Tag: LGBTQ

I remember a time when we used to refer to the LGBTQ+ community as simply, the gay community. Later, we began using the term 'LGBT' at large, and then LGBTQ, or even LGBTQIA. Today, this list has grown tremendously and is now more inclusive than ever. To some, it’s liberating. To others, it’s just plain confusing. Even when I asked a pool of friends consisting of both straight and non-straight people, no one could name every gender and sexual identity in the LGBTQ+ community. I wasn't surprised. There were so many after all. So, how many labels exactly are there and what do they all mean? I Googled to find out exactly how long the ‘+’ in the acronym LGBTQ+ ran. The most popular acronym I came across is LGBTTQQIAAP. So. Many. Letters. Confused? I was too. To help you out, I dug a little bit more to find out what each alphabet stands for and what it means to identify yourself as one of them. Let’s start with the basics. L is for Lesbian A lesbian, as we all know by now, is a female who is attracted to another female. G is for Gay The word 'gay' has been used to refer to the community in general over the years. But more accurately, a gay is a male who is attracted to other males. B is for Bisexual A bisexual is someone who’s attracted to both men and women. T is for Transgender Not to be confused with transsexual, a transgender is someone who identifies as the opposite gender. One thing to note: Unlike the three labels above, the term transgender is used to describe someone's gender identity, not to be confused with their sexual orientation/identity. Many tend to confuse the two and use them interchangeably. Your sexual orientation describes who you're romantically attracted to (who you wake up with), while your gender identity is how you identify yourself (who you wake up as) - male, female, a combination of male and female or none. For example, if someone identifies as transgender, that’s their gender identity, but when someone identifies as gay, that’s his sexual identity. T is for Transsexual A transsexual, unlike a transgender, is someone who has physically altered themselves to match the gender they identify as. Q is for Queer Through the years, ‘queer’ has been considered to be offensive and a derogatory term to some people in the community. In the 1950s, the word was used as a slur in reference to the LGBTQ+ community. Today, it is largely used and also the most inclusive word on this list. The acronym LGBTQ is still the most commonly used acronym when talking about the community as it argues that queer is an all-inclusive term for the lesser-known labels that follow after 'LGBT'. Q is for Questioning Questioning refers to a person who is still confused about their sexual or gender identity. I is for Intersex If someone identifies as an intersex, they are someone who is born with both male and female biological characteristics. An intersex person could have been born with chromosomes different from XX (male) and XY (female). S/he could, for example, have been born with the chromosome of XXY. An intersex could also be someone who’s born with genitals that are totally male or female, but their internal organs don’t match (such as having a vagina but no uterus). A is for Asexual Asexual refers to someone who has no sexual feelings or desires for anyone. A is for Ally An ally is a person who identifies as heterosexual but supports and fights for the LGBTQ+ community. P is for Pansexual Often confused with bisexual, a pansexual is someone who can be attracted to someone regardless of their gender or sexual identity. Unlike a bisexual, they can also be attracted to a transgender, transsexual, intersex, and more.

THE IMPORTANCE OF LABELS

Following the age-old debates surrounding LGBT messages, there are two types of people with regards to having so many labels. There are those who believe these labels are important in the fight for LGBTQ+ rights, and there are others who feel that the 'never-ending' list of labels is just becoming plain ridiculous. In the new wave of terminology, we're also hearing words like polyamorous, demisexual, genderqueer, two-spirit and a whole lot more. If you're wondering if it'll ever end, I'd say probably not. I wanted to go beyond learning the definition of these terms, which for all you know, I could've gotten from Wiktionary. To get a better understanding on the importance of these labels, I spoke to some people from the LGBTQ+ community and asked how they felt about having so many labels. Of the five queer people I spoke to, four believed that labels are crucial to the community and society as a whole. According to Lorraine*, who identifies as pansexual, the various labels help those who are trying to figure themselves out in the early stage of finding their sexuality. She admits that the labels can be quite confusing, but having them allow individuals to find themselves. And if these individuals wish to label themselves, they can. Sean, a gay man and the founder of Dear Straight People, says that labels are not only important to give the community a means of identity and belonging, but in helping the general public make sense of the LGBTQ+ community. But he also adds that he doesn't want people to see him just for his sexual identity.

