Tag: love

Falling in love is easy the first time. There are no qualms, no hesitation. You just dive in headfirst, blind to his flaws or the red flags screaming out at you. You have no insecurities, no fear of heartbreak, none of the mistrust that comes with ever having your heart broken. Love is a drug, and the first time you’ve had a taste of it, you wonder how you lived without it for so long--until the moment it all gets taken away from you. After your first heartbreak, you no longer see love with rose tinted glasses. Your once-broken heart is now forever tainted. The first time I met you, I was still bitter and I saw true love as nothing but a façade. I ignored you, I drank too much and I never laughed at any of your jokes. I closed off my heart, refusing to play the fool and fall a second time—I told myself I knew better this time. Maybe it was your resolute determination, maybe it was the way you reassured me when I had my doubts, but at some undeterminable point I began to trust you. I found it impossible to play it cool, your silly smile disarming me whenever I had a snarky reply to your cheeky pickup lines. Sometimes, I caught myself falling and it was terrifying. My first thought was to distance myself, to protect myself from getting hurt and disappointed again but sleeping next you felt like being in a cocoon of safety and warmth and I never wanted to leave. I wanted to bask in the warmth of your love that felt like the summer sun peeking out behind the clouds. The second time you fall in love, you are not blinded like the first time. I could see your flaws and I knew you were not perfect, but I chose to fall in love anyway. I could see the way your eyes shone when you spotted me from across the room, the way you hugged me protectively and kissed me goodnight on the forehead, the way you remembered everything I say, the way you took care of me when I was sick, the way you said you loved me despite my doubts about us. For the first time in a while, I have faith. A faith so strong it overcomes any fear I once had, because true love is not just passion. It also gives you the fear that the one you love will leave and disappoint you. But true love also gives you faith that your love is true and will overcome all obstacles against it.
You were once the world to me. We knew each other like the backs of our hands and spent nearly every waking moment together. There were days when being beside each other wasn’t enough, and there were days we got tired of each other—but the bottom line was always the same; we loved each other. At least, I hope we did.

You used to hold my hand every night and share with me all the ways you thought life was beautiful. You used to talk about how we would build a future together. We would stroll together, discuss the house we would live in, the children we would raise, the lifestyle we would lead, the home we would make. We would travel the world together and immerse ourselves in all the different cultures.

We were the couple everyone thought would stay together, forever.

And then one day it all vanished, leaving behind nothing but words left unsaid and the photos to prove that what we once shared was indeed real.

I was the one who let you go. I chose to give you up instead of work out our differences. You didn't want to walk away, but I made you. I cajoled and I begged and I was the one who pushed you away. I was the one who let you go, even as I doubted if there could ever be someone else who would love me the same.

When I watched you finally walk away, your back turned resolutely on me, I expected liberation; I expected relief to wash over me. At the very least, I expected guilt to come over me, guilt for not giving my all in fighting for us. But there was nothing of that sort. You simply crept away, into the dark of the night, and as quietly as you had entered. That day, you took something of mine with you. You took a part of me I knew only when I was with you.

With each day that passed since we agreed to go our separate ways, the void in me grew deeper. I wondered if it could ever be filled, and I asked myself time and again if I did the right thing. Can you ever truly let go of someone you still love?

Oftentimes, circumstances get the better of people and events play themselves out. We may have been lovers and best friends once who shared some of their best moments in life together, but all good things inevitably come to an end.

We started off as strangers, and we've come full circle—except now, we're strangers who know all of each other’s little secrets. There will come a day when we will look back on the times we shared together and be able to smile genuinely, but that day will not arrive quite so soon. It's a journey that only time can take care of.

In the meantime, it’s okay to dwell in the past every once in a while. It’s okay to reminisce the time you both burned that steak you tried to cook, the time you pieced together that impossibly huge jigsaw puzzle, the time you stayed up all night just revealing all your secrets to each other; the time you fell asleep on each others’ shoulders, how you tried to complete each others’ sentences, your miserable attempt at break dancing together.

With the passing of time, as with a million other inconsequential matters, the memories that were once vivid will gradually fade. The shared experiences will one day be relegated to the deep recesses of your mind, and you will be okay.

