It seems Singaporeans are not quite done with picking on our men in uniform. In a letter published on All Singapore Stuff recently, contributor Elaine ranted about the recurring massive jams around the White Sands area on Friday nights. Blaming parents who drive and park around to pick up their sons from army, she wants “these parents and army boys to know what kind of confusion and delays they have caused”, and that they “are enjoying their conveniences at the expense of other innocent motorists!” Airing grievances such as having to “get stuck for at least 15 minutes to get out of that place,” she calls for MINDEF to take action. She then reproaches the parents for “pampering their boys whom are serving their NS”, even making remarks like “Are these boys paralysed? Or need to be spoon fed?” and “So these army boys are what? VIPs?” Perhaps this is what she expects from all of us:

Constant Public Scrutiny

Thanks to ‘Stomp culture’, our poor NSFs have gotten their unfair share of being slammed and ridiculed for the most ludicrous reasons. How many times have you seen reports calling out soldiers for taking up seats on public transport? Our soldiers deserve a seat as much as we do. There is no law stating that they cannot take up a seat on the train, and yet it's not rare for them to be shamed for doing just that. Like in this report, where the writer so conveniently crops the empty seat out of the photo, making the NSF look inconsiderate for not giving up his seat to an elderly woman.

Or this lady commuter, who is so affected by the “air pollution” from NSFs who book out every Friday.

The Adverse Effect Is Real

These young men go through grueling weeks in camp serving the nation, and when they're out, they have to put up with such criticism. Because of the constant public scrutiny, the fear of public condemnation among NSFs is real. A post on SAF Confessions tells of how two recruits were standing hesitantly, unsure of whether or not to sit, even though the train was empty.

Evidently, they are not the only ones. This photo shared by Facebook user Teguh Budiman, is captioned “Sad what public media has done isn’t it.”

This social experiment by The Hidden Good is another good example of how uncomfortable our NS men are when in the public eye. Even when a seat was put up just for them, no one took a seat. Sad, isn’t it?

Going Beyond Military Duties

The NSFs in our country have done plenty of good and we thought it would be good to shine a light on their service to the nation, even when off-duty.

Like this soldier, who walked hand-in-hand with an elderly man as he went to purchase a tooth brush. It is especially heartwarming as it was a random stranger who grabbed onto his arm out of the blue.

Kudos to these men for their acts of kindness too: Noticing Madam Loh Ngiuk Lan with her wheelchair-bound mother-in-law, this group of RSAF soldiers physically carried the wheelchair-bound elderly up the stairs because the lift wasn’t working. These soldiers, who weren't in uniform, even offered to return to carry Mdm Loh’s mother-in-law down the stairs again when they were done.

This group of off-duty SAF medics spotted an elderly woman with a bandaged head and immediately stepped forward, using their professional skills to help her.

There was also this kind NSF soldier who found a wallet and went all the way to the owner's home to return it to her.

And this sweet lieutenant, Tee Chze Hao, who helped carry a little girl as her mother's hands were full with things and their destination was quite a distance away.

Give Them A Break

The next time you go off on a tirade about these NSFs, spare a thought for them. Stop snapping and shaming. While it may seem like nothing, such hurtful remarks can have a big impact on the countless men who toil to protect us. Give them a break, and more importantly, give them the respect they deserve. Also read 10 Brutal Punishments We Suffered As Kids – As Told By Singaporeans

Those of you familiar with American TV shows will probably be familiar with kids getting grounded or being made to eat veggies when they misbehaved. For us Singaporeans, discipline takes on quite a different shape and form. We spoke to some Singaporeans about the way they were punished as kids. Some of these are so extreme, you'll realize how good you had it as a kid!

1. Kena whack by all sorts of things

A classic punishment most of us have been through and survived is caning. Some of our parents were so sadistic, they made us choose our own canes at the mama shop. We happily chose our favourite colour and the smallest one because child logic says the smaller, the better. We would eventually come to realise how very wrong we were. Some of us would hide the canes or secretly break them or throw them away, but that wouldn't stop our parents. Even if the cane broke mid-whooping, the horror would continue and we would run around the house, screaming as our parents chased us down with belts, rulers, hangers, feather dusters, and even back scratchers. #goodtimes One girl, Samantha, was even forced to wear a short-sleeved shirt and shorts to school to show the marks from her caning, leaving one to wonder if the pain from the caning or the public shaming was the real punishment.

2. Being made to kneel everywhere, on everything

Kneeling on a washing board, kneeling on coins, being made to kneel through the night without sleep, facing the wall or in front of the altar... Eugene's dad made him kneel on an abacus! And that's not all. After half an hour, when his skin seemed like it was about to tear, his dad got him to kneel on sandpaper! And the offence? Failing his Primary 6 Chinese exam.

3. Being locked in

As a child, getting locked in can be terrifying, as in the case of 3-year-old Daniel, who was locked in the toilet at night, with no lights on. It could have been just 5 minutes, but it felt like a lifetime, leaving him with a fear of the dark to this day. For Melissa, who refused to go to school because they changed her teacher, her mum tied her leg to a table's leg and left her in the room for hours.