NECESSARY OR JUST GETTING TOO MUCH?

While these labels fight for inclusivity, they have also become a subject for mockery in society. These labels can seem like a bit ‘too much’, not just for straight people, but for some queer people as well. They believe these labels make it difficult to normalise LGBTQ+. Tim*, a gay Singaporean, feels that in a society that already judges them for being who they are, these labels give people an opportunity to criticise them further. His experience with trying to explain the terminologies to his friends often results in looks of confusion, which made his straight friends less interested and more reluctant to learn about it. It didn't help that he would hear people passing comments like "wah you all damn extra." I also spoke to a few straight people to hear what they thought of these labels - do the labels help them understand queers better? Andy*, a straight male, feels that labels are difficult to understand for someone not in the LGBTQ+ community. Not only because there are so many labels, but also because he prefers to be acquainted with someone for who they are and not because of a label that he may not understand completely. Even if he does understand, it's hard to remember so many labels. As a straight female myself, I disagree. For me, these labels make it simpler to understand a person. It not only informs me about their sexual identity, I'm more aware of their struggles. It also helps me differentiate a transgender from a transsexual, for example. The fact that these labels are made fun of or are a target for mockery only tells me that there's still a long battle to be fought for the LGBTQ+ community. These labels might not be as crucial to someone like me. But for the vast majority of the queer community, these labels give a powerful sense of acceptance and belonging. Just like any other labels we use to identify ourself with - male, female, millennial, Chinese, Malay, Indian - we have to remember that they are there for a reason. We cannot deny that they give recognition to a group that has been marginalised since its inception. If these labels exist to help a group of individuals find self-acceptance in a complex world, perhaps we should respect that. So what do you think? Are labels are an important part of the LGBTQ+ society? Also read, We Fight For The Freedom To Love, But Is Singapore Really Ready To Accept LGBT? (Header Image Credit: Chek Yong - Travel Photography via Pink Dot 2017)
The LGBT movement in Singapore has come a long way. But no matter how far we’ve progressed, there seems to be a brick wall limiting how far more the movement can go. Pink Dot has been painting Hong Lim Park with the colours of Gay Pride every year since 2009. More people are coming out with the help of advocates and media platforms that share their stories, like Dear Straight People. Despite the increase in visibility and conversations surrounding LGBT today, however, there’s still no real change. We are stuck in a time where our society seem to be generally more progressive, but our constitution remains traditional, with many ‘LGBT things’ that are still illegal in the eyes of the law.

LGBT People Are Criminals?

While LGBT people can live normally among us without having to worry that they will be stoned to death if they were to walk down the street hand-in-hand, they still lack many of the legal rights that non-LGBT people have. Same-sex relationships are not recognised under the law and it’s evident in many areas from not being able to be legally married (Section 12 of the Women’s Charter) and having kids to issues with housing and assets distribution after death. In 2017, a couple lost their BTO because their marriage was voided. and all because the man went for a sex change, rendering their same-sex marriage invalid.  I personally know a gay man who had to go through the trouble of flying overseas, paying six-digit sums for assisted reproduction, marrying the surrogate mother then divorcing her, just so that he could be legally recognised as the father to his biological children. Such are the lengths that LGBT people have to go to for something that is so normal for non-LGBT people. Then, there’s the much-contested Section 377A of Singapore's Penal Code, which prohibits two men from having sex with each other, even if it’s done in private. Although this law hasn’t been actively enforced, with only nine people convicted under this provision between 2007 and 2013.
Section 377A Penal Code Singapore
Screen Capture from the Penal Code (Chapter 224)
In case you’re aren’t aware yet, the Penal Code used to criminalise “carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animals" under Section 377. It was tabled for repeal during the the 2007 Penal Code Review, but not Section 377A. Nominated Member of Parliament Siew Kum Hong presented a petition for the repeal of Section 377A but the Parliament opted to keep Section 377A, which criminalises male homosexual conduct specifically. <a href=" explained, “public morality does not target female homosexual conduct in the same way as it targets male homosexual conduct.” Also, “female homosexual conduct is either less prevalent or is seen as being less repugnant than male homosexual.” In other words, the authorities have opted to keep it illegal for men to have sex with each other (but not women) because they felt that Singaporeans weren’t ready to completely accept homosexual behaviour, particularly homosexuality between men, and that the society is more unaccepting of gays compared to lesbians. To be awfully honest, I agree with that notion.

