A romantic notion that's ingrained in us by romance movies and Nicholas Sparks novels, we were taught that love is synonymous with butterflies in the tummy, grand romantic gestures, and feeling ‘complete’, all of which only The One can grant us. It came as no surprise that we devoured it like unsuspecting fishes drawn to the bait. Heck, we’re the generation that spends our Wednesday nights living it up, downing shots in clubs, all the while maintaining a GPA that’s no less than three. When we’re presented with the idea of Happily Ever After with The One, trust me, we’re hell-bent on fulfilling it.  Most, if not all, of us are so fixated on the idea of The One that our lives revolve around this notion. I remember the first time I told my dad that I was dating someone. As a naive seventeen-year-old, I described my date to him as someone who is cute, rich, and The One I want to be with forever. Shallow, I know. As a man who has been married for more than 17 years with three kids, he found my sappy proclamation of love laughable, “enjoy it while it lasts. You should get him to bring you out on a date at a five-star restaurant while you’re at it.” Back then, I didn’t get why my dad would always scoff at my romantic views toward love. In my mind, I’ve simply labelled him as someone who’s pragmatic. To him, The One is just a bullshit fairytale that’s fabricated and fed to women to make the lives of men hard. He’s a firm believer that there is no one singular person, soulmate or The One who’s magically made for us. A relationship doesn’t flourish on feelings, it requires hard work and effort to make things work. We ourselves create The One from the partner we choose to enter and stay in a relationship with. I, on the other hand, believe that there are many The Ones out there for us. My friend Kayla* serves as a prime example. An avid consumer of bubblegum love songs and 90s romance films, she had spent her whole life anticipating for The One who will grant her a lifetime of happiness. When she met Dave*,  she was convinced that he is the one she's going to spend the rest of her life with. One fine day, she finally decided to lose her virginity to him. He broke up with her a few days later, claiming that his feelings have faded. As bystanders of the relationship, we were quick to call him out on his bullshit but she was convinced that she had lost The One. As a result, her attitude towards love is akin to that of an atheist towards God. She turned to clubbing and one-night stands because to her, since she had lost her one and only shot at true love, why bother anymore? Fast forward a year and countless swipes later, she’s now in a relationship with a decent guy she met from Tinder who she’s certain is also The One. For many of us, Kayla’s story is all-too-familiar. At some point in our life, we would have been so sure that the person we’re dating is The One. So much so that we would apply for a BTO flat with them, no hesitation. However, if things don’t work out, our take on love will be pessimistic until the next The One comes along, and the whole cycle repeats until we settle on someone who eventually becomes our husband. There is no one specific person who you’ll instantly fall in love with and want to marry. At 18, we might be attracted to the f-boys who gave us the thrill and excitement of young love that we craved for - "The One we had fun with". But at 25, most of us would be looking to settle down, so we’ll search for a partner who is mature and shares the same goals and values as us. They’ll end up being “The One we’ll marry”. As our phase in life changes, so does our values, beliefs, and interests. Needless to say, our definition of The One will evolve with us as well. There is no pre-made singular The One whose entire existence on this earth is to fall in love with us and complete us. In life, it’s guaranteed that we’ll meet a series of potential partners. It is all up to us to discern who The One is for us right now. The notion of The One could also just serve as a reminder of the relationship that we deserve. On the other end of the spectrum however, there are the toxic behaviour that stem from the notion of The One. And it's imperative for us to tackle such behaviour as well. Tom Hansen, the title character from (500) Days of Summer, meets a girl named Summer who he believes is The One. From the get-go, she sets the record straight that she isn’t looking for anything serious and she doesn’t believe in love. Even so, he is still convinced that she is The One and he went on to project all his romantic fantasies onto her instead of getting to know her for who she is. Some of us could have been Tom in our relationship; so blinded by the whole concept of The One that we are determined that this one person is the only one meant for us. While the rest of us could have been in Summer’s shoes, no stranger to the toxic and stifling relationship where your partner is obsessed with their idea of you being The One and projecting their unrealistic expectations of love on you. The film ends with a newly-wedded Summer confiding in Tom her new found belief in soulmates and destiny, how he was right about it, it just wasn’t her that he was right about. A few days later, Tom meets a girl named Autumn (literally) and his eyes light up once more while Mumm-ra’s She's Got You High plays in the background.  It's pretty tongue-in-cheek but it echoes my sentiment of how there is a series of The Ones that we will meet in our journey instead of just one predetermined The One. Despite all these, I do think that it’s completely okay to hold on to the belief that there is someone out there who is meant for you, as long as you’re being realistic about it. At the end of the day, our trust in the notion of The One is comparable to people’s faith in birthday wishes and four-leaf clovers. Deep down, all of us know that it’s just a tale, but some will still choose to believe in it as it provides a sense of comfort in the bleak and lonely world that we live in, and there’s no wrong in that. *Names have been changed for privacy purposes. Also read, Is Marrying Young Only For The Rash And Reckless?.