4. Being locked out

Breaking curfew usually led to us being locked out. For Oliver, it was an especially cold punishment as he was locked out in the freezing London weather. Ubaidah, who used to fight verbally with her younger brother often, got locked out with her brother by her dad so they could fight as much as they wanted. He told them they won’t be allowed in until he saw blood, although of course, that didn't happen. Some fathers take ‘throwing you out’ quite literally, as did Chun Seng's, who was physically carried and thrown out of the house.

5. Being used as target practice

Jamie lost her wallet and didn’t dare to tell her parents. Her mum got so angry when she found out, she threw a dictionary at her.

6. The passive aggressive treatment

Some of our parents would ignore us, filling us with guilt by saying absolutely nothing at all. We'd question if they've stopped loving us and end up apologising. Clarice ended up with no dinner because she fiddled with food previously.

7. These ones are just sibei jialat

Eugene thought kneeling on an abacus and sandpaper was enough a punishment for failing his Chinese exam, but his dad didn’t think so. At 12 years old, he was picked up from school by his dad, driven further away from home, and then told to get off the car and to walk home himself. One mum learnt from some of her friends to force-feed daughter, Belle, chili-padi. When she refused to open her mouth, she ended up rubbing it all over her lips. As a Primary school kid, the spiciness stung horribly. Wen suffered a similar demise, with her mum applying chili sauce on her lips like lip gloss.

8. The prize for most creative punishment goes to...

As shared by Annabelle, her dad wrapped her up with a cloth and hung her on the wall when she was about 2 years old. What are some unforgettable (or unorthodox) methods your parents have used to punish or discipline you? Let us know in the comments! Also read, 15 S’poreans Share The Sweetest Thing Their Partner Has Done That Will Make You Say ‘Spoil Market’ (Top Image Credit: Oi Vietnam)

Since news broke of the <a href=" of Anderson JC and Serangoon JC; Meridian JC and Tampines JC; Yishun JC and Innova JC; and Pioneer JC and Jurong JC yesterday, social media has been abuzz with mixed reactions. While the 2019 merger is important to deal with issues of falling enrolment, to many students and ex-students, it also means losing a part of who they are. We asked some of the ex-students of the affected JCs to share their thoughts on the merger and pay their tributes to their alma maters. This is what they had to say.

Serangoon JC

1. “When I entered SRJC, we were the last choice. A JC nobody wanted to be identified with. Look how far we've come as a JC, largely because of one man's faith and plans – Principal Tan Teck Hock, who came and made sweeping changes, initiating events such as the Will Run, Teachers' concert as well as Mr Tan's immense work in not only improving grades across the board but also teaching valuable life lessons, instilling self-belief in many students, and creating a bonded, healthy culture in SRJC. Thank you to all the teachers who were genuinely concerned about students and who worked really long hours in order to help students with their grades, character and performance. We'll miss the good ol' days and the canteen! On the merger, I hope they will keep the Will Run event at least.” – Andy, Class of 2008. 2. “I feel that it’s a pity, but it can’t be helped. I think the statement that the merged JC will have an equal share of staff is irrelevant. Many of our memories are tied to the location of the campus. I'll visit SRJC before it moves, but that’s about it. I probably won’t donate or be able to call SRJC my alma mater anymore. Thanks for the caring teachers who never gave up on me. Without them, I wouldn’t have gotten into uni. I hope SRJC will exist again in the future” –  Barry Choo, Class of 2010. 3. “WHY NEED TO MERGE. Walau! SRJC was really special to me. It was where I had the fondest memories. I made such great friends there, both students and teachers, ran my first 13km because of Will Run, had the opportunity to perform in the 25^th Anniversary musical, became a more cultured lady because of literature night. Laughed so much during Thanksgiving, went to Li Jiang, picked up rock climbing... there is so much more I love about SR. To think that SR will be no more is SUPER SAD.” – Anonymous, Class of 2015.

Tampines JC

4. “Holistically, it’s benefiting for TPJC to be merged with MJC. The former trails behind the latter in most aspects, hence it benefits from being absorbed into an institution with a renowned academic and co-curricular system. Despite its shortcomings, TPJC has been an integral aspect of my personal development. Life goes on, aim and achieve.” – Anonymous, Class of 2011. 5. “I’m ambivalent. It’s sad to see that a part of our memories with the college will be gone, given that the merger would result in the new JC taking the current site of MJC. However, I'm heartened to know that the merger would mean the ability to offer a good range of subject combinations and CCAs for future students.” – Shanen, Class of 2010. 6. “I just think that it basically overrides all the years of culture and memories that have been built there. Demolishing it is one thing, but to merge with another school? It's just like a slap in the face. I've long graduated from the school, and many of those I interacted with then are now already in other places, but I believe that we all have a special place for TPJC in our hearts. The school might be physically demolished eventually, the name might be gone, but the memories will never fade.” – Mel, Class of 2008.