People tell you that healing is a long and arduous process, but one thing is for certain—it will happen. With the passage of time, even the most painful of memories fade away. When you’re finally able to sit yourself down and look at all your old photos without feeling that pang of regret or overwhelming sense of nostalgia, you know you’re getting there. I may have been the one who let you walk out of my life, but I think there are some people you love that you never really stop loving. You allow them to graduate from your life as a stranger, but you also remember how they have changed you and made you the person you are today.  So, this is how you let go of someone you love; you take them down from the pedestal and you allow yourself to forget, one shred of feeling at a time.   
The one who cares more, who loves more, loses--or so they say. In love and life, there are many unspoken rules and preconceived notions. Many of them lead us to think that we would be at the losing end of a relationship should we let slip and show that we truly care. It is better to pretend to have a devil-may-care attitude than to be known as the one who loves more. The one who loves more would be in an extremely vulnerable position just waiting to get taken advantage of. He or she would be someone who gets walked all over, the one with no semblance of self-respect or dignity--or so they make it out to be. Often times though, the one who cares more, who loves more, are the real brave souls. They are the ones willing to put themselves out there, in the face of hurt and rejection, simply to express their truest emotions from the bottom of their hearts. They are unafraid to show that they love you, that they genuinely care for you, and this goes far beyond any pride or uncertainty that comes with being the one who loves more. Be the one who loves more, so there will be no games, no room for overthinking. You will begin to see the beauty of a relationship sans the games and hidden connotations. If you love someone, just show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve and flaunt it proudly. Why bother masking this beautiful phenomenon reminiscent of a life well-lived? When you are finally able to look past the stigma that accompanies being the one who loves more, you will see for yourself that it is a truly liberating revelation. You can accord your loved ones the attention they deserve, the care and concern you think they should have and nothing else would matter. Nothing else should matter. When pride takes a backseat, love takes the front seat. Put aside societal expectations, go ahead and be the one who laughs louder, cries harder and yells longer. Go ahead and be the one who says "good morning" first, the one who says "good night" last. Go ahead and be the one who eats the lesser share of the pie, the one who gives up the jacket under cold conditions. There is no shame in that. In fact, being the one who loves more speaks volumes about one's self-esteem. Embrace rejection. It is okay to experience rejection, to feel the pain of heartache if it comes along. They are part and parcel of life. These are what make you strong. They are the precise events that shape you into who you are and who you will eventually be. Take a step back, feel the full force of your emotions and show it bravely to the world. Be the one who loves more, that's okay too.
Over the past 50 years or so, the landscape of love has changed. The way we love,  the places we look for it, and even the meaning of love has changed quite a bit. Now, love has truly become a game, and its rules are ever changing. Don't reply too quickly, it will look desperate! If you're not going to see him again, just make him pay for the meal. Ignore his texts, he'll get the idea. Dating in this day and age involves so many dos and do nots that sometimes, we can't help but wish things were simpler, like in the past. Here are 6 ways love is different now than it was in the past:    

1. Love Interest VS Love Tinderest

The nature of the chase back then was very different. Boy had to physically meet girl before a spark could be ignited. This happened in discos, coffee shops or through mutual connections. To get to know someone, you had to sit down and have a conversation. There was no shortcut. There weren't many things to do or places to go in the past but that was okay--the company of each other was enough. The modern love story, however, is quite different. We live in a Tinderella world where guy swipes right on girl, guy says "dtf?", girl says "sure", guy and girl tango and then never see each other ever again. Okay, maybe not all 21st century love stories go this way, but it's a growing number. Now, with all the dating apps we have on our phones, before we even meet someone in real life, we already know the who's who of their family, what they're interested in and what they had to eat 48 weeks ago. Stalking Research is the new normal when it comes to getting to know someone.

2. Attached VS It's (Very) Complicated

In the past, a guy had his eyes on one girl and he pursued her to the end. Stories of wooing, like, persistent, "she's the only one for me"-type wooing were extremely common  in our grandparents' generation. Men committed and love was a promise to be honored. Nowadays, people are a lot more fickle. The dating pool these days is not so much a pool as it is an ocean thanks to apps like Tinder, and there are just so many fishes in that sea. We're not just single or attached; we could also be in an open relationship, exclusive sex buddies, non-exclusive bed pals... and a whole variety of other things.

3. Private VS Public Displays Of Affection... Online

Before our generation of over-sharing couples who feel the need to share their couple selfies, relationship milestones and everything in between (including their dirty laundry) online, love was a private matter. It wasn't a secret, but it wasn't something you needed to announce to the world through a Facebook status change or bi-monthly couple selfies. The photos you took together were slotted into albums for the enjoyment of you and your closest friends and family. Back then, no one had to know the details. In our current era, if you're in love, it must be public. If it isn't, that's cause for concern because "why are you hiding our relationship?"

4. Let's Make Love VS Let's Netflix and Chill

In the past, sex before marriage was a big no-no--and that applied to both men and women. Men had to wait till the wedding night to de-flower his maiden. People were a lot more conservative about sex back then. Now, both boys and girls talk about sex over brunch like it's nothing. One-night stands are nothing to raise eyebrows about and girls are becoming more sexually empowered--they'll tell you exactly what they want in bed.