Are We Really Ready?

Singapore doesn’t seem to be ready to accept the LGBT movement and community. Look at the controversy surrounding Cathay Cineleisure’s advertisement of Pink Dot 2017. Someone had complained about the advertisement and its “supporting the freedom to love” tagline because to them, that goes against family values. That complaint had led the authorities to call for Cathay to remove the tagline but Cathay stood firm with their decision to run the ad in the end, and I applaud them for standing up against such complaints and the authorities. It isn’t easy for big names or brands like Cathay to stand for a cause so controversial in Singapore’s society. In a society where discrimination lies even within certain laws, and where LGBT messages are still frowned upon by older generations and discussed in hushed exchanges among the more conservative. Another good example of why it’s hard for renowned brands or names to stand up for the cause is when popular local influencer, Hirzi, became an ambassador for Pink Dot 2017. Hirzi came under fire for standing for the LGBT movement for a myriad of reasons, mainly for going against his religion, Islam. In numerous interviews, he shared about how he had lost friends, been spat on his face, and been told not to associate himself with brands he was working for, after he became a Pink Dot ambassador.
“Brands have literally said, “We know it’s fashion week, and we already approved you guys already, wearing the outfits, but can you don’t tag us because we are a heterosexual brand.” Quote taken from Studio AC’s interview with Hirzi
In the Studio AC video interview, Hirzi also shared a case where a friend of his was discriminated against because of her sexuality. Someone had wanted to hire her dance crew to perform at an event but had requested for her to not be part of the performance, just because she’s a transsexual. It is pretty clear that the brand or event organiser was concerned about having a trans as part of the event or performance; That they felt that having a trans on their stage was too much of a negative association to have with their brand or event. And that shows exactly how closed-minded our society still is. The organiser may have done that to prevent possible complaints from event attendees. But that is the problem.