Innova JC

7. “I'm quite reluctant for IJC to merge with YJC because IJ had a very unique culture where all 4 houses, though competitive, were very close! I don't know how the culture will change with the introduction of YJC. Our uniform and school facilities are also nicer. I really enjoyed my time at IJC and I hope that things don't change too much!” – Deborah, Class of 2013. 8. “The merging of our JC shocks many Innovians, partially because our school is relatively 'new'. Many of us remember the journey of trying to establish an 'Innovian identity' together and trying to explain to others where 'Innova JC' is to many of our friends and family. All Innovians definitely have great memories of Innova, and we definitely hope that Innova won't be forgotten. Innovian pride and memories, forever and always.” – Valerie, Class of 2009. 9. “It takes away the unique culture of every JC. There will be so many changes people need to adapt to with the JC merger, and it will dishearten many. Change can be good, but personally, it's just the way the change was done that did not sit well with me – a change that was made without consulting with the people in the JC community, like it was just said and done like that, without any prior notice. Those in the JCs are just expected to follow it. Thanks for the experience you've given me, IJC. I was really blessed to have had the teachers I got. Thank you for your endless efforts to arrange slots for extra classes, consultations and just giving that extra help. Honestly, A-Levels is not just an exam that tests one's knowledge and capability in the academics. For me, it was also a test of my physical, emotional and mental aptitude and resilience. Thank you Mr DeSilva for always guiding us with your leadership advice! Honourable mentions to Ms Marian Thng, Ms Wani, Mdm Chitra, and Ms Krystle Lau.” – Annabelle, Class of 2017

Jurong JC

10. “As alumni, I'm not in favour of the idea, because the merger will affect the school's original culture and a change in the school's building means the loss of many memories I have there. JJC provided me a platform for self-improvement through my CCA touch rugby, as well as a great faculty to help me achieve the best A-Level grades I could possibly wish for. To current students, I sincerely hope that you will enjoy your stay there, even if great changes are about to happen.” – X.Tan, Class of 2012. 11. “I feel sad that our school will merge because of low intake. But I hope our future juniors will still enjoy their time in this newly merged school. I'll forever remember the Funan hard times because I learnt a lot there, both in academics and in character. JJ JJ is the best!” – Ye Min Sunn, Class of 2010. 12. “It’s sad that I won't be able to visit Jurong JC campus anymore and that my teachers will be reshuffled. Thanks JJ for the two years, you made my life complete.” – Anonymous, Class of 2016.

Anderson JC

13. “It definitely feels weird, as it would likely be a mix of different cultures. But if this move is really needed to better the JC experience, then Non Mihi Solum (not for myself alone - the AJC motto). I hope AJC can continue to achieve as a merged entity, and strive for greater heights.” – BW, Class of 2009. 14. “I will definitely miss the days I've spent there. I guess since AJ is rather prestigious, its prestige will be diluted if merged with another JC.” – Min, Class of 2013.

Meridian JC

15. “I feel a little sad, but coming from an educator's point of view, it is the logical thing to do. Many secondary schools have merged recently and it was only a matter of time before it happened to the JCs. It was a great time being in MJC, and while MJC and TPJC may merge in 2019, fond memories of being in Meridian will not be tainted!” – Anonymous, Class of 2010. 16. “I’m quite taken aback. I had two wonderful, fulfilling years with Meridian and it's sad to hear that they'll be merging with another school. It would be difficult for the teachers who want to stay in Meridian but end up getting redeployed. With this merger, there will also likely be a change of school name, and the identity and culture of the school might get diluted, which is an unsettling thought. It's not enough to have a dedicated heritage site, because physical objects can only do so much. It's the everyday life and spirit that makes the difference. I will always be proud to be a Meridian.” – Angela, Class of 2007.

Yishun JC

17. “I’m slightly upset. I feel that the culture of the JC might be gone. YJ felt like a second home to me. YJ itself had a rich history and to merge with another JC means a change in that. And it'll never be the same again. Florescat Concordia” – Anonymous, Class of 2012. 18. “I don't like it. The merger would change the culture YJ has built in the past 29/30 years. YJ will do well without Penguin” – Germaine, Class of 2012.

Pioneer JC

19. “I have mixed feelings about it as it feels as if my JC will not be around anymore even though I know this isn’t the case. But it also means a new beginning for the school, so I look forward to seeing what the future holds for it. I had a good time during my time there, thank you for the memories!” – Anonymous, Class of 2014. 20. “This is too out of the blue. Hopefully, they will still be able to retain part of our school's name in the new name for the merged school. Hopefully the teachers from both schools will adapt well in the new school.” – Anonymous, Class of 2014. “A little bit sad because there’s no more alma mater and there's no place you can 'return to' in future. Nonetheless, thank you for the beautiful memories!” – Ika, Class of 2008. Are you from one of the 8 merging JCs? Let us know your thoughts or pay your tributes in the comments below! Also read 15 S'poreans Share The Sweetest Thing Their Partner Has Done That Will Make You Say 'Spoil Market'

Over the years, we’ve seen celebrity couples come and go and while celebrity breakups seem to be the norm rather than the exception, there are still a handful of them we can’t seem to get over. Here are 10 Singaporean celebrity couples we always thought were endgame but that just didn’t work out. Pass the popcorn.

