A romantic notion that's ingrained in us by romance movies and Nicholas Sparks novels, we were taught that love is synonymous with butterflies in the tummy, grand romantic gestures, and feeling ‘complete’, all of which only The One can grant us. It came as no surprise that we devoured it like unsuspecting fishes drawn to the bait. Heck, we’re the generation that spends our Wednesday nights living it up, downing shots in clubs, all the while maintaining a GPA that’s no less than three. When we’re presented with the idea of Happily Ever After with The One, trust me, we’re hell-bent on fulfilling it.  Most, if not all, of us are so fixated on the idea of The One that our lives revolve around this notion. I remember the first time I told my dad that I was dating someone. As a naive seventeen-year-old, I described my date to him as someone who is cute, rich, and The One I want to be with forever. Shallow, I know. As a man who has been married for more than 17 years with three kids, he found my sappy proclamation of love laughable, “enjoy it while it lasts. You should get him to bring you out on a date at a five-star restaurant while you’re at it.” Back then, I didn’t get why my dad would always scoff at my romantic views toward love. In my mind, I’ve simply labelled him as someone who’s pragmatic. To him, The One is just a bullshit fairytale that’s fabricated and fed to women to make the lives of men hard. He’s a firm believer that there is no one singular person, soulmate or The One who’s magically made for us. A relationship doesn’t flourish on feelings, it requires hard work and effort to make things work. We ourselves create The One from the partner we choose to enter and stay in a relationship with. I, on the other hand, believe that there are many The Ones out there for us. My friend Kayla* serves as a prime example. An avid consumer of bubblegum love songs and 90s romance films, she had spent her whole life anticipating for The One who will grant her a lifetime of happiness. When she met Dave*,  she was convinced that he is the one she's going to spend the rest of her life with. One fine day, she finally decided to lose her virginity to him. He broke up with her a few days later, claiming that his feelings have faded. As bystanders of the relationship, we were quick to call him out on his bullshit but she was convinced that she had lost The One. As a result, her attitude towards love is akin to that of an atheist towards God. She turned to clubbing and one-night stands because to her, since she had lost her one and only shot at true love, why bother anymore? Fast forward a year and countless swipes later, she’s now in a relationship with a decent guy she met from Tinder who she’s certain is also The One. For many of us, Kayla’s story is all-too-familiar. At some point in our life, we would have been so sure that the person we’re dating is The One. So much so that we would apply for a BTO flat with them, no hesitation. However, if things don’t work out, our take on love will be pessimistic until the next The One comes along, and the whole cycle repeats until we settle on someone who eventually becomes our husband. There is no one specific person who you’ll instantly fall in love with and want to marry. At 18, we might be attracted to the f-boys who gave us the thrill and excitement of young love that we craved for - "The One we had fun with". But at 25, most of us would be looking to settle down, so we’ll search for a partner who is mature and shares the same goals and values as us. They’ll end up being “The One we’ll marry”. As our phase in life changes, so does our values, beliefs, and interests. Needless to say, our definition of The One will evolve with us as well. There is no pre-made singular The One whose entire existence on this earth is to fall in love with us and complete us. In life, it’s guaranteed that we’ll meet a series of potential partners. It is all up to us to discern who The One is for us right now. The notion of The One could also just serve as a reminder of the relationship that we deserve. On the other end of the spectrum however, there are the toxic behaviour that stem from the notion of The One. And it's imperative for us to tackle such behaviour as well. Tom Hansen, the title character from (500) Days of Summer, meets a girl named Summer who he believes is The One. From the get-go, she sets the record straight that she isn’t looking for anything serious and she doesn’t believe in love. Even so, he is still convinced that she is The One and he went on to project all his romantic fantasies onto her instead of getting to know her for who she is. Some of us could have been Tom in our relationship; so blinded by the whole concept of The One that we are determined that this one person is the only one meant for us. While the rest of us could have been in Summer’s shoes, no stranger to the toxic and stifling relationship where your partner is obsessed with their idea of you being The One and projecting their unrealistic expectations of love on you. The film ends with a newly-wedded Summer confiding in Tom her new found belief in soulmates and destiny, how he was right about it, it just wasn’t her that he was right about. A few days later, Tom meets a girl named Autumn (literally) and his eyes light up once more while Mumm-ra’s She's Got You High plays in the background.  It's pretty tongue-in-cheek but it echoes my sentiment of how there is a series of The Ones that we will meet in our journey instead of just one predetermined The One. Despite all these, I do think that it’s completely okay to hold on to the belief that there is someone out there who is meant for you, as long as you’re being realistic about it. At the end of the day, our trust in the notion of The One is comparable to people’s faith in birthday wishes and four-leaf clovers. Deep down, all of us know that it’s just a tale, but some will still choose to believe in it as it provides a sense of comfort in the bleak and lonely world that we live in, and there’s no wrong in that. *Names have been changed for privacy purposes. Also read, Is Marrying Young Only For The Rash And Reckless?.

Her pride shows when she humble brags about us to her friends and her love shows through the incessant nagging at us to sleep earlier and eat on time. Yet these are things that we finding embarrassing and annoying. Then, there’s that one uniquely-Singaporean trait in our mums that we can’t decide whether we hate or love. Being auntie. This Mother's Day, we share our love for our mums by appreciating the super auntie things they do as a Singaporean mum.

1. Gossiping

Even with social media, we can hardly keep up with all our friends getting hitched and having babies. It’s amazing how our mum knows about the neighbour’s sister’s friend’s daughter's migrating overseas. Not forgetting the iconic way they speak when they share such juicy news, “I tell you ah, my ah girl ah…”

2. Taking Or Asking For Free Stuff

Dabaoing the unused utensils and butter spread from airplane meals, keeping the serviettes and wet tissues at restaurants, and eating the free samples at food fares, our mothers do them all, and proudly. As auntie as those behaviours are, some of us do them too. There are also the very thick-skinnd mums who would tell the waiter that it’s her birthday and go, “got anything free or not ah?” At least we get to enjoy free stuff, I guess.