Don’t leave it to political leaders to lift the weight

The authorities are waiting to see if Singapore and Singaporeans are ready for such ‘radical’ change. But brands and Singaporeans aren’t stepping up to stand for the LGBT movement because the law doesn’t favour the movement. It’s a vicious cycle. We need to break that cycle. Every coming out story in the media and every brand representation in support of the LGBT movement add up. Brands and opinion leaders need to pave the way for more open conversations. It can be hard to start, but all it takes is one party to create the ripple effect. It could be as simple as showcasing portraits of LGBT people, which is exactly what internationally renowned photographer Leslie Kee did. The Out In Singapore project, which culminated in an exhibition that opened yesterday, features 150 portraits of the “diverse faces of the local lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community and humanise what it means to be LGBTQ.”
Out In Singapore
Some of the portraits of LGBT individuals featured in Out In Singapore
By shedding a gentle spotlight on these LGBT individuals, the project was a way to create conversations and normalise LGBTQ. For some of the individuals, it was even a chance for them to come out. As a non-LGBT millennial who grew up in a 100% heterosexual family (including extended family), we never outrightly talked about anything LGBT. However, it is an unspoken understanding that being LGBT ‘is not the way to go’ to my parents and their generation. I see it from the way they joke about gays and hear it from their derogatory tone when discussing LGBT topics. There’s still a stigma surrounding this movement in the older generations and it is a longstanding battle. But it’s a battle that our generation, who are more receptive of the LGBT movement, have to help fight. If we continue to be accepting but apathetic, there will never be progress. As such, more has to be done to also help our society to be more open-minded and receptive. Covering your child’s eyes or telling them not to become like ‘those LGBT people’ when they grow up isn’t going to help. We need to be more open-minded as to being able to separate religion and sexuality. Some religions have strict beliefs in sexuality, and that’s completely fine. But just as everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, we should learn to agree to disagree. We need to be more willing to listen. Take notes from these Christians who went to a pride parade to apologise for the way they or fellow Christians have been treating the LGBT community. Also, as Hirzi shared in the interview with Studio AC, standing for a cause is a completely different narrative from the person you are. If I were to pledge my support to the handicapped, it doesn’t mean that I am handicapped. Nor does it mean that I am promoting the handicapped. It merely means that I empathise with the handicapped people and am showing that I accept and embrace them as part of our society. Also read, My Sexuality, My Right: “A Stranger Wanted Me To Apologise For My ‘Lesbian Appearance'”. (Header Image Credit: Calvin IG@calvinavigator via Pink Dot 2017) *Article Revised: We have corrected some of the facts that the writer has inaccurately presented on certain sections of the Penal Code. We are sorry for the mistake.
Growing up, us millennials have been labelled many things, reckless, fortunate, social media slaves and even avocado toast connoisseur, but I draw the line at phrases such as nonchalant, carefree and entitled. From worrying about the ever-rising cost of living to striving for a more #woke and inclusive society, we have a lot more on our plates than just romance related problems and Instagram-spawned rainbow food. Determined to dispute the reputation that millennials have ‘earned’, I’ve decided to ask 15 millennials what their greatest fear are. And no, FOMO isn’t on the list.

1. Not having enough money

My greatest fear is not having enough money to support myself. Without money, I wouldn’t be able to afford basic necessities like food and water. Even public transport will be inaccessible for me. Plus, I don’t like to rely on other people. If I have no money, I’ll have to go around borrowing money from others and I personally hate doing so. - Melissa, 27

2. Not living up to expectations

Since young, many people have told me that they see a lot of potential in me. Be it doctor, lawyer, or a successful businessman, they are convinced that I’m going to do great things. Because of that, I’m always fearful that I’m not going to reach that level of potential that they’ve set out for me. Thus, I always push myself to work hard everyday so that I’ll be able to match up to their expectations of me. - Daniel, 26

3. Settling for an unfulfilled life

In Singapore, a lot of emphasis is placed on financial success. My parents want me to have a corporate job so that I’ll be financially stable, but that’s not where my passion lies. So I made a promise to myself to ‘sell out’ and settle for something else instead of chasing after my passion. - Edirina, 20

4. Losing my loved ones

As a mother of two, family means a great deal to me. I had my first child when I was just 19 and it has taught me so much about love, patience, family and compromise. I’m really grateful for my parents, my husband, and my two little girls. I can’t imagine life without any of my loved ones. - Esther, 26

5. Getting kicked out of home for coming out

As with most asian families, my mom is conservative and fierce (aka tiger mom). As much as I love her and am thankful for her bringing me up all these years, I’m afraid of coming out to my family as I don’t want to risk getting kicked out. I’m not sure that their love for me will be able to overpower the disdain they have towards more liberal ideas. - Scott, 25

6. Self-imposed Inadequacy

My parents are super chill and they let me do whatever I deem fit. Because of that, I’ve always had really high expectations of myself as I feel that if I don’t take control of my own life, no one will. Further fueled by my own insecurities, the thought of being inadequate in any sense, be it at work or life in general, just doesn’t sit well with me. - Zul, 24

7. Being judged

Back in primary school, I was always afraid of getting called to answer a question in class as I was afraid that if I get the answer wrong, people would laugh at me and make nasty comments about me behind my back. I would get anxious easily and sometimes, that stops me from doing the things that I like. Because of my anxiety, I would always be afraid that people are judging me, even if they aren’t. - Anna, 25

