Tag: women

Men across the world have always been branded as the more superficial of the sexes. While there isn’t one study to prove this once and for all, it’s evident in our daily conversations and media representation. When men are around better looking women, they tend to be more gentlemanly and attentive, sometimes even flirtatious. I was also told that for a guy to be attracted to a girl, she has to be a strong 8; whereas most girls are willing to settle for a 5 in terms of looks. Of course this is just a blanket statement with no numbers to support it, but we can’t deny that pretty doesn’t come with privilege. A more provocative or sensual lady definitely has an advantage over the Plain Janes. This concept isn’t lost on the economy. Many businesses will only hire pleasant looking people for their front-line roles. Somehow, I have always thought that men are easily attracted to sexy women too. Perhaps it’s because of all the jokes people make of men only thinking with their dicks. Perhaps it’s a prejudiced mindset that as a women myself, I’d like to think that we are less shallow than the other gender. But then again, women play the rating game too. Take for example the simple game of Shoot, Shag, Marry. We also subconsciously treat men differently based on how attractive they are. Imagine receiving a bouquet from a chubby old man compared to a chiseled young man; one comes across as creepy and the other, charming. It’s also common to hear Singaporean females lament about how unfair it is that there are more good looking women than men in the country, and how lucky it is that guys have a better selection of the opposite sex. So ultimately the question is, do women put more importance on looks than guys do? Many of women’s favourite hobbies or activities we like are based on superficiality as well. Shopping for clothes and accessories, going for manicures and pedicures, and the love of camera filters for making us look so flawlessly cute. Not that it’s a bad thing but at the base of it all, aren’t those all for satisfying our superficial needs or wants? Some will even say things like "no make up guys also wont like." As for men, there aren't a lot to compare against. In a sense, men can beautify themselves in fashion and style and in recent years, more local men have started splurging on hair care too. But as vain as men can be, you have to admit than women do have a lot more options.

Chicks Vs Dudes

I saw this infographic recently that also tells of women being more shallow than men. The infographic showed the behaviour of Tinder users based on a comprehensive study. Of all the statistics, one stood out for me: Women were most likely to swipe right on men in bathing suits compared to any other attire. Contrarily, men were least likely to swipe on women in bathing suits.
Image Re-purposed From: Tinder: Facts & Stats About The Most Popular Dating App (Infographic)
Similarly, women were more likely to send a message to men whose photos were of them in a bathing suit. What this means is that in three categories of formal clothes, casual clothes, and bathing suits, women are most attracted to men in bathing suits whereas men were least attracted to women in bathing suits. Does that mean that women are more superficial? I decided to do a simple experiment with my colleagues, who are all Singaporeans and PRs in their twenties. I picked out 15 photos of men and women and asked 8 male and 8 females to tell me who they would swipe on for a prospective romantic partner and why. What they didn’t know is that out of the 15 photos, some of the photos are of the same people, but dressed differently. Are our Singaporean women really that superficial? And do we really have a misconception of our men being lustful? Here are my findings: *Photos are taken for the purpose of this experiment only. We have censored the photos out of respect to the subjects and our readers.  

The biggest similarity between both groups is their emphasis on facial appearance. When it comes to physical looks and making the best first impression, a person’s face is what attracts about 80% of them (13 out of 16) first. The other 3 were all girls and they gave a men’s dressing, overall presentation and vibe, and for one of them, the men’s arms as the first physical trait they look at. There is a slight difference between the two groups when it comes to a person’s body or figure. Most of the guys didn't seem to prioritise the women’s figure or ‘sexual assets’ and didn’t see it as a deal breaker, they can still accept a plus size women as long as she looks healthy and radiates confidence. However, the girls were pickier on a men’s body. While 2 of them admitted that they would prefer a beach body (though it’s not a necessity), the other 6 would steer away from such men. Some of them felt that showing off his body in photos gives an impression that he’s overcompensating or even narcissistic – a trait that most Singaporean women doesn’t like. Some were quite specific such that they preferred men whose body is just the right size - he can’t be too bulky and he can’t be too scrawny either.