3. Choping Seats

It can be hard to find seats during rush hour on the MRT and at hawker centres, but our mums seem to have eagle eyes. They also have the power of making us want to disown them when they rush to the vacant seats, pat the seat, and shout our name out amidst the crowd of onlookers.

4. Complaining

If you got cheated by the hawker and only got bones in your chicken rice, trust your mum to make a trip to the stall and give them a teaching. You may even get free chicken rice on your next trip. Whether it’s the little things like that or bigger things like being bullied in school or work, your very auntie mother will complain until you get your grievances addressed.

5. Picking Out The Best Of Things

She would remove all the styrofoam netting from the fruit before putting it in the plastic bag because not only can you see if the fruit is good, it weighs lighter and thus, is cheaper. She’d dig into the supermarket shelves to get products that are deeper in because of the expiry date, especially when she’s stocking up during the promotion period. Very auntie and very embarrassing, but very fruitful.

6. Share Fake Or Passé News

Food to eat to defeat cancer, random philosophical quotes from famous people whose names we don’t even recognise, or fake health scares, our mums tend to fall for such stories circulating online and on WhatsApp. What’s more embarrassing is when they share them in the family group chat. Or when they excitedly show us a video they just saw and we realise that it was something that trended more than 5 years ago. Mum, this one long ago see already.

7. Doraemon Bags

Our mums tend to have everything in their bags and can magically whip out anything we need when we need it. Dry tissue, check. Wet tissue, check. Umbrella, check. Some mums even bring medicine everywhere they go, so if we suddenly have a stomach-ache after eating that tom yum hot pot, fret not, momma’s got charcoal pills.

8. Loyalty And Membership Cards For Everything

Besides all the things mentioned above, the auntie-mother starter pack cannot do without an NTUC card or any other equivalent loyalty cards for supermarkets, grocery stores, or pharmacies like Watsons and Guardian. Sometimes, they surprise you with cards to the most random of shops, like a neighbourhood salon card or stamp cards dessert stores.

Love Your Very Auntie Mum

We cringe at our mum’s auntie moments but as we grow older, we start to realise how much such 'annoying' habits of theirs are things we remember them endearingly by. All those little things they do are exactly what make them that irreplaceable woman in our life. What other auntie things do your mum do? Share them with us in the comments! (Header Image Credit: Wheniwasfour) Also read, These 14 Heartwarming Stories Show That A Mother’s Love Is Like No Other.

I’m a lot closer to my friends than my family. There’s so much more that my friends see and know about me. It isn’t because I grew up being looked after by my grandparents, relatives, or helper. I was never sent to child care centres either. My parents brought my brother and me up all by themselves. It wasn’t that I grew up in a broken family either. My parents were always loving to each other and to us. Our middle-income family lifestyle also meant a high regard for simplicity, humility, and maintaining family ties. We appreciate what we have and we appreciate each other, yet I feel a disconnect with the very people I’m supposed to be closest to – and it’s not because we don’t spend time together. Occasionally, my father will drive us across the causeway for cheap eats, shopping, or a massage. My mother’s regular home cooking is also a reason for us to huddle together for dinner every day after work. We spend a lot of time together but there’s hardly any conversation aside from my mum’s gripe about the market prices of meat and vegetables. I don't share about my day and I don't ask them about theirs. It just feels weird, unnatural. When I see social media posts of my friends enjoying movie nights, ice skating, or trips to USS together with their family, I wished my family was like that too. It isn’t where they went that I am envious of, it is the laughter and light banter in the background. It is the quality time together that I long for. Was there something we could have done in the past that would have made us closer now? Why don’t we do fun family activities together? Is it because all of us grew up too quickly? I know, it’s already a privilege to have a family. An unexciting family of four, stable and boring, but safe. Some people don’t even have anyone to call ‘family’. I appreciate what I have but if only I could draw close to my supposed nearest and dearest without feeling so awkward.

My parents’ love for my sibling and I is undeniable, but so is the ever-growing gap between us.

When I had trouble catching up on my studies, I hid it from my parents. When it came to matters of the heart and having my heart broken by the guys I dated, I turned to friends instead. When I was lost and confused about life after graduation, I turned to Google for advice. My parents didn’t deserve to be disappointed, and I never felt comfortable to share. Call it pride, call it fear but it was never a natural way of my life to talk about my feelings and emotions with my parents so openly. And now that I’m a working adult with my own social circles and partner, there are more distractions and lesser reasons for me to talk with my parents. Perhaps we were just that stereotypical Asian family who avoided complicated topics and shunned from anything related to sex. When I asked why I was growing hair at my nether regions, my mother would tell me that it is because I didn’t wash my vagina clean enough. When I had my first period and asked why we (girls) had periods, my dad said it’s just something that makes you an ‘official woman’. They never elaborated more than that and I never probed. Sometimes I wonder if this is why I’m so gullible today. However, the ‘Asian culture’ was stronger during my parents’ days and yet they still remain close to their siblings. Even though we all live separate lives, every family gathering filled our home with warmth and energy, there was always laughter and chatter. Perhaps this is the legendary kampong spirit that everyone talks about. What happened with my generation then? Perhaps it’s because life was much simpler then. In place of movies or video games, entertainment was playing marbles or fives stones with siblings or the neighbours’ kids. Social gatherings meant you had to interact with people instead of being on your phone.