5. Breaking Up VS Ghosting

Before, there was a certain code of conduct that was honored when it came to breaking up. If someone wanted to break things off, they turned up and they said "this isn't working." They didn't just disappear. Now, ghosting is a thing. People exit our lives as quickly and as easily as they enter it, with no explanation whatsoever. Also, your break up never ends quietly. When your couple selfies stop showing up, tongues start wagging, and good luck trying to get over your ex. With multiple albums of pictures of both of you online and Facebook's unwelcome reminders of "What happened 3 years ago today", your ex is kept well in sight and, unfortunately, well in mind.  

6. Love = Faithfulness VS Love = Passion

In the past, love was about faithfulness, the conviction to fix things and the resolve to stick together in spite of the odds. Love was about the other person--taking care of them, always considering them and being strong for them. Now, love has become more about passion; passion that can come with pain; passion that sometimes comes at the expense of security and our sanity. We chase highs and we become restless when things start to become familiar. In today's world, we're afraid of becoming bored, and sometimes, that's how true love slips right through our fingers.

1. She waits up till I come home

"My girlfriend tries to stay awake until I come home. I tend to work a lot of late nights, but she's more of an "early to bed, early to rise" kinda girl, so she always tries to stay awake so she can at least say good night. She's studying abroad right now, and she still tries to stay awake until I come home from work so we can Skype goodnight." - thom3804

2. He remembers our little traditions

"We've been dating for five years and we have always gotten a Cherry Coke as a drink if we are sharing. A few months ago, we went to the movies and he came back, as per usual, with a Cherry Coke. I said I was glad that we both loved that soda the most and he replied 'I actually don't really like Cherry Coke but I get it because it's your favorite and you like to share.'" - annalynnvt

3. He holds my hand

"Holding hands. Doesn't matter if it's at home or when we're walking around, it's a constant reminder." - marigold99

4. She makes me coffee every morning

"Every morning, my wife of 18 years gets up before me and makes coffee. She doesn't drink coffee." - Sandbocks

5. He kisses me in the middle of the night

"When he wakes up in the middle of the night and kisses me while still half asleep. That makes me feel like even when he's semi-conscious, he wants to show me he loves me." - Dildo_of_Vengeance

6. He leaves me the last bite

"He always tries to give me the last bite of whatever we're sharing, even if it's insanely delicious." - scienceasfuck

7. He just wants me to be happy

"When I'm stressed out and miserable because of my job, he always says "Just quit. We'll be okay" when he knows full well that we need the money my job brings in. He'd rather have to scrape and scratch to pay the bills than see me unhappy." - DiffidentDissident

8. He loves me even when he's angry

"The way we argue. He's so considerate and thoughtful with his words, even when I know he's incredibly frustrated. That speaks volumes about the way he respects me and loves me even when he's angry with me."

9. He doesn't let me feel like a burden

"I seriously injured my back recently and he helps me do absolutely everything and expects nothing back. When I start to feel bad for needing him so much, he reassures me that he's my husband and he loves helping me. "For better or for worse." It means a lot. - babbidaboopy

10. He looks out for my safety

"He's a bit of a crazy driver, but if we ever have to make a hard stop, he immediately throws out his arm to keep me in my seat. I'm a fairly small person, and he's a fairly tall one, and as a result he's very protective of me, in little and big ways. Seeing that, and seeing him worrying about my safety makes me feel more loved than anything else in the world."

11. He treats me like he did when we first started dating

"Married 18 years and he still kisses me every morning." - pinaygirl
In the liberal world we live in today, the already fine line between a platonic friendship and a romantic one can sometimes get even more blurry and indistinct. We all have our doubts at times, about whether friends’ intentions towards each other are truly as innocent as they seem, or if each person's constant seeking of the other’s company indicates something else altogether. Fret not, for there are crystal clear ways to determine if the friendship you have is simply platonic, or if it points to something way more than that.

1. Prolonged eye contact doesn't bother either of you

When you're in a purely platonic friendship, you can hold each other’s gaze for a long time without feeling shy or flustered. Remember the feeling you get when your crush looks you in the eye? Making eye contact with your platonic friend will feel absolutely nothing like that and this should be your biggest cue that what the both of you share is nothing romantic. Perhaps you might accidentally catch each other's eye while doing something mundane, like taking out the rubbish. However, neither of you will quickly look away and the two of you could even jump straight into a staring contest and no sparks will fly.