They say your first love is the most romantic love story you'll live. That's because it will be the first time you get butterflies in your tummy, feel your heart racing, and have your breath taken away. And these intense feelings of romantic love are one of the best feelings in the world. As we tread on into 2018 and look back on the memories we’ve made and the old photos we've kept, some of us recall the nostalgic memories we had in our love lives. Like how we first fell in love, or had our first kiss. Curious, we asked some friends about how they ‘lost’ their first kiss. Here are their stories of youth and innocence.

1. Pushed Against The Wall

“I had a huge crush on this senior in secondary school. We would always be bantering during our Co-Curricular Activity (CCA) practices, and our peers would tease us about being ‘steads’ as well. I wasn’t sure if he liked me back but I was too shy to ask. One day when we were waiting for our CCA practice to start, we bumped into each other near the school toilet. There wasn’t anyone there at that time. We started chatting and teasing each other as usual, then he suddenly pushed me against the wall with both my hands up and his face right in front of mine. I was so nervous my heart was going to explode. Then he kissed me and it was such a glorious feeling.” – Emily, 26

2. Too Much Action

“I was dating my first girlfriend in secondary school and was sending her home after our third or fourth date. We were flirting and lingered at her void deck for a bit, then I decided to just go in for the kiss. I think she had been waiting for the kiss for really long because the moment our lips touch, I could feel her gasp as she pushed her tongue in, vigorously. I thought my first kiss would be a sweet and romantic one but it was so wet and sloppy, I avoided kissing her for a while." – Ken, 31

3. Centrifugal Force

“I was in secondary three and he was my senior in school. He was my first love and we had been dating for awhile. We were taking the bus back after school one day when it happened. Just when the bus was making a sharp turn, he pretended to lean over because of the centrifugal force and kissed me.  It may have been just a peck but it gave me tingles all over my body. It was even more thrilling because we were still in our school uniform. Luckily, we didn’t get caught.” – Brenda, 27

4. Naughty Prefects

“I was a prefect in Secondary school, but the ‘asshole’ kind who became one to escape from being punished for breaking rules myself. It was after school and there weren’t many people left. I was just chilling in the prefect's room with the girl I was dating, who was also a prefect. We happened to be alone and took advantage of that. I went in for the kiss and we ended up making out in the prefect's room. Best evening of my entire school life.” – Dan, 24

5. Kindergarten Lovers

“I was crying a lot at our kindergarten ballet rehearsal and wouldn’t stop no matter how my teachers tried to console me. Then this girl I liked and always played with, Sarah, came over to comfort me. She kissed my lips, hugged me and stroked my hair. She probably saw her parents do it or something, but can you imagine two toddlers doing this? Needless to say, the kiss and hug did stop me from crying.” – Eugene, 27

6. The Very Shy Girl

“I was dating this very shy girl in secondary 3. She was so shy that she would literally run away whenever she was awkward or when she didn’t know how to react. I remember asking her to be my girlfriend at Thomson Plaza and she just ran out of the mall because she didn’t know how to react. I gave her my first kiss on this very long escalator at Dhoby Ghaut. I couldn’t stand waiting anymore so I just took a step down below her, faced her, held her chin, and gave her a peck on the lips. She looked so stunned and because I did that at the beginning of the escalator, we rode down the escalator looking at each other in absolute silence. When we exited the gantry, she just walked away without saying anything and I went my way.” – Daniel, 26

7. Brace Face

“I was kind of seeing this girl back in poly. Nothing serious yet but we were going out on dates. One night, we were walking somewhere romantic and she leaned in to kiss me. We tried to continue kissing but our braces got in the way. Our teeth and braces kept ‘hitting’ each other so we gave up.” – Jordan, 30

8. Three Girls, Three Guys

"I was at a club in Taiwan with two girlfriends. In a club full of locals, guess who we danced with? Yep, Singaporeans. Not even sure how we managed to end up with Singaporeans. There were three of them too and I remember them saying it was their ORD trip. My friends and I (all at 18) lost our first kisses to those three guys, whom we don’t even remember their names of. And we didn't just kiss one guy. We were all so tipsy, I think we made out with 'each other's guy'. We took turns kissing each of them. It wasn't weird then but thinking back, on a sober mind: what the heck were we even doing?!” – Min, 21 Also read, Millennials Share Their Biggest Relationship Mistakes So You Wouldn’t Make The Same Ones.