As a teenager, I wasn’t a very good student. I neglected my studies, my teachers, and my parents. I failed at being a good daughter as well. Instead of heeding their advice on focusing on my studies, I disrespected them instead. Despite their warnings, I hung out at clubs and bars with friends they disapproved of and spent most of their money on clubbing, drinking, and shopping. In school, the kids labelled me a slut. Was I a slut? Maybe. I mean, I’ve slept with guys whose names I don’t even remember anymore. And I’ve slept with guys just because I wanted sex and they were available. Back then, I thought it was fun.

THEN I GOT PREGNANT

I should have known that being careless would one day put me in a sticky situation: getting accidentally pregnant at 16. When the gynaecologist congratulated me for being 4 months pregnant, it took me a minute to fully digest what she’d said. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. How could I have let this happen? What are people going to say? I was not even capable enough to take care of myself, how could I bring up another human being? The first thing I did after I left the clinic was call the father of the child. When I told him about the baby, all he said was,

“Are you sure it’s mine?”

I didn’t expect much from him as he never signed up to be a parent. But neither had I. After all, I was only 16. After knowing that I had to deal with my pregnancy on my own, I panicked. I realised I had two options - I could either give birth to the child and somehow find a way to bring him or her up alone or I could get an abortion. When I thought about the life growing inside me, I knew there was no way I would be able to give him a life that he deserves - one with stability and a happy family, where he would be wanted and loved. But the thought of getting an abortion was heartbreaking as well. Taking a life isn’t something that I could turn back from. Once done, it was done. I’d have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. I kept asking myself: Was I prepared for that? Could I live with myself after that? The week that followed was torturous. I had decided that getting an abortion was the best option for me at the time. It took me a lot of strength to make the call to book an appointment for the abortion. At that point, I had only told two people about my pregnancy - my father and my best friend. I wasn’t expecting the reaction I got from my father. I wanted him to scold me, scream at me, tell me how wrong I was for not listening to him. But he didn’t do any of those things. He didn’t say anything and just quietly paid for the abortion. I knew that I had disappointed him. And I knew I didn’t deserve his help.

THE GUILT OF AN ABORTION

Despite telling myself repeatedly that this is the best decision for me, I couldn’t help but feel like a murderer. Knowing that I was about to take a life was the worst feeling in the world.   I kept thinking of every possible thing I should have done that could’ve prevented this day from ever coming. “I should have used protection.” “I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.”  “I should’ve stayed at home that night.” But it was too late now. On the day of the abortion, every second I laid in that bed waiting for the nurse was agonising. The last thing I remember before the anesthesia kicked in was looking down and whispering to my belly,

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have a choice.”

I woke up relieved that the procedure was over, but at the same time, I felt a wave of bottomless sadness. I still felt guilty. That night, a child appeared in my dreams. In the dream, I saw the back of the child seated on a chair. I remember feeling terrified as I stared at the child’s head, unable to move. I woke up in tears that night. I cried myself to sleep every night and woke up crying every morning as the nightmare became a recurrent thing. The fear and crying in the middle of the night became a vicious cycle and was one of the most dreadful periods of my life. Thankfully, the nightmares stopped a month later.

NOT AGAIN

Less than a year after the nightmares stopped, I found myself looking at the pregnancy kit and muttering to myself, “not again.” I was no longer 'sleeping around' with guys I barely knew and had just got into a new relationship with my then-boyfriend, Timothy*. My heart sank as I internally reprimanded myself for being so careless again. I was angry at myself. Had I learnt nothing from the first time? When I told Timothy about it, we both decided that we weren’t ready to be parents and we couldn’t give our child a good life, so we opted for an abortion. To my surprise, there were no nightmares this time. But I was filled with self-doubt: Did I not feel guilty anymore? Shouldn’t I have felt guilty?

I had made so many mistakes in the past, and now I felt nothing about killing a child.

Does that make me a horrible person?

A MOTHER AT LAST

At 19, I was pregnant for the third time. I felt incredibly lucky this time round because despite going through two abortions, it felt that ‘destiny’ had somehow given me another chance to be a mother. Maybe it was the fear of karma, but I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself had I gone through another abortion. So this time, I decided to keep it. Timothy was supportive of my decision to keep our child too. But as we entered my last trimester, the fights started, and it got worse. He would threaten to kill me and our child and at his worst, he would physically hit me. On hindsight, I should have ended the relationship then, but as the mother of our child, I was holding on to the hope that things would get better after the baby is born. I was wrong. The physical and verbal abuse didn’t stop even after I gave birth. Timothy didn’t stop hitting me and he continued to threaten to kill me and our son, Jeremy*. I held on for two months before realising that this abuse wasn’t going to stop. So I ended it. I broke up with Timothy, took Jeremy, and left for home. I had to do right by my son. I couldn’t let him be around Jeremy any longer. I was afraid of Jeremy getting hurt because of him, and I would never be able to forgive myself if that happened. Even though it hurts that things didn’t work out with Timothy, and being a single, young mother is hard, I never regretted giving birth to Jeremy.

A LEARNING JOURNEY

Looking back, I am not proud of my history. What I thought was ‘fun’ back then, I now realise was just part of my childishness. I wish I had been less playful and more careful in my teenage years. Today, I am a 22-year-old single mother of a 3-year-old. And I’m happy to say that my life has changed for the better. I have a boyfriend who loves me despite everything, and a family that has learnt to forgive me for my past mistakes and accepted me despite everything. I never saw myself becoming a single mother at 19. In fact, I never really saw myself as a mother at all because of my lack of maternal instincts. But I guess that’s what made becoming a mother all the more special for me. Unlike in the past, I don’t just do things because I feel like doing them. Now I do what’s best for me and my son. I’m also a lot more grateful now, especially to my parents. I’ve heard of parents disowning their daughters for getting pregnant young and keeping the baby, but I’m so thankful that my parents stuck by me and supported every decision that I made. Without them, I would have been completely alone. My past has made me who I am today. Had I given birth when I first got pregnant at 16, I probably wouldn’t be half the mother I am today. And had I not made the mistakes I have made, I could still be that naive girl who’s too playful for her own good. While I still have a lot to learn, everything I’ve been through has made me a better mother and a better person, and I’m proud of myself for that. *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals. Also read: Why I Chose To Be Friends With My Cheating Ex

In the day, 18-year-old Ludfee is an average ITE student. But it is after class hours when life really begins for him, because that is when he gets to make music. It was serendipitous, as it all started when he won second place at a singing competition that his friend encouraged him to join for fun. It was then that Ludfee started to find an interest in music. So when Ludfee went on to Temasek secondary, he wanted to do more than the usual music classes. However, getting into a musical CCA for him wasn’t that easy. “I auditioned for choir but they didn’t accept me because I was tone deaf. Band also rejected me. Then, I got into a cappella club, which said that my tone deaf can be worked on.” Because of a school requirement, however, he had to juggle two days of training a week for his main CCA, National Civil Defence Cadet Corps (NCDCC), and a cappella every Saturday morning, on top of his academic workload. His love for music and a cappella grew, and soon music became a way of expression way for him. For him, it was also the opportunity to escape from the stresses of school and life.