We Are Superficial Beings

Let’s face it: we are superficial. The experiment showed that men are the ones who are more accepting of a women’s size, and women are the ones who are more likely to see a men's body as a deal breaker. Then again, one could argue that there is also a societal expectation for women to live up to this superficiality - the ‘there’s no ugly women, only lazy ones’ notion. Society expects women to do what they ‘need’ to do to look beautiful. And over time, women take in this expectation as their own and expect the same in the opposite gender. Regardless, it's obvious that we are superficial and do form impressions on people just on their looks alone because out of the 16 colleagues I polled, only about 5 of them found it hard to make a decision to swipe yes or not based on just one photo. Although that was the nature of the experiment, only those 5 mulled over it and double-checked if they could have more information. Admittedly, my experiment is but a tiny representation of the local millennials, but it's an insight into what our fellow Singaporeans look for in a romantic partner. And at least it gave me a sense of comfort that not all of us are that lustful or shallow. Also read, The Ugly Truth: Not Everyone Is Beautiful.
When we were still children, my sister and I would conjure up evening gowns from blankets, crowns from paper, and diamonds from ring pops, but no matter how extravagant our costumes were, nothing could top being in our mother’s heels. There’s just something about that ‘click clock, click clock’ that really makes a young kindergartener feel like a confident business woman, super model, or a classy mother. No matter the age, high heels continue to be an accessory that empowers women at every phase of their life. Even the heel-haters break out a pair of platforms for special occasions like job interviews or weddings. High heels are like the booze at parties and they deserve the honour of attending your most important events. Most of you are probably wondering if my raging passion for heels stems from the fact that I am really short, which I am, but the strong feels for heels isn’t exclusive to petite girls. Even my model-height girlfriends can't help feeling disappointed when they are stripped off their rights to wear heels around (insecure) shorter boys. What exactly is it about these quintessentially feminine shoes that makes us feel so damn good?

Historical Progression

Heels began with men and a practical purpose to fulfil – horse riding. The little nook that formed between the heel and sole of the shoes hooked onto the stirrup for more stability. Since only the upper class could afford horses, heels were also associated with class and stature. Back in those days, women weren't humans, they were but an accessory to their male counterparts. Hence it was only right that females wore heels to represent their fathers/husbands/sons wealth. Of course it wasn't right for both genders to wear the same type of shoes. The unisex alterations meant that men kept the androgynous wedge while women had feeble looking stalks. Later on, men ditched heels completely as flat shoes were simply more convenient for the working politicians and business men. Women kept the stalks as it was argued that we could afford to waddle around slowly and painfully since we didn't have to do anything.

Keeping this piece of history in mind, going about my modern day job in stilettos feels like a big F U to the patriarch. Who said heels were too frivolous for everyday use? I’ve chased down buses in 4 inch high stalks, danced the night away in 5 inch high heels and executed events in the same pair of killer shoes. If you're not convinced, watch how Bryce Dallas Howard outran dinosaurs in Jurassic World with her stiletto pumps. It’s as if we worked the impracticality of uncomfortable footwear in our favour, showing off our ability to look gorgeously fierce without compromising on productivity and efficiency.

Sexy As Hell

When I entered my teenage phase plagued with puberty, spotted with acne, and sprouting hair in all the weird places, heels gave me a momentary dose of confidence. As my body learnt to accommodate the additional 4 inches under my feet, my hips swayed, my posture improved and so did my self-esteem.
Image Credit: <a href=" Mail
I feel like an absolute stunner in stilettos, and this <a href=" it is more than just a personal opinion – heels make a woman more attractive. These killer shoes accentuate the sex-specific aspects of the female walk and engages the muscles for a perkier looking bum. As a teen back then, heels helped me feel more like a woman than a girl stuck between phases.

No Pain No Gain

We normally call women who value beauty over comfort ‘vain’ without acknowledging the effort that goes behind looking good. While we may be vain, we’re tough too. When I decide to pair my outfit with a pair of heels, I commit to it for the rest of the day – from morning till night, through flights of stairs and uneven roads. Even when it hurts, I grit my teeth and strut on. I may need rest, but I will never kick it off and surrender. If I had the misfortune of having a horrible day, I can relish in the fact that I looked my best despite the circumstances. In spite of the challenges I failed to overcome that day, I can find comfort in the sense of accomplishment for having lasted the whole day in heels without complaining. These killer kicks are encouraging and empowering, you can’t tell me otherwise. Also read, To The Women Who Are Bold, Sassy And Unapologetic About It.
How often do you pay attention to how much you’re spending on basic items like razors and shampoo? If recent research is to be believed, it might actually pay to be a woman. The pink tax is not an often-discussed topic in Singapore. Mainly because not many know what the pink tax actually is.

WHAT IS THE PINK TAX?

The Pink tax is the proven theory that women pay more for everyday things branded 'for women' than men do, such as women's shampoo, women's razors, and women's hair gel. The pink tax is not particularly a ‘tax’ per se. It’s not like someone deliberately decided that women should have to pay more for their items than men. Have you ever come across a product that came in a pink packaging and was labelled 'feminine'? The pink tax comes from the fact that companies charge more for a women’s version of products because they are supposedly ‘women-friendly’. No one really knows how much truth there is to that. For instance, products like deodorants for women are said to be more ‘sensitive’ and because of that, they somehow cost more. Products like sanitary pads and tampons, in many cases, are considered luxury products. For obvious reasons, these products don’t have male versions. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that they are a necessity for women, yet are victim to sales tax. Having bought women-specific products myself, I recall looking at a shelf of hair products and realising that two identical hair gel products (one for men and the other for women) had two separate costs. Imagine paying an extra dollar for the same brand and quantity of a tube of hair gel than your male counterpart, it doesn't really make much sense.

