Breakups are tough. Not only are they tough to get through, they're tough to initiate. It can be hard to tell someone you used to like (or <a href=" the real reason why you're initiating the break. Maybe you're harbouring feelings for someone else. Maybe they've changed. Maybe you realised they're assholes. Whatever it is, the truth is hard to tell, which is why some people would rather tell a lie--even if it's a shitty one. We’ve all either experienced first-hand or know of someone who's been jilted without being given a proper explanation--or who's been given one that's so ridiculous, it can't be right. We reached out to some Singaporeans, and here are 10 of the most unbelievable reasons we've found ex-es gave for breaking up. * Some names have been changed for privacy reasons.

 1. “I don't like it when you don’t put the money in the cashier’s hands”

I felt our <a href=" had problems. I chatted with him about it and it turned into a fight. Because I have trouble counting money, I always put coins on the table to count. He told me the only time that I put the money into the cashier's hands was when I bought Gong Cha. And he wasn’t happy because he didn’t like the way I put the money on the table instead of into the cashier's hands. – Roycelyn, 26

2. “You didn’t buy the sneakers you promised”

He’s a sneakerhead. I was late for one <a href=" and he got mad. When I met him, I tried to appease him by saying “Okay, okay, I'll buy shoes ok? Don't be angry.” All was fine and dandy until 2 weeks later, when he asked, "So where are your shoes?" I was stunned by the question. I told him that I said it so he would be happy. He was quiet for the rest of the date. When he went home, he posted a Facebook status: "Don't make promises you can't keep." It went downhill from there. – Tammy, 26

3. “You’re not a virgin anymore, and it’s not like you were great in bed anyway”

A jerk had sex with my friend and dumped her because she was no longer a virgin after that. He added that he found her not as satisfying or as amazing in bed as those online videos made it out to be. – Kian Wai, 26

 4. “I don’t agree with the choice of wedding venue”

We were supposed to have one wedding reception to host her family and friends and a separate reception for my side. Our 3 year relationship ended because she or her family was not agreeable to the choice of venue for the wedding reception on my side. – Sapi, 26

 5. “You ignored my phone calls, so you must be going out with other guys”

If I didn’t reply him within 5 minutes, even during work hours, he would kick up a fuss. And even if I went out with long-time friends, he’d get paranoid as long as there’s a guy around. I happened to be busy this once and didn’t pick up his calls for a few hours, and he assumed that I was out with guys. So he broke up with me. – Kelly, 26

6. “Your A-level results are better than mine”

We’d been dating for a few months and he broke up with me because he couldn’t accept that my A level results were better than his. – Mandy, 25

7. “The way you open a bag of potato chips is wrong”

A friend broke up with her partner because they couldn’t agree on how to open a bag of potato chips. One wanted to tear it open from the jagged edge, while the other insisted on splitting it open from the middle. It brought out the worst in them, along with the realisation that they were so different and stubborn. So they called it quits. – Jeremiah, 29

8. “I suddenly realised you don’t dress well enough”

He was very sweet for the whole month we were dating. Then, out of the blue, he said he wanted to break up because I didn’t dress well enough. When I asked why he even dated me when he didn’t like how I dressed, he said it didn’t bother him until then. It wasn’t even triggered by any particular event or special occasion. He just ‘suddenly realised’ he didn’t like it. – Betty, 25

9. “You have too many pretty female friends”

My friend got dumped because his girlfriend found that he had too many pretty female friends around him, and that made her feel insecure. – Roger, 30

10. “I really, really want to be and miss being single”

She broke up with me and said that she really, really wanted to be and missed being single. She said that she still loved me, but she needed to break up with me and be alone, or else she would forever regret it and think about the ‘what ifs’. – Jun Bin, 26

Break Up Properly, Can?

Seriously guys, if you need to break up, do it right. These reasons aren’t any better than just plainly saying, “I don’t like you anymore.” We've all had bad relationship experiences--some worse than others--but that doesn't mean you should give up on love. Try your luck <a href=" Hopefully, the next guy (or girl) won't be a jerk. What are some unbelievable reasons you’ve been given or heard of? Share them with us in the comments! Also read, NSFs Don’t Deserve The Flak They’re Getting – Here’s Why.

Many of us are guilty of taking the best things we have for granted--like the love of our mothers. The ones who cleaned up our poop-laden diapers; the ones who were more worried about our PSLEs than we ourselves were; the ones who nag at us tirelessly because of love. If you think about it, the sheer number of sacrifices our mums have made for us is incredible. There are so many things our mums have done for us that perhaps, no one else ever will. This Mother's Day, we called for Singaporean millennials to share what they appreciate most about their mums. Of the hundreds of heartfelt entries, here are 14 deeply heartwarming stories that truly epitomize the deep, unconditional love of our mothers. * Stories have been edited for brevity and clarity.