Going Against The Will Of His Only Family

Most of us will have no qualms going against our parents once in awhile because after all, our growing up phase also meant us wanting to ‘live a little’. For Ludfee, things are different, because he never had parents. Ever since his parents left him at the hospital after he was born, his grandparents have been his only family. He never knew who his mother or father were, how they look like, or why they abandoned him, but as I chatted with Ludfee, I deduced that he is someone who chooses to look on the bright side of things. “I wouldn’t wish that things were different. I prefer staying with my grandma actually, because I’ve heard about friends having to face strict curfews and rules from their parents. My grandma isn’t very strict, which I’m grateful for. But she nags about religion.” Making the decision to pursue music wasn’t easy back at home as his grandmother wanted him to take a ‘traditional route’ in business. He wanted to study Digital Audio Video Production, but went for businesses services at ITE College Central in the end so as not to complicate matters at home. Nonetheless, arguments with his grandmother still happen from time to time. “My grandma would always say that my priorities are wrong and that I’m choosing music over religion. It gets tiring to have to argue about this again and again.” Ludfee explained how he has had to forgo events like family dinners or religious gatherings for competition trainings or performance rehearsals. However, he tries to ‘lessen the burden’ as much as possible, like taking up a barista job after secondary school to earn his own keep and to fund his own music pursuits. “My grandma have somewhat of an income as she works at a food stall with her friends. But I want to earn some money for myself and for my music instead of relying on her.”

Making It Work

Like all musicians in Singapore, Ludfee knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy route. With a cappella group, That Acappella Group (T.A.G), he has gotten many performance opportunities including singing for our President and also competing in this year's National A Cappella Championships, where they have been crowned the winner and 1st Runner-up in the College Category.

Under the tutelage of vocal director Dylan Foster and other music teachers, Ludfee has also improved on his vocal techniques, and on his own accord, picked up songwriting and music arrangement.

“I’m not really earning money from music yet, but I’m working to write and produce my own music.” Since none of his family members are musically-inclined, I asked if anyone at home showed any interest in his music pursuit. “Nope. I feel sad about it because I’m that odd one out who’d always not have anyone there to cheer me on. Usually, I’d see my group mates’ family cheering for them at performances and deep inside, I’d hope that my family is like them too. But yeah, it's impossible.”

Support Our Local Talents At Voices

Although Ludfee has big dreams of publishing his own music and also sharing his interest as a music teacher in the future, his current goal is getting more publicity and appreciation for his music. Catch Ludfee at Voices – A Festival of Song at Esplanade - Theatres on the Bay this 7 to 9 December, where he will be performing with T.A.G as the lead bass singer, and also tenor and alto with Sticks & Kebab!

In its sixth edition, Voices will feature a range of forms and styles of singing, including choral, a cappella, musical theatre, show and pop choir, classical singing, jazz, doo wop, motets and madrigals, xinyao (a uniquely Singaporean genre) and more. If you’re looking for a weekend date idea, check out the many free performances and fun choral activities including chorus sing-along where you will be part of a new makeshift choir. Or check out the ticketed vocal workshops here if you’re an aspiring vocalist who wants to how to use your voice better!

Find out more about Esplanade’s Voices – A Festival of Song at www.esplanade.com/voices. (This article is written in collaboration with Esplanade - Theatres on the Bay) (Header Image Credit: @minimxlist_)

Do you remember the first time you masturbated? Did you feel guilty for the way it made you feel? If you did, you're not alone. Masturbation is a part of human nature. Despite having studies prove that masturbating is good for relieving stress and boosting our mood, it's still one of those things that many do, but few talk about. The first time we masturbate is an euphoric experience, where we experience a wave of immense pleasure we never knew possible. But it also leaves us confused and embarrassed. And that makes for interesting stories to tell.

1. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

I only masturbated when I was 18 because I always thought it was a “dirty” deed from the way my friends used to tease each other about it. But one night, I was lying on my bed and hugging my bolster while watching a movie clip that turned me on. That’s when I impulsively began rubbing my legs against my penis (with my clothes on). I remember it feeling damn good. I kept rubbing until... yeah, it came out. Did I accidentally masturbate? Maybe. - Riduan, 21

2. BOYFRIEND WANTED TO WATCH

The first time I masturbated wasn't by choice. I was 18 and I only did it because my boyfriend wanted to watch me touch myself. It felt like my body wasn’t even mine. I haven’t done it since we broke up. - Jas, 21

3. LATE-NIGHT GAMING

I was a 15-year-old who was really into this massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG). One night I decided to strip one of the female characters naked (well, almost naked because I couldn’t remove their underwear). I don’t know what made me think that I should rub myself, but I did. But after the wave of pleasure passed, I quickly put my clothes back on because I felt dirty. - Wei Jie, 25

4. OUT OF BOREDOM

I was 18 or 19 and wanted to try it out for myself, having heard how great it feels. I went online and googled tips on masturbating. During school break, I was home alone and decided to try it out. It was horrible and uncomfortable. I didn't use porn or anything. I thought you didn't have to be horny to masturbate, I thought it was just something you could do when you were bored. - Aisyah, 25

5. THE ABSENCE OF A GIRLFRIEND

I was 15 when I first started masturbating. It was after I stopped dating this girl who was quite experienced and gave me handjobs on different occasions. I wanted to replicate what she did to feel the same pleasure again. But I was constantly worried what would happen if people knew I masturbated. I guess I felt guilty about it in a way, especially when I fantasised of other female bodies when I was attached. - Sean, 25

6. SINNERS GO TO HELL

I was 13 years old and my friends were talking about some website in class, so we went to one dude's house to check it out after school. We realised it was porn, and us being guys, we just kept on scrolling. Then one of my friends asked us if we had jerked off before. Most of us didn’t know what that meant, so he explained it to us. That night I went home to the same website and tried jerking off. I felt a mix of emotions after, but being Christian, I remember thinking I’d committed a sin and I’m going to hell. - Jason, 26

7. AT THE AGE OF 4

I was 4 years old, and I didn't know what it was or what I was doing, I just knew that if I pressed my genitals onto something, it will feel good. There was once when my mum caught me in the act and interrogated me, asking me who I learnt that from. That made me think that I did something wrong, because why else would I get chided for it? - Sophia, 19

8. WERKING THE POLE

I started watching porn when I was 12 years old. I realised I liked watching girls on a pole. That made me want to try posing with a pole too. So one day, I hopped on one of the vertical pillars of my bed with my legs crossed on them and my vagina touching the pillar. I felt immense pleasure as I rubbed myself against the pillar and my panties started getting wet. But then I realised my fingers were better at doing the job. - Shirin, 25

9. I THOUGHT I WAS ABNORMAL

When I first masturbated at the age of 17, it was because I was curious, and wanted to know what feeling 'sexually satisfied' felt like. I'd only heard of guys doing it and that made me think that I was 'abnormal' because I, a female, also had sexual urges. And even though I enjoyed it, I also felt guilty. I felt like I was doing something 'wrong'. My parents never talked to me about it, so I automatically assumed that it was something clandestine. - Cheryl, 27

10. A STOOL AND A TOILET ROLL

I was 11 and simply curious and interested. So I tried to f**k the hole in the stool. Didn’t work. Tried to use a toilet roll, didn’t really work too. Tried my hand, finally worked. But after that it felt weird and I thought that I needed to pee. Oh, and I also felt dirty. - Daniel, 24

WHY THE GUILT?

