Category: Meet The Millennial

Editor’s Note: Andrew passed away peacefully at 11:25pm on 31 August 2019. We'd like to extend our heartfelt condolences to Andrew's family and friends.

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“It’s the absence of hope that makes cancer patients lose all sense of life.”

At 32, Andrew has only about four to six months to live, should his current treatments fail. He has Aggressive Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and it isn’t the first time medical treatments have failed on him. He had already gone through 10 rounds of what is supposed to be the most effective, available chemotherapy for his case, only for the cancer cells to return with a vengeance.

Within the span of less than a year, he has gone from optimistic and hopeful to terminally ill.  

When I first met Andrew about 9 years ago, he was an assistant producer at the place I interned at. In short, just an ordinary, healthy person who is few years my senior. Yet, when I met him at a cafe near his home earlier last week, he had to walk with the help of a cane. What used to be the physique of a sportsman is now this frail person with a slight hunchback, pallid face, and a bare head, save for a soft fuzz of hair that has started to regrow.

He was first diagnosed with stage 1 Aggressive Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of cancer that affects certain types of immune system cells, last June. The tumour has since grown to a point where he is unable to ‘survive’ without the use of morphine. The tumour growth near his lungs presses on his rib cage every time he takes a breath, causing him immense pain.

Morphine Sulfate Syrup
Andrew needs to take Morphine every few hours as the medication numbs the constant pain he is in
Image Credit: Andrew Hui
Morphine Sulfate Syrup
‘Pain patches’ like the one pictured above also helps to relieve the pain
Image Credit: Andrew Hui

Back then, it was only by pure coincidence that the doctor stumbled upon the tumor.  

Stage 1 Only, No Biggie

It was only when Andrew checked himself into A&E for a high fever one night when they found out.

He had gone to the hospital as a precautionary measure, as he had a history with Pneumothorax (collapsed lung). Fearing complications that could have arose from the major surgery he did for Pneumothorax prior, the doctors ran some x-ray tests on him. The tests returned with signs of a tumour growth at the upper part of his chest.

Further biopsy tests identified it as stage 1 Lymphoma.

“Back then, the doctors were super confident—it wasn’t a complicated case. 90 percent of people who had this [cancer] at this stage have been cured.”

With that assurance and his strong belief in the medical system, he proceeded with the recommended treatments—chemotherapy—confident that it was nothing to worry about.

“I had great trust in our medical treatments. Like eh, stage one [only], what is this man! You know, I thought this will just be something like a few months ‘holiday’ where I go for treatments, then I’ll be out soon enough.”

Nobody would have expected that he was that 10 percent.

Instead of shrinking, the tumour grew from 8cm to 13.5cm. By this time, the cancer cells had began to spread to his other organs—the worst sign of any cancer. The 10 rounds of chemotherapy, which comprised of R-EPOCH therapy, and another stronger, RICE therapy, had failed.

As he went on to explain how chemotherapy works on cancer patients, Andrew added that it is something he would never wish upon anybody.

“It lives up to its reputation as a very uncomfortable process.”

The side effects of chemotherapy varies for each person. For Andrew, the sessions completely sucked the life out of him and made it impossible to palate anything.  “I would eat and then ‘Merlion’ everything out.”

Besides the nausea, lethargy, and hair loss, there was also a general uneasiness in his body which he could only describe as “an oily feeling,” and “it’s like your body is rejecting [what’s being done to it]”

Coming To Terms With The Truth

When he saw the PET scan and heard the doctor’s remarks, his first thoughts were: “So how long more do I have left?”

“I don’t want to be in a situation where I haven’t said my goodbyes and I haven’t done my final things before I pass away.”

Any cancer patient would have mentally prepared themselves for the worst, but knowing that the worst that they could expect came true is another thing altogether. The news gutted Andrew and his family.

A Christian, he had on many occasions questioned why God allowed this to happen to him. He questioned why it had to be him. Why it had to be cancer.

Acceptance only came later, and it came from the pain that he had to go through.

“There was one night I really thought I was really going to die.”

He recounted to me about the night a bad coughing fit left him curled up into a ball on his bed. Besides the physical pain he felt at his ribs and the stars he was seeing from it, it also broke his heart to see his mother crying by his bedside.

“My mum said that she wished she could take the pain from me. She said that she wished she could be the one who had cancer instead of me. For me, for a child to see your mother crying for you so helplessly, it was so painful.”