1. Rosalyn Lee & Justin Vanderstraaten

This also very good-looking couple were together for 2 years before they tied the knot in Los Angeles–Allan’s hometown–in December 2003. Fast forward 9 years, they have 2 kids, moved to Shanghai, ended their marriage in 2016 and then moved back here to Singapore. The reason for their split remains unknown as the couple would rather keep it private.

4.    Naomi Neo and JianHao Tan

Just as Dee Kosh had predicted, this pair ended things in January this year. Hands down the most dramatic breakup of all time, the two dated since 2015 and over time, their relationship grew abusive—both mentally and physically. Things started to get really blown out of proportion when they took to social media to voice their anger. What ever happened to not airing your dirty laundry in public?

6.    Jaime Teo & Daniel Ong

After 9 years together, former Miss Singapore Universe, Jaime Teo, and ex-radio DJ, Daniel Ong, decided to dissolve their marriage in 2016. They both still work together on their business venture, Twelve Cupcakes, and have a daughter they co-parent. We said goodbye with heavy hearts but are glad they can put their issues aside for their daughter’s sake. Now, that's what you call an amicable split.

7.    Jamie Yeo & Glenn Ong

Dated in 2001, married in 2004, divorced in 2009. For a long time, Glenn bore the brunt of the blame for the breakup, until Jamie revealed in an interview in 2015 that she was the cause of it. Both have since moved on and married other people, but it’s hard for us to forget that these two were once lovebirds.

8.    Vernetta Lopez & Mark Richmond

Here’s a real #tbt – DJs Vernetta Lopez and Mark Richmond were once in love and married. After 9 years together, this power couple annulled their marriage in 2003. Vernetta recently published a book titled ‘Memoirs Of A DJ’, and in it she writes about how Mark cheated on her, as well as the events that followed after. Let’s just say current relationship status? Divorced and pissed off.

9.    Bobby Tonelli & Joanne Peh

Radio DJ Bobby Tonelli and actress Joanne Peh ended their 4 year relationship in 2013. It seemed like a match made in heaven, but as it turns out, Joanne felt they were both on different pages and had different goals in life. Poor Bobby, our hearts are with him.

10. Benjamin Kheng & Sandra Riley Tang

Though they've never spoken publicly about this, something definitely went on and fizzled out between these two in the past. Subtle hints from photos on social media, however, show that the two members of The Sam Willows are no longer together. The flawless pair who got us swooning over their good looks and even better vocals still work together… Awkward much?

Fret Not!

With every one of these breakups, our faith in love has wavered a little and our hearts were left a little more broken than before. Love is a risk and it can be unpredictable—one moment you’re in love, the next, who knows? That’s just the way love works. While we can't make ourselves completely invulnerable to heartbreak, there are actually small ways we can protect ourselves. In time for Valentine’s Day and for hearts potentially breaking all over Singapore on this “special” occasion, Insurance Market has designed a totally unique Broken Heart Insurance to insure against a broken heart. Basically, you insure yourselves in the lead up to Valentine’s Day (from now till 13^th Feb) and on Valentine’s Day itself, in the event of a heartbreak, you file a claim by submitting your heartbreak story. As a small consolation to a really crappy situation, you stand to receive two movie tickets. A sweet and definitely unusual gesture by the new fully online insurance brokerage, Insurance Market. To get insured, head down to their website and get your heart covered for Valentine's Day!

Since 21 January 2017, in response to Donald Trump’s inauguration as President of the United States, a series of political rallies known as Women’s Marches occurred around the world to promote women’s rights. The movement began in Washington, D.C. and spread to 673 marches in 34 countries worldwide, including Asian countries Japan, South Korea, and India, with global attendance numbering in the millions. Singapore, however, is not on that list of countries. Of course, one could be content with the explanation that the Trump issue is too far removed from our shores for us to care enough. However, as one of Asia’s most developed nations alongside Japan and South Korea, and one with a large American expatriate and student population, Singapore’s absence from such a major global movement should surely raise the glaring issue of free expression and the right to dissent in Singapore. As many of you should know, protesting is illegal in Singapore outside of licensed protests in Hong Lim Park’s Speakers’ Corner. If that sentence made you frown in confusion or laugh out loud, you’re probably not Singaporean. “Protesting is illegal”, “licensed protests”, “Speakers’ Corner” – it all sounds like a bad comedy – one that Singaporeans have grown numb to. Around the world, Singapore is known as an Orwellian dystopia of silent obedience, where almost all dissent is effectively repressed by the law, draconian punishments are meted out in disproportionate spades, and everyone is so used to the oppression that the country actually operates rather peacefully; it’s almost like a North Korea done right. Ask any citizen of almost any other “first-world” nation if protesting is legal in their country, and the answer will almost invariably be, “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” The right to dissent is seen elsewhere as a basic human right. Not here, though. Some would argue that the restricting of protests is necessary for socioeconomic stability in a country, but as all the developed nations of the world that afford their citizens the freedom to protest highlight, that is all a crock of shit. Stability and freedom of expression are not mutually exclusive. One needs simply to be equipped with the maturity and open mind required to handle discourse and dissenting opinion. In any discussion about protests in Singapore, many would point to the race riots of 1964 and 1969, Hock Lee bus riots of 1955, and Chinese middle school riots of 1956, and go, “See? That’s what happens when people protest.” This argument, however, fails to consider that these events happened over 50 years ago. A lot can change in 50 years; our society is now more educated than ever, and well-informed of events around the world. To assume that we would simply devolve into the same horrible behaviour of our forefathers given the opportunity would be incredibly pessimistic and insulting to the intelligence of modern Singaporeans as a whole. We are not rabid animals waiting to tear each other apart at the slightest provocation. Give us a chance to voice our grievances and concerns freely, and you might find a populace living with a far more robust sense of genuine belonging and purpose. How could we possibly develop a personal stake in a place whose government operates so far above the silent voices of the people, knowing that nothing we ever do or say will make any difference? To be fair, though, things are showing signs of getting better. In 2008, the government ruled that events held at the Speakers’ Corner would no longer require police permits, or be banned from using audio amplification devices, although organizers still had to register with the government-controlled National Parks Board. Peaceful demonstrations such as Pink Dot continue to be held there annually, attracting more attendees with each passing year. It is still comically ridiculous that protests must be restricted to one small area, but it admittedly is better than nothing. Do I wish to see a protest happening every other day in Singapore? Of course not. I like peace and quiet. I do, however, want to know that anyone with a grievance and a desire to make his/her voice heard in a public capacity has the right to do so without fear of being thrown in prison and caned on the backside. Because any country that forces its residents to internalize all their problems instead of freely expressing themselves in a peaceful way is forcing peace and stability upon its people rather than earning it. <a href=" Image Credit

