For as long as I remember, we have always been called sheep. From being called sheep for travelling to ‘mainstream’ places to the many times we were called sheep for ‘blindly following our political leaders’. Singaporeans have been branded sheep on so many occasions that most of us are already numb to the name. And as much as we try to deny it, we really are all sheep. It isn’t because of our education system or the Chinese zodiac as much as it is human nature. The herd behavior is just our intrinsic need to feel harmonious with our fellow human species. It’s the same reason why animals form herds to protect themselves from danger or predators – strength in numbers. It happens in our everyday lives. When we see long queues at shops, we kay poh. When we see the latest trends, we follow. It’s so normal that we hardly think about it anymore. And herd instinct is somewhat beneficial as it acts as a guide to how we lead our lives. We compare, and we use the actions and behaviours of others as a reference. We adopt our favourite idols’ lifestyles. Likewise, we steer away from people we deem less than desirable and remind ourselves not to be like them. Also, there’s the mentality behind rating systems: if 90% voted a movie or restaurant to be 10 out of 10, it must be good. However, blindly following the herd is not always healthy. Sometimes, it can be the exact opposite.

Toxic Herd Behaviour Is All Around Us

All it takes is for a dominant alpha and a prey, and you’ll soon see it grow into a mob bullying situation. In fact, dig deeper behind the reasons for many bullying cases and you’ll see that herd behaviour is a big driving force. Take for example the $10 BMW driver, who was harassed by netizens after being wrongly accused of making an attendant pay for his petrol. And Cherry Tan, who was wrongly identified for bullying an elderly man at a hawker centre. [caption id="attachment_2934" align="aligncenter" width="650"] Image Credit: Willie Kok Heng Chua

The $10 BMW driver’s demise started because the original poster told only her side of the story and it tugged enough at our heartstrings for us to immediately hate on the driver. It didn’t matter that the story came from a third party. And all it took for Cherry Tan was one comment wrongly identifying her.

Hardly anyone bothered to do more research or wonder about what really happened, because it is just so much easier to join in the crowd, agree, and hate together. It was only after the whole world condemned them to the depths of hell that they were cleared of the allegations. So many people had already jumped on the hate-wagon by then, and the damages of name calling, harassment, and even calls to boycott their companies were already dealt. More recently, a video of a bus driver seemingly nodding off while driving has been circulating online. While there were people who were genuinely worried about the driver’s well-being, there were also many others who called him out for endangering the lives of people.

SBS Transit has since explained that the driver’s questionable driving was merely because of a neck condition. Even then, I was still seeing people sharing the video and commenting about how reckless or terrible it is for the driver to be sleeping on the job. Even if the driver was really falling asleep, wouldn’t it be wiser to talk to him, keep him awake, and ask if he was facing any problems? I question the poster’s intention of filming the driver and exposing it online instead. Also, if the intention was to call for a more stringent selection of safer bus drivers, is it not more productive to talk to SBS Transit and find out the problem? By posting the video online and insinuating that the driver is falling asleep on the job, one is merely creating opportunities to sow hate. These are all unfortunate cases of internet CSI or internet policing gone wrong, but the underlying issue is an entire toxic, mob bullying culture that’s rampant not just online, but in our everyday lives.

Mob Bullying

It happens in school. The shunning of the ‘fatty bom bom’ when forming teams in PE lessons. The name calling. The spreading of rumours of that ah lian having slept with countless boys. These are things we have all heard or experienced growing up. It happens in the working world. The abusive boss or politics-mongering colleague are perfect examples of bullying. It could even be as simple as gossiping or ostacising. In case it sounds like I am some self-righteous person trying to preach a politically correct stance towards a perfect, everyone loves everyone world, let me declare that I don’t believe in that. Especially when gossiping (or ranting) is one of the ways I destress from a crazy work day. What I find extremely repulsive and disheartening is when idle gossip turns into mob bullying because of the herd mentality. Like the cases online, all it takes is one bully to rally a group of bullies. And such cases are often overlooked because of how common it is. Singapore has even won the title of the third highest rate of bullying globally.

  In my line of work, I have met so many millennials who have experienced a form of bullying growing up. The mocking, the being made fun of, the name calling, and the ostracising may sound trivial, but the impact is significant for the victims and is often the fuel for depression. I’ve also witnessed situations of mob bullying having unfair, negative impact on the victim: where the victim was baited to saying things that would be used for ridicule and where the rallying of hate within the group of bullies eventually contributed to the victim’s departure. And all those because the victim is just a little different from the rest. It didn’t matter that the victim hasn’t done anything to insult of harm anyone or on purpose. It is one thing to idle gossip and another to treat someone like they are not worthy of a presence, even turning it into spiteful curses. While this are just my observations, I am pretty sure that similar cases have been happening in work places or social circles everywhere. After all, nothing like bonding over mutual hate, and herd behaviour to propagate the hate.