In our generation, a lot of us spend long hours at work or with our friends. It was no different for Andrew. Looking back at the times he had placed work and friends above time with his family, his biggest regret is not having spent enough time with his mother.

“Ultimately, during the most difficult time of my life it was my mum who sat at the side of my bed. She cannot do anything but sit there and cry, but it’s this kind of relationship that [reminds me that this is something] we should never compromise.”

When You’re In The Face Of Death

Andrew's everyday life now revolves around rest. His therapies leave him with little energy for anything else. Besides the 16 or 17 hours of sleep he needs a day, he spends his time on simple pleasures like reading, catching up with friends, or fulfilling his wanderlust through travel shows on Netflix.

Since the traditional treatment of chemotherapy has failed, he has gone on to alternative therapies, which works slower and have a lower success rate. And because his is an aggressive cancer, it is now a race against time—for the alternative therapy to save him before the cancer takes his life.

However, the prognosis, or ‘time till death’ is not something that the doctors can determine as he is on a relatively new treatment. If it does not work, he will only have up to six months to live.

“The truth for cancer patients is that we cling on to every bit of hope if possible because otherwise, there’s really nothing else to cling on to anymore.”  

Hope. It is the one thing that keeps Andrew alive despite being in the face of death. Besides, cancer is unlike the common cough and flu, where you know recovery is only a matter of time with the help of medications.

Reflecting on his journey, he tells me about how the worst part is when the doctor looks at him with a look of defeat—when they look like they have no idea what else to do.

“It’s the absence of hope that makes cancer patients lose all sense of life.

The fear of death is what makes people struggle with coming to terms with being terminally ill, he explained, and stressed the importance of seeing death as a happy closure. The change in mindset and the understanding that death is one end to the pain and suffering is what helped him accept death.

Screen capture taken from Andrew Hui's Facebook page

Last Words: Prioritise Happiness & Hold On To Hope

As someone who used to be extremely health conscious, Andrew joked about how he regrets not living life previously. "I used to actively clamp down on a lot of things believing that I have my health under my control. I should have just eaten whatever I want!”

Lymphoma, however, is one of those mysterious diseases that do not discriminate. He just happened to one who has it.

“I think we should live our life as happy as possible. Make a commitment to live as happy as possible. Happiness is now. Happiness is eating dinner with friends and family instead of doing paperwork at 9pm thinking that your boss and company will appreciate.”

For those who are also terminally ill, “Never stop fighting. Fighting on is a big part of fighting cancer.”

Many patients get very depressed and scared as they fear the ultimate result of cancer: death. However, one needs to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel and believe that the pain will end.

“You need to believe that it will not be darkness when you close your eyes for the last time. [For me,] that is the hope I need to cling on to because otherwise I will fall into depression.”

Even loved ones will not be able to help in this journey, for it is a very personal battle when it comes to accepting death.

“We need to cling on to something larger and stronger than ourselves,” Andrew emphasised.

“The moment we give up hope, the battle is lost.”

Also read: Meet The ‘Spiritual Guru’ Whose Job Is To Make You Rethink Your Life.

They say that you are a reflection of the company you keep. For Asher, who had his brush with being “a little bit delinquent” in his secondary school days, this couldn’t be more true.

“You know lah, like most boys, I had those days where I was a ‘wannabe <a href=" (gangster)’,” Asher jested. Having a best friend with “a very beng perspective” and whose friends and family were all equally ‘beng’ rubbed off of him. He was on the path towards a similar lifestyle at that point. Those were the days where he would get into a lot of fights, just because.

Growing up in a single-parent household, things weren’t as simple back at home either. Due to conflicts he had with his mother, the animosity between them grew. Things escalated to the point where he decided to leave home. He lived with a friend, taking on multiple part-time jobs to cover his own school fees and personal expenses.

He was just a young polytechnic student at that point.

Asher back then
Image Credit: Asher Low

Then, he started to struggle with body dysmorphia: “I felt like I was ugly and that I was never good enough.” This feeling of inadequacy stuck with him well into his 20s and over time, developed into full-blown depression.

The turbulent emotions from dealing with the transitions in his life, coupled with the complications he faced with a dysfunctional family, led Asher down the path of self-harm. He had even attempted to take his own life as a way out.  