2. Their safety is not your utmost priority

It's not really your concern whether they get home safely or not, period. If they do, then good for them. If they don't, then well, someone else will be there to pick them up or drive them home. That person is not you and you can safely say that you do not want to be that person. If you receive an SOS call or text from someone in the middle of the night and you jump up in excitement and leave the house at the drop of a hat, that person is someone you want to date. If you receive that same SOS call and you switch your phone to silent mode, that person is probably just a regular friend. You would, however, ring that friend up the next day to check if everything is alright. That's the kind of concern you would show a platonic friend.

3. You don't notice what they wear

You can see each other dressed in sexy, smashing outfits and not bat an eyelid. In fact, you might hardly even notice. Chances are, even if your friend parades around in their birthday suit, your attention will not be diverted from that exciting drama you're binge-watching. If the thought of seeing your friend in the nude or some sexy underwear doesn't turn you on even a bit, it's friendzone time.

4. Distance doesn't matter

Both of you can sit within a centimetre from each other, and not end up making out or having the urge to eat each other’s faces. If your heart doesn't skip a beat when you get up close and personal with your friend, it's one of the biggest telltale signs that there'll be no romance in the air anytime soon for the both of you. Of course, if the both of you are separated by real distance measuring oceans and seas, the ache you feel will not be one of lusty companionship, but from the fact that your life has become more boring without them around.

5. They do not occupy your waking and sleeping thoughts

You're not on each other’s minds first thing in the morning or last thing at night. You do not wake up thinking about what they will wear today or how they will smell. You also do not go to sleep at night fantasizing about your possible future together or the children you will eventually have. Or the house you will share. Or the delicious meals you will whip up together. Instead, you think about them when your partner stands you up. Or when you're in need of an eating buddy. And it probably stops there.

6. You do not have any expectations of them

In your vocabulary bank with friends, the word “expectations” doesn't exist. You do not need to spend a lot of time with each other, although when you do spend time together, it can be a ball of a time. You do not become emotionally needy or overly reliant on them. In other words, you can do with or without them. Not seeing or communicating with each other for one month should not spell the end of the world for either of you.

7.  Jealousy is never in the equation

You don't get mad jealous when you see your friend with a member of the opposite gender. They could be having the time of their lives flirting in front of you, or being touchy-feely with each other. Better still, they could be so engrossed in each other’s company that you completely fade into oblivion. Yet, you don't feel the same constricting sensation in your heart you get when you see your crush dating someone else. You do not feel that stab of jealousy you get when you see the object of your affections so much as look in the direction of someone other than you. When your friend dates someone else or stares lustily at another, you frankly just don’t care.

8. Skinship does not interest you

You don't feel any urges to be physically close to your friend. You do not time your walk down to the second so you end up sitting beside your friend when a group of you go to the movies together. You do not stand as close to your friend as possible, so that your arms will touch. You do not map out your route so that every time you sit down, you are sitting beside your friend. In fact, you actually value your space around them and feeling their touch on your skin or your touch on theirs doesn't interest you one bit. In fact, the thought of it might even put you off breakfast, or lunch, or dinner, or all three meals.

9. Good mornings and goodnights are not on your agenda

You do not say good morning and goodnight to your friend every day without fail. Neither do you want to. Those words are saved for someone you actually want to be intimate with. They connote such a sense of intimacy that even on the rare occasions you do say it to your friend, you wince and cringe. You and your friend talk about other things, more important things, like if the waffles at your favourite store have been sold out.

10. You don’t put them on a pedestal

You look at your friend and you see, well, a human being. You don’t see a goddess, a prince charming or anything to that effect. To you, your friend is just a friend, plain as day. Nothing more, nothing less.
We all have that one friend who's an introvert. The one who doesn't reveal much and shies away from attention. The one who prefers not to say a word and would rather stay by the side, observing everyone else. The mysterious one who exudes an aura of silence so loud it's deafening. Perhaps calling them introverted might be an understatement altogether. Yet, when introverts show affection, they do it with all of their hearts, sometimes even more so than the extroverts. Want to know if you've won the affections of an introvert? Here are some sure-fire ways to tell.

1. They initiate conversations with you

It takes a lot from them, but they do it anyway. If they see you as someone who's worthy of their time, you'll know because introverts initiate very few conversations with very few people. Introverts hate small talk, but if they're willing to engage in them with you from time to time, you know what it means.