Stop Being A Mean Sheep

As someone who is guilty of having been part of a mob bullying before, I know how easy it is to be part of the herd and I know how hard it is not to join in on the laughing. However, such damaging herd behaviour has got to stop. Unless we stop being sheeps, do our research, and form our independent opinions, the mob bullying will continue. Also, my dance teacher once taught me: to tell the quality of a dance troupe, look at the dancer at the last row of the performance. Similarly, I see the way someone treats the ‘most insignificant person to them’ as a reflection of who they really are. So, before you join in on the teasing next time, think about why you are doing it and what it reflects of you. What do you want to be a reflection of? (Header Image Credit: Medium) Also read, Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual - S'porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts.

“Sometimes I just feel like smacking you in the head over and over again.” Who do you think said that to me? If you thought my girlfriend, you thought right. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them, am I right girls and guys? If you feel the same way about your partner, you’re certainly not alone. And there’s a reason for that.

Misery loves company

We like to think that we seek relationships with people who make us happy, but the whole truth may be a lot stranger than that. According to psychologists, we instinctively gravitate to potential partners who we think will make us miserable. I know that sounds ridiculous, but let me explain. It all begins with our parents, from whom we first experience and learn about love and human interaction. Everything we do later in our lives in pursuit or service of love, is influenced in some way by our understanding of human relationships that we first learned from our parents in childhood. In many ways, the love we seek as adults is actually driven by a search for the rediscovery of love we felt from our parents as children, a sort of quest for that lost paradise of childhood. Our parents made us feel loved during our developmental years, so we long to feel loved again as adults. That all sounds fine and dandy, but the problem is that parent-child relationships are often far more complicated. As most of us know, no parent is perfect, and the process of parenting always involves emotions other than love. In order to be perceived as attractive, a potential partner must often display a capacity to reconnect us with our childhood feelings – all of them. These can include feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, anxiety, and yes, anger. If your parents were overly critical and distant, you might find yourself attracted to people with similar qualities, people who constantly deny you the approval and absolution you seek. If your parents were overly submissive, you might seek partners who frustrate you with their lack of initiative or assertiveness. In finding love, we often end up choosing partners who allow us to suffer in the ways we need to suffer, in order to relive the dynamics of our childhood that we innately associate with “true” love.

Role Reversal

In some cases, the parent-child relationship doesn’t always manifest in our choosing partners with similar flaws as our parents. Occasionally, we take on the role of our flawed parent, and act out the same dynamic with our partner, with him/her on the receiving end of our parent’s failings. We might constantly put our partners down or leave them uncertain of where they stand in the relationship. We might compare them to others or complain constantly about their shortcomings Either way, in our relationships, we seem doomed to seeking out the fault of our parents in our partners, or to act out these faults with our partners. Such relationship dynamics are, of course, unhealthy, but oftentimes unavoidable. The cruel and slightly hilarious irony of all this is that we end up being attracted to the kinds of relationships that our upbringings leave us most woefully ill-equipped for. Those of us who are attracted to mysterious, distant individuals, are the ones least able to deal with the long silences and feelings of separation. Those of us drawn to strong-willed, agonistic partners, are the ones whose parental abuse leave us afraid of and unwilling to deal with confrontation. The failings that most draw us in, are precisely the ones that we are least able to handle.

Love amidst hate

But wait, before you pick up your phone to break up with your partner, know that there is still hope. Thankfully, just being aware of all this can be the first step to a healthier, happier relationship. These vestigial ties to our unhealthy childhood relationships lie hidden below the surface, but knowing about them allows us to yank them out of our subconscious mind, and into our waking consciousness. By knowing about the troubling dynamics that drive your infuriating relationship with your partner, you can learn to break these habits, and steer your relationship in the direction you wish through present self-correction. If you’re acting out at your partner in the same ways your parents acted towards you, try putting your partner in the shoes of childhood you. How did you feel? How did you wish your parents would have treated you instead? Now, in a peculiar way, you have the power to correct the past failings of your parents. Resist the urge to be judgemental or to make an unnecessary point. Ditch the silent treatment and passive aggression. Be a nicer version of your flawed parent. If you’re finding negative traits of your parents in your partner, imagine yourself as a person with, well, better parents. In dealing with the same frustrations that your parents put you through, try imagining how a mature person without the same issues as you would deal with them. Resist the urge to fight against your partner the way you wish childhood you had fought back against your parents. Be the person you wish to be, not the person your parents raised. Perhaps the way to a better relationship lies in recognizing its connections to the troubles of our past, and accepting that we’re with our partners not just in spite of their shortcomings, but because of them. Top Image Credit  

Shortly after entering the working world, I began to notice something rather surprising; a large number of Singaporean adults – larger, really than I expected – actually believe in astrology. I considered: Why? Why do these people, otherwise completely rational and intelligent human beings, subscribe to something so ludicrous? Could they be seeing something I’m not? Before you continue reading, know that you have the right to believe whatever you want. Read on with an open mind, or not at all. You’ve been warned.