A lot of these stories have one thing in common - the feeling of guilt. Many of these stories end with the individual feeling dirty or ashamed. For some of us, our religion tells us that it's a sin. For others, the fear of our parents finding out fills us with shame. Perhaps it's because of the fact that it happens in private, we feel that it's something that should be hidden. And because no one talks about it, there's no one to tell us if it's right or wrong. Maybe it's too hopeful to think that we can start talking about masturbation openly, but we could begin with asking ourselves why we feel guilty, and if that guilt even makes sense to us. If there's nothing about masturbation that rubs us the wrong way, isn't it better if we could find a way to work through the guilt and enjoy this 'pastime'? Also read: Is There A Need For Better Sex Education That's More Than STDs And Abstinence?

If one were to walk past Crow on the streets, one would easily pass him off as ‘one of those matreps’. After all, he fits perfectly into that mould: Malay, tattooed arms, smokes, plays the guitar and sings. His appearance and the stereotypical label that comes with it naturally meant that he has to put in twice the effort to earn the respect of society. What makes it that much harder is the stain of a criminal record that follows him for life. When I met Crow at Orita Sinclair School of Design & Music where he’s studying however, his calm and friendly disposition is a complete opposite of who he described himself to be in his wayward adolescent years. If I wasn’t aware of his past from a video feature our team did of him a year ago, I will never fathom that he was once a prominent gang member and had served six years in prison for gang-related activities and what was classified as a murder case. https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/749610395200380/ He spoke briefly about his journey in our video so when I caught up with him last week, I wanted to dive deeper into how everything started and also how much life has changed for him since the team last met him.

Growing Up In A Different World

Unlike average Singaporeans, Crow never had a proper family growing up. Neither did he really have a home. Home was wherever the person his single mother paid to look after him stayed, for she had to slog day and night to support him and his stepbrother.

With no family and no place he could truly call home, he sought solace in his friends. The many fights he got into with his mum for his lack of interest in studies pushed him further down the wrong path. At 14, he dropped out of school and a year later, joined a gang. “All my friends started joining the gang so I thought, why not? Since they are all in there, I’ll just join them too.” It is from thereon that Crow fell into the typical ‘gangster lifestyle’. He got tattooed, went clubbing, took drugs, sold drugs, got into fights, slashed and hurt many people with the use of weapons. To an outsider, these are acts done by people who do not know what they are doing. And this isn’t far from the truth. These made up Crow’s teenage years.

Crow’s world was about survival in the most primal sense. Where fights are default solutions to conflicts, violence became normalised behaviour for him. “I’m someone who want to be the best so I did whatever is expected of me and do it well to prove my worth in the gang.” Soon enough, Crow climbed the ranks and made a name for himself in the ‘gang scene’. Yet, none of his family members knew about his identity.

The First Changing Point

Things took a turn when Crow was 19. After surviving from a fight that left him with injuries so bad he was admitted to the ICU, and seeing his crying mother at the foot of his bed, the mother and child reconciled. That moment brought back long lost feelings of love and concern that he had always longed for from her. Their relationship improved but just four months after, she passed away from a sudden illness.

“It felt like the world just stopped.”

It was at that point that Crow started reflecting and decided to leave the gang. At 19 and serving NS however, it wasn’t long before Crow found himself back in the predicament of going back to his old days due to financial pressures. With $350 of his $520 monthly allowance going towards the rental of his mum’s flat, the remaining was barely enough to cover utilities, food, and transport among other expenses. He started selling cigarettes to earn and eventually succumbed to selling drugs when the bills piled up. One thing led to the other and he was soon back in his old gang. This time round, as a headman of a particular territory with over 20 boys under him.

The Law Caught Up

Things started going South when a huge fight left one of his gang members dead. Knowing that the investigations will lead the police to him, he went into hiding at various hotels and friends’ houses. He was caught in the end, along with all his boys when they were celebrating Ramadan back in his rental home. Detained by MHA under the Criminal Law Act and sent to prison immediately with no release date came as a shock to Crow at first.

“I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but I never imagined actually being in prison.”

Prison life was undoubtedly hard and it took him more than a year to accustom himself to the new life. Facing four walls all day, losing the freedom to do what he wants to do, and having to perform the same routine over and over again was a huge mental challenge. The hardest part, however, is that there was no ‘end date’ to all of that because he did not know when he was going to be released, or whether he was even going to be released. Many times, Crow had to distract himself from such depressing thoughts by doing things he never would have done prior, like reading. Disgruntled by how the legislation could lock anyone up without any release date, he decided to ‘take revenge’, “I was thinking that since they are going to do this to me, fine, I will take full advantage of whatever facilities or resources they have.” Who knew that that motivation was what became the turning point of Crow’s life. After getting into Prison School and realising that he could actually do anything well if he puts his mind to it, he went on to complete his O-levels and A-levels there. Most of all, as he was exposed to more knowledge, he begin to realise what he wanted to do when he gets out. “I want to be a better me, to do good things for myself and for people. If not for myself, I owe it to all my loved ones who have visited me to do so.”

Letting Bygones Be Bygones

After six years, Crow finally got his second chance in life. Leaving prison and his past behind in 2016, he decided to use what he experienced and channel his learnings towards touching the lives of people through music.