EARN LESS, PAY MORE

Many women today are choosing to opt for men's products instead. Think about a men’s razor, now think about a women’s razor. What’s the difference? Chances are you wouldn’t find any. Well, besides the colour. Not too long ago, Run Society wrote a piece on how women runners in Singapore spend more than men because the sports essentials for women runners cost more. In the piece, Run Society references The Ministry of Manpower Labour Force’s 2015 report, which states that most women only get paid as much as men until they hit 30, after which they get paid less. It’s no surprise that women fall behind at the workplace. Statistically, Singapore ranks higher than its neighbours in the global gender gap scale. But according to a report by The Economist’s Intelligence Unit, Singaporeans feel the presence of a gender bias more strongly. Apart from the wage gap, one of the key issues in the gender gap is the lack of women in senior management positions. According to The Economist’s Intelligence Unit's report, just 26% of senior executives are estimated to be women in Singapore. That’s lower than the 32% in Malaysia and 34% in Indonesia. If we were to compare these numbers with places like the USA, where 78% of women felt that women are under-represented in leadership positions, it would seem that women in Southeast Asia are less aware of the problems in gender diversity.

HIDDEN PRESENCE

The fact that the pink tax is not really known to many; women included, could mean that it doesn't affect us largely on a daily basis. But if you count every dollar or every cent extra that women pay, it could amount to  a lot. If you're still unconvinced about the presence of the pink tax, the next time you visit personal care stores like Guardian or Watson’s, have a trip down an aisle and compare the male and female version of products. You might be surprised with what you find. Top Image Credit
Being likeable. It's something we're taught from a young age and is quite difficult to shrug off, this idea that likeability is an essential part of being a woman. We're meant to hold back, not be overly pushy, or loud, or say too much because in order to make our way in the world, we need to play nicely. But what happens when we make nice our number one priority?

You let other people direct your relationships.

When we try too hard to be likeable, the first thing to go is a sense of agency. We’re afraid to ask for too much or be too much, so we only want from others what they appear to want from us. …at least, that’s as much as you’ll admit to yourself. It's hardly a fulfilling way to operate, whether these relationships are professional or personal. In fact, you’re doing yourself a big disservice when you invest in a person and it's a one way street.

Negotiating your opinions.

Finding common ground - it’s the instinctive thing to do. Remember the rather questionable logic that if a boy picks on you in the playground, it means he likes you? Well surprise, surprise, that little adage does not fly in the real world. Whether in the workplace or on a Tinder date, nobody wants to be the first to offend. So we dish out tentatively phrased, easily digestible opinions. Things you may personally believe waver depending on the person you’re talking to. You remain quiet even when the chance to speak out presents itself. While it may be a harmless thing to do once or twice, making a habit out of diluting your views means you’re missing out on opportunities to clarify them. These are the things that shape you as a person, and talking - even disagreeing - with others can be a validating experience. Being different isn’t a bad thing.

Losing your voice.

The very social media-centric terms of “mansplaining” and “manterrupting” seem like they were coined specifically for hashtag purposes, but unfortunately for us women, they describe something all too real. How many of us can attest to trying to explain something, only to have a man needlessly interrupt or take our ideas and run with them? Backing up this phenomenon, the <a href=" app tracks (with illuminating results) just how often men and women speak up while at work. For a woman to speak up at work, it involves a balancing act of Cirque de Soleil proportions. Either she voices her thoughts and is perceived as too aggressive or a know-it all, or she’s barely heard. And when a man surfaces virtually the same idea, the default is a round of head nods and approval for his fine idea. There are countless <a href=" to prove it. So, it doesn’t exactly come as a shock that more often than not, we put our heads down and decide that less is more, that it’s better to be nice than to be heard. But if the absolutely boss women of the 21st century (hello, Angela Merkel, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama) have taught us anything at all, it’s to not be afraid of acknowledging our own expertise. If speaking up means being a #NastyWoman, so be it!

Your goals take a backseat.

Growing up, we were conditioned to put others first. We’re taught that the moral, socially responsible thing to do is to care for everyone else and when you slip into the bottom rungs of your own priority list, well, that’s pretty noble. While it's true that so much good can come out of a little selflessness, sometimes this mentality spills over into less benevolent circumstances. Like when you end up holding yourself back at your own expense - prioritising the feelings of someone who is hurting you, or feeling embarrassed about asking for a promotion you’re pretty sure you deserve. Sometimes, to put yourself first is practical, not selfish. That people have unconscious biases based on gender is a given, and you need to factor that in when you try to soften your approaches. You need to invest in yourself as much as you do others, because no way are you sacrificing your goals in an effort to be "nice". Your job isn't to make yourself likeable - it's to be your full self, someone who is honest and aware and embracing of yourself and others. It's to be ambitious and hopeful and real - basically, you just need to do you. The world will have to deal with it.

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