As much as it feels distant, the thought of losing my parents still scares me. Besides the pain of never seeing them again, I worry that losing them would also mean losing the only thing that holds my brother and I together. We were raised by the same parents and only two years apart, but we couldn’t be more different. We have led two very separate lives and we barely look alike – we were never close, not when we were young and not now. I knew a girl in my secondary school who had a brother I wished I had. He was a senior in our school and he’d always walk her home. Even when my friend stayed back for CCAs or simply to hang out with her friends, her brother would wait in school until she was done. I wanted that protective and cool brother who would not only be my guardian angel if someone shoots rubber bands at me but would also teach me how to fire these rubber bands back with twice the power. Instead, most of the interactions I had with my brother involved us fighting between ourselves. Now that we’re older, my brother makes an effort to communicate and connect with me despite working and living in another country most of the year, but it never feels right. We speak in different languages and our conversations lack depth but I still hope that eventually my brother and I will find a connection we never had. I just hope my brother believes it, too. After all, blood is always thicker than water. Also read, 12 S’poreans Reveal The Most Endearingly Embarrassing Habits Of Their Mums.

"I don't usually do this but can I kiss you?" Would you find it weird if your boyfriend asked you for permission before he kissed you? That’s what my friend Edd had asked me a while ago. I can’t remember what our first kiss was like, but if he did I probably would have nodded, or just smiled and went in for the kiss myself. “What if it was a dude you weren’t so sure about yet, like you are interested but you’re still not 100% sure if you’re going to date him for real?” Even with dates, I’ve always been forthcoming with my kisses – ugh, am I just too easy? But I was already romantically invested in those dates I kissed and it just felt like a natural progression of our feelings and affection for each other. Something that holding hands or hugging wouldn’t quite capture. It was straightforward to me. If I like you romantically, I would want to feel closer to you, and that would translate to physical intimacy. But as simple as it is to me, it isn’t for Edd – perhaps it’s just more difficult for guys.

Romantic Interest And Consent

Having missed one too many shots at a happily ever after, what went wrong? Edd seemed to have an extremely different perspective of how physical intimacy played a part in relationships. Edd would hit the home run as soon as it was appropriate because physical intimacy is the ultimate shield from the dreaded friend zone. Touch was also his way of showing that he’s interested. Now I started to understand why the girls in Edd’s life seemed to flee. Men give love for sex, women give sex for love – things might have changed in this modern era but I believe this quote still holds true. Women still needs to feel an emotional investment and connection for sex to count as love-making, or else we might interpret it as a quick touch and go. There are better ways to demonstrate your interest on the first date instead of diving straight into the deep end of sex. Because his advances never worked well, Edd wondered if getting consent helps. But, “I don't know if it's because of the toxic macho culture I've been exposed to, I've been led to believe that women find it kind of weak for a man to ask for a kiss or for sex.” Gone are the days where men have to be the archetypal, dominant head of the household. Those typically masculine qualities do help make a man seem more attractive but there are many other equally or even more important traits that women seek for today, like humour and stability. Yes, asking for permission may come across as shy and insecure, but it is better than scaring women away for being overconfident or too physically forthcoming. Contrarily, I wouldn’t think any less of a guy’s masculinity if he asked to kiss me. It shows me two very valuable traits: that he’s polite and respectful – he cares enough about how I would feel and respects me enough to check before treading on into ‘sensitive territories’. I’d definitely tell my girls about it and giggle about how silly or cute it was of him to ask, but that all depends on how interested I already am in him.

How Fast Is Too Fast?

I went around the office to find out the ‘best’ time to kiss or engage in coitus. After making my colleagues feel paiseh with clearly too many personal questions in the middle of a work day, and doing some more research, I concluded: there’s no answer. There is just no right or wrong when it comes to love and no model timeline to physical intimacy. Everyone’s got their own ‘pace’. No one has the right to impose rules on when to start getting intimate in a relationship either. Neither should we compare or worry about how fast is too fast. What’s norm for someone else may not be for you and if you’re not comfortable, then what’s the point? The chemistry between two individuals is different for every duo. You may feel like long lost lovers with one person but with another, it could take several dates before it feels ‘right’. As vague as it sounds, there are signs you can always count on to determine if this moment is ‘right’ for cozying up to each other.

Reading The Signs

Brush your fingers against mine, inch closer so our shoulders touch, let your hands linger a little longer around my waist after we take a photo – if I don’t flinch, that’s when you know I’m ready for interlocking fingers and warmer hugs. Any verbal consent would only kill the mood and take away the excitement! Kisses are a little trickier, you have to be sensitive to the energy around you. It could be that extra few seconds of lingering after you bid her farewell at the void deck, or the way she looks at you intently, or in the most obvious case, if she doesn't turn away when you inch your face close to hers - not in a creepy 'I want to eat your face way' of course, just purse your lips a little, close your eyes... If you find a way to slide your tongue into the game, then you’ve unlocked the next phase: making out.

Then, there’s sex – the fine line of consent separating rape and love-making. It doesn’t have to be as awkward as “would you like to have sex with me?”. A simple “you wanna do it?” between breaths works too. Else, consent comes in many non-verbal ways too: if she doesn't brush your hands away from her private areas, when she presses her body against you or initiates even more intimate behaviour, it's a good sign. Obviously in this case, if a girl says, "no," or "I don't want," she's not playing reverse psychology. As modern and liberal as we have evolved to be, most of us (Asians) are too shy to speak our minds in fear of rejection or ‘throwing face’. This is especially so for women – most of us still wait for men to make the first move. I’m guilty of being passive aggressive myself, keeping my dissatisfaction and preferences to myself hoping that my partner would magically read my mind but obviously, no one’s Professor X here. In fact, our blockhead boyfriends will appreciate that we lied on their shoulders or gave them a peck on the cheek first.

Where Do You Draw The Line?

I think it’s still safer to know someone better before getting intimately involved. Once you do, it can be hard to tell if you really like the person for the wholesome meaning of a relationship or if you’re just sexually attracted. And it is such a waste to mess up a chance at a happy ending just because you went in for that kiss she wasn’t quite ready for. Regardless, be confident and don’t be swayed by what others think is too fast or too slow. Find your own pace, read the cues, and go with the flow. *Name has been changed for privacy reasons Also read, Wet, Weird, And Adorable – Millennials Recount How They Lost Their First Kiss.