1. “She held on till she knew I was in good hands, before she passed on”

I lost my mum in January. She is the strongest woman I've ever known. She spent her last 18 years on kidney dialysis, went through several surgeries and I can't even count the number of times I almost lost her at the hospital. She gave my siblings and I the best she could, despite the fact that we were very poor since young--giving her best not in terms of material riches but in her love and care. She is my mentor and my lighthouse. The doctor said she would pass away in January this year, but she held on to life just so she could come back home in an ambulance to witness my boyfriend's proposal to me. She passed peacefully the day after and I know she had been waiting for that moment, to know that I will have my other half to take care of me. My mom will always be in my heart. – Lim Edna

2. “She splurged on an apple for me when she managed to earn a little more”

She was a strict mum who brought up 10 children. The most memorable incident was the day she managed to make a little bit more cash from her sewing jobs and bought me an apple. She said to me, “Tin, make sure you finish the whole apple, don't waste." She even polished off the balance when I couldn’t finish the whole apple, saying to me that we “must treasure every single food we have.” My mum passed away three years ago at the age of 92. Till today, I still miss her a lot. – Susan Chua

3. “She surprised me in hall just to have dinner with me”

During my finals period, I stayed in hall for 3 weeks straight just to prepare for my examinations. I was feeling super stressed out not because I didn't study, but because I had anxiety. My mum surprised me when she came down all the way to Boon Lay on a weekend night just to visit and eat dinner with me because she missed me! I felt super touched because I missed her as much as she missed me. I was so glad to be able to catch up with her over dinner. She reminded me not to over-stress my mind and body, and also to drink lots of water to stay hydrated and healthy. I felt like I was the luckiest daughter on earth because that meet up definitely made me feel so much better. – XinYun Peh

4. “When I was heartbroken, my mum was equally sad”

I was really heartbroken for several days over stupid things back then. Seeing me so heartbroken affected my mum's mood also. My mum is not someone who is good at expressing her feelings towards us, so she dropped me a text telling me how much she loves me and that she wouldn't want to see me sad. It made me realise I should do my part as a daughter and give my parents the best of everything. I really appreciate all the support my mum secretly gave me without me realising. – Jocelynn Lee

5. “Her nagging saved my life--twice”

I really appreciate my mom's nagging. Being the scatter-brain that I am, her constant "reminders" are just what I need. In fact, there are times when her nagging turned out to be my life-savers. Once, when I was cooking, I almost dropped the knife and cut my foot because I mindlessly placed the knife at the edge of the basin after using it. Another time, I almost lost my iPhone after buying food. It was only when I remembered my mum's nagging that I managed to avoid both scenarios. Now that I am living alone, I miss her nagging even more. Every child thinks it's annoying when your mum nags at you but especially in an Asian society, where we seldom say "I love you" to express our love to each other openly, it’s our mums’ way of showing their love. – Xiao Ling

6. “She gave up her beauty and youth for her 3 kids”

My mummy is selfless. Even when she’s only left with $20 in her pocket, she will not mind sparing some for her kids. After looking at photos from when she was a teenager, I asked her why her skin wasn’t as good and why her teeth wasn’t as white now, and her answer just broke my heart. She said, “I’m too busy taking care of the three of you." She was so beautiful in her youth, and definitely still is, inside and out. I'm so afraid to see her grow old. Even though I don’t really express it to her, I love her so much. – Chendol Chun Li

7. “She wakes up at 5am to make us breakfast everyday”

One thing I really appreciate is how my mummy always goes the extra mile to prepare breakfast for us before school every morning at 5am. As a housewife, she could always wake up any time later but she makes a conscious effort to choose our happiness over her sleep everyday. After JC, when I spent the weekdays at home, I would see her waking up to prepare breakfast and going to sleep only after my brother leaves for school. It was only then that I realised that she would wake up early just to make breakfast for us. I was so touched and it made me realise that I should truly appreciate the small things she does for us. – Rennie Lee

8. “She carried me from the east to the west to see a doctor”

When I was young, I had a weak constitution. Even after going to several clinics, I didn’t recover. A neighbor recommended this doctor, and we had to travel from the east to the west to see him. She carried me on the bus and had to walk quite a bit. Through it all, she wasn’t in good health herself. Every night, she had to apply plasters all over her body to help her with her bodily ailments from working at rubber plantations. She suffered worry-filled, sleepless nights. I am so grateful to her. If it wasn’t for my mother’s persistence and patience, I may not be able to grow up healthily. – Tan Keith

9. “She rejects allowance money because she wants our kids to have the best instead"