He went on to pursue a two year part-time Diploma in Music Production and Audio Engineering. As a personal bid to prove his self-worth, Crow also works on freelance video editing projects to earn his own keep despite receiving full sponsorship from Yellow Ribbon project to help his reintegration into society. When asked if he is worried about potential trouble from his past for sharing about it, Crow explained humbly, “there’s a lot of genuinely nice people who have made bad choices in life, but lack the motivation or courage to change. I hope that my story can inspire them, that they can change too if they want to.” With only a few days to his graduation show on 15 October where he will be performing his first Single, Dunia Duit(Malay for ‘World of Money’), I wondered if the 29-year-old regrets his past. “I wouldn’t say I regret because if not for all the things that I have done and gone through, I will probably still be that naive guy with no clue what he’s doing with his life.” Beyond the social stigma, being branded an ex-offender comes with real impediments like not being to travel, having a curfew, and being restricted from certain places. Regardless, Crow doesn’t see his past actions as a hindrance to his future. When I asked if he feels the same way with his mother however, I could tell the remorse in the slight quiver in his voice. “My mum worked very hard to make ends meet so my only regret is not being able to show her my O-level results. I’ve gone on to succeed in many positive things but she will never be able to witness it.” Also read, 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.

In a rather unexpected move, the Ministry of Education announced that it will be abolishing examinations at various levels in schools. Here is an infographic to catch you up on the changes:

While the change is MOE’s effort in further emphasising the commendable “Life beyond Grades” movement, it came as no surprise that a lot of Singaporeans are unhappy with it. Some of the complaints came from parents whose children will be affected by the change. It’s only natural for one to be concerned about their child’s education, especially when their child will be stepping into an ever-changing education system and one that is so different from what they went through themself. However, as much as Singaporeans do love to complain, the common complaints, or rather, concerns raised by parents do carry some weight.

KIDS WILL BECOME UNPRODUCTIVE

Let’s think about our own childhood for a moment and try to remember a time we studied because we genuinely wanted to study. Chances are, the only time we studied that diligently was when we had to for exams.

I’m not going to lie, the first thing I thought of when MOE made the announcement was, “What if all my child does is lepak?” But since I'm no parent, I asked one instead.

"Exam period was the only time I could get my son to study properly. It’s going to be hard to get him to study now." - Lavenia, parent of 7-year-old in P1

Like NTB2DO in the screen capture above, several users on the HardwareZone forum have been discussing the move since MOE’s announcement. While a handful of these users were just complacent Singaporeans without children, just eager to put their opinions out there, there is an abundance of those who shared their legit concerns on what this would mean for their children’s future. We cannot expect children (or anyone) to enjoy taking exams, but it’s undeniable that exams have significantly pushed many children to be a little bit more disciplined and studious. We also can’t deny the amount of distractions kids have these days. Back when millennials were children ourselves, all we had were our Barbie dolls, Game Boy and a handful of other toys and we still managed to get distracted. Just look at how many distractions kids have today. “I’m definitely worried that my son will spend more time playing more games and what not," says Lavenia. Could this mean more pressure for parents to supervise their children?

UNPREPAREDNESS WILL LEAD TO STRESS

One of the reasons behind removing exams for P1 and P2 is to remove unnecessary stress that we’re embedding into young children. However, I call bullshit on the idea that having exams at that age causes unnecessary stress to children. Exams aren’t the main cause of stress in a child. Try and recall if you felt stress at taking exams at that age. Unless you had a tiger mom or dad, you probably didn’t feel any overwhelming amount of stress from exams. HardwareZone user NTB2DO gives us another great example:

More likely than not, children feel stressed as they fear how their parents would react to their results. This fear is derived from the high expectations our parents have for us to do well, which often turns into disappointment when we don’t live up to it. And the fear of having to face the consequences of ‘failing’ our parents. Even a mere pop quiz or spelling test could be extremely stressful for children if parents continue to be the one driving the pressure. On the other hand, parents are concerned that their child may not be prepared enough to suddenly sit for an exam for the first time when they progress to primary three.

“I would want my daughter to be exposed to going through an exam in P1 or P2 at least, because she’d have more time to warm-up before her streaming year.” – Ilena, parent of a child enrolling into P1 next year

With the pressure from their parents, coupled with how they're going to be introduced to 'the exam environment', students could find themselves in a more stressful situation than before.

DOESN’T CHANGE THE ‘GRADES ARE EVERYTHING’ MINDSET      

It’s no secret that most Singaporeans highly value academic success, and while MOE has good intentions, the recent change will not fully address the “kiasu” mentality instilled within Singaporeans. The mentality that grades and academic growth triumphs everything else. Exams or no exams, we’ve grown up associating success with how well we do in school. We grew up having our parents, teachers, and society as a whole assess us based on our academic qualifications. Let’s face it, these children will still be assessed this way when they eventually progress to their last years in primary and secondary school and so on. And the best way to achieve the As to get them to their ‘ideal schools’ is still by mugging and memorising pages and pages of information. Because the better your memory, the higher your likelihood of scoring an A, right? To make things worse, who can forget how our parents just had to compare us to our siblings, friends, cousins and even neighbours when we 'didn't do as well’. This 'tradition' lives on even until today, and it isn’t just the children. Parents are feeling the pressure themselves.

“I feel intense pressure coming from kiasu parents all around me. The competitive academic culture and the pressures that it places on parents and thus on children are very real.” - Germaine, parent of a child enrolling into P1 next year

According to Germaine, parents around her are sending their kids for enrichment classes that teach them to read, spell, and solve math problems way before the enter primary school. Everyone wants their child to be the best in the race, and this consequently contradicts MOE’s stance of wanting to focus more on kids’ personal development over academics in the first two years of primary school.

“If parents and teachers continue to stress over the consequences of not getting good grades, we’ll be right back where we started.” - Esther, parent of 7-year-old in P1

A GOOD FIRST STEP, WITH ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT

While MOE’s latest move is commendable, it’s a shame that it just may not be enough. Yes, taking away exams lets kids be kids a little longer. Yes, removing rankings from report cards do help to discourage comparisons amongst peers. And yes, there shouldn’t be emphasis on grades down to the decimal point. But in an education system that deems a student a failure solely based on their grades, change doesn’t happen overnight. These are great initial steps but to truly make a change, MOE and parents have to unite and understand each others concerns as well. Be it changing the curriculum to include more experiential learning methods, or overhauling the entire education system, whatever step MOE decides to take next, it must take into consideration not only how it affects schools and students, but how it affects parents. Only when the changes address the prevailing concerns then will Singaporeans be convinced that there will be real change. Also read, In Defense Of My Arts Degree: Why The Arts Are Absolutely Essential (Header Photo by pan xiaozhen on Unsplash)

“The Chinese believe that one must be buried with the back against the mountain and have a clear unobstructed view in front.” This is one of the many things I learnt when I went for an introductory tour at Bukit Brown last month. Never in my life have I been to a cemetery, so when I first signed up to walk the hills of Bukit Brown cemetery with Darren, I had no idea what to expect. I was also probably a little too preoccupied with wondering why I even signed up to walk among graves on Chinese Ghost Festival. The one day where ‘hungry ghosts’ are said to roam earth in search of food and ‘entertainment’. But there I was, standing at Hill 1 of Bukit Brown Cemetery at 9am on a Saturday with about about 10 or so in the tour group. The Chinese believe that there is nothing to be afraid of if you haven’t done anything wrong, but I still couldn’t help but feel slightly apprehensive about possibly encountering netherworldly beings. After all, the mind will only wander when facing the unknown.