Wet, slobbery and passionate kisses, we’ve been on the roof top of JEM for the last 15 minutes. It feels like an hour. Straddled on top of you, it was exciting and arousing for you a lot longer than it was for me – I kept going because I loved you. When you unzipped your pants, I didn’t think much of it, but in a sharp whisper you asked to go to third base. Whether I shook my head or stared blankly at you, I can’t recall.   Hoarse pleas of “we can’t stop here,” whispered repeatedly from the lips I was so passionately kissing moments ago – something about the way you begged made it impossible to say no. But my body reacted before I could consider giving in, erupting into rapid, shallow and irregular breaths as I turned away from you. Shaking like a scared puppy on your lap, you zipped up and held me tight.   Swaying gently, you stroked my hair. You must love me. There’s no doubt about that. I felt your excitement ease but it was my turn to swell – pink and puffy from the friction of my cotton panties against your jeans, my skin burned whenever I used the toilet. Is that normal? He was the sweet boy that everyone adored for his masculine physique, good nature, and fun-loving personality. I felt small and well protected with him. He understood what it meant to love the invisible man in the sky, what it meant to be ‘touched by the Bible’. He really wasn’t my type. I’ve always had a penchant for the bad boys who were good only to me. It wasn’t like I actively sourced them out to change them, they were just somehow drawn to me. Maybe because I had the morals of a conservative Christian but lived within the loopholes of the bible, the grey areas that divide different Christian groups. Safe but still fun. He broke the streak of bad boy personalities and became my perfect match – His tenderness was best friends with my guilty conscience and his love a dictator of my soul. I know what you said, you wouldn’t love me any less if we didn’t do these ‘things’, yet when I asked if we could stop, the forlorn look in your eyes said otherwise. It made my heart ache as much as my jaws. I wonder if you knew the contrast of bliss and disappointment on your face was too much for me to bear. It reminded me that I had the power to turn that frown upside down but I chose not to. I am selfish. I am a terrible girlfriend.  You pulled up your pants before lifting me off the ground in one swift motion as I whispered a pathetic trail of apologies. Your embrace, tender kisses and ‘It’s okay’ didn’t offer any comfort. You planted a final peck on my cheek, ready to leave. “I’ll do it. I want to do it. Just not in my balcony. Even with the curtains, it’s too in the open. My sis might come down and see us. Let’s do it in the toilet instead.” I caved in again and hated myself for it. Back on my knees, I played your disappointment in my head on repeat, willing my tongue and lips to graze all the right spots for just a bit longer. For just a bit longer, I need to ignore the palpitations that made my body shake. I love you, I mustn’t be selfish. I stood up. Somehow my usual tricks couldn’t convince me to finish the job tonight. My eyes burned as hot as the welt on my knees that sunk between tiles. I looked at you, no longer worthy of your love but hoping you’d give it to me anyway. For the second time tonight, you pulled your pants up and I followed you out of the toilet. As you packed up your things, I leaned against the wall some distance away. You hugged me, gave me a kiss on the forehead, and wiped my tears away. The gentler you were the louder my guilty conscience – I blew it. I blew my second chance. When he cheated on me, I didn’t wait for his apology to forgive him. The day I found out, he joined my family for dinner where my dad talked extensively about the hotel we were going to stay at for our getaway in Malacca – Holiday Inn, that’s where he f**ked the girl. Against my friends’ counsel, I stayed with him because I believed our love was strong enough to overcome his infidelity. I threw myself into the art of forgiveness, always tiptoeing around his crime. I didn't even stop him from going to the club after that, determined to show him that my trust hasn't wavered. I think I fixed us but I forgot about my own broken heart. Even when he reassured me that his affair wasn’t my fault, I sucked him off anyway to make sure he wouldn’t find solace in another girl. I could never shake off the fear when I had to reject his advances. The certainty of my yeses and noes were marred because my consent and dissent swayed to the rhythm of his persuasion. Just like Ariel, I traded in my voice for a chance at love, except she got Eric and I turned to foam. I am objective enough to take responsibility for this feeling of violation. I was never clear enough. I only hoped he read my mind or inferred from the few times I broke down in the middle of making out. The relationship was toxic for more reasons than this, but I clung on because there was just enough love and attention to keep me going. When we finally ended things, I was a tragic mess but my friends rejoiced, knowing that I will eventually see what they have been seeing. I often questioned why I never ventured beyond third base – what stopped me from being that girl who gave sex for love and lost it anyway? You. We often spoke in revere of chastity and you confessed how my purity was one reason we’re together. I should have known then that your stand on virginity was personal and not religious. You loved me for a lot of things but my abstinence was a big factor – I wanted to keep you interested. I deal with the wreck of my relationship, knowing I am not the only girl who walks around with a chip on her shoulder. This story is for the girls who will never be able to fully express their feelings of being violated because we enabled it, because there was never verbal or physical abuse, only the silent threat which we convinced ourselves would happen if we didn’t do so – we have no right to feel victimised.

Story is adapted from an original recount shared to us.

Also read, Millennials Share Their Biggest Relationship Mistakes So You Wouldn’t Make The Same Ones.

Valentine's day is fast approaching –  Get ready for bouquets galore and the spam of sappy Instagram posts. On this particular day where we celebrate love, it's easy to see love as a magical fairy tale. But relationships aren't all that perfect. There are lovey-dovey moments and then there are times you wonder why you even love the monster you are dating. To keep things real this Cupid's Day, we asked millennials to share some of the most dramatic fights they have had with their partners. Clearly, some people watch dramas and others live it.

