Tag: adoption

In our strict justice system, humanity exists. And somewhere in Singapore, a gay couple is going to have one of their best Christmases, complete with a family of their own.

Here’s What Went Down

On Monday, a landmark high court case has allowed a gay Singaporean man, who’s a pathologist, to legally adopt his own surrogate son. He had wanted to adopt a child together with his long-time gay partner, but was told by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) that this was unlikely because of their sexuality. The pathologist then went to United States (US) and paid US$200,000 for in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) procedures. He successfully fathered a son in 2013 through surrogacy arrangements. He brought his son back and applied to adopt his son but was rejected by a district court last year. Judges maintained that the pathologist was attempting to (in other words) ‘find a loophole to legally adopt his child despite the existing laws that are preventing it’. The pathologist appealed his case. The case was brought to the High Court (Family Division), which, on Monday, approved his appeal to legally adopt his biological son as a single parent.

Why The Adoption Was Allowed Even Though It Violates Public Policies

Singapore has always been known for having a no-nonsense attitude towards law enforcement. So, the fact that the court ruled (in a way) against certain public policies is a pretty big thing. In particular, the judges had to weigh the concerns of Singapore’s public policies of parenthood within marriage, and against the formation of a family with same-sex parents. Ultimately, the judges ruled in favour of the adoption as they found the welfare of the child paramount, and that the adoption will contribute to enhancing the child’s sense of security and emotional well-being, and care arrangements. Although, the three-judge court stressed that the decision was made based on the facts of the case and in accordance to the law, not on any emotional grounds: "Our decision was reached through an application of the law as we understood it to be, and not on the basis of our sympathies for the position of either party," Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon wrote on behalf of the court.

Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon
Image Credit: Mothership
The court also said that the judgment “should not be taken as an endorsement of what the appellant and his partner set out to do”. In other words, the decision to allow the adoption for this case should not be interpreted as the court (or judges) endorsing or approving the formation of a family with same-sex parents. Neither is it a statement about being pro-surrogacy. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that despite all that has been said out loud, the court has also approved the adoption knowing that the child will (inevitably) be adopted into a family with same-sex parents. Which begs the point: what is Singapore’s view on same-sex parents household now, and how is MSF going to deal with this and its relevant policies moving forward? The ripple of social implications is significant, and it is already beginning, with MSF responding to concerns on whether the recent High Court ruling on the case sets a precedence for the formation of same-sex families in Singapore. MSF has also affirmed that they will consider if relevant policies need to be reviewed. As Singaporeans are going to start probing for answers on issues of IVF, surrogacy, and LGBT rights following this case, our civil servants in the ministries will, perhaps, need to OT more and our ministers need to start assembling their committees to think of how to tackle all these rising concerns. Even keeping things as status quo wouldn’t be easy as the relevant ministries will still have to justify their position on these issues that has been indirectly dug up by the high court through this case. Regardless, it is heartening to see our high court doing their job as a judiciary and being able to objectively prioritise welfare above ‘the rules’. Afterall, that’s the point of a court system: so that the judges can interpret and apply our laws on a case-by-case basis. Anyone can blindly follow the rules in the book, and honestly, it would have been no surprise, albeit sad, if this case was ‘brushed away’ again just because ‘public policies say no’. For rising above that and being able to prioritise the welfare of the people in our strict and world-class court, I’m thankful and glad. Thank you Chief Justice and the two other judges for restoring my faith in our courts.
Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon
Image Credit: Supreme Court of Singapore
Also read, Don’t Just Blame The Government For Our Struggling Art Scene. (Header Image Credit: Aditya Romansa on Unsplash)
When I was a child, I believed I was born in Singapore. Like many of you, my earliest memories are of growing up with my Singaporean family, in my Singaporean flat. When I was 11, while struggling with my Chinese homework, my mother screamed, “Why are you so bad in Chinese when you’re from China?!” That was the day I found out. That was the day I learned that I was born in China, and adopted by the family I thought was my own. I am an adoptee, taken from the family that didn’t want me, and raised by a family that treated me like a second-rate child. I am an adoptee. And this is my story.