I had pictured the cemetery to be what I usually see on horror films: in a decaying state and eerie. As we stood around waiting for late comers however, I realised how misguided I was in my impression. Granted, it was daylight, but you know how there are some places that just feel creepy regardless? For example, you would somehow get creepy vibes from walking down a long, narrow, echoey corridor with no one else around, but this place is nothing like that. For a place where it’s home to the dead, it was teeming with life and I was struck by how beautiful the greenery is, especially the iconic rain tree that towered above us as we made our way deeper into Bukit Brown from Hill 1. 

For a moment, it felt a bit like a scene from Alice In Wonderland, enchanting and where the plants and trees are larger than life. Adding on to my surprise that the cemetery is actually a pretty peaceful place to be at, we bumped into a group of four who were riding by on horses. Darren explained that because of the beauty and tranquility of Bukit Brown, the Singapore Polo Club and the National Equestrian Centre actually hold horse-riding tours there. In fact, Bukit Brown Cemetery is no longer a place for paying respects to ancestors, but also a place for recreation. There are many other tours that will take you through Bukit Brown, like the Nature Society (Singapore)’s birdwatching tours and it’s also a norm for people to jog or walk their dog there. It was a fresh perspective for me as I had never thought of going to a cemetery, much less see it as a site for recreation.

One of the volunteers from the group of volunteers behind a.t.Bukit Brown (all things Bukit Brown), Darren’s head of grey-white hair and a white moustache outlining his jaws make it easy to assume him to be a retiree. It was only at the end of the tour that I learnt, much to my surprise, that he is actually the Vice-Dean of the School of Law in SUSS. As Darren brought us around, I realised Bukit Brown is huge. Before the exhumation of graves to make way for the new Lornie Highway, the five hills that make up Bukit Brown were home to about 100,000 graves, making it one of the biggest Chinese cemetery outside of China. Even the largest cemetery in Paris, the Père Lachaise Cemetery, is only about half the size of Bukit Brown. The former is a major tourist attraction that has been hailed as the most-visited cemetery. Yet, Bukit Brown seems to be seen as an impediment to urbanisation here - at least from our ‘masterplans’. The scale is one, but let’s not forget the rich history and heritage behind Bukit Brown.

Burying the dead used to be a very complicated matter as it involved knowing the deceased’s dialect group or where they hail from. It determined where they should be buried at. For example, one would have to bring the body of a Cantonese all the way to the cemetery at Bishan because that is the dedicated Cantonese cemetery. Even then, one would still have to prove that the background of the deceased. Then, there are the costs involved. Because most cemeteries were private, one would need money to buy a plot and to bury a body. Paupers would end up having to depend on donations from kind, wealthy businessmen for their burial.

Bukit Brown was the first municipal Chinese cemetery and it solved the problems above as the government would fund the burial of paupers as long as there is a death certificate. The cemetery was also not associated with any clan or ethnic group, and all the factors contributed to Bukit Brown becoming the most popular Chinese cemetery.

As we traipsed through Hills 2 and 5 during the tour, I imagined how beautiful the place could be if more was done in terms of maintenance. Ever since the government closed all cemeteries in 1972 due to land space concerns, nature has taken over the once properly manicured lanes. Many of the graves are also enshrouded by flora.

Where there used to be open land and clear walking lanes to each grave, we had to brave through tufts of thick grass, step over fallen branches and avoid slipping on moss as we made our own paths to the graves we visited. As we did, Darren explained the unique characteristics of different graves. “By the end of today, you should be able to tell whether the person was a Hokkien or Teochew just by looking at their grave.” Interestingly, every part of a tomb ‘design’ has got a meaning to it.

The tombstones of a Hokkien grave are free-standing and may or may not be supported with stones on the left and right. There will usually be a peripheral wall behind the tombstone and for the very wealthy, you will find two walls. The two wall also creates a trough such that when it rains, water would flow down the trough to the front of the tomb and because water is wealth to Chinese, it signifies that the wealth would flow down to the descendants. The Teochew graves, however, is built into a wall and do not have a peripheral wall around where the body lies.

The inscriptions also tell a lot about what is important to each Dialect group and also the story of the person’s life. The Hokkiens will have all their children’s names on the tomb, but their wife’s name will not be included unless she is buried with him. The Teochews, however, will have the names of every women in his life disclosed on the tombstone but not their descendants’ names.

A three-hour history ‘lesson’ sounds like a drag, but having hosted Bukit Brown tours for about three years, Darren’s animated story-telling kept me engaged. Even though I grew up in a very different era from the people who now resides at Bukit Brown, it was fascinating to hear the stories of the graves we visited. We heard the stories of Tay Koh Yat, who established a bus company that was merged to what we know as SBS today, explored the mystery of Dolly Tan, learnt about the kingdom of Neo Tiew, and Chinese businessman Tan Kheam Hock amongst others. I got a glimpse into what was life back in the 1940s, of the challenges that some of these people faced and the brutality of living in the period of a World War. I'd be lying if I said I can relate to the struggles these people faced, because I can't. But the stories that Darren regaled us with made me better understand how our culture and society came to be, and better appreciate the luxuries we enjoy today. Although I am not converted to be a lover of cemeteries, I do have a new-found appreciation of it. To think that I’m born and bred in Singapore but knew nothing about our local cemetery and its stories, and it takes Darren, a Malaysian, to school me. It put things into perspective and I understood a little more about why people fought for the preservation of Bukit Brown. I was one who couldn’t care less when plans of Lornie Highway and further redevelopment of the area were announced. But now that I’ve seen the tombs and heard the stories, I know the importance of preservation and conservation. Urbanisation is important for the progress of a nation, but if come one day where all of such historical or heritage sites like Bukit Brown had to make way for progress, I think it to be a truly sad day. Also read, With Anti-Trump Protests Around The World, These Causes Closer To Home Are Also Worth Paying Attention To.

If you haven’t heard of it before, you should have by now. Ever since Crazy Rich Asians hit the cinemas, Singapore being one of the world’s richest countries has yet again become a hot topic. Thanks to the Hollywood film, Singapore is a country full of sprawling mansions and wealthy locals who hold over-the-top parties on a regular basis. But we know that this is merely entertainment. Most Singaporeans would have ended up leaving the theatre amused by that depiction while secretly crying inside - if only we were all that wealthy. The truth is far from that. We’re exactly what Nas said in his video, Crazy Poor Asians: we just get by. https://www.facebook.com/nasdaily/videos/315345822583209/ However, when you put GST increase, transport fare hikes, increase cost of utilities and inflation into the picture along with a myriad of other social issues, you get disgruntled average Singaporeans who will naturally wonder about the possibility of better prospects elsewhere.                       