My mum worked day and night just to make sure my brother and sisters have a good education. After reaching home from work, she had to do all the household chores. She also tries her best to tutor us even though she is not highly educated. Now, she has 10 grandkids from 3 of us and she has taken care of all of them. She has never wanted allowance from me for taking care of my 4 kids because she is always afraid that we do not have enough. She wants our kids to have the best instead. Besides ensuring their stomachs are filled, she even helps to ensure they do their homework and study for their exams. I really can’t thank her enough. – Grace Lim

10. “She never gave up on us despite her own pain”

An affair resulted in an ugly divorce between my parents, and my mum got custody of us. However, things went downhill from there as they sold the house and she rented a small room to stay in with my brother, while I had to find accommodation on my own. She could have chosen to just throw in the towel because of such a deep betrayal and hurt but she didn't. Instead, she held the family together the best she could through all her anger and pain. Even when she was going through the divorce, she never failed to go to the wet market weekly to cook for us and ensure we got fresh and healthy food. We've had terrible moments and emotional times but nothing will take away the fact that I have seen her steadfast, and I’ve received the unconditional love only a Mother can have for her children. – Kristyn Chan Siang

11. “She was so freaked out she carried me to the clinic for the second time”

Once, during my O-levels period, I had a severe gastric problem. I came home crying and my mum was concerned about what had happened to me. I had a paper the next day, so I wanted to study but I couldn't. The pain was intolerable. After several attempts at convincing me to see the doctor, I finally gave in. My mum carried me because I could barely walk. She then went around pleading the people in the clinic to let me go first. After I got an injection, my mum carried me back home. On the lift, I fainted. The next moment, I woke up to hear her crying and telling me to wake up. She was so freaked out that she carried me to the clinic again and asked for a referral to the hospital. But I didn't want to go, and rested at home. She slept beside me the entire night to take care of me, despite having had just 3 to 4 hours of sleep that day. The very next day, she brought me to school for my paper and even told the teacher to take good care of me. – Sherzy Tan

12. "She let me chart my own path”

Since I was old enough to start having memories, my mum would allow me to make my own choices in life. She listens and gives me advice but won't impose her views on me. Instead, she brings a new perspective to issues when I confide in her and she gives me the freedom to chart my path even though from her own experience, I was expected to fail. It would have been easier for her to cushion me than bear the heartache of me failing but she believes that failing is part and parcel of learning. When I have problems with difficult people, she encourages me to show empathy and compassion. I am often impressed by her magnanimity. I am most appreciative to have a wise mother who has shaped me into the independent woman I am today. – Hazel Seng

13. “My step-mum loved me like her own”

I grew up in a household where I had two mums living under one roof. My mum is my father’s second wife, and my step-mum was the one who looked after the house. She loved me like her own daughter. After I delivered two cute monsters, she loved them unconditionally too, as if they were her own grandsons. I’m so proud to tell people that I have a wonderful mother like her in my life. – Jas Li

14. “I am not a ‘model daughter’, but she still sings praises of me to others”

I was once an obedient and bright child. Then, I transitioned into a young delinquent. But even when I had dashed all her hopes of raising her "dream daughter", she never once gave up on me. I frequently got into trouble with authorities, slacked off on the books, and spent my time idling around with bad influence. From attending prize award ceremonies where she could be proud of my academic achievements to being called down by the school for my truancy, and waking up one day to find that I had run away from home... It was a lot of tears and heartache. Since then, I have learned from my ways and am still trying to make it up to her up till today. I am still a girl that does not fit her standards of a "model daughter". She would definitely not want me to have my tattoos and ostentatiously coloured hair if she had a choice. Still, she continues to shower me with her love everyday and sings praises of her kids in front of others. – Charmaine Wong

Appreciate Your Parents

Our mothers sacrifice their whole world for us, but don't forget our dads too. With Father's Day just round the corner, spend some time thinking about how you can show Dad some appreciation too! Also read, 12 S’poreans Reveal The Most Endearingly Embarrassing Habits Of Their Mums.

“I can’t wait to grow up!” "Why can't I skip this whole part and just be an adult!" Oh no, there is no fast forward button in this thing we call life. I don’t know about you, but growing into adulthood was one hell of a journey for me. When you grow up, you grow out of who you used to be, and sometimes, you grow apart from the people you used to be close with. The girls in class you used to be #bffs with, that one special person you shared a special romance with. You went everywhere, did everything together. You guys were inseparable. Like a ‘buy 1 free 1’ package deal; like an egg to an otherwise kosong prata. They were forever to you--were. The hard truth is, sometimes, forever is but a spoken word.