2. They care about your feelings

In fact, they not only care, they care a lot. Compared to their extroverted counterparts, they look out for you in their own quiet, subtle way--no fanfare involved. When you're sick, they'll buy you herbal tea and quietly place it somewhere you'll definitely see it. They notice all the things that make you you, and they remember the little things you say. Because introverts don't expend energy going to many different social gatherings, they devote their attention towards you. They sacrifice their precious alone time for you and they do so with nary a complaint. Introverts are some of the most sensitive people around, and if they focus their attention on you, chances are, the whole world is going to know too.

3. They go out of their comfort zones for you

They don't rely on mere words or sweet talk to show you their affections--they use actions to do so. They leave their comfort zones for you, and they do so voluntarily. They may hate crowds and abhor noisy places, but if you so much as hint to them that you're interested, they'd brave all that for you and more. They might even assume the role of an entertainer if the situation calls for it. This willingness to deviate away from their usual selves only goes to show how important you are to them.

4. They let you into their lives

They let you into territory no one else has gone before. They tell you about their dogs, their saddest childhood memories, their deepest regrets, their dreams and aspirations. Most notably, they tell you about their insecurities. They want you by their side and they're not afraid to show it. These are an introvert’s ways of showing trust in a person, and if you actually know all this information about their lives, it's no easy feat and it's also the clearest indication that they genuinely care for and like you.

5. They see you as their other half

They're not going to do anything without first thinking about you. Whether it's an event that's caught their eye, a movie that's just been released, a song they heard or even a quote they saw, you'll be the first thing to pop into their minds. If an introvert likes you, you are indeed one lucky soul.
All couples fight. Healthy couples fight. Unhealthy couples fight. When you bring two different people together, whether into a friendship or a romantic relationship, it's bound to happen. No two people are completely alike in the way they think, their personalities, their likes and dislikes, so disagreements are really just a matter of time. While fights between partners is nothing to raise any eyebrows about, there are good fighting habits and there are bad ones. Good habits make your relationship stronger while bad ones wear down not just the relationship, but both of you as individuals. Here are some good habits you should pick up when it comes to fighting with the one you love.

1. Pick your battles

Before you fight, pause and consider if the issue at hand is even worth fighting about. Just because you're upset doesn't mean there are real issues or principles at stake. None of us are above a little pettiness and we all have bad days when the littlest of things can set us off. So, ask yourself if the issue is worth fighting about. If this were the fight to break you up (it could happen), would it be worth it? Oftentimes, we pick fights over the most trivial of things and it's only when it's too late, when we and our partners are both hurting from the fight when we realize we're fighting over something really stupid. So, pick your battles, and master the art of letting things go to save yourself and your partner from a world of unnecessary pain.

2. Fight the problem, not the person

Bear in mind that when arguing, winning is not the goal--fixing the problem is. In the heat of an argument, we tend to lose sight of what the actual problem is, veering off course and attacking our partners by bringing up the past, throwing out accusations and firing off a whole bunch of hurtful words. Not only does the problem remain unsolved, both sides wind up even more upset than when they started and bruised blacker and bluer for it.

3. Never deal in absolutes

When fighting, watch your language--especially with your usage of the words 'never' and 'always', as in "you're always lying" or "you never support me". These words tend to be used and abused when we fight, and it's especially hurtful because it not only discounts all the times your partner has done right or made the effort to do so, it also has them thinking that's what you think of them, even if those statements aren't true and you only said it in a fit of anger.

4. Listen with an open mind

When fighting, most of us default into thinking we're right. We know why we're upset and the reasons are rock solid. Our game plan going into the fight is to make clear our feelings and our perspectives, and to get our partners to understand our point of view. The thing is our partners probably think the same, and just like us, they're sure their reasons are bulletproof. In my experience, in most situations, both parties have valid reasons for doing what they did. So, hear each other out and understand each others' motivations. Even if things didn't come out right, most times, they came from a place of love and you can only know this if you hear each other out with an open mind.

5. Don't talk sh-t about your partner

What you keep telling yourself, you start to believe. Likewise, talking sh-t about your partner eventually affects the way you see them, which in turn colours your interaction with them, and consequently, hurts your relationship.

6. Don't b-tch about your partner to your friends (too much)

When we run into trouble in our relationships, the first thing many of us do is whip out our phones and start b-tching to our friends. We rant and we build a case against our partners, telling these stories from our biased point of view, even exaggerating some of the details to pull our friends over to our side. And it feels good to get it off our chests and to have our feelings and reasons validated. The thing is when our partners do something nice or sweet for us, not all of us relay that information to our friends, leaving them with this one-dimensional, terrible view of our partners. Many of the times, we wind up forgiving our partners, because in the grand scheme of all the good things they've done and added to our lives, the bad stuff amounts to little. But our friends don't have that full picture and may not forgive them, leading to all sorts of other tensions and drama.