8. Not going to heaven

Whether you’re religious or not, I’m pretty sure that you know what Hell is about: basically, a lifetime of torture. I wouldn’t want to end up going to Hell because I don’t want to suffer and be tortured for the rest of my life. I can’t even handle life, how am I supposed to handle Hell?! In my religion, we believe that Heaven is a really great place to be at. So I want to end up there when I die and just enjoy. - Matthew, 21

9. Losing my arms

I’m a designer and an avid gymmer so my physical body parts mean alot to me. Thus, I would say that my greatest fear is losing my arms as that will mean that I can’t do the things that I like anymore. I can’t imagine living life without designing, drawing, painting, and weightlifting. - Jan, 26

10. Death

I fear death as it means that the whole world will continue to go on without me after I’ve passed and I’ll be non-existent and slowly forgotten. I also fear the unknown. None of us truly knows what is going to happen after we’re dead, and that scares me. - Shi Ling, 27

11. Dying alone

I’m a romantic. I believe in ‘The One’ and I yearn to meet someone whom I’m able to connect with on all wavelengths. So I’d say my greatest fear is not being able to find someone that can stimulate me both intellectually and emotionally and I’ll die alone, with nobody to love and no one to love me back. - Mabel, 22

12. Never being able to love myself

As a child, I was overweight and ugly. I would get picked on by my peers and my parents would make insensitive comments about my appearance. I wasn’t taught how to love myself and I grew to be my own worst critic. Till now, I struggle with low self-love and I can’t seem to be comfortable in my own skin. I guess my greatest fear would be that I will never be able to learn to love myself for who I am till the day I die. - Alethea, 21

13. Losing control of myself

Not having control over my own life and decisions, be it consciously or physically. Maybe I’ve been watching too much ‘Black Mirror’ but I imagine not being able to control my own thoughts or actions and that’s so scary! - Alanna, 22

14. Being the same as everyone else

As I grew up in a family where sibling rivalry is ever present, I always pride myself in being different from my sister so that my parents wouldn’t compare us as much. I think that led me to always strive to be different from everyone else. - Melodie, 20

15. Not being able to make it

It’s very competitive in the Arts industry so I’m always pushing myself to learn more and create things that are fresh and unique. I really want to be an Artist and I can’t foresee myself doing anything else, so my greatest fear would be not succeeding in the field that I’m passionate about. - Karen, 20

Not Just Young And Nonchalent

After speaking with these millennials, I realised that many of us have very practical concerns. Most of us just tend to keep our concerns to ourselves as we’re afraid that our worries will be deemed insignificant because of our young age. But that shouldn’t matter. Be it age 18 or 35, we’ve all got our own set of worries and problems that we have to deal with. We might be young and throwing around phrases like YOLO and ‘live fast, die young’ but our worries don’t just consist the common irrational fears and superficial wants, many of them stemmed from our upbringing and culture. So here’s the age-old question I’m throwing back at you, what’s your greatest fear and how do you deal with it? Share with us in the comments below! Also read, 8 Singaporeans Shared Snapshots Of What Depression Was Like For Them.
The ‘gay best friend’ has made an appearance in various chick flicks – Damian from Mean Girls and Christian from Clueless, heck there’s even a movie released in 2013 titled G.B.F. Although they stereotype the gay community as flamboyant gossip queens, we’re not here to shed light on the media’s lack of representation. Most of us know that not all gay men are effeminate and sassy. In fact, having an openly homosexual friend doesn't raise eyebrows anymore. It has even been proven that straight women find a greater sense of comfort and trust in their friendships with gay men than fellow gal pals.
Image Credit: Vertical Entertainment
It was my gay best friend's birthday a few weeks back and I was about to post a photo of us on Instagram with a sappy caption until I realised how much we looked like a couple. I was sitting on his lap, both of us looking flushed from the drinks, all ready for ZoukOut. Research shows that compared to men, women are touchier with people they are close to, so it's normal for them to hug their close friends, exchange the occasional cheek kisses or hold hands while hanging out. I am no exception. Before my friend asked for advice on the huge fight she had with her long time lover about going overseas alone with her gay friend, I never had a reason to question my own behaviour with my gay best friend. Turns out, all my friends have extremely differing views on whether the physical intimacy between gay men and straight women are an exception to the rules governing a monogamous relationship. We can't blame our boyfriends for being protective, but is this too much?