Why You Need To Let It Go

When the truth hits you right in the face, it sucks. But do you let it bog you down, or do you just forget it and enjoy the ride? I once had a best friend who broke up with her partner because of how mentally abusive the relationship got. He moved on to the next girl fairly quickly, but she just couldn’t. As someone who cared a lot about her, it was heartbreaking to see her resorting to hanging around his house, hoping just to catch a glimpse of him. It was even more painful to see her putting herself down, comparing herself to his new girl. It definitely didn’t help that she denied being hung up on him – which brings me to my next point.

Be Honest With Yourself

Are YOU happy? If your answer is not a straight out, 100% yes, then you need to think about why this isn’t so. Maybe you really loved the person and you truly believe you won't find another like them. Maybe you feel like you lost a part of yourself that you can never find back. Maybe you envisioned a perfect future that included them and now that they're gone, you can't imagine any other kind of future. Maybe you feel like you just aren't good enough for anyone or anything. If you relate to any of this, or if you're going through these crappy emotions you wish you didn't have to go through, you are certainly not alone. Acknowledge your feelings and know that what you feel is okay. I've gone through these emotions myself, and so have many, many others. The sleepless nights, the tears you shed behind bathroom doors, the “Oh, I’m just tired” you say to people, pretending everything is okay, the fear you have of never finding someone else like them, the difficulty of trusting people again, the flashbacks you get whenever you see, hear, taste, or smell anything remotely associated with them. It’s painful, and it sucks.

Deal With It

So... What can you do about it? Here’s a blunt but handy flowchart which really helped me through my own tough times.

Granted, it doesn't give you any specific instructions on how to let go, but that's the thing: there isn't a clear-cut way to deal with your emotions. There isn’t a step-by-step cheat sheet to teach you how to let go and move on.

The only thing you can do is either A – decide to do something about it, or B – STFU and move on. Don’t complain. Don’t live your life in despair. Don’t live in denial. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. At the end of the day, what are you going to do for yourself?

Do Something For Yourself

Ironically enough, when I stopped giving a shit, when I stopped replaying in my head all the times I had to let go of the many treasured friendships and relationships I've had, life became a lot less shitty. I started doing things for myself. I went on shopping sprees. I ran. I made an effort to take up dance classes again. I caught up with old friends. I appreciated my family. I splurged to explore the world. Heck, I even resorted to Tinder to curb my loneliness. I decided to let go, to let loose. I decided to make my sunshine in the storm. I made a conscious effort to be happy, and it worked.

Perspective Changes Everything

Letting go of someone can be hard, but it is only as hard as you make it out to be. Dig deep and find yourself. Only then will you know how to let go and be happy. After all, no one knows you better than you. Nothing new is going to magically appear in the fridge if you don’t put something into it. Nothing will change if you’re not going to do anything about it. So get out there and do something--anything! Channel your emotions into things that will benefit you. Do some exercise, clean up your room, take up a new hobby, do that one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance to because of whatever reasons. It could be the most liberating, most empowering thing, and it could be the very thing you need. Let go of things that are not meant for you, because what is meant to be, will be.

When you're in love, everything is beautiful. Even the weirdest habits and tiniest idiosyncrasies seem cute to you – the way they snort every time they laugh, the hair growing awkwardly out of one of their moles... Heck, even a deathly fart from them can make you laugh. That said, what keeps a relationship alive is the actions partners do for each other to keep that fire burning. We asked 15 millennials about the sweetest thing(s) their partners have done for them. Here are their stories.

1. "He was my glorified hair band"

I was really sick one day and he came over to make me feel better. Really sick like stomach flu, fever, diarrhoea, vomiting – the whole enchilada. It took him about 40 minutes to drive all the way from Bukit Batok to Pasir Ris just to be my glorified hair band, holding my hair and rubbing my back while I threw up. And the thing is, this happened at 4am in the morning! At the time, I didn't want him seeing me in the state I was in – the pathetic whimpering, the contents of my vomit and all. But he said even if he didn't see me at my worse then, he would in the future. He even cracked a joke, saying we must buy a flat that's not so 'ulu' and with a 24-hr clinic nearby. That night, he was my bed warmer, tucking me in, holding me close and patting me to sleep before bringing me to the clinic in the morning. – Samantha

2. "He walked around to 'test' my balloon"

The other day at i Light Marina Bay, he won me a huge, super cute teddy bear balloon. But it kept deflating, so we thought there was a hole on it somewhere. I got really upset, so he went to exchange it while I waited. It took him so long! Turns out he went to exchange it 5 times! He exchanged it, and then walked around to ‘test’ the balloon. The first four times, the air escaped, and he kept going back to change it because he knew I would be sad if I got a defective balloon. – Nur'Ain

3. "He makes my safety his priority"

He sends me home whenever we go out, regardless of the time and place. We're both working adults with a decreasing supply of energy, so workday dinners are both a sweet and tiring affair. There was once when he was so drained from a full day of work events that he fell asleep standing on the train! I kept telling him to go home, but he stubbornly refused through his sleepy eyes and all. It's a simple gesture, but him sacrificing his precious rest time just to make sure I always get home safe is really sweet. – Melissa