"The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side"

For many millennials, studying or working overseas are opportunities we wish to experience at least once in our life. Cold weather, a slower pace of life, the freedom, and the impression of a generally better employment package are things we associate with life abroad. Also, who can pass up on the chance to travel and explore a bit of the world under the guise of study or work? In fact, a study released in July where 1000 Singaporean citizens and PRs were surveyed, seven in 10 (69%) want to work remotely to travel the world, and 85% of them would like to live abroad for some time. Unsurprising, considering how many wanderlusters you will find just by browsing through Instagram profiles.  

The study done by online money transfer service Transferwise also covered the concerns Singaporeans have about living abroad, with 56% surveyed envious about other Singaporeans ability to move out of the country.

We dream of greener pastures, of a better life and better prospects outside of Singapore, but is it really rainbow and butterflies as we envision? To better understand the realities of living abroad, we spoke to four Singaporeans who have actually gone through it themselves.

How Green Is The Grass On The Other Side?

1. Farhan - 3.5 Years In Thailand

After working in Thailand for 3.5 years as a project engineer, Farhan decided to quit and move back to Singapore following the end of his project.

What are the perks of living abroad? The freedom! I enjoyed living independently. And the downsides? It gets pretty lonely. I really missed having my family and friends around. Living independently also meant that there wasn’t anyone to help or care for me when I fell sick. There was once I was down with severe food poisoning and I felt so weak. I couldn't visit the clinic or consult the doctor because of the language barrier. It was a working day so I couldn't get my colleagues to help me with translation either. I ended up having to deal with it by myself by relying on off-the-counter medications In terms of the living environment, I was living and working at a pretty rural area. The pace of life there is slower and definitely more laid-back than in Singapore. There’s also not much to do there except for the weekend night markets.

I didn't feel as safe there as I do in Singapore. For example, walking alone late at night without feeling endangered there was a luxury. What are some important factors that people should consider before moving abroad? Pick up the language used by the locals. You need to learn beyond basic conversational skills if you’re going somewhere where the main language used there isn’t familiar to you. Moving to a new place means having to learn, accept, and adapt to the new environment, and communication is key to this. Technology like Google Translate helps but it is not 100% reliable as the translations are not always accurate, and what if you experience poor internet connection? You can’t always depend on technology. Live here or live abroad? I am perfectly comfortable and happy where I am in Singapore. It's a safe and efficient country, and my family and friends are all here so I don't see a point of migrating.

2. RT - 3 years in UK

RT just came back from her completing her degree in the UK. What are the perks of living abroad? Life is a lot quieter, more chill, and university life in the UK isn’t as intense as local universities - I would imagine. I also really liked the freedom that came with not living with my parents, the ability to go back anytime and not having to worry about reporting to anyone.

And the downsides?

Being away from my parents also meant that Mum wasn’t around to help me solve my problems anymore. I learnt to appreciate the basic things in Singapore like fast internet speeds, convenient public transport and food. What are some important factors that people should consider before moving abroad? It is all the little things you don’t think about until you’re there. You have to be mentally ready to miss out on all the important events back at home, like gatherings or not being able to watch your baby relative grow up. Or the internet speed: The average internet speed in the UK is 16.5mbps, while it’s 180mbps in Singapore. Then there’s culture, safety and security. Live here or live abroad? I have thought about migrating because of the high costs of living in Singapore. I feel like we’ve stagnated in growth as a country while everything is becoming increasingly expensive. I may be wrong but at least that’s my general feeling about life in Singapore. For now, I’m staying here as I just came back from UK and do want to spend time with my family.

3. C - 4 years in UK

C also recently came back after completing his degree in the UK, where he spent one year in London and three years in Manchester. What are the perks of living abroad? The best part about living abroad is getting to experience cold most of the year, at least for where I lived at.

One thing I noticed and appreciate is how open-minded the people in UK are and how much freedom of speech they have there. I also learnt to appreciate Singapore more. I realise that Singaporeans complain too much and that people should really head out and see the reality of living abroad themselves. And the downsides? The nightlife there sucks. I’m not even talking about parties or drinks, but I wouldn’t even be able to find any food if I just wanted to have supper at night. In Singapore, you can easily get prata at night or anything else from the many 24-hour or late night food places. The services there are slow too. The service staff there always seem to be full of excuses and are a lot less responsible than in Singapore. There are many other obvious differences if you compare life there to Singapore: The standard of living, environment, the people and culture, and more. But the paced of life life there is a little too slow for me. I love the fast-paced and competitive nature in Singapore What are some important factors that people should consider before moving abroad? The population in the area you are living at. It can get pretty dangerous and overwhelming. Consider the climate too. Live here or live abroad? There are certain decisions made by our ruling parties that I don’t agree with and I have thought of migrating, but I don’t think I ever will because having experienced the slower pace of life, I realise I still prefer the hustle and bustle here in Singapore. It keeps my fire burning.

4. Jasmin - Migrated to Perth 11 years ago

Jasmin moved to Perth, Western Australia in 2002 to pursue her dream of becoming a veterinarian. She stayed there permanently after graduating in 2007. What are the perks of living abroad? Life in Perth is pretty slow-paced and relaxed compared to Singapore. The people here are more interested in enjoying life in the present than slogging away or planning for the future. Most people are friendly and strangers would often strike up conversations with you. And the downsides? Singapore is a lot more convenient than Perth in so many ways, like public transportation, shopping, and getting food. The biggest challenge is being so far away from my friends and family, especially my parents. It’s hard to keep up with friendships and relationships, especially when life gets busy.

There isn’t really a best or worst thing of migrating, it is just a decision you make and then it becomes your norm. What are some important factors that people should consider before moving abroad? Check if you are able to carve out a career in your chosen field in that particular country. Sometimes your profession may not necessarily be in demand. You don’t want to be caught in a struggle to find work after you move. Why did you choose to migrate? I wouldn’t say that I migrated because I think Australia is better or that I prefer Australia. Singapore is a wonderful place to live and so is Perth. It just so happens that Perth is home for me right now.