“I was actually really good at hiding it—my depression. The ones closest to me know, but it still came as a shock when they know that I hurt myself, especially for my mentors.”

It didn’t help that socially, it was also “not cool to have mental health problems, and not cool to get panic attacks.”

Fortunately, Asher’s personal anchor with his religion helped him out of such a lifestyle that he was on track for: “what really did save me was when I saw how my friends were taking drugs and all, and I saw the kind of lifestyle they were falling into.”

In church, he was given opportunities to work with youth-in-need, which opened up his eyes to social work.

“I was also blessed with mentors, friends, and a community that cared and believed in me. Today I want to give the struggling youths out there the same opportunities that were created for me.”

With that motivation, Asher’s work with youths later culminated in Limitless—a Voluntary Welfare Organisation (VWO) he started.

Running Limitless

“Imagine where will you be if all your boundaries are taken away. What can you achieve?”

Asher pitched, when I asked about how Limitless came about.

Together with his partner and a couple of like-minded friends, the initial concept of Project Imagine went through several changes before Limitless came to be today.

“We founded with the main mission of empowering youths, regardless of background, circumstances, or history, to fulfill their potential.”

Three years on today, the team has grown to include 40 volunteers with about 15 to 20 of them supporting Limitless with administration work, design, social media, web platforms, therapy and counselling work, and events.

Screen capture taken from Limitless’ website

Mental health is increasingly emphasised and not only do we hear of more people suffering from mental health disorders today, there are also increasingly younger Singaporeans seeking help for mental health issues.

But Why Is Our Younger Generation Facing Suffering?

Having gone through a difficult rite of passage himself, Asher explained that a lot of youths struggle with mental health issues because of the changes they face in their transition years: “It is where they are [susceptible to feeling lost and confused.]”

This is where Limitless steps in with various therapy work, befriending and counselling services, and a support helpline to provide a sort of ‘safe haven’ for youths to share their troubles. For youths who are born with disadvantaged circumstances especially, giving them that little boost goes a long way in empowering them to step out of their comfort zone and to fulfill their full potential.

“Say a youth who can’t focus in school because he has bipolar disorder and struggles with thoughts of killing himself. Or the youth who comes from a poor family and when she went to primary one, everyone else could do math already but she can’t because they went to preschool and she didn’t, and that caused her to be behind everyone else all the way into secondary school. So, we see our work as that of bridging that gap.”

Social programmes like dance, music and sport programmes are also avenues Limitless provides to facilitate their aim for the youths they serve.

Limitless

One of the climbing programmes organised by Limitless
Image Credit: Asher Low

A snippet of another programme
GIF credit: Limitless

With increasing focus on outreach and education on mental health, Limitless has also partnered with a network of organisations and companies to provide opportunities like subsidised tuition, internship, or even work for young adults.

It’s A Battle, But One Worth Fighting For

Although, running a VWO (charity) in Singapore is in itself the greatest challenge.

“To be honest for the first couple of years, the directors, including myself, were the primary [people funding the organisation]. Meaning I didn’t take a salary, and instead gave to the organisation whenever it was in the red. But it’s gotten better as more people hear about the work that we do.”

Today some of the funds that support their work include the Tote Board Shared Gifting Circle for Children and Youth Mental Health, the National Youth Fund, and private family led funds such as the Zen Dylan Koh Fund—which has been covered in a heartbreaking feature by Straits Times earlier this year.

https://www.facebook.com/TheStraitsTimes/posts/10155909003097115

For Asher, who finds privilege in being able to be surrounded by people in the ‘helping professions’, like counsellors, running Limitless is for himself as much as it is for the youths he champions for.

“When I meet young people who grew up with similar struggles to myself. Those who come from single parent or broken homes, and those who struggle with depression or come in telling me they hate themselves. I see myself in them.”

Although, working in such a social and service oriented industry still takes its toll on him. As someone who relates on a personal level with the many struggles his clients and youths go through, he has to keep steadfast to his vision. This, on top of having to sacrifice family time for work, and having to deal with problems of his own—his position makes it that much harder for him to share his problems freely.

However, he strongly believes that every youth have their own calling in life, regardless of circumstances, and all they need is the opportunity.

“These callings and destinies may right now be in the form of a dream, an aspiration, a strength, a passion, or quoting Marie Kondo: something that sparks joy in their life. I don’t want them to lose the opportunity to live out that potential.”

With a vision to continue advocating the concept of potential in youths, Asher hopes to train people to be able to stand through their struggles, and to be that friend to help others around call out the good in their life.

“If the youths get that support, a mentor, or opportunities in the most mouldable stage of their lives, I believe amazing things can happen. Because it happened for me.”

Also read: Paying It Forward: Why Volunteering During Chinese New Year Was More Valuable Than Any Angbao.

(All images used in header provided by Asher Low)

For the longest time, people have been paying thousands of dollars on 'healing stones' and special talismans that promise to bless the owners with better health and dispel negative energy.

"Scam", "gimmick", and "manipulative" are just some of the terms that come to mind when one thinks of anything spiritual, and that includes tarot card readings, fortune telling, and the sorts. But do they really deserve to be dubbed as such? And if they are, why do people still buy into things like these?

In search of answers, I found myself at the second floor of Fu Lu Shou Complex, where I decided to get an aura reading done at Kang Li Mineral Kingdom.

“I think people need these kind of spiritual [readings] to really let certain things go and help themselves and ourselves also.”

The 32-year-old spiritual practitioner, Yi Xin, explained when I asked her why people are still going for spiritual readings amidst my reading.

She has been working at Kang Li Mineral Kingdom for over 16 years now.

Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card Kang Li Mineral Kingdom Fu Lu Shou Crystal Healing
Kang Li Mineral Kingdom

Maybe it’s the warm smile staff wore or the soothing background music, but as I stepped foot into the shop, I felt welcomed and strangely at ease.

Unlike what I had envisioned, the shop isn’t rundown and cramped with sculptures and scriptures. Canvases of scenic oil paintings decorated the walls while gemstones and agate crystals lined two rows beneath them. A counter smack in the middle of the shop is lined with polaroid-like prints of aura photography, with labels such as “goddess aura” and “rainbow aura”.

Aura polaroid photography
Polaroids Of Auras

After savouring the cup of berry tea they served, one of the staff ushered me to another spot to get my aura photographed.

Getting My Aura Photographed

With a nervous smile, I made my way to a wooden bench positioned right in front of a black backdrop. A vintage looking film camera propped by a tripod sits a metre before me.

The staff told me to relax and place my hands on the two metal hand prints thats by my left and right, although my mind was racing with questions, “What in the world is going on? What does this do? How does this work?”, I kept mum and did as told.

Getting my aura photographed Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card Kang Li Mineral Kingdom Fu Lu Shou Crystal Healing
Getting My Aura Photographed

“Okay, now look into the camera, relax and smile!”

I took a deep breath and flashed a smile. I felt like a kid whose portrait was being taken for the school yearbook, excited but also nervous, with no idea what outcome to expect. A few seconds passed before the shutter went off.

A polaroid emerges from the camera and the staff pulls it out as a nearby printer starts to run, printing what looks like an analytical report.

Polaroid Aura Camera
The Aura Camera

I was then ushered to a more secluded corner of the shop, where Yi Xin greets me with a beaming smile. Unlike what’s portrayed in most films, Yi Xin is not dressed in a long flowy robe with a bandana in her hair and a cat purring on her lap. Instead, she’s got on a dark purple pantsuit, light makeup, and a gemstone pendant hangs from her neck.

At this point in time, I just want to know what my aura portrait means. Is it good? Is it bad? What does it say about me?

Aura Reading

Yi Xin starts off by introducing to me the whole concept behind auras.

Seven Chakras Human Aura Chart
The Seven Chakras Chart

“So basically how the aura forms is that we have these seven chakras that every one of us has. All these points will vibrate and give off energy based on what you think, how you feel and the things that you do. So when they all come together, naturally they’ll form your aura.”

On the left is what you’re attracting in. The right is what your future presents, and the centre is your core.

My aura presently? A bright scarlet red, with a presence of orange at the core. After seeing all the colourful auras that were plastered on the counter before this, I couldn’t help but feel worried, and my defences were up, ready to dispel any misinterpretation that may come my way.  

A month back, I’ve gotten my aura photographed for the very first time, and it was a dark brooding red. I showed Yi Xin my previous aura portrait and asked for her views. She placed both polaroids side by side and inspected it for a brief moment before giving me nods of approval.

Aura Photography Polaroid
My Old and New Aura Portraits
Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card Kang Li Mineral Kingdom Fu Lu Shou Crystal Healing
The Printing Of My Aura Report

Yi Xin share that I’ve got what she’d refer to as the “warrior aura” and people with such auras have a strong personality and it’s hard to shape someone like us.

“I think all along you are more careful with how you feel and you are more aggressive in the way that you are. The orange at the heart however shows that something lit up in you and you are now happier. Previously you were dealing with some really hard stuff but now you are better. You have dreams you are chasing and you feel joy, although you might still feel stifled sometimes.”

For someone who has only met me for the first time, Yi Xin was surprisingly accurate in reading my personal life. I was in awe, but also bewildered that she was able to deduce that I’ve just came out of a tough period in my life and am now at a much better place.

Any of us in this situation would be.

What Is This Aura You Speak Of?

“Any questions?”

“How were you able to tell all that with just a picture of coloured light? What exactly is aura again? And how did this whole aura thing came about? How does it work?”

Yi Xin laughed and beamed me a smile as she began addressing my doubts.

“Your aura is your energy, how you interact with people, what you put off to people. That's why when you meet certain people you might feel like they’re fierce or aloof, that kind of stuff, it's because of their aura.”

She went on to touch on the origins of aura photography, which was invented by a professor, <a href=" Guy Coggins, who wanted to create a tool to measure the human energy field in real time, and help therapists and healers better understand and aid those in need.

I told her about someone I knew from school who claimed that they could see people’s aura with their own eyes and asked her if that’s possible.

“Actually, I personally believe that it’s tough for one to be able to see auras, especially in Singapore.”

Yi Xin suggest that though it’s not impossible, it’s harder for it to be credible. Even she herself can’t see auras. After all, the auras “photographed” are actually credited to the biofeedback hand sensor and the aura machine.

Hand Biosensor Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card Kang Li Mineral Kingdom Fu Lu Shou Crystal Healing
Aura Machine's Hand Biosensor

The hand sensor itself has various contact points on them which are connected with certain organs of the body. This allows the machines to measure the electromagnetic field of the user and in turn deliver information about the energetic and auric qualities of that person.

The data is then projected as a radiant coloured glow on the polaroid.

“On the other hand, there are also [commercialised] aura readings
nowadays, where they just want to sell you a product. There are even apps that allow you to get your aura read with just a picture.”

Yi Xin feels that such apps only defeats the purpose as it’s not the most authentic experience, nor will it be as in depth and personalised, thus unable to provide that sense of clarity that most people come to seek for.

The Heiress of A Spiritual Shop

Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card Kang Li Mineral Kingdom Fu Lu Shou Crystal Healing
Yi Xin Doing A Tarot Card Reading For Me

As the daughter of the owners of Kang Li Mineral Kingdom, Yi Xin has been surrounded by spirituality since young. Besides aura photography, their shop also does tarot card reading, crystal healing spa, geomancy and feng shui, to name a few.

Thus, it doesn’t come as a surprise that at just age 17, Yi Xin has already started to dabble in aura reading, tarot card, feng shui and crystal healing, among others.

“Back then, there wasn’t anyone who could teach you such skills, and even if there are, they don't know how to begin teaching as well, so I started learning and reading the basics by myself.”

Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card
Yi Xin's Tarot Card Reading Essentials

“At first, I thought it was just explaining to people the meaning of the items so I was very [technical] with my readings. But as I grew older and talked to more people, I realised that I needed to meet and observe people of all walks of life to truly be able to identify the different kinds of auras and understand people better. Only then will I be able to know how to help different kinds of people better.”

In her quest to become a better spiritual practitioner, Yi Xin also keeps a diary of her aura reading sessions, where she notes down her own analysis of each customer she served, describing how she felt the person’s mind was, how their “heart” is like, and how their energy felt like to her.

Besides that, she and the other staff in the shop also do aura checks regularly to better understand their own energy and state of mind.

“That's why some people might ask why the report and what I share is different. The report is more general. It gives only the 'first layer', while my reading is based on my interpretation of you as well, and is more [personalised].”

“What Do You Even Know?”

As with everything, there are a lot of people who are skeptical about spirituality in general. Yi Xin is fine with that, but then, there are people who are just downright disrespectful.

Spiritual Guru Singapore Aura Reading Tarot Card
Kang Li Mineral Kingdom's Aura Reading

“I’ve had cases where people would come in here and try to taunt me with comments like 'what do you even know about auras, you’re too young' or even challenge me by doing their own reading with their own customers in our shop. Some even come into the shop just to mess with the items.” she sighed as she recounts some of the less-than-pleasant encounters that she has had.

These has often caused Yi Xin to feel dejected, especially so at the earlier stages of her career. But as the years went by, she has come to realise that no matter what she does, there will always be people who don't believe in what she does.

“It used to affect me a lot because it feels like they didn’t even give me a chance in the first place. They come with the mindset that they don't believe and won't believe, and nothing will change if they've already set on the verdict beforehand. That’s why now I prefer to only read for those who genuinely need some sort of clarity and is willing to give it a chance.”

The Light In All Things

But that’s something she’s willing to accept, as long as she gets to continue helping people out there.

“Personally, what I want to do is just help people. People who feel like they’ve lost their hope, is lost in life, can’t properly see a situation or a way out of their problem. As a spiritual practitioner, I believe my purpose is to give people peace of mind and help them gain some sort of introspection.”

However, It’s only recently that Yi Xin saw the light in her career.

“What changed was that I actually met someone who closed himself off from his family for weeks because he wanted to commit suicide. But through the spiritual reading, he opened up and was able to gain another perspective of the problems he was facing.”

It is also because of cases like these that initially motivated her to make the switch from film (which she studied) to this line of work—it is more meaningful and fulfilling.

Some Things Just Are

Be it aura reading, horoscopes, or tarot card reading, the spiritual is always intangible and up to one’s interpretation and discernment.

If a session of aura reading can provide solace to someone who felt like they’ve lost all hope, who are we to determine whether it’s right or wrong? After all, it’s human nature for us to yearn for something to believe in, something that will get us through the toughest of times and provide us with the reassurance of better days ahead.

Whether we choose to believe it or not, it’s undeniable that spiritual readings are indeed beneficial to some.

Perhaps we’ve been asking the wrong questions all along. Instead of being fixated on the whole “is this real” debate, what we should have been asking is “why?”.

Despite all the skepticism, Yi Xin has accepted that hers is not a path that is recognised by most people. It doesn't matter either because it is not for her to decide what other people speak of her.

Ultimately, her biggest wish is for those who visit her shop for spiritual readings to leave the place with a new found sense of clarity to take on the world with zest once more. And if she can be that person to enable her customers or make them that little bit happier, it's enough.

Also read: Legit Or Not? A Sceptical Millennial Tries Hypnotherapy By A Professional In Singapore

If you’ve ever looked down at the spare tire around your waist and felt sad for yourself for having grown so fat, then resolving to diet but never actually getting down to it, cheers.

Unless you are one of the lucky bastards blessed with high metabolism, you will know how hard it is to stay fit. It’s damn near impossible when you love food, especially when distractions are everywhere—GrabFood promotions, seasonal fast food menus, and new food places popping out every so often.

And when work already sucks the energy out of you, exercise’s hardly an option.

For those who have been following our Real Talk episodes however, you would have noticed the transformation of one of the cast members, Dew, whose weight loss journey inspired the #DUNSTOP ‘challenge’.

Here, we spoke to him to find out how he went from fatso to (quite a) fitspo in just a few months.

The Beginning Of #DUNSTOP

In an old photo of Dew from 10 years ago, he was actually a tall and thin guy, although, he had gone “in and out of the fat zone” before.

Dew when he was a teenager and him in 2018

It was only when he started working full-time when he started to gain weight. While he knew that he was in the “fat range”, he never knew that he was that fat: “Y’know? When you look at yourself in the mirror and start justifying yourself?”

The realisation came when he casually decided to weigh himself after a indulgent Mala BBQ dinner.

“In my head, I was maybe like 85KG to 88KG, but I wasn’t! I WAS F***ING 99KG. So I was like, f***! I can’t do this, I need to lose weight.”

Knowing that he was once stick thin when he was in his teens motivated him a little, as it gave him the understanding that he could lose weight quickly if he tried.

It wasn’t the first time he had tried to lose weight either, as he had lost 14KG from dieting back in 2015. However, eating only meat and vegetables, and taking only two meals daily was a dreadful experience.