4. "He sings me sweet lullabies"

Ever since the song 'All Of Me' was released in 2013, it has been my favourite jam and I find the lyrics very sweet and meaningful. At the end of our nightly phone calls, he always sings that song to me to lull me to sleep (it works by the way!). I think he may have gotten lazier over time though, because nowadays, he only sings the chorus. But the fact that even after more than 5 years of dating, he still sings me to sleep? I think it's very sweet! – Zaf

5. "She splurged on me"

On Valentine’s Day, she surprised me with a pretty expensive watch. I have a watch I usually wear when I go out, but it was spoilt, so I stopped wearing it. We are both saving up to get married, so I was surprised that she splurged on that watch for me. It’s sweet to me because she makes my needs a priority despite having to save up for our big day. – Julian

6. "She thinks of my family"

She always thinks of me and my family whenever she goes overseas. She brings snacks and bits back for them, even if it’s a short trip. I remember how one time, she bought durians for my parents (I hate durians by the way) because she knew they like eating them. The fact that she has me and my family at the back of her mind when doing things is what makes it very sweet. – Ming Da

7. "She made me a lucky charm"

I was going for an important English exam and she made a good luck charm for me: a handmade paper-craft that could be tied to the key chain I use. She knew I was unprepared and all tensed up, so it was her way of helping calm my nerves. She probably took a whole day to make it, and that's a heartwarming thought. – Vincent

8. "We look good for each other"

When many couples are together for a long time, they tend to get comfortable and stop doing what they used to for each other. However, she’s different. To me, the sweetest thing is that she always dresses up to look pretty whenever we meet. It’s not that she doesn’t look good when she doesn't dress up, it’s more about the effort she consistently puts in. I really appreciate it and I do the same for her – this way, we always look forward to seeing each other. – Lawrence

9. "It's in the little things"

There is no one sweetest thing, but rather many little random acts which are all equally sweet. For example, during dinner, she always puts food on my plate first. And because we have different work schedules, sometimes we may not get to see each other for a few days. But almost every day, she will text to say 'good morning', and this is 6 years plus into our relationship! These little gestures actually do mean a lot, even if they don’t seem like much. – Kelvin

10. "He got the hint"

He surprised me with flowers during Valentine’s Day this year. This is the first time ever, because I told him I didn't like flowers last time, so he never gave any. A month before Valentine’s, I told him that actually flowers are quite nice, just that they will probably die quickly in my hands. So on Valentine's Day, he came to fetch me from my place and there he was, waiting in his car with the flowers and he used Facebook live to capture the moment. – Naomi

11. "She sacrifices her sleep for me"

I work as a photographer for weddings and events and often come home late after shoots. The sweetest thing shes does is cook supper for me, which sometimes is really my dinner. This is in the middle of the night, when she is already about to sleep, and she has to wake up early for work the next morning . – Clement

12. "She still gives me morning calls"

We've been together for more than 4 years, and she still gives me morning calls to wake me up for work. There are times when I have to wake up really early as I shoot weddings, and she'd be my very reliable human alarm clock. She would set her own alarm to wake up at 4am in the morning to call me, just to ensure I don't oversleep and be late for my shoot. This is even when she has her own work commitments from 10am to 11pm that same day. – Ivan

13. "He makes me feel safe"

One night, my sister told me she could feel a ghostly presence in my room. I was so scared I couldn't sleep and I sobbed. That's when my then boyfriend (now husband) called me and asked what he could do to make me feel better. I didn't reply and continued crying, until I heard him strumming on his guitar. He started singing praise and worship songs in an attempt to calm me down. He assured me that God would be there to protect me no matter what and that he would keep on singing until I fell asleep – and that's exactly what he did. – Dorothy

14. "He made me a dream catcher"

One of the sweetest and most thoughtful things my partner has done for me is learn how to weave a dream catcher. I used to have a lot of nightmares and on one of our anniversaries, he made one for me. Hanging the handmade dream catcher above my bed, he told me it was to catch all my bad dreams. Just imagine a man weaving a dream catcher! And this is coming from a man who doesn't even usually do handicraft work. – Patrina

15. "He waited 3 hours for me"

A few years ago, when I was doing my internship, I was suddenly dragged into a last minute meeting that lasted past 9pm. I was supposed to meet my boyfriend at 6pm at a mall nearby for dinner, but I couldn't tell him I was in a meeting because I didn't have my phone on me. When I left, I expected to go home alone but he was standing outside my office waiting this whole time! I was really touched because I was so drained from the long day, and him being there just made everything better. These acts of sweetness mean so much more to me than grand gestures and extravagant gifts. – Venessa While these may not be the grandest of gestures, one thing's for sure: the littlest of actions can brighten up the day of the one you love. What are some of the sweetest things YOUR partners have done? Let us know in the comments! *Some names have been changed for privacy reasons. (Top Image Credit: Douglas Lin)

Contrary to popular belief, being in an interracial relationship is not too different from being in any other relationship. We argue about the same silly things, and have the same kinds of fights. I’ve been with my Chinese boyfriend for almost 3 years now. There’s a lot I’ve learnt about his race, and he of mine. There are however some struggles that we face being an Indian-Chinese couple in Singapore. Like every relationship, interracial relationships have their good and bad; ours are just a little more specific.