How It Looks

Back when we had more time for each other, my Instagram feed was filled with photos of my gay best friend and I, always with our hands wrapped around each other's waist. Since I wasn't attached and he wasn't completely out of the closet, people assumed he was my new hot date. As flamboyant and effeminate as they might be, a gay man doesn't have defining 'gay' features. If pictures are enough to make my friend and I a couple, an intimate hug or interlocking fingers in public will definitely look bad on my beau. I didn't post the photo in the end because I didn't want my relationship to be subjected to unnecessary judgement. It won't be fair for my boyfriend to defend my reputation and our relationship against his close friends and family, too.

Born This Way

When I asked a few other guys to comment on the matter, “What if he changes his mind about being gay?” is the most common concern they have. Don't be too quick to call them bigots, let’s not forget that YouTube star Gigi Gorgeous came out of the closet three times – first as gay, then as trans and after she broke up with her one-year boyfriend, she came out as lesbian.
Image Credit: @GigiGorgeous
Discovering gender and sexuality is a journey. We live in an era of non-binary gender identities and the freedom to love whoever we want. That makes, "Is he really gay?" a valid concern. Although I reassured my friends that a more likely possibility to worry about is the girlfriend developing a crush on her best friend instead. I cite the various forums and articles of girls fessing up on falling in love with a gay man as reference.

Same Same But Different

On these same forums, many talked about how boyfriends should think of gay friends as just another female. Is kissing your gay friend really the same as kissing one of your girlfriends though? Let's not strip a man of his masculinity just because he shares your preference for dicks – gender orientation and sexual orientation are different. Your gay friend deserves to be respected like the man he identifies to be, regardless of how "limp-wristed" he is. If your boyfriend objects to the physical aspects of your friendship with a gay man, it also means he respects your best friend as a man sans his sexual preference. That's why he may be upset to catch you sitting on someone else's lap – as innocent as the intention was.

Commitment

Then there's the "but we've been friends for so long already," and "it didn't mean anything." While tongue wrestling with a platonic friend and having one night stands have no emotional sentiments, it definitely meant something. Physical intimacy is a big factor in a relationship and it becomes void of its exclusivity if you get too touchy with anyone else. In the end, every relationship is defined only by the two people involved – where do you and your partner draw the line on skinship with other people? Also read, I Like Guys And Girls But My Religion Says It’s Unacceptable.
Figuring out my sexuality was a struggle. As most LGBTQ will attest, there are no surefire signs, no criteria, no checkboxes you can go through to determine whether or not you’re it. The only way to figure it out is to live your life, feel what you feel, and eventually, piece it all together—at least that’s how it happened for me.

Just A Phase?

Growing up, I was always a tomboy. I went to an all girls’ primary school and my schoolmates would often tease me and make fun of me for it. At the time, I thought nothing of it. When I was 10, I became really close to a girl. We were best friends in school and would hang out together all the time. I felt like I liked her more than just a friend. But of course, at that age, I didn’t understand it. Thereafter, I had some innocent crushes on girls as a pre-teen and teenager, but I didn’t think too much of that either. As I was trying to understand why I had such feelings, I spoke to my mum and siblings about these girl crushes. We all believed it was a phase I would eventually grow out of. As I grew older, I had my fair share of guy friends, but I never liked them as more than just bros. And as time went by, I gradually realized that I was different.
Sam Koh