LACK OF EVIDENCE, LAPSE OF LOGIC

Try to explain logically how astrology works; you can’t. It is a mass cultural delusion that manifests in a belief that the positions of celestial bodies in the galaxy from the frame of reference of Earth at the time of one’s birth somehow impact the events of one’s life and development of one’s character. It is, in the truest definition of the word, nonsense. Could the stars be emitting some sort of radiation detectable from Earth that affects the activity of neurons in our brains? Well, no. Aside from our sun, we don't receive any significant amount of radiation from the stars or planets that could affect our biochemistry. Even if we did, the radiation would just give us skin cancer, not make us “curious and energetic” or “possess a great sense of humour”. Could there be some hidden explanation for astrology that science has yet to quantify and uncover? Sure. Could there be tiny leprechaun-mermaids living at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? Possibly. But just because we can’t disprove it definitively, doesn’t mean we should believe it. As it stands right now, like leprechaun-Ariel, astrology has no place whatsoever in the realm of logic. Chances are, however, that logic doesn’t usually factor into a belief in astrology. Most horoscope-believers would gladly submit that their beliefs make no rational sense, and that they believe in astrology only because of what they’ve experienced personally. “I know it makes no sense, and I can’t explain it, but I’ve experienced it first-hand; I’ve seen it work with my own eyes.” Fret not. I’ll address that too.

PSYCHOLOGICAL BIAS AND BELIEF MANIPULATION

With so many believers, surely astrology must work, right? Well, it does, in a manner of speaking. Unsurprisingly, astrology works in very much the same way as psychic readings, tarot cards, séances, and other such rackets. It works on a very simple psychological phenomenon known as confirmation bias. In essence, confirmation bias is the natural tendency people have to focus on evidence that confirms their beliefs, and ignore all evidence to the contrary. It affects everyone, you and me included. Horoscope writers rely on this innate cognitive bias to provide readings that people will more likely confirm than refute. They use vague, broad statements with very slim chances of being wrong, and allow the reader to draw connections on his/her own. For example, your horoscope for this month might say something like, “You should be open to new experiences.” A week later, your friend invites you to try out flow-riding at Sentosa’s Wavehouse for the first time in your life, and you think, “Oh my god, my horoscope was right!” But really, is it that unbelievable for you to be having at least one new experience in an entire month? Last month, you tried out that restaurant for the first time. Next month, you might have your first ever colonoscopy. Had that particular horoscope been shown to you on any other month, it would probably have been accurate too! In scientific research, confirmation bias is a huge problem too. Researchers often accord greater attention and credence to results that confirm their hypotheses, while trying to ignore contradictory evidence. Thankfully, this bias is addressed in the scientific method through a practice known as the “blinded experiment”. What this does, put very simply, is prevent the people collecting data from knowing the purpose of said data, and the people creating the hypotheses from handling the data collection and analysis, thereby rendering confirmation bias impossible.

YOU CONTROL YOUR LIFE, NOT THE STARS

For many, a belief in astrology is harmless fun, and maybe they’re right. Unfortunately, advocating the false idea that some uncontrollable celestial force influences your life leads to a dissociation of cause and effect, and a destructive “not my fault” attitude that permeates the present cultural landscape and erodes the rigour of rational inquiry. “Sure, I’m insecure, but my horoscope says I’m supposed to be. Why should I change who I am?” If you only use your horoscope as motivation to get out and do fun, meaningful things, then awesome, more power to you. But if you use horoscope readings to excuse certain character traits and judge people you don’t even know, you should go ahead and book that one-way trip to Mars. I hear you can see the stars very clearly from there. <a href=" Image Credit

“Mankind does not strive for happiness; only the Englishman does that.” - Friedrich Nietzsche Someone recently asked me, “What do you really want from your life?” I said, “To be happy.” But even as the words came out of my mouth, I felt like I was copping out. What kind of a bullshit non-answer is that? Of course, everyone wants to be happy, but do we know how? Or why? No matter which angle you look at it from, modern 21^st Century society seems possessed by an underlying obsession with happiness. We see it in every facet of our lives, from work, to healthcare, to literature, to art. An array of doctors, psychiatrists, HR managers, and self-help “gurus” constantly stand at the ready to ensure our continued happiness, and prescribe all manner of drugs, counselling, vacations, and motivational texts to correct any deviation from the set path of bliss. The happiness mandate permeates our culture in ways we simply cannot escape. But, why? Why are we so obsessed with being happy, and could our obsession actually be harmful?