I am Singaporean. I was born in Singapore to parents who are of Chinese descent. I also used to have a strong American accent. Now, let’s get all the usual questions out of the way. Was I faking it? No. Do I have an “ang moh” girlfriend or boyfriend? No. Am I “mixed”? Not that I know of. Did I study in America? Yes, for a semester. How did I pick up the accent so fast? Why and how did I lose it? Funny you should ask.

Adding To A Blank Slate

As many Singaporeans with accents should know, picking up a new accent as a Singaporean is actually incredibly easy. Why? Because the ‘Singapore accent’ is pretty much a blank slate. Everyone says that their own country’s accent is no accent at all, because that’s the one they’re most familiar with. In the case of Singapore, however, that might be especially true. The Singapore accent is defined almost entirely by a lack of what typically constitutes an accent. Intonation, emphasis – all of these are almost completely missing in the Singapore accent, which employs constant and unchanging monotone, loudness, and tempo. So lacking in tonal character is our accent, in fact, that we have to invent and add non-English words a.k.a. Singlish to our speech in order to convey any sense of emotion or nuance. With its minimalistic nature, the Singapore accent thus becomes surprisingly easy to overwrite when exposed sufficiently to another accent. You just have to talk to people.

Facing Judgement

There will always be a large portion of dyed-in-the-wool Singaporeans who believe that any Singaporean who speaks in a foreign accent is either “faking it” or just “not a true Singaporean”. Chances are, these people have either never lived overseas in other English-speaking countries, or lived overseas but refused to socialize actively with the locals. After returning to Singapore with an American accent that I couldn’t hide, I faced no small amount of judgement from this group of people. They just couldn’t fathom how a Singaporean could genuinely speak with an accent. They gave me funny looks, and snarky questions and comments like, “Why are you talking like that?”, “You’re faking right?”, “It feels so weird talking to you now,” or, “Your accent sounds confused.” Because apparently, the manner in which words came out of my mouth had to match up perfectly with my skin colour and nationality. Eventually, the stress and discomfort of being judged whenever I spoke and sounding different from everyone got to me, and I slowly lost my American accent. It took about a year before my accent was virtually undetectable, a much longer time than what it took for me to gain it, and sometimes I wonder if I should have stood up to the judgement and done more to maintain that part of me. Or perhaps it was just a matter of exposure, and there was nothing I could do. When a white person speaks with an accent in Singapore, no one bats an eye. But when an Asian speaks with an accent, tongues start wagging and eyebrows furrow with confusion. “Is he Singaporean?” “Is he ABC?” “Is he faking? I can’t tell.” How about you mind your own business, you racist little tw*t? Maybe, it's the strong sense of nationalism that our government has hammered into us from childhood, or maybe it's the irrationally strong connection we subscribe to between race and language, perpetrated by the 'mother tongue' syllabus. In any case, a modern, metropolitan Singapore would certainly be better off understanding that different people talk differently, and that's okay. Top Image Credit

It puts your memory to the test

Seriously, working at a cocktail bar is no joke. You need to have anything from a dozen to over a hundred cocktail recipes memorised, as well as knowledge of their variations and the ability to adapt according to taste profiles. You need to know when to shake and when to stir, when double straining a drink is needed (hint: it involves egg white). If you work at a bar that puts a large emphasis on spirits, you’ll have to be able to describe the nuances between say, a single malt scotch and straight bourbon whiskey. It’s a lot of fun and half the time you feel like a mixologist in a lab experimenting with flavours. Sure, it’s something that comes with practice but people always tend to underestimate the sheer volume of study that’s involved.