PUBLIC ACCEPTANCE

This is something almost every interracial couple deals with. For an interracial couple to be stared at by individuals in public is not unheard of. My boyfriend and I aren't really prone to participating in public displays of affection, or as most call it, PDA, but on the rare occasions that we do, we would be lucky to get by without getting at least one stare on the public train. Public acceptance, however, doesn't just come with not getting stares anymore. If only I had a dollar for all the times someone reacted with the tone of surprise as I tell them that my boyfriend is Chinese. It’s like I’ve said the most absurd thing in the world. It’s very much similar to getting glares in public. It makes me question how well the public accepts interracial couples. Even in today’s day and age, it’s bizarre to see how many Singaporeans are surprised seeing two people from a different race in a relationship.

PARENTS' APPROVAL

This is a big one. For most people, disapproval from parents can be a deal-breaker. You would be surprised at how many parents today are STILL prohibitive about who their children should date. Couples don't usually take the next step without their parents' approval in a family-oriented culture like Singapore's. Take my parents for example - their ‘ideal boy’ for me should’ve been an Indian Hindu. That clearly didn’t work out well for them. In all seriousness though, if your parents approve of the person you love, you don’t know how lucky you are.

CULTURAL DIFFERENCES

Understanding another's culture takes effort. I was lucky that my boyfriend had an understanding or was at least aware of the Indian culture, having a ton of Indian friends himself. There are, however, a lot of Singaporeans that tend to not be as aware of other cultures – especially that of the minorities. However, I wouldn’t say that my boyfriend knew everything about my culture, or that I knew everything about his. In an interracial relationship, a lot of time and effort needs to be put into listening to the other talk about their traditions, rituals or even their food. And through the course of time, these cultural ‘differences’ are what bring you closer to your partner.

BEYOND THE STRUGGLES

While there may be struggles to being in an interracial relationship, there are tonnes of positives as well. When you learn about another race, you look at life from a different perspective. My boyfriend never understood what it felt to be a minority in Singapore until we were together. I know it might be hard for someone not in an interracial relationship to realise this, but we’re honestly not that different. And in a society where interracial couples are growing in numbers, I can only hope that the acceptance of the public towards us sees a growth as well.

Call it a love letter to Los Angeles, an ode to starry-eyed dreamers, a revival of Golden Age Hollywood glam - La La Land checks all of those boxes and then some! The film is bursting at the seams with colour and whimsy, but at no point during the brilliantly choreographed musical numbers between Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling does it feel anything short of genuine. Like all good movies, behind the dazzling screenplay is unexpected emotional heft. For something that promises a flight of fancy, the film manages to leave us with several life lessons worth unpacking. So if you haven’t seen La La Land yet, hit pause and head to the cinemas. Partly because it’s tipped for an Oscar, partly because Ryan Gosling is in it (hey girl) but mostly - MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD.

Lesson 1. Chasing a pipe dream...

The premise of the movie is simple - boy meets girl, and the pair hit it off in a series of meet-cutes and meaningful glances. But theirs isn’t the only love story in the film. Both know exactly what their passions are and what they want out of life - they pursue their goals with a relentless and restless energy. Boy (Sebastian) is a old school jazz musician and self professed romantic with grand plans to open his own jazz club. Girl (Mia) is an aspiring actress stuck serving lattes on a studio lot. The film is a shout out to anyone who’s ever felt like what they love to do doesn’t exactly fit the societal mold, or that they have an end goal in mind but no idea how to get there. There are few career paths more murky than being successful in the performing arts - so let Mia and Sebastian’s spunky take on Hollywood inspire you!

Lesson 2. … and knowing when (or if) to give up

La La Land celebrates the dreamers and the fantasies we spin for ourselves - but it’s not a red carpet journey the entire way. It’s easy to watch someone’s idealised scenario flash across the big screen as we often imagine it for ourselves in our own heads, being their best selves and living out their dreams unencumbered. But the movie weaves in elements of melancholy, acknowledging that some fantasies don’t play out in reality - most poignantly when Mia’s ambitions are shattered as her one-woman play is poorly received. It’s an unwelcome reminder of reality and our own shortcomings. The issue isn’t laid out in black and white; the need to be realistic and make ends meet war with the shoulda-would-couldas throughout the film. La La Land doesn’t provide the answers, but it does show that it is 100% okay to feel in doubt.