To Migrate Or Not To Migrate

As much as we love to think that life overseas is all beautiful and perfect, that isn't always the case. Just like the many issues we face in our life in Singapore, there are bound to be challenges wherever else you go.  Instead of living in a dream of that Great Migration, know what you are in for first. Weigh the pros and cons for yourself, and if you do find someone else more perfect for you, good for you. (Share it with us) Also read: A Millennial’s Reply To Minister Ng’s Open Letter: “Nobody Owes Us A Living”. (Header Photo by Slava Bowman on Unsplash)

Her family was torn apart by a big family dispute over property. Today, 65-year-old Mdm Rebecca only has her 76-year-old cousin as family. To avoid getting embroiled in the disputes, Mdm Rebecca decided to sever all ties with her family. The last time she spoke to her only brother was more than 40 years ago. Today, she lives in a one-room rental flat in Punggol. Her 76-year-old cousin whom she cares for is bedridden and suffering from Parkinson’s and stroke among other ailments. In her heyday more than 10 years ago, Mdm Rebecca dabbled in PR, secretarial work, and was once a housing agent. However, a severe respiratory problem left her with no choice but to stop working. Life got more challenging since then. Most of her household ‘income’, which comes from her cousin and her retirement funds, as well as her cousin’s social welfare payout, is spent on her cousin’s medical necessities like medicine and bandages. Then, there’s the struggle of being unemployed and being the only caregiver to her bedridden cousin. Mdm Rebecca’s daily routine includes feeding her cousin milk through a tube seven times through the day, changing his diapers several times, giving him the medications he needs for different conditions, repositioning his body every two hours, and stretching his limbs to prevent his muscles from atrophy and shortening. She also has to monitor him throughout the day for any signs of discomfort. She would then have to use a vacuum-cleaner-like machine and a tube to manually suck the phlegm out from his lungs - a painful but critical process for her cousin that has to be done a few times a day. With the bulk of her time dedicated to caring for her cousin, what little time she has left is spent on reading and praying. A ‘vacation’ for her today is as simple as being able to go out for a meal with a friend. Even so, she has to return home within three hours to care for her cousin. Hiring a caretaker or a maid to do her job is out of the question and it isn’t just the lack of finances. Having had maids who have told her lies, stole from her, and even cursed her with black magic, she could no longer trust them. Bad experiences with nursing homes that led to the passing of her comatose mother and the close-to-death state that her cousin returned in after a 2-day respite care have also left a bad taste in her mouth. Since then, Mdm Rebecca resolved to taking care of her cousin herself.

“My mother had already suffered. I don’t want my cousin to go through the pain of what my mother had to go through.”

Attributing her strength to her religion, Mdm Rebecca emphasised on how a positive mindset helped tide her through the hardships. “Life is temporary and all these challenges are part of life. I don’t cry easily because crying doesn’t change anything. I just do my best with what I have and I pray for the best.” As I chatted with Mdm Rebecca at her doorstep while volunteers from the Young NTUC- North East CDC Project Refresh were cleaning up her unit and giving the walls a fresh coat of paint, I couldn’t help but admire her for her resilience.

Her fizzy, greyed hair and gaunt face tells of a woman who is still facing adversity, but Mdm Rebecca’s strong spirit is refreshing and humbling. She spoke about helping neighbours in need and counselling her friends and their children. Her empathy in prioritising other people’s problems above so many of her own made me feel a mix of guilt and respect.  

Having come from a relatively privileged middle-class background, I couldn't comprehend the significance of her struggles until I stepped into her home. Mdm Rebecca’s home is about as big as a typical HDB flat’s living room, with a small corner as kitchen and a toilet right beside it. The only bed in the flat is taken up by her cousin.

As such, volunteers from Project Refresh brought in a foldable mattress for her and a desk fan. Part of the project’s efforts to improve the standards of living for the underprivileged, volunteers also helped to clean the flat, paint the walls, tidy up the home, and change the flat’s light bulbs to more cost-efficient ones as part of the ‘Switch and Save - Use LED initiative’. Project Refresh’s first session in 2016 started off with just 30 volunteers covering five units. With more and more volunteers coming onboard, the Project Refresh session I was at on 18 August saw more than 350 volunteers coming together to spruce up 38 rental units. Many think that millennials are a strawberry generation of entitled and spoilt ‘kids’. That day, however, 60% of the volunteers I saw were millennials.

For 23-Year-Old Jamie*, what they do “may not change the whole world but at least we’re able to impact someone’s life directly.” As her full-time job requires her to deal with wealthy people who live in luxury and never having to worry about basic necessities, volunteering with Project Refresh and learning about the lives of underprivileged people like Mdm Rebecca is a way for her to “feel like human again.” Year 2 student at Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP), Kelvan, was another volunteer I spoke to. Kelvan and four of his NYP classmates were painting the walls of Mdm Latifah’s unit (another resident) when I chatted with them. Still recovering from an operation to treat her osteoarthritis of the knee, 56-Year-Old Mdm Latifah is living on just $210 a month from financial assistance, and food rations from a mosque. Divorced for 30 years, she brought up her only son, who was four back then, all by herself. On some days, Mdm Latifah would even go without food so she can save money.

Like many elderly and the underprivileged, loneliness is one of the many challenges for her. With no one to talk to or help her with problems, she could only cope with the struggles of a single mother without child support from the father by going for religious classes. “I have 9 siblings and my father, but I don’t want (to bother them). Everyone’s got their own problem.” Volunteering projects like Project Refresh goes beyond the physical act of cleaning up the home. It is showing the beneficiaries that there are people out there who do care for them. The interaction among the volunteers and the beneficiaries could create strong emotional bonds too. Volunteering with Project Refresh for the second time on his own accord, Kelvan decided to sign up again because of the sense of accomplishment and the appreciation he got from the family he helped the first time round. “A couple of us from the last project even went back to visit the family. The children and the parents were just so appreciative and warm. It’s back-breaking work, but I came back because it’s very heartwarming and fulfilling.”

Mdm Latifah and Mdm Rebecca are just two of the many underprivileged who live in completely different worlds that most Singaporeans will never experience. “Seeing the conditions they live in, it makes us appreciate the things we have,” Kelvan added. Growing up in a comfortable era where we got to enjoy quality education, a stable economy, and a generally more privileged lifestyle compared to our earlier generations, it is hard to dispute the fact that millennials do demand more. However, we are also a generation that wants to do more.

Volunteer with Young NTUC

As millennials, we tend to procrastinate volunteering as much as we want to give back to society. But today, there are many volunteering opportunities available. Besides Project Refresh, there is also the Young NTUC U Heart, which lets you decide your own do-good projects for low-income families, the environment, for workers, the elderly or people with disabilities, and children or youth-at-risk. So you get to dictate the kind of change you want to make! Learn more about Young NTUC’s volunteering programmes here! * Name has been changed for privacy reasons This post is written in partnership with Young NTUC. Also read: To The Generations Before Us – Trust The Millennials With Singapore’s Future.

Most turn to crowdfunding platforms to raise money for social causes, innovative products and creations, or for medical bills to treat their critically ill loved ones. So, when SGInstaBabes launched a crowdfunding campaign for themselves last Thursday, it’s no surprise that they were met with heavy criticism. If you haven’t caught up with the controversy, you can read about how the drama unfolded here.