And yet, you’re often stereotyped as unintelligent

There’s just something about being a female bartender in Singapore. Sometimes even the most well-meaning people tend to associate ‘working in hospitality’ with ‘unintelligent’ or ‘unsophisticated’. It’s an unconscious bias that manifests itself unnervingly often - customers come off as patronising or condescending when addressing people in the service industry. It’s pretty ironic, given the level of memorisation involved in bartending. And that mentality tends to disregard the fact that many people have a life outside the bar. I’ve worked alongside a host of amazing women - some of them writers, painters and aspiring bar owners. Others are putting themselves through university. It’s not a lack of ambition or intelligence that saddles them with the job - to the contrary, it’s the incredible drive they possess to pursue their passion and make ends meet at the same time.

You get all the gossip

You know that recurring TV gag where a depressed dude plops himself down at a bar, orders ‘something strong’ and starts spilling his guts to the bartender? Well, this is more or less true. It’s a scenario that often plays out on a slow night during the work week. Something about bartending must make you approachable, because people tend to let their guard down and get really loose-lipped as the night wears on (this may or may not have something to do with the volume of alcohol consumed). Not only do you get to hear the juicy tidbits about people's love lives and careers, sometimes you get to witness it too!

And you learn how to read people

All hail Tinder and this rise of online dating. Bartenders become very astute at picking out whether a solitary drinker is actually 'waiting for a friend’ or a low-key Tinderer instead. You learn the tell-tale signs - they arrive to scout out the location, leave and then return. Or they order a drink at the bar and sit there nervously picking apart the coasters. You learn the do’s and don’ts of dating from afar. People watching, especially on a slow night at the bar, is the greatest teacher.

Unwelcome advances are part and parcel of the job

I've talked about female bartenders without mentioning the most obvious and unfortunate aspect of the job - unwelcome advances from customers. Lucky for me, while I was working I seldom felt harassed, and the most I’d get was verbal back and forth. Sometimes it was cheeky, sometimes it was just plain crude and sometimes (rarely) things would get handsy. To take a more optimistic view - rather than saying all men are crap - I try to attribute it to the pack mentality. You know, when a group of guys are drinking together and out to impress and out-do each other, so they act in ways they wouldn’t when alone. Still, no women should have to stand there and take lewd comments. So you do learn how to fend off their advances. You learn to read the room and whether the best response would be feigning obliviousness, humour, or calling their bluff with a sarcastic one-liner.

Friends before coworkers

One of the best things about bartending is that your coworkers and regulars become your family. You see them on a daily basis, navigate the ups and the downs as a team, and defend each other against drunken customers who are #thirstyaf. There are many ways to bond with people, but doing so over a beer is one of the most tried and trusted methods out there. Plus, working at a bar will eventually land you with a group of regulars. It’s a quid pro quo arrangement. You’re on a first name basis with them and remember their drink orders, while they often swing by with random novelty gifts from their travels… or maybe just Haribo candy to see you through a long shift. To quote the immortal words of Christina Aguilera (or James Brown, depending on how old you are), bartending is still widely thought of as a man’s, man’s, man’s world.  But the last few years have seen an explosion of female bartenders, especially the cocktail haunts of Ann Siang, Keong Saik and the CBD. Watch this space - they’re taking the all-boys club by storm!

Yesterday, Reddit user Atlas13666 posed this question to the Singaporeans of Reddit: What do you think of Singapore’s youth? In his original post, as a 19 year old and a youth himself, he shares his opinion of today’s youth as “kinda ignorant and narcissistic”. He goes on to say that most of his friends are more concerned with how many Instagram followers they have than on what they want to do in the future. This question invited a flurry of responses, and surprisingly, a large majority of them echoed the same sentiment: Give the kids a damn break. Some attributed their worry-free lifestyles to the fact that they grow up in much more fortunate circumstances.

At 19, our parents or grandparents were working because they had no choice. If this generation of young people have the luxury of caring only about their Instagram followers at 19, why not let them? They'll have time enough to care about adult things (house, car, finances) later on. Almost everyone is forced to grow up sooner or later. I don't mean that it's good that they only care about superficial things, but in the end, their loss. If you know what you want now, all the better for you. You'll have a headstart. - halfbakery

In the end, we all becomes adults when life demands it, and isn’t that all that matters? Why cut short your youth and rush into it?