Lesson 3. Personal versus romantic love

Fasten your seatbelt folks, because this is where the real spoilers happen. In the film, viewers are fed this bittersweet grain of truth: love and career don’t always mix. Relationships are give and take, and when both parties have ambitions that involve copious amounts of time, energy and distance… well, sometimes you honestly can’t have both. It’s a low key kick in the gut for all the uber romantics lured to watch by the promise of song, dance and a little romance. La La Land has all the makings of a cosmopolitan fairy tale, and this is the one thread that grounds the film and keeps its characters genuinely relatable - a melancholic sense that as good as they are together, Mia and Sebastian may not achieve what they set out to if they remain a couple.

Lesson 4. Time and place

Many of the film’s most beautiful moments happen as brilliant choreography, charismatic leads and the twinkling lights of LA collide. But what resonates the strongest are the final 15 minutes of the movie, where we are treated to a montage of what is and what could have been - the perfect combination of whimsical and wistful. Mia and Sebastian were undeniable #couplegoals, pushing each other to fulfill their respective ambitions and providing solace when things didn’t pan out. They were instrumental to each other’s success and exactly what the other needed at that point in time. But as we all well know, times change. What made you happy once may not make you as happy now. You may have multiple great loves in your life but it doesn’t make any of them lesser. La La Land is an ode to dreamers, to the wild and fantastical plans we have for ourselves and sometimes, that we share with others. It also recognises life’s ability to knock us off course from time to time, and that’s where the movie really comes through for us. Instead of making it feel dull and tragic, it makes it all appear extraordinarily okay. <a href=" Image Credit

“Sometimes I just feel like smacking you in the head over and over again.” Who do you think said that to me? If you thought my girlfriend, you thought right. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them, am I right girls and guys? If you feel the same way about your partner, you’re certainly not alone. And there’s a reason for that.

Misery loves company

We like to think that we seek relationships with people who make us happy, but the whole truth may be a lot stranger than that. According to psychologists, we instinctively gravitate to potential partners who we think will make us miserable. I know that sounds ridiculous, but let me explain. It all begins with our parents, from whom we first experience and learn about love and human interaction. Everything we do later in our lives in pursuit or service of love, is influenced in some way by our understanding of human relationships that we first learned from our parents in childhood. In many ways, the love we seek as adults is actually driven by a search for the rediscovery of love we felt from our parents as children, a sort of quest for that lost paradise of childhood. Our parents made us feel loved during our developmental years, so we long to feel loved again as adults. That all sounds fine and dandy, but the problem is that parent-child relationships are often far more complicated. As most of us know, no parent is perfect, and the process of parenting always involves emotions other than love. In order to be perceived as attractive, a potential partner must often display a capacity to reconnect us with our childhood feelings – all of them. These can include feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, anxiety, and yes, anger. If your parents were overly critical and distant, you might find yourself attracted to people with similar qualities, people who constantly deny you the approval and absolution you seek. If your parents were overly submissive, you might seek partners who frustrate you with their lack of initiative or assertiveness. In finding love, we often end up choosing partners who allow us to suffer in the ways we need to suffer, in order to relive the dynamics of our childhood that we innately associate with “true” love.

Role Reversal

In some cases, the parent-child relationship doesn’t always manifest in our choosing partners with similar flaws as our parents. Occasionally, we take on the role of our flawed parent, and act out the same dynamic with our partner, with him/her on the receiving end of our parent’s failings. We might constantly put our partners down or leave them uncertain of where they stand in the relationship. We might compare them to others or complain constantly about their shortcomings Either way, in our relationships, we seem doomed to seeking out the fault of our parents in our partners, or to act out these faults with our partners. Such relationship dynamics are, of course, unhealthy, but oftentimes unavoidable. The cruel and slightly hilarious irony of all this is that we end up being attracted to the kinds of relationships that our upbringings leave us most woefully ill-equipped for. Those of us who are attracted to mysterious, distant individuals, are the ones least able to deal with the long silences and feelings of separation. Those of us drawn to strong-willed, agonistic partners, are the ones whose parental abuse leave us afraid of and unwilling to deal with confrontation. The failings that most draw us in, are precisely the ones that we are least able to handle.