NEITHER NEW NOR LIBERAL

The root of compulsory happiness lies in a socioeconomic ideology known as neoliberalism. Put simply, neoliberalism is the idea that the economy should be free from government restrictions, and that people should have the individual freedom to purchase or sell whatever they desire on the free market by way of demand and supply. Put very simply – imagine the younger, rebellious cousin of capitalism, who hates rules and just wants to be free. In a neoliberal economy, anything can be monetized. Regardless of whether consumers are paying for booze, clothes, food, or even sex (which is legal in Singapore), the neoliberal economy runs on one common commodity: happiness, or, each individual’s personal idea of happiness. “If it makes you happy, you can buy it,” says the neoliberal. Don’t know what makes you happy? Don’t worry, let advertising tell you. Of course, there isn’t any country in the world whose government subscribes fully to the neoliberal model, but its principles of individual freedom and free market consumerism apply to every capitalistic economy in the world, including those that pretend to still be communist *cough* China *cough*. As neoliberalism peddles happiness to the people that consist the economy, it also relies on happiness to survive. It is a known fact in economics that happy people spend more money. They go to restaurants, clubs, theme parks, and shopping malls more often, and spend proportionately more. The “work hard, play hard” adage is the mantra of the neoliberal economy, which espouses making more money and spending more money to feed into the wheel of peddled happiness that drives our society. Is this all wrong? I don’t know. Maybe this is how society is supposed to work. Or maybe we’re all just overconsuming on an endless happiness treadmill until we get numb from our blessings and constantly stay unsatisfied until we fall off. I can tell you how it is, but I can’t tell you how it should be.

EQUALITY OF EMOTIONS

If human emotions were J.K. Rowling characters, happiness would be Harry Potter. Everything revolves around that kid; it’s annoying. We constantly glorify happiness, while vilifying the other emotions of the spectrum, classifying them as “disorders” that need to be dealt with. Jimmy’s always sad? He suffers from depression. Jane gets angry at the slightest thing? She has anger management issues. Johnny’s deathly afraid of that one thing? He’s got a phobia. How about Phoebe, who’s constantly smiling and cheerful all the time? Oh, she just has a really fun, bubbly personality. Isn’t she lovable? There is a popular misconception that emotions somehow conflict with logical reasoning; the battle between the heart and mind, as some would conceptualize it. This could not be further from the truth. Modern scientists believe that emotions are tools that our brains use to organize and expedite rational thinking. Every emotion has a crucial function, not just happiness. If they didn’t, our brains wouldn’t have evolved them in the first place! Happiness acts as a sort of positive feedback mechanism, as in, “This is good for you, keep doing that.” Anger allows us to perceive injustice and wrongdoing more acutely, and respond in kind, as in, “That guy just tried to steal my goat and burn down my farm. I probably shouldn’t let him get away scot-free.” Sadness, as an inverse of happiness, acts as a negative feedback mechanism, saying, “This is bad, don’t let it happen again.” Fear helps to keep us alive, as in, “Don’t poke that venomous snake with your fat sausage fingers, you dumb buffoon.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not glorifying or trivializing conditions like depression and anxiety. These are problems that must be addressed, but demonizing and rejecting their underlying emotions while exalting happiness above all is equally dangerous. What advice do we normally give to people who are depressed or angry? We say, “cheer up, buddy”, “take it easy”, “stay positive”. Simply telling someone to ignore their other emotions and just “be happy” is terrible advice. It promotes the notion that happiness is only in someone’s head, that it’s a personal responsibility that others can wash their hands off. Our collective obsession with personal inner happiness can cause us to ignore valid grievances, enable exploitation, and tolerate external injustice that shouldn’t be tolerated at all.

EVERY EMOTION HAS ITS DAY

While all-pervasive in our neoliberal-capitalist society, our compulsive desire for happiness might paradoxically be pushing us away from really being happy. We pursue economically-serving surrogates for happiness like overpriced bags and cars that let us pretend we’re happy, while setting us on a downward spiral towards depression as we chase mandatory happiness in the face of ignored hardship, and repeatedly find ourselves falling short. We ask ourselves, “Why am I not good enough to get that raise?” or, “How can Suzanne afford that Louis Vuitton bag when I cannot?” Perhaps, a healthy mental state requires embracing all our emotions to build a more robust sense of harmony and inner peace, where we can be truly happy with who we are, because the pursuit of happiness can only be healthy when balanced and grounded with its accompanying emotions. Or maybe, the neoliberals had it right all along, and running endlessly on the happiness treadmill is truly the meaning of life. What do you think?