cajole the both of you.
The world has so many things to worry about, and your emo selfies and rants aren’t one.
You’re just making yourself look pitiful by telling everyone that s/he broke your heart, and not in a good way. Your Bae won't be happy to see you air your grievances about her/him online either.
Similarly, please stop flooding your Instagram or Facebook with all your couple selfies. We get that these photos are sweet memories, but it gets annoying when every single post on your feed is of the two of you in embrace.
What’s worse is when they come with captions like how sweet your boyfriend is or how in love you are.
And these cheesy comments: “Baby I love you so much.” “Aww baby, I love you more.”
Guys, can y’all just text each other privately?
Yes, we are a little sad for being the only single one left in the clique. But please stop feeling bad for us because that’s only going to annoy us even further.
Like you guys talking about couple dates, only to go, “oh no, but you’re single, shit I’m so sorry, but it’s okay, you can come too if you want.”
We know that you feel bad. We appreciate that you still consider our feelings. And we really don’t mind being the odd one out in the group. But after the guilt-induced invitation, we also know that we’d be a burden if we do join in.
This one's mainly for the ladies:
When your boyfriend sends you flowers for no particular reason, don’t go around saying things like, “why he so boliao, waste money on this kind of things,” only to post a photo of it up on Instagram an hour later captioned, “So touched that Baby sent me this.”
There’re still plenty more, but this list pretty much sums up the main bulk of our annoyance. We get that you’re smitten. We love the strong chemistry and bond you guys have, but we'd prefer if you keep’em between the both of you. Spare us.
But if you’re looking for someone to do all these grossly sweet things with you, you can try looking for love here.
How about you? What are some things couples do that annoys you?
Also read, Then & Now: Photos Of 9 Longtime Singapore Couples That Prove True Love Still Exists.
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