Keeping A Part Of Me A Secret

It was a very different time back when I thought I might be gay. It wasn’t a big social issue. There was very little talk about sexuality in the media and in society, and not many people were gay—at least, not that I was aware of. I didn’t personally know anyone who was gay. Because it seemed so rare back then, I worried constantly about how people would perceive me and treat me if they found out I was gay. I was also afraid of how it would affect the people around me; I was scared that people would treat the ones close to me differently because of their friendship with me. As a teenager, whenever I went to church, I felt like I had to change. I tried to change, tried to feel differently. And when I couldn’t, I buried my feelings and kept them to myself. When nothing worked, I got upset with myself. I was angry that I didn’t change. Now, I realise it’s because I couldn’t. This is just the way I am. Being gay and having no one to talk to about it, it was tough, trying to make sense of how I felt and why I felt that way. I avoided thinking about it, and when I did share my struggles with those who accepted me for who I am, it felt like no one truly understood. For a long time, I felt alone and wished I knew someone who shared the same difficulties and challenges as me. Eventually, after a long and hard struggle with myself, I came to terms with the fact that I was “different”. I knew there was no running away from me.

Loved, Supported, And It Meant Everything

My mum and siblings were the first few people I came out to. It wasn’t a complete surprise to them, considering that I spoke to them about the girl crushes I had in the past. It was my dad I was more afraid to tell, because he’s a bit sterner. It took me a while longer, but eventually, I summoned up the courage to come out to him when I was 24 or 25. I still remember how scared and nervous I was up to the point I actually said the words to him. In the weeks that followed, I could tell that he was trying his best to understand it – to understand why I was this way. I felt bad that I, too, couldn’t explain how this happened.

Not Everyone Understands

Even though the people that matter most to me accepted me for who I was, not everyone received the news well. I’ve had my fair share of nasty reactions from friends and even complete strangers on the street. In fact, just recently, when I was out shopping at a mall, the mother of a little girl followed me just to tell me how offensive and gross it was that I didn’t ‘dress like a girl’ or have long hair. She wanted me to apologise for scaring her daughter with my ‘lesbian appearance’. Apparently, the little girl had asked her mum why my hair was so short. It wasn’t about how I looked or how I behaved; my hair alone was enough reason for her to come up to me to confront me. I ignored her remarks and tried to get away, but she followed me and made harsh remarks about my lifestyle, saying things like, “I don't care about how you choose to live your life but say sorry for confusing my daughter and making her scared.” Dirty looks from strangers are normal for me. So are harsh words from the people around. Even though I’m proud of who I am, things like these sometimes still get to me.
Sam and her girlfriend, Roslyn

Still The Same Person, Regardless Of My Sexuality

Accepted or not, it was good to get everything off my chest; coming to terms with who I was and being able to say it out loud to the people I love liberated me. Those who stuck around realised that beyond the label of ‘lesbian’, I was still the same person with the same heart and character. I am still the same Sam Koh, regardless of who I fall in love with. I’m 29 years old, a barista at my own café and I’m also happily attached to my partner Roslyn. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I’ve never been happier. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for some of the people I know who have been forced to stay in the closet and to put up a front all their lives because their families do not approve. Everyday, I know how fortunate I am to have people around me who accept me exactly as I am. I am more than grateful for a family who lets me figure out my life on my own.

LGBT In Singapore

Being lesbian has definitely left me feeling lonely and excluded at times. Still, I wouldn’t wish away the things I’ve experienced and the fact that I’m gay. I, and the LGBTQ community, are not gay just because we want to be different. We’re not here to challenge heterosexuality. We’re not asking anyone to be gay. We just want to be accepted for who we are. At the end of the day, we are just regular human beings who want to be able to love who we love, free of condemnation. To have people frown upon your relationship is just like having parents who don’t approve of who you're dating, but worse. We have total strangers disapproving of our choices too. It’s frustrating. Thankfully, times are changing and so are attitudes. Still, there is more to be done. I hope one day, people will be more open and accepting. I hope one day, people will see beyond the labels and the prejudice, and realise that all we want is the freedom to love. - To show our support for the freedom to love, we will be publishing stories under our new series My Sexuality, My Right. In it, we share the journeys of Singaporeans who are fighting for their right to love, and who embrace their LGBTQ identity. Also read, Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual – S’porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts.