Tag: elderly singapore

69-year-old Mr Zhen once attempted to take his own life. “Since there’s nothing [left] to do, I may as well die.”

In my attempt to learn about the lives of elderly in Singapore, I had spoken to five other seniors in their 60s to 80s. The one thing that struck me was how there is an unspoken, but very perceptible sense of aimlessness.

In an article by The Epoch Times last year, a 2008 research article was brought up, where all 19 interviewees “reported feeling lonely or depressed, and many said they live by the day and endeavour not to think of the future.”

Where one has pretty much fulfilled the most of our life goals, like getting a job, saving up, starting our own family, or seeing our grandchildren, it can be hard to fathom that there is nothing else to look forward to.

And Mr Zhen is just one elderly person who has struggled with his thoughts of mortality as he age. There has been studies on how there are more old people who struggle with loneliness and how socially isolated seniors have a higher risk of dying prematurely.

When I visited <a href=" Home for the Aged Sick last Saturday, I got to speak to 72-year-old Winnie Koh, who has been running the nursing home as Chief Executive Officer (CEO) for more than 15 years.

She shared that one of her residents has suicidal tendencies, and had once tied bedsheets and put it around his neck in a suicide attempt. Likewise, that resident did not see a point in living, “when [to him,] he’s already 90, nearing 100 years old, and does not have the ability to do many things himself.”

This resident has also went through certain rough patches as well, as a very close female friend of his had passed away.

“I can feel the loneliness in him. He doesn’t speak to [a lot of] people.”

I asked Winnie if residents fear death.

After a short pause, Winnie explains that the elderly do not fear death per se. For the most, those who fear death fear going to hell.

However, Winnie acknowledged that there are those who struggle to let go, in the sense where they could have unresolved wishes: people they want to meet, messages they want to tell their loved ones, or something they want to complete.

32-year-old Alvin, added that having worked in the eldercare sector for about six years, he has often hear elderly regretting not treating their family members better or not better providing for them, “they definitely fear for the people and the relationships they are leaving behind.”

This is where, at a nursing home, they play up their role of caring for the residents. Winnie explains, “it’s the comfort [they need], to affirm them that they are ok, and that [whatever they want accomplished will be taken care of.] I will arrange for family members to visit. Usually they do go off peacefully after that.”

Along with the physical or cognitive impairments, the elderly face a whole set of very personal and emotional hurdles as well.

Before working in the eldercare sector, Alvin, like many of us, never understood the stubbornness and ego that many elderly have. But now that he has got a glimpse into the lives of different groups of elderly through his six years, he explains that most elderly fear losing their independence, and when an elderly go from “a provider, a giver, a successful person on their own rights losing the respect, mobility and cognitive ability they have [when they age], the frustration they are going through can be very overwhelming.”

As sad as it sounds, these seniors turn to stubbornness and ego as a way of holding on to that last bit of control that they still have.

Although, there are also “difficult ones,” those who who choose to isolate themselves, and who refuse to interact with people. In such cases, Winnie explains that in the nursing home, they still try to show the elderly their presence and care in one way or another.

Drawing similarities between elderly and babies, Winnie said, “once you make them feel safe and comfortable, they are easily cared for.”

At Moral Home, the residents may suffer from different illnesses and each, their own sets of disabilities, but Winnie tells me that most of them are generally happy.

Having reached the point where they know that they are old and are ready to die, most of them would live every day to their fullest in the little ways they can, like eating, reading, or praying.

“Once, I have this resident who [had severe dementia and] is, on the whole, a very happy person. One day, she was just resting in the lounge after her coffee, then she just said to me in Cantonese ‘I am going to sleep, bye bye.’ She never woke up after that.”

“I think it’s better that way,” Winnie said, on passing on peacefully.

When I visited the home I also got to speak to this two sisters who had sold their house to live at the nursing home.

For 82-year-old Tan Nya Nya and her 83-year-old sister, their choice to live in a nursing home is for convenience, and to ensure that they get the physical support they need at their age. This came after Nya Nya fell down once and both her sister and her realise that they were unable to manage on their own if anything were to happen. Being able to socialise with the other residents of the home are perks that they enjoy too.

Nya Nya added, on seeing residents who don’t share the same happy-go-lucky attitude she has on life, “if you naughty, throw tantrum, [your family] also won’t [feel happy to visit you]. Correct? No point [being so gloomy]. Don’t think so much. Must be happy.”

Like Nya Nya, 82-year-old Uncle Lee also have an optimistic outlook on life, despite the fact that he lives alone in a one-room flat in Toa Payoh

His daily routine includes waking up in the wee hours of dawn for a walk around the small park right beside his home, going for his meals, and watching TV. Sometimes, he would hop on a bus that would take him to Jurong, Pasir Ris, and even Changi.

As he regaled me with his accounts of these ‘mini adventures’ he goes on when he is bored, he emphasised that at his age, there is nothing much to do except eat and watch TV, “what else can I do at this age?”

When I visited him with three volunteers on a Sunday night, he had cooked a pot of Bak Kut Teh for us. And as we sat in his living room savouring the soup, I felt a little like I was in my grandmothers’ old house again.

Elderly Life Singapore

Although he lives alone, his house is filled with knickknacks. Chinese New Year decorations still adorn his walls and the side of his fridge. I couldn’t help but noticed that he also has four clocks on one wall.

“He really likes clocks. There’s more in his bedroom,” one of the volunteers laughed when I asked.

These volunteers first knew Uncle Lee through a programme initiated by Youth Corps Singapore, but have since grown closer to Uncle Lee and for the past two years, have been visiting him every month.

Elderly Life Singapore
A photo collage done by ‘Uncle Lee kids’, the group of volunteers who have grown close to Uncle Lee

Once a driver who made a livelihood off driving for commercial and private businesses, Uncle Lee retired more than 20 years ago, when he sprained his hip. This work injury, however, has become a permanent problem at 82 years old.

“I cannot really walk long distances, unless I take breaks.”

Curious about my own mortality when I reach his age and avoiding being so rude as to ask Uncle Lee - whom I just met - about how he feels about death, I asked if there is anything he fears now that he is this old.

“No lah! Scared of what? Don’t need to be scared of anything [at this age].” He jested, “Last time, scared of my mother, but mother not around already, so there’s nothing to be scared of [anymore].”

Ever since his elder sister passed away, Uncle Lee’s only other family members are his nephew and nieces, whom still visits him occasionally.

Most days however, his humble lifestyle revolves around watching TV and eating, which he loves doing.

“Uncle is a food king!” One of the volunteers teased, “whenever we go out, he will tell us what’s good and where to find good food.”

Unable to comprehend living alone at his age, I asked Uncle Lee if he ever feels lonely.

“Won’t lonely lah! [If I’m] lonely, then I’ll just watch TV, or put on a DVD, or go out and eat lunch. Lonely for what?”

His positive reply showed very much his outlook of life and in a way, it was also a reminder that happiness is a choice. He could very well dwell on what some would assume as unfortunate - he is old, never married, and living alone and off financial support from the government - but he had chosen to lead a simple and happy life instead.

A study done in 2004 found that seniors living alone were twice as likely as their peers to develop depressive symptoms. In the last stage of their lives, it can be very easy for seniors to feel frustrated and aimless.

Which is why, it is important not just for seniors to be able to adopt a positive mindset, but also for the people around them to empower them to do so.

Besides, our elderly citizens may be old and frail, but they have so much to offer in other ways.

Yong Shin, one of ‘Uncle Lee kids’ said, “They always say ‘seniors are a wealth of knowledge’, and I think [Uncle Lee] really displays that. You can tell that he really likes to share with you, about history or just whatever knowledge he has. He really likes interactions.”

And of all the conversations I have had with the seniors, the one thing that all of them have said, albeit not ad verbatim, is “we’re old already, what else can we do?”

To them, it is just better to lead a happy life and enjoy the simple things when you are already at that stage of life.

Also read: People Leave, But You Don’t Have To Be The One Left Behind.

Her family was torn apart by a big family dispute over property. Today, 65-year-old Mdm Rebecca only has her 76-year-old cousin as family. To avoid getting embroiled in the disputes, Mdm Rebecca decided to sever all ties with her family. The last time she spoke to her only brother was more than 40 years ago. Today, she lives in a one-room rental flat in Punggol. Her 76-year-old cousin whom she cares for is bedridden and suffering from Parkinson’s and stroke among other ailments. In her heyday more than 10 years ago, Mdm Rebecca dabbled in PR, secretarial work, and was once a housing agent. However, a severe respiratory problem left her with no choice but to stop working. Life got more challenging since then. Most of her household ‘income’, which comes from her cousin and her retirement funds, as well as her cousin’s social welfare payout, is spent on her cousin’s medical necessities like medicine and bandages. Then, there’s the struggle of being unemployed and being the only caregiver to her bedridden cousin. Mdm Rebecca’s daily routine includes feeding her cousin milk through a tube seven times through the day, changing his diapers several times, giving him the medications he needs for different conditions, repositioning his body every two hours, and stretching his limbs to prevent his muscles from atrophy and shortening. She also has to monitor him throughout the day for any signs of discomfort. She would then have to use a vacuum-cleaner-like machine and a tube to manually suck the phlegm out from his lungs - a painful but critical process for her cousin that has to be done a few times a day. With the bulk of her time dedicated to caring for her cousin, what little time she has left is spent on reading and praying. A ‘vacation’ for her today is as simple as being able to go out for a meal with a friend. Even so, she has to return home within three hours to care for her cousin. Hiring a caretaker or a maid to do her job is out of the question and it isn’t just the lack of finances. Having had maids who have told her lies, stole from her, and even cursed her with black magic, she could no longer trust them. Bad experiences with nursing homes that led to the passing of her comatose mother and the close-to-death state that her cousin returned in after a 2-day respite care have also left a bad taste in her mouth. Since then, Mdm Rebecca resolved to taking care of her cousin herself.

“My mother had already suffered. I don’t want my cousin to go through the pain of what my mother had to go through.”

Attributing her strength to her religion, Mdm Rebecca emphasised on how a positive mindset helped tide her through the hardships. “Life is temporary and all these challenges are part of life. I don’t cry easily because crying doesn’t change anything. I just do my best with what I have and I pray for the best.” As I chatted with Mdm Rebecca at her doorstep while volunteers from the Young NTUC- North East CDC Project Refresh were cleaning up her unit and giving the walls a fresh coat of paint, I couldn’t help but admire her for her resilience.
Project Refresh
Volunteers painting the walls of Mdm Rebecca’s flat

Her fizzy, greyed hair and gaunt face tells of a woman who is still facing adversity, but Mdm Rebecca’s strong spirit is refreshing and humbling. She spoke about helping neighbours in need and counselling her friends and their children. Her empathy in prioritising other people’s problems above so many of her own made me feel a mix of guilt and respect.  

Having come from a relatively privileged middle-class background, I couldn't comprehend the significance of her struggles until I stepped into her home. Mdm Rebecca’s home is about as big as a typical HDB flat’s living room, with a small corner as kitchen and a toilet right beside it. The only bed in the flat is taken up by her cousin.
Project Refresh
Volunteers painting the walls and tidying up the kitchen area of Mdm Rebecca’s flat
As such, volunteers from Project Refresh brought in a foldable mattress for her and a desk fan. Part of the project’s efforts to improve the standards of living for the underprivileged, volunteers also helped to clean the flat, paint the walls, tidy up the home, and change the flat’s light bulbs to more cost-efficient ones as part of the ‘Switch and Save - Use LED initiative’. Project Refresh’s first session in 2016 started off with just 30 volunteers covering five units. With more and more volunteers coming onboard, the Project Refresh session I was at on 18 August saw more than 350 volunteers coming together to spruce up 38 rental units. Many think that millennials are a strawberry generation of entitled and spoilt ‘kids’. That day, however, 60% of the volunteers I saw were millennials.
Project Refresh
The group of volunteers working on Mdm Rebecca’s flat
For 23-Year-Old Jamie*, what they do “may not change the whole world but at least we’re able to impact someone’s life directly.” As her full-time job requires her to deal with wealthy people who live in luxury and never having to worry about basic necessities, volunteering with Project Refresh and learning about the lives of underprivileged people like Mdm Rebecca is a way for her to “feel like human again.” Year 2 student at Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP), Kelvan, was another volunteer I spoke to. Kelvan and four of his NYP classmates were painting the walls of Mdm Latifah’s unit (another resident) when I chatted with them. Still recovering from an operation to treat her osteoarthritis of the knee, 56-Year-Old Mdm Latifah is living on just $210 a month from financial assistance, and food rations from a mosque. Divorced for 30 years, she brought up her only son, who was four back then, all by herself. On some days, Mdm Latifah would even go without food so she can save money.
Project Refresh
Mdm Latifah outside her unit while volunteers were sprucing up her home
Like many elderly and the underprivileged, loneliness is one of the many challenges for her. With no one to talk to or help her with problems, she could only cope with the struggles of a single mother without child support from the father by going for religious classes. “I have 9 siblings and my father, but I don’t want (to bother them). Everyone’s got their own problem.” Volunteering projects like Project Refresh goes beyond the physical act of cleaning up the home. It is showing the beneficiaries that there are people out there who do care for them. The interaction among the volunteers and the beneficiaries could create strong emotional bonds too. Volunteering with Project Refresh for the second time on his own accord, Kelvan decided to sign up again because of the sense of accomplishment and the appreciation he got from the family he helped the first time round. “A couple of us from the last project even went back to visit the family. The children and the parents were just so appreciative and warm. It’s back-breaking work, but I came back because it’s very heartwarming and fulfilling.”
Project Refresh
Mdm Latifah’s living room
Mdm Latifah and Mdm Rebecca are just two of the many underprivileged who live in completely different worlds that most Singaporeans will never experience. “Seeing the conditions they live in, it makes us appreciate the things we have,” Kelvan added. Growing up in a comfortable era where we got to enjoy quality education, a stable economy, and a generally more privileged lifestyle compared to our earlier generations, it is hard to dispute the fact that millennials do demand more. However, we are also a generation that wants to do more.

Volunteer with Young NTUC

As millennials, we tend to procrastinate volunteering as much as we want to give back to society. But today, there are many volunteering opportunities available. Besides Project Refresh, there is also the Young NTUC U Heart, which lets you decide your own do-good projects for low-income families, the environment, for workers, the elderly or people with disabilities, and children or youth-at-risk. So you get to dictate the kind of change you want to make! Learn more about Young NTUC’s volunteering programmes here! * Name has been changed for privacy reasons This post is written in partnership with Young NTUC. Also read: To The Generations Before Us – Trust The Millennials With Singapore’s Future.