Unwanted and Discarded

In 1979, China introduced the One-Child Policy, which allowed families to have no more than one child or face the possibility of fines, sterilizations, and abortions. Since the Chinese have a strong tradition of patriarchy, with an emphasis on continuation of the family name, boys were favoured strongly over girls. As a result of this policy, many Chinese girls were killed at birth, or given up for adoptions. Am I thankful to be one of the latter group, and not the former? I suppose so, and my adopted mother certainly made it exceedingly clear that I should be. We often have an assumption that adoption is a last resort, that only couples without the ability to have children of their own end up adopting. That wasn’t the case with me. My parents were perfectly capable of conceiving, and they did just that with my older brother, and later, my younger sister. I was an adoptee growing up with siblings that were not adopted, and it sure as hell felt like it. My mother decided to adopt me from my poor family in rural China, for reasons not completely known to me. It might have had something to do with the abortion she had had shortly prior to my adoption, her conversion to Christianity, a simple act of charity, a combination of all of these, or none of them. Whatever it was, she has had to repeatedly make the point to me, from age 11 to this very day, that I owe her.

Childhood

I was never a bright kid. I struggled with homework and exams. My mother tried to help me with my homework, but always only ended up scolding and beating me. She would hurl insults at me, calling me demeaning names, and when words weren’t enough to express her contempt, she hit me in the head with her bare hands. One time, she grabbed my little head in her hands and smashed it into a wall, and stopped only when my maid came to my rescue. I never fought back, never even spoke a word out of place. How could I? It would have been so disrespectful. A part of me always felt like I must have deserved the abuse. I must have been really stupid and useless, because my siblings received no such treatment. I had no idea if they were really much smarter than me in school, but from how I was treated at home relative to them, they had to be. It wasn’t until I learned of my adoption that everything started to make sense. The bias, the chores that I had to do from young that my siblings never even had to touch, I thought it was all because I did badly at school. I resented myself for being stupid, and fought tooth and nail for my parents’ approval. My mother said I should look at ITE courses because I’d never make it anywhere else, but I ended up getting a spot in a Polytechnic Psychology course, and later, a local university. It felt good to prove her wrong, but even after all that, my mother’s disdain for me never ceased.

Meeting My “Real” Family

When I was 13, I went on a trip to a certain village in rural China to visit my biological family. It was a strange experience, meeting complete strangers who were bound to me by blood, an entire family I had never known. At the same time, though, it was exciting. There was a certain thrill to finally meeting a family whose members actually looked like me. But that’s where our similarities ended. Before my university graduation, I returned to China once again to attend my younger brother’s wedding, and learned more about how vastly different my life could have been. I was frowned upon by the friends and relatives of my biological family, all strangers to me, for being unmarried and child-less at my ripe old age of 22. In the village, marriage was almost never on the basis of love. It was just a way of incurring more wealth, and forging better relationships between families for financial purposes. Others were match-made like my second sister and younger brother to their respective spouses. As for my elder sister, she took a different path - met a city boy, fell in love and then got married after. As of now, my elder sister has a bratty son, while my second sister has two kids with serious attachment issues. As I’m writing this, my younger brother has had two kids, and I wonder how he’s coping. And here I am, still living with a family that looks down on me. It’s like I have two families, but at the same time, none.

And Here We are

Today, I’ve come to realize that I will never match up to my siblings in the eyes of my adopted parents, and that’s alright. My family still treats me like a second-class daughter. My younger sister, as always, has no respect for me whatsoever. My unemployed mother constantly demands money and branded goods from me while asking nothing from my siblings. My parents scold me for staying out with my boyfriend, but make snarky comments towards me when I’m at home. I feel bound to my family through years of conditioning, yet feel none of the warmth and love that people say I’m supposed to. I still long for something I’ll never have, to feel like something I’m not – to be a real daughter. <a href=" Image Credit