Caring more about other things than the future is the privilege of a youth. They'll eventually learn otherwise. Haha for me as long as they don't commit crime or do stupid stuff can already - TheHungryTTK

Some were quick to associate people who are Instagram-obsessed with a lack of smarts

Anecdotally speaking, poly has a lot of those Instagram/clothes/popularity obsessed simple minded kids. Maybe about 70%. Never been to JC to see what that's like, though. - NervousDuckling

Some pointed out that generations have and always will be in conflict

People have bitched about the younger generation since time immemorial. - kronograf

Some pointed out that youth will be youth—today, 10 years ago and 10 years down the road—and they will always fixate on inconsequential matters

Ehh....its always been like that no? Today it's instagram, yesterday it was facebook, day before was friendster, day before was myspace. Wanna go further back? Week before it was who's best at chapteh, week before that was who's has the nicest marbles, week before that was who could get a perm. Youth = youth. We'll always be fixated on inconsequential things, because that's how we figure ourselves out. - lauises Reddiporeans in your 30s and above: seriously do you not remember what you were like when you were young? I do. I was a self-absorbed little shit who cared nothing more than what was hot at the time, what made me look the coolest, and what was the best thing to pretend to be passionate about so that I could impress girls. I used to write journals for years, and whenever I go back to reading them, I face-palm so hard my eyeballs pop out through the other side. When I'm not dying of cringe, I find my writing a fascinating look into the (complete lack of) depth of my knowledge and understanding of the world around me. The only problem with kids these days is that they have access to the internet which helps them advertise the stupid shit we all did. I for one am so glad I didn't grow up at a time of pervasive social networks. - rindojustrindo

Generally, the response was positive for today’s youth. Youth will be youth, whatever the state of technology and the trends passing through. The way I see it, kids today are growing up too fast, being pressured to perform and succeed from such a young age. So I say have fun, see the world through youth-tinted glasses, do sh*t you’ll regret in like, 20 years time. Growing up in Singapore is stressful enough as it is and there will come a time when we must all be adults. Maybe your peers judge and maybe the "adults" don't approve, but what does it matter? Use your Instagram, Snap like there is no tomorrow, and when the time comes when we are old and cringe at the antics we used to pull, blame it on our youth. Like the Reddit user above says, living in the now and focusing on the inconsequential are the privileges of our youth.

Study hard. Get a good job (whatever that means). Work hard to make money. So you can work harder to make more money. Buy expensive shit so you can impress people at work. Retire when you’re too old to physically go to work or enjoy the money you’ve made. Die. Ah, the Singaporean dream. Isn’t it a doozy?

You snooze you lose

An <a href=" recently published by The Straits Times revealed that, according to a study by SingHealth Polyclinics, more than 40% of Singaporeans are not clocking enough sleep on weekdays. I’m sorry, is anyone actually surprised by these findings? No shit, Sherlock. It’s hard to get enough sleep when so many of us are raging workaholics. We spend over 9 hours at work, not including overtime, spend an hour squeezing through train stations, then try to stretch our leisure time at home in a futile attempt at maintaining our sanity before finally collapsing into bed, only to slam the alarm clock the next morning and repeat the whole process again. Not too far off the mark, am I? You’re not the only one. “I’m not a workaholic! I like to take a break now and then.” Bullshit. You can be an alcoholic without drinking 24/7. We are constantly conditioned by corporations to work hard and play hard, to make more money and spend more money. We have been inducted by advertising into the belief that the more we consume, the happier we’ll be, so we sacrifice everything at the altar of greed and ‘career’. Our sleep, our health, our relationships, our ideals. We convince ourselves that we need to work and work and work some more to reach that fleeting feeling of satisfaction when we fill our lives momentarily with the next smartphone or pre-scheduled holiday or expensive bag. Our neoliberal greed-is-good economy has driven our society collectively insane, to the point where, as a certain famous movie character once said, “We buy shit we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.” We believe that economic growth is a necessity, that hyper-consumerism is the path to progress. We think that the only way to fulfil any sort of purpose in life is to work, buy stuff, and work some more. What if we’re wrong? What if the Singaporean Dream is bullshit? Maybe we should all just take a step back, and chill the f*ck out.

Embrace Boredom

“My father used to say that only boring people get bored. I used to think it’s only boring people who don’t feel boredom, so cannot conceive of it in others.” Aside from money, much of our motivation to pursue a life of relentless workaholism comes from our aversion to being bored. I’ve heard people say that if they stay at home and don’t work, they’d go crazy from the boredom, as if just being alive is such a chore that they need constant work to distract from the emptiness of existence. I’d submit that maybe the way to combat our rampant overworking and sleep deprivation is to simply open our minds to the idea of being bored. Boredom, ironically, is the mark of an interesting person, because he/she has the presence of mind and depth of thought to constantly seek more stimulating things. A boring person is never bored, because he/she absorbs himself in work and play, obsessing over unimportant things, never seeking anything new. Companies love boring people. They work intently all day, never allowing distractions from anything or anyone. They work longer hours than is required of them, and even continue working at home. They are so afraid of having nothing to do that they cling obsessively to their jobs like a sort of lifeboat saving them from the ocean of purposelessness. But when your job becomes your life, you leave little space for anything else, including your health. How can you go to sleep when you constantly think and talk about work and co-workers and KPIs, even when out of work? You try to distract yourself with video games and shows and social media, but all these only engage your mind further and drive your melatonin levels lower and lower, keeping you awake until you fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion, and wake up 4 hours later to your phone alarm blaring on repeat. Then you go to work with a hot cup of drugs a.k.a. caffeine in your hand and complain about how you didn’t get enough sleep and you’re sooo tired. Of course, some people genuinely have sleep disorders that prevent them from getting enough sleep, but not every sleepless workaholic is also a diagnosed insomniac. Many of us are just terrible at controlling our obsession with work and taking care of ourselves.