TL;DR

SGInstaBabes launched a subscription campaign that grants subscribers with a range of ‘benefits’ depending on the tier of subscription one pays for. For example, paying US$7.50 (approx. S$10) a month will grant one exclusive access to photo shoot albums, and the highest tier will grant one “Ultimate Sugar Daddy” the perk of a private yacht party with the girls at a price of S$5000. The campaign came under fire for multiple reasons: it’s questionable purpose of crowdfunding, the dubious ‘perks’ that seem to be a hotbed for sexual predatory behaviours, and the impression that the campaign is further objectifying and ‘selling’ girls who look underaged. As with all social media dramas, founder of SGInstaBabes, Wee Kiat’s not-so-decent history of controversies has also been unearthed following the uproar over the Patreon campaign. In 2011, nude photos of Wee Kiat and his ex were leaked. Then, just last year, Wee Kiat came under scrutiny again when he was accused of molesting an underaged girl at a music festival.

Although Wee Kiat claims that the Patreon page was started due to overwhelming feedback from their fans, his unfortunate history coupled with the ‘pay to get exclusive photos or time with our girls’ campaign messaging was undoubtedly a recipe for disaster. In an attempt to address the negative allegations against him, one of Wee Kiat’s reply was: “Funny thing is, those who are perverting my intentions aren’t the girls I work with and see me and know me. Heck, they aren’t even people who follow SgInstaBabes and have seen the stories and posts we made. They are people who are here because of drama and made assumptions based on shallow judgments. And they don’t care about the accuracy of what they say. They just wanna jump on the bandwagon. Hence, empty vessels make the most noise.”

So, I decided to reach out to several girls who have not only seen but worked with Wee Kiat personally to see just how 'shallow' the current public assumptions or judgments are. On promise of anonymity to protect their identities, here are their first-hand experiences

“He’s very good with words”

“I was part of SGInstaBabes for awhile but left because I heard a lot of shit about Wee Kiat. I personally don’t think he’s very trustworthy at all! From my few experiences with him, I would say he is very good at convincing people. There were a few events I didn’t want to participate in but he was so good with words that he was able to convince me to do it. So if you’re talking about whether the girls in the group are really doing it willingly or ‘psychoed’ to do so, I think it’s very hard to tell. One thing for sure, he is super touchy. The few times I met him, he always tried to hug me and touch my waist. This contributes to the doubts we girls have in terms of sexual activity with him, especially when there are always parties and alcohol involved. Personally, I think the Patreon campaign is totally redundant and stupid. They are just making use of the girls to ‘create content’. From what I know, a lot of girls (I know a friend who is still in SGInstaBabes) has been starting to back out because they don’t want to get involved in the campaign. It shows how the campaign is actually not approved by many of the girls themselves.” - E, 19

“He’s a low-key manipulative person”

“In 2014 to 2015, Wee Kiat asked me to join his team multiple times but I always declined him. That didn’t stop him from pestering me with the same question. I was around 16 to 17 back then and even after more than three years, this cycle hasn't stopped. I’ve worked with him separately on a couple of events and I regret ever doing so because since then I’ve been constantly linked to the brand. Even after constant objections against such association, Wee Kiat still has no qualms continuing on. I even found my photos being circulated on their page without my permission. It’s degrading and if he cannot understand my ‘no’s, it really shows how the entire brand works. Wee Kiat is generally a nice person but he just doesn’t take objections even after very clear explanations. He would try to convince me by boasting about his social media marketing experience and telling me that there’s only “so far you can achieve alone”. He just cannot understand that I have no goal to rush for success or fame on a social media platform. I have never been too close with the team and never tried to associate myself with the girls too much. However, I have chatted with some of the ex-members who left with certain degrees of unhappiness from Wee Kiat’s attitude. To summarise, these girls who left just don’t want to be seen as a joke anymore. To be fair, Wee Kiat is actually pretty kind as a friend. When my nudes got leaked he was one of the few people who checked in on me and asked me about my well-being. However, I can’t deny that he is a determined and low-key manipulative person.” - L, 20 In Wee Kiat’s attempt to convince L into doing a nude photoshoot with SGInstaBabes (him), he had also sent the nudes of another girl he has shot to L. However, Wee Kiat has requested for L not to tag or credit him if she were to do the photoshoot and post the photos from the shoot online - for reasons we aren’t sure of.

Lastly, we spoke to A, who initially joined the group as she thought it was only a one-off thing for an event. Luckily for A, she hasn’t had any uncomfortable or undesirable occasions with Wee Kiat other than him complimenting her excessively.

“I’m someone who will stand up for myself. There were times where I called him out so maybe he doesn’t want to play with fire, or he just doesn’t have interest in me. I’ve heard stories about him, like what happened at the Eden Music Festival last year but there were at least three to four versions of it so I really don’t know what’s the truth. However, I chose to leave after half a year because I just don’t have the same goal the group has. It was something I tried for fun but found that it’s just not what I wanted. I left the group with no bad blood and even made some close friends.

Wee Kiat would even ask me for my opinion sometimes because I dare to criticise. In fact, he asked me about my thoughts on the Patreon campaign. I wasn’t against it, but I told him that it wouldn’t work out and that he will definitely get into trouble for it. But apparently he went ahead with it.” - A, 19

Where Should We Draw The Line?

Following netizen’s condemnation, SGInstaBabes has done some damage control. Both the official SGInstaBabes and Wee Kiat’s Instagram account have been taken down. The Patreon page is still up but besides the top banner, all other photos of the girls has been removed at time of writing.

Wee Kiat has also told Marketing Interactive that there will possibly be a revival and revamp of the collective and "If the account is to go live again, I personally will not be in charge or involved in any of SgInstaBabes’ activities anymore.” For a leadership role where one is primarily in direct contact with young, impressionable girls, I am honestly surprised that Wee Kiat had even managed to continue in this role after the molest allegations. As such, should SGInstaBabes continue on, one should consider if there should be more done to prevent these young girls from being taken advantage of for their naivety. After all, many of these girls are still at the age of discovery and yearn the attention that comes with social media fame. Many blame the girls for their lack of awareness or their overzealous clout chasing. While there is truth to that, as a girl myself, I understand how gratifying it can feel for a supposed guiding figure to validate my potential and tell me how much I can achieve. The free access to events and the chances to shine are draw factors that make it even harder to resist such opportunities despite any undesirable treatment. Not forgetting how much guts it will take for someone to speak up about mistreatment from a person who have been in the industry for much longer than they are. Of course, every one of these girls have their own right to decide and to go through the rite of passage themselves. However, just like how it takes fines to teach Singaporeans not to litter, maybe stricter laws are what we need to clamp down on such sexual predators. Furthermore for a platform that is marketed to empower girls and celebrate their beauty. Or perhaps, we need something to prevent young girls from even signing up for anything that can possibly put them in these positions of ridicule. Do you think leaders of such groups need to be imposed with stricter rules? Or girls should be barred from even joining such groups? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section! Also read: Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual - S'porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts. (Header Image taken from SGInstaBabes' Patreon page)