Love amidst hate

But wait, before you pick up your phone to break up with your partner, know that there is still hope. Thankfully, just being aware of all this can be the first step to a healthier, happier relationship. These vestigial ties to our unhealthy childhood relationships lie hidden below the surface, but knowing about them allows us to yank them out of our subconscious mind, and into our waking consciousness. By knowing about the troubling dynamics that drive your infuriating relationship with your partner, you can learn to break these habits, and steer your relationship in the direction you wish through present self-correction. If you’re acting out at your partner in the same ways your parents acted towards you, try putting your partner in the shoes of childhood you. How did you feel? How did you wish your parents would have treated you instead? Now, in a peculiar way, you have the power to correct the past failings of your parents. Resist the urge to be judgemental or to make an unnecessary point. Ditch the silent treatment and passive aggression. Be a nicer version of your flawed parent. If you’re finding negative traits of your parents in your partner, imagine yourself as a person with, well, better parents. In dealing with the same frustrations that your parents put you through, try imagining how a mature person without the same issues as you would deal with them. Resist the urge to fight against your partner the way you wish childhood you had fought back against your parents. Be the person you wish to be, not the person your parents raised. Perhaps the way to a better relationship lies in recognizing its connections to the troubles of our past, and accepting that we’re with our partners not just in spite of their shortcomings, but because of them. Top Image Credit  

Apply a spark to tinder, and you start a fire. From its name, the dating app Tinder clearly envisions itself as a catalyst of sorts; a tool that facilitates connections and gives relationships that much-needed initial push. But, is that really what it does? Does the digital equivalent of mass speed dating (that somehow manages to be even more superficial) really promote romance, or does it go against the very essence of romantic love? Well, yes and no. It kind of depends on you.

Digitized Disembodiment

“What the hell are you talking about? Tinder isn’t for romance, it’s for hooking up!” Okay, calm down, Kim Kardashian. I’m clearly not talking to you. Believe it or not, a great many people use the app to find love. But are they looking in the right place? The problem with apps like Tinder is that they rely on purely digital representations of the self; disembodied avatars made of carefully curated selfies and strategically scarce profiles providing just the right information in just the right amount. Like the pictures of succulent, mouth-watering burgers on McDonalds posters, digital avatars are often expressly artificial compared to their real-world counterparts, and intended more to entice than to provide an accurate representation. Ever bought a Big Mac and went, “Is that it??” as you stare at that sad mess of bread and cabbage in your hands, struggling to reconcile the reality with that glorious picture on the poster? That’s probably, like, ninety per cent of Tinder dates. Just an estimate, don’t quote me.

Hello, Narcissus

It’s perfectly fine for people to want to look and seem their best on dating profiles, but when using Tinder for finding romance, such behaviour poses a fundamental problem. By focusing on self-representation, Tinder encourages users not to find love with others, but to obsess on a narcissistic love of themselves. Finding love is no longer about being impacted by or willing to change for another person. Love is now about finding someone who satisfies your preconceived notion of the type of partner you want; about finding yourself in someone else. For the Tinder-reliant seeker of love, gone are the days of awkwardly asking a girl or guy out on a date and risking rejection. You simply swipe, wait, and chat, completely free from the risk of rejection. You are given the liberty to swipe hundreds of people, but never put yourself at risk of humiliation when you get shot down. Gone are the days of finding out more about your date after meeting them. You only agree to go out with the person when you’ve decided that your digital interactions and representations of yourselves match well enough to warrant meeting. We fall for digital simulations of others before we ever shake their hands. In place of the trial and error that once defined romance, Tinder provides us with an almost scientific approach to dating. Enter data into an algorithm, wait for someone to match that algorithm, collect preliminary findings, THEN go on a date. The scientist in me wants to approve, but this approach to love can only ever lead to dissatisfaction. As much as we want someone with the same interests, beliefs, and dislikes, scientifically, it’s just not possible. Due to the sheer number of variables, there is almost no way to find the “perfect” partner completely complementary to you. The belief that we can precondition love is a destructive fantasy that leads to people focusing on finding the “right one”, instead of being the right one for someone else. “This girl seems nice. Oh wait, she likes K-pop? NEXT!” Well, maybe you should stop being a judgmental little shit, you swipe-happy monkey.

Don’t blame your tools

As with any other technology, dating apps like Tinder can only be as good or bad as the people who use them. There is nothing in Tinder’s terms of service that states that you have to behave like a narcissistic judgmental prick when you use it. Sure, the format and design of the app lends heavily to and even encourages such behaviour, but the thumbs that touch those screens still belong to you. Tinder can only kill romance if we use it in such a way that allows us to exclude and filter out potential partners who threaten to challenge our precious notion of self. Because love is an experience that persists and flourishes not just in spite of, but because of hardship and differences. So next time you think about swiping that random girl left, think about giving her a chance. She might turn out to be an air-headed bimbo, she might look as much like her picture as a bad Big Mac. Or, she might just surprise you, if you keep an open mind. <a href=" Image Credit