1. Mad Chase

"My boyfriend and I would always take the same bus home together but after a big fight, he left without me. I was seething with anger so I just sat in the school canteen in silence. When I registered what had happened, I ran out of school hoping to reconcile with him. When I was reaching the bus stop, I saw him board the bus and leave. I couldn't convince myself to give up, so I kept running. When the bus rounded the turn I knew I had no chance. My knees softened and I sat down at the overhead bridge to cry for a long while. I realised my friends and a couple of seniors had watched the entire scene pan out from the bus stop. I was beyond embarrassed." – Jade, 23

2. Push Comes To Shove

My girlfriend and I had a huge spat after I heard that she cheated on me. I let my anger fuel my words and we couldn't talk things out properly. She went home, but I really wanted to clarify certain things with her so I decided to look for her at her house. I showed up at her doorstep but her lesbian friend who has a crush on her stopped me at the door. I tried to push past her but she held her ground. I shouted so that my girlfriend would be able to hear me from her room. “She doesn’t want to see you!” Her friend shoved me and my back rammed against the wall along the corridor. I pushed her back and she tumbled into the living room. I was fuming at this point so when she charged at me again, I punched her in the face. My girlfriend must have sensed something was wrong because she finally came out of the room to catch us throwing punches at each other. I had to deal with the police for a few weeks after that. Needless to say, the relationship ended on terrible terms." – Terrance, 30

3. LDR Woes

"I was in a long distance relationship and we were going through a really rough patch. Both of us were really busy and the time difference made it impossible to catch up as often as we hoped – the frustration led to us arguing a lot but we always reconciled. But this once after our fight, he ignored my texts and calls for the whole day. I cried myself to sleep thinking, “this is it, he’s breaking up with me.” In the morning, I woke up to my sister giggling followed by a warm peck on my cheek. He didn’t reply me because he was on the plane back to see me. The fight itself wasn’t dramatic but the making up process was the most movie-like experience I had." – Sasha, 24

4. Dramatic Exit

"I had just stormed out of my boyfriend’s house and ruined the 'low maintenance' image his parents had of me. It was 1am and I was crying so hard that I had to sit by the curb to catch my breath. I wasn’t hoping for him to chase after me, but a while later I saw his car. I was still breathlessly sobbing and feeling too prideful, so I just let him drive by. I told me that I would rather walk than see him but he insisted on waiting for me at the void deck of my house. Meanwhile, he had to answer calls from my parents about my whereabouts because I refused to pick up their phone. We were texting hostile but empty threats about breaking up and it went on for a long while before I sent him my live location to work it out face-to-face. He found me sitting at another road he had apparently drove pass. We yelled at each other till we ‘fixed things’. I even tried to storm off again but he pulled me back. After that, I cried into his shoulder till I literally passed out. My boyfriend carried me back to the car until I calmed down before he sent me home to deal with my parents." – Karla, 21

5. Stop and Stare

"After yet another fight with my ex, I demanded that he unlock his house door for me so I can leave. To my disappointment, he did so without any hesitation, and I stormed off. But instead of going home, I loitered around his neighbourhood, hoping for him to realise how wrong he was and come look for me. After aimlessly walking around, I finally settled on a bench at one of the void decks nearby where I bawled my eyes out. I probably looked like a wreck because many passers-by stopped to ask if I was okay. One uncle even left me a packet of tissue and told me, “男孩子全部都是坏的啦，小妹不要想太多， 你还小以后的日子会更好。” (all boys are bad, don’t think too much, you’re still young things will get better) My ex texted me an hour later and because I was still pissed, I sent him on a hunt around his neighbourhood before he finally found me." – Crystal, 26

6. Underage Drinks

"At 14-years-old I was in a relationship with a boy 5 years older than me. We were really immature and were always breaking up and getting back together. I didn’t know how to physically cope with those emotions back then so I turned to alcohol. Once, my friend snuck out some of her mother’s whisky which we drank by her condo’s pool. At some point, I fell asleep on the table, faced down. When I vomited, I was so wasted that I continued sleeping in my puddle of semi-digested food and liquids. Miraculously, my friend manage to get me to the public toilet, although she said I was crawling most of the way. (Bear in mind we were both 14-year-old 'kids' and it was in bright day light) She quickly ran up to her house for clothes and a towel to clean me up before she called my ex-boyfriend for help. Since he was still serving his national service with the police force, he had to cab down during his lunch to carry me from the toilet to my friend’s house. We got together again before breaking up for good a year later." – Rebecca, 24

7. He Said She Said

"I can’t even remember what we were arguing about but it was loud. We were hanging out in Starbucks with our friends and even they couldn't stop us from yelling at each other. The argument became so heated that we stood up and continued shouting. Everyone there were staring at us when she ran out of Starbucks in tears. The girls chased after her while the boys stayed with me. I was seething at her for being so incredibly unreasonable, but in the end, I eventually looked for her and gave her a hug first." – Zhi Wei, 22

8. Cuddle Power

"She was my first girlfriend and I didn’t understand why girls always want to 'talk about things'. We were walking home from supper and I was super angry about something petty but I didn’t want to “talk about it”. I wanted to send her home and find somewhere to cool off on my own but she was having none of that. When I tried to continue walking, she hugged me and tried to hold me back with her weight. I am almost 190cm tall and she was smaller than the average Singaporean girl. It would have been funny if I weren’t so angry. I gave her a damn annoyed look and pried her hands off of me. Normally my cold stare was enough to make her stop her nonsense, but she was super stubborn that day – wrapped her hands around my waist and kept trying to stop me from walking. Her hugs were so tight and persistent I didn’t stay angry for long. I succumbed and we sat by the road side to talk about my feelings – sounds sissy, but it made her happy." – Timothy, 23

Pick Your Battles

Nobody wants to fight, but it is an integral part of building a long lasting relationship. It is how couples learn about and adapt to each other's boundaries. But don't fight for the sake of winning of course, pick your battles wisely. How have you and your SO fought? Are you the drama-mama or the kind who chooses to avoid talking until both parties cool down? Also read, 8 Confession Stories That Are Like RL Versions Of Taiwanese High School Dramas.