Work-life balance

We hear the term “work-life balance” thrown around a lot, but how many of us actually do enough to achieve it? According to Singhealth Polyclinics, less than 60% of us. If you’re one of the 40%, stressed, overworked, and sleep-deprived as all hell, perhaps try easing your grip a little. Start to understand that we may have more control over the stresses in our lives than we think, and just learn to switch off. Ignore work messages on your off days. Leave the office on time and go home early for dinner with your loved ones. Have unfinished work? Leave it for tomorrow. Deadlines can be postponed; assignments can wait; taking care of your health cannot. You can get a second job. You can’t get a second life.

We might be familiar with the old school Singaporean way of “proposing” during our parents' time. Your dad mentions that he had worked a couple of years and saved up before asking mum out for dinner and then popping the question, “Want to get a flat together?” However, that would probably not work in present day, where couples see proposals and Build-to-Order (BTO) flats as two separate entities. Proposals take elaborate planning and often occur in one romantic evening where the guy puts a ring on it (her), while BTOs take about 4 to 5 years of waiting and saving before it is completed. Although being proposed to by surprise might be what every girl (including myself) wants, marriage is still a lifelong commitment between my partner and me. And if getting our BTO is one (of many) obstacles that we are willing to work through together, then that would most likely eliminate the hesitation in my voice when it is time to say “I Do”.

Encouraging communication

The HDB website states a few options for flat types that both of you need to settle on as a couple. Before money comes into play, it is imperative that both of you <a href=" steps towards reaching a consensus about your future living situation. Perhaps it would make your partner and you look at your own flats that you live in with your parents a little differently, and that might encourage you to consider your own preferences on how you would want your own home to look like in the future. These choices, along with many others like whether or not to get a car, will encourage both of you to develop a shared vision together, making the big moment all the more special.

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S FINANCIAL HABITS FIRST

Finding out if your partner has a plan to save diligently or is leaving all the saving to you can be a make it or break it decision for most relationships. Registration fees, down-payments, insurance, and monthly housing loan instalments can be a huge burden to bear, and you would certainly want to tie the knot with someone who have worked out a plan to pay off these financial commitments equally. It might also be a good wake-up call for either of you if saving a large sum of money for purchasing property has never been a part of your to-do list until now. Downloading apps to track your spending or saving and setting up collective financial targets under a joint bank account would be the ultimate relationship goal for the both of you to get over any impulsive spending habits as a couple.

MORE MATURE CONVERSATIONS AND DECISIONS

Going on dates will still be an ongoing activity for the both of you but you will notice a difference in how you communicate. A walk through IKEA will no longer only entail making puns out of the Swedish-named furniture or cracking jokes over Swedish meatballs at the food court, it will also be about looking over furniture price tags and budgeting on what to fit in your new home together. The parents that you’ve spent most of your adolescence avoiding are the folks you want to have around more often now. You will start noticing how wise they are in their spending habits and decision-making, and you will begin to regret only talking to them when you wanted more allowance money back then. Very soon, you will wish that your partner or you will turn out to be like either one of your parents.

ROPING IN THE PEOPLE WHO DO CARE

In comparison to showing off a fairytale proposal, people rarely like to flash their financial woes on social media after getting a BTO. Immediate family and close friends are most likely the ones who will be there with you at the BTO signing and when you get your keys to your new flat. These are the people that will be there throughout the journey. They will also be the ones who will help in setting up that magical proposal or wedding in the end. You'll start to see and appreciate the people who stuck your side and helped you through the tough decisions. It'll help you mature and make you more comfortable in the dynamics of your extended social circles in the future.

CUT THE WAITING TIME

A BTO takes about 4 to 5 years to be completed. It will be a pain to wait that long after you've proposed or been proposed to. It can be tricky to also have to figure out the living arrangements after getting married and before the house comes. You’d definitely want to have your personal space with your other half in the shortest amount of time possible and getting the BTO application done and out of the way would reduce some of that stress. While you wait for the flat, you could put your energy into planning the proposal, spending more time with his or her family to know them better, and also narrowing down to the most auspicious date for the wedding. More connections with either side of the family would mean more invites and could also mean more cash coming in to fund your new home in the end. At the very least, you still get more blessings - which you will appreciate.

A MORE MEANINGFUL PROPOSAL

In hindsight, you’re way more aware about each other by going through a BTO first before proposing than vice versa. Yes it is not a complete surprise, but after working a year or two since securing the BTO, this public "I Do" would encompass all of the points above and create the most meaningful and worthwhile proposal possible. Because by then, you would have nailed down all the hard decisions and drawn up your ideal future map. Both of you would have agreed on the house you want, have had mature conversations, and discussed your plans to achieve it together. Your family and friends who have been with you on the journey will be by your side, and by the time he popped the question, you both will be well within reach of getting the keys to the flat.  Also read, These 15 Married Couples’ Wedding Hashtags Are 1000X Better Than Yours.