Weddings should be a simple and sincere celebration of two people coming together in holy matrimony, but more often than not, traditions, reputation, and superstitions (that most of us don’t even believe in) take precedence. We all have our fair share of woes in complicated wedding procedures that we honestly wish we can do away with. Thankfully, modern Singaporeans have simplified some of the must-dos – now we can present a can of pigs’ trotters instead of a whole roasted pig to our Chinese in-laws. However, the practice of giving cash dowries hasn't gotten the same update and is one of the few wedding traditions that has not progressed with time. Traditionally, because women join their husband's family upon marriage, the dowry is used to compensate the bride's family for raising their daughter well and ‘giving her away’. Another common practice is where a dowry is given to the groom's family as financial relief for future costs incurred from taking care of the new wife. Regardless, the idea is the same: a dowry is given as a remuneration of sorts. Since Singaporean men and women have equal rights to education and career opportunities, and that both husband and wife are free to visit their families even after marriage (considering the idea of 'giving the daughters away'), there is no longer a need to ‘reimburse’ any party in the marriage. The giving of dowries should be an obsolete practice then. So why do older generations still insist on keeping this tradition?

“It’s Not About Money!”

It’s common courtesy for the side receiving the dowry to return part of it in cash or by covering some of the wedding expenses. Ultimately, most of the money is given back or used to benefit the couple so arguably it isn’t about how much, but rather a matter of staying rooted in our culture. With that said, a token sum of $50 should suffice to pass on the dowry for tradition's sake, but you still hear exorbitant numbers being thrown around.

"Where got daughter worth $50 one?"

If all children are priceless, $100,000 won't justify the worth of one’s daughter either. Only items sold in a business have a price tag justifying its worth. If we put a price on our daughter’s hand in marriage, we’re taking a huge step back in time, undoing all the efforts made to empower the women of today. In a way, the 'bride’s price' objectifies women and it should never be an accurate representation of someone’s worth. In the case where grooms pay the dowry, an expensive one can only be justified if daughters are perceived to be more precious and valued than sons – where true love and sincerity alone is considered a ‘low ball price’ for marrying a woman. Has the feminist movement tipped the scales of equality in their favour or is it just a money making opportunity? Millennials we reached out to unanimously agreed that dowries place unnecessary stress on engaged couples. We’ve even heard of couples who had to cut back on their ideal wedding budget or loan money from their parents to afford the dowry. In worst case scenarios, wedding planning becomes a failed business deal and both families end up falling out – just because of dowries. Clearly, the dowry only benefits one party. I thought no one would want to pay money in the name of tradition – I was wrong. For some, being able to afford the expensive tradition gives a sense of pride because it reflects status and wealth. And for wealthier families that can actually afford, most pay for they fear ‘losing face’. Compared to an expensive dowry, having a good job, a healthy bank balance, and properties under your name would be a better gauge of one's net worth and financial independence. Even if one has millions to spare, paying the dowry shouldn’t be a platform to boast about your wealth anyway. As newlyweds, there are so many better ways to spend money, like furnishing your new home or saving for your first child. Then, there are those concerns tying the uncorroborated link between a dowry and it's importance in the future of a marriage:

"If I don't pay the dowry, they might treat my daughter poorly."

Ultimately, like our chou chou, a comforting pillow we hug or smell to feel safe, the dowry is a false sense of security we cling onto. If someone is innately a violent person or lacks the courage to stand up for his wife, no amount of money can change that. You can only trust your daughter’s choice in your son-in-law and her strength to walk away if things turn sour, or trust in the Singapore law to protect her.

"If anything bad happens to my son-in-law or if he runs away with another woman, I can use the dowry money to help my daughter."

Where’s the safety deposit in case something happens to your daughter or if she runs off with another man? We act as if women are always the victim of toxic relationships even though we've all heard our fair share of nightmarish girlfriends, but that's a story for another time. In Singapore, the various laws and rules that enable women to achieve just as much as men makes it easy to forget that gender equality runs deeper than just equal opportunities. It’s about our perception of women. We still think females are weak and emotional beings with the inability to cope when things go south despite the many single mother success stories. The number of dual income families has not help us outgrow the concept of men being the sole breadwinner either. Dowries are proof of our wayward thinking despite equal opportunities. It is through subtle things like this that tells of how we still can’t see a woman as an equal to her male counterpart. We are hindered by the inertia of tradition. There is no logical reason to pass this custom onto the next generation. Instead of expensive dowry gifts, I vote for a more meaningful use of money – a bigger to help kick start the newlywed’s lives together. Also read, Why Securing A BTO First Makes A More Meaningful Proposal.

The ‘gay best friend’ has made an appearance in various chick flicks – Damian from Mean Girls and Christian from Clueless, heck there’s even a movie released in 2013 titled G.B.F. Although they stereotype the gay community as flamboyant gossip queens, we’re not here to shed light on the media’s lack of representation. Most of us know that not all gay men are effeminate and sassy. In fact, having an openly homosexual friend doesn't raise eyebrows anymore. It has even been proven that straight women find a greater sense of comfort and trust in their friendships with gay men than fellow gal pals.

It was my gay best friend's birthday a few weeks back and I was about to post a photo of us on Instagram with a sappy caption until I realised how much we looked like a couple. I was sitting on his lap, both of us looking flushed from the drinks, all ready for ZoukOut. Research shows that compared to men, women are touchier with people they are close to, so it's normal for them to hug their close friends, exchange the occasional cheek kisses or hold hands while hanging out. I am no exception. Before my friend asked for advice on the huge fight she had with her long time lover about going overseas alone with her gay friend, I never had a reason to question my own behaviour with my gay best friend. Turns out, all my friends have extremely differing views on whether the physical intimacy between gay men and straight women are an exception to the rules governing a monogamous relationship. We can't blame our boyfriends for being protective, but is this too much?

How It Looks

Back when we had more time for each other, my Instagram feed was filled with photos of my gay best friend and I, always with our hands wrapped around each other's waist. Since I wasn't attached and he wasn't completely out of the closet, people assumed he was my new hot date. As flamboyant and effeminate as they might be, a gay man doesn't have defining 'gay' features. If pictures are enough to make my friend and I a couple, an intimate hug or interlocking fingers in public will definitely look bad on my beau. I didn't post the photo in the end because I didn't want my relationship to be subjected to unnecessary judgement. It won't be fair for my boyfriend to defend my reputation and our relationship against his close friends and family, too.

Born This Way

When I asked a few other guys to comment on the matter, “What if he changes his mind about being gay?” is the most common concern they have. Don't be too quick to call them bigots, let’s not forget that YouTube star Gigi Gorgeous came out of the closet three times – first as gay, then as trans and after she broke up with her one-year boyfriend, she came out as lesbian.

Discovering gender and sexuality is a journey. We live in an era of non-binary gender identities and the freedom to love whoever we want. That makes, "Is he really gay?" a valid concern. Although I reassured my friends that a more likely possibility to worry about is the girlfriend developing a crush on her best friend instead. I cite the various forums and articles of girls fessing up on falling in love with a gay man as reference.

Same Same But Different

On these same forums, many talked about how boyfriends should think of gay friends as just another female. Is kissing your gay friend really the same as kissing one of your girlfriends though? Let's not strip a man of his masculinity just because he shares your preference for dicks – gender orientation and sexual orientation are different. Your gay friend deserves to be respected like the man he identifies to be, regardless of how "limp-wristed" he is. If your boyfriend objects to the physical aspects of your friendship with a gay man, it also means he respects your best friend as a man sans his sexual preference. That's why he may be upset to catch you sitting on someone else's lap – as innocent as the intention was.

Commitment

Then there's the "but we've been friends for so long already," and "it didn't mean anything." While tongue wrestling with a platonic friend and having one night stands have no emotional sentiments, it definitely meant something. Physical intimacy is a big factor in a relationship and it becomes void of its exclusivity if you get too touchy with anyone else. In the end, every relationship is defined only by the two people involved – where do you and your partner draw the line on skinship with other people? Also read, I Like Guys And Girls But My Religion Says It’s Unacceptable.

They say your first love is the most romantic love story you'll live. That's because it will be the first time you get butterflies in your tummy, feel your heart racing, and have your breath taken away. And these intense feelings of romantic love are one of the best feelings in the world. As we tread on into 2018 and look back on the memories we’ve made and the old photos we've kept, some of us recall the nostalgic memories we had in our love lives. Like how we first fell in love, or had our first kiss. Curious, we asked some friends about how they ‘lost’ their first kiss. Here are their stories of youth and innocence.

1. Pushed Against The Wall

“I had a huge crush on this senior in secondary school. We would always be bantering during our Co-Curricular Activity (CCA) practices, and our peers would tease us about being ‘steads’ as well. I wasn’t sure if he liked me back but I was too shy to ask. One day when we were waiting for our CCA practice to start, we bumped into each other near the school toilet. There wasn’t anyone there at that time. We started chatting and teasing each other as usual, then he suddenly pushed me against the wall with both my hands up and his face right in front of mine. I was so nervous my heart was going to explode. Then he kissed me and it was such a glorious feeling.” – Emily, 26

2. Too Much Action

“I was dating my first girlfriend in secondary school and was sending her home after our third or fourth date. We were flirting and lingered at her void deck for a bit, then I decided to just go in for the kiss. I think she had been waiting for the kiss for really long because the moment our lips touch, I could feel her gasp as she pushed her tongue in, vigorously. I thought my first kiss would be a sweet and romantic one but it was so wet and sloppy, I avoided kissing her for a while." – Ken, 31

3. Centrifugal Force

“I was in secondary three and he was my senior in school. He was my first love and we had been dating for awhile. We were taking the bus back after school one day when it happened. Just when the bus was making a sharp turn, he pretended to lean over because of the centrifugal force and kissed me.  It may have been just a peck but it gave me tingles all over my body. It was even more thrilling because we were still in our school uniform. Luckily, we didn’t get caught.” – Brenda, 27

4. Naughty Prefects

“I was a prefect in Secondary school, but the ‘asshole’ kind who became one to escape from being punished for breaking rules myself. It was after school and there weren’t many people left. I was just chilling in the prefect's room with the girl I was dating, who was also a prefect. We happened to be alone and took advantage of that. I went in for the kiss and we ended up making out in the prefect's room. Best evening of my entire school life.” – Dan, 24

5. Kindergarten Lovers

“I was crying a lot at our kindergarten ballet rehearsal and wouldn’t stop no matter how my teachers tried to console me. Then this girl I liked and always played with, Sarah, came over to comfort me. She kissed my lips, hugged me and stroked my hair. She probably saw her parents do it or something, but can you imagine two toddlers doing this? Needless to say, the kiss and hug did stop me from crying.” – Eugene, 27

6. The Very Shy Girl

“I was dating this very shy girl in secondary 3. She was so shy that she would literally run away whenever she was awkward or when she didn’t know how to react. I remember asking her to be my girlfriend at Thomson Plaza and she just ran out of the mall because she didn’t know how to react. I gave her my first kiss on this very long escalator at Dhoby Ghaut. I couldn’t stand waiting anymore so I just took a step down below her, faced her, held her chin, and gave her a peck on the lips. She looked so stunned and because I did that at the beginning of the escalator, we rode down the escalator looking at each other in absolute silence. When we exited the gantry, she just walked away without saying anything and I went my way.” – Daniel, 26

7. Brace Face

“I was kind of seeing this girl back in poly. Nothing serious yet but we were going out on dates. One night, we were walking somewhere romantic and she leaned in to kiss me. We tried to continue kissing but our braces got in the way. Our teeth and braces kept ‘hitting’ each other so we gave up.” – Jordan, 30

8. Three Girls, Three Guys

"I was at a club in Taiwan with two girlfriends. In a club full of locals, guess who we danced with? Yep, Singaporeans. Not even sure how we managed to end up with Singaporeans. There were three of them too and I remember them saying it was their ORD trip. My friends and I (all at 18) lost our first kisses to those three guys, whom we don’t even remember their names of. And we didn't just kiss one guy. We were all so tipsy, I think we made out with 'each other's guy'. We took turns kissing each of them. It wasn't weird then but thinking back, on a sober mind: what the heck were we even doing?!” – Min, 21 Also read, Millennials Share Their Biggest Relationship Mistakes So You Wouldn’t Make The Same Ones.

One of the biggest milestones in a relationship is getting married. Leading up to the big day, we all worry about many different things from picking out the most auspicious wedding date to making sure you have the cutest wedding hashtag. And since you will be blowing your bank for that one special day, you will want everything to be perfect. For one, your pre-wedding photos. Instead of splurging to fly overseas for the shoot, why not make your pre-wedding photos extra special by doing something outrageous(ly fun)? Here, we have trawled the web and found some of the most epic, themed pre-wedding photos. Shot by local photographers, these pre-wedding photos may inspire you to up the ante when it comes to your own pre-wedding photo shoots.

1. Funeral – Joel Lim Studios

Image Credit: <a href=" Lim Studios

Morbid as it may seem to some, this couple went ahead to celebrate their love for each other with what they do for a living - funeral services. Their funeral-themed pre-wedding photos sure give a new meaning to the wedding vows “till death do us part”.

2. Police & Thief - One Eye Click

Image Credit: One Eye Click

According to One Eye Click, "the bride and groom are both police officers and met while in the police force. One thing they really loved doing is to poke fun at each other, which was fun to witness."

3. Chemistry - Back Alley Creations by Jootz See

Image Credit: Back Alley Creations by Jootz See

“(I)odine! (Lu)tetium! (V)anadium! and a little bit of (U)ranium! - The special mixture of elements to concoct the chemistry of love between” two Professors!

4. Good Deal - Moomedia

Image Credit: Moomedia

“A girl knows a good deal when she sees one!” Wrap your loved one up like this to make sure you bag that deal!

 5. Jurassic World – Moomedia

Image Credit: Moomedia

“You are safe with me!” Taken in Mongolia where the beauty of Mother Nature is in abundance, this playfully cute photo drew inspiration from our childhood favourite: Jurassic Park.

6. Yogascape – Multifolds Photography

Image Credit: Multifolds Photography

When you have a couple who wants to do something out of the norm and who (we’re assuming) are yogis, what better way to celebrate their union than to capture them in their element - Yoga?

7. Pokemon - Camistry Lab

Image Credit: Camistry Lab

When you find a rare one like her, you have got to catch'em no matter what! Taken during the PokemonGo craze, Camistry Lab thought it will be fun to infuse our childhood favourite in this couple’s pre-wedding photos.

8. Engineer – Renatus Photography | Cinematography

Image Credit: Renatus Photography | Cinematography

As a male engineer, finding your other half can be challenging due to, well, the sheer lack of women in the industry. If you do manage to find love with a female engineer, it only makes sense to immortalise that in your wedding photos. Just remember, safety first!

9. Maple Love Story – Coffee & Tea Dreamzcoffee

Image Credit: <a href=" & Tea Dreamzcoffee via Singapore Brides

He was a 'warrior' and she was a 'priest', and if you've played MapleStory (Maple), you'd know that it is the perfect pair. Having met in the game and partnered up to complement each other in training (for Maple), this couple's 'Maple Story' blossomed into a real-life love story.

10. Beer Company – Raymond Phang Photography

Image Credit: Raymond Phang Photography

Shot by one of the most esteemed photographers in Singapore, Raymond Phang is known for his outrageously creative, conceptualised pre-wedding photos. As is the case for this photo, where the couple went back to the place of their first date and also played on the bride's “interesting encounters” when she takes alcohol.

11. Batman & Catwoman – One Eye Click

Image Credit: <a href=" Eye Click via kaodim blog

Love superheroes and local culture? Why not capture both, like this unique fusion of Batman, Catwoman, and... our local hawker centre.

12. A Very Teochew Wedding – The Peeping Thom

Image Credit: The Peeping Thom

Who says it's not cool to go traditional? Go all out and pay tribute to your roots like this very Teochew couple!

13. Star Wars – The Art of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame via Geek Culture

This Singaporean photographer is known for his style of combining fantasy and reality, creating larger-than-life works of art that resemble movie scenes. Possibly one of the geekiest pre-wedding photos you can find, these photos are truly out-of-this-world. (get it?)

14. Diablo – The Art of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame

Being huge fans of Diablo, the couple engaged someone they knew could turn their vision of being the characters they loved into reality. The results are faultless – think full Crusader and Demon Hunter regalia, complete with shield, mace, and crossbow props, and smoke machines for effect. If you’re wondering how they accomplished this ambitious shoot, check out their behind-the-scenes video.

15. The Last Two Of Us – The Art Of Mezame

Image Credit: The Art Of Mezame

You wouldn’t normally put “zombies” and “wedding” together, but that's exactly what this couple did. In what was described by The Art of Mezame as one of their most fun and satisfying shoots, The Last Two Of Us includes pop culture references such as zombies to carry the theme "Survive till death do us part".

Share The Love!

Planning for a wedding is no walk in the park, but finding the right one to spend the rest of your life with is equally tricky. So when you do, you really should celebrate your love like the way these couples did above. What are some crazy ideas you have planned for your own wedding shoot? Let us know in the comments below. Also read, 12 Things Singapore Couples Do That Singles Buay Tahan. (Header Image Source: Back Alley Creations by Jootz See)