“I was suffering and I didn’t want to go through that again. I remembered seeing Fakkah Fuzz (a local stand-up comedian) posting about YOLO Food. I started researching and decided to try it for a month.”

For the whole month, Dew did nothing but diet, sticking to a strict meal plan from YOLO Food (a healthy food delivery service), and ensuring that he was doing a calorie deficit of 500kcals.

“You need to find out your base metabolic rate. For me, I burn 1900kcals a day at that time. So, I only eat up to 1,400kcals a day.”

Healthy food is pricey and the money for his meals was one significant investment, but for Dew, the most ‘painful’ part is having to cut out the things that he was so used to.

Fighting Distractions And Desires

Besides completely abstaining from sugar and carbs for the first month, Dew started to switch out a lot of his usual go-to foods for healthier alternatives.

Kopi Peng turned into Kopi C Kosong. Rice turned into Cauliflower Rice. Potato turned into Sweet Potato. Mala turned into… no more lah.”

Naturally, it was hard at the start. For Dew, taking away certain foods is akin to taking away his weekends, because “I had nothing to look forward to in terms of food.” But, the results began to show when he lost 8KG purely from watching his diet.

Subsequently, he started working out and breaking up his diet to complement his workouts.

Screenshot taken from his Instagram Highlights


Dew’s workout routine in the second month

Like his diet, working out is also a lot of self-discipline and self-motivation.

It’s also key to reward yourself for the hard work and for Dew, it’s as simple as taking a puff at the end of his workout—which he always documents on his Instagram Stories with “#DUNSTOP”.

As the months passed, he added more bodyweight and core workouts to suit his pace.

It Wasn’t That Easy Of Course

There were times where it got really exhausting. For times where Dew feels like he needs a little ‘break’, he settles it with a small bag of chips, “and then I feel like shit because I cheated and I’ll stop.”

However, a stronger motivation was the peer support.

“It might sound superficial but what really helped me to not stop is when people go like ‘whoa! you lost so much weight!’ It also helped that my friends were cheering me on day-to-day and most importantly, they joined me for workouts.”

Dew exercising with one of his friends

The personal satisfaction he got from seeing results, mentally and through the numbers on the scale, also kept him going

By the end of the fourth month, Dew lost 18.5KG.

Healthy living is a lifestyle, not a sprint

Eight months into his fitness journey and having hit his 20KG weight loss goal, Dew has gone on to do strength training while still keeping his diet—eating at a calorie deficit and avoiding white carbs and sugar.

Although, he’s also a bit more lenient on himself on weekends, where he eats what he wants.  

Apart from the shift in wardrobe and body size, his physical transformation has also boosted his confidence and helped him a lot mentally.

“It feels good to know I'm at lesser risk of getting health problems. This journey really taught me the importance of trying and not giving up. I tend to call "bullshit" on people who keeps quoting ‘don't give up don't give up’, but this has shown the actual results.”

Dew emphasised that at the end of the day, “healthy living is a lifestyle, not a sprint.”

Instead of comparing yourself and your progress against others, go with the pace you’re comfortable with. Try the different diets available and find one that suits your day-to-day needs. Stick to it for three months or so, then change it up so you don't get bored.

But most importantly, slow progress doesn't mean no progress. Just—as Dew also says in his Stories—#DUNSTOP!

Also read: Hustle Together, Stay Together – These Singaporean Couples Prove That Office Romance Can Work.

“She spilled water all over my laptop just a day before submissions, but I could not get angry at her. I was mad at myself for not managing my time well,” Aida laughed as she recalled a story of one of her sisters. Nur Aida Sa’ad, 28, grew up with two special needs sisters. This, of course, has placed Aida and her family in many unexpected situations. Unlike any other ‘normal’ family, theirs is one of a kind. Her family has had to deal with broken mirrors, random outbursts late at night or early in the morning, and Aida even had her computer hurled onto the floor once. “Every day is a different day. We can’t pinpoint the triggers and causes. So you learn how to roll with the punches,” said Aida, also better known as Yellow Mushmellow on Instagram.
Hullabaloo
Image Credit: The Artground

Growing Up With Two Special Needs Sisters

Aida’s whole life has been a test of guessing what her sisters love or hate. Figuring out what makes them happy and what triggers their emotions. There was never an exact “formula” as to how they should handle certain meltdowns. “My mom has been doing this for over 20 years now but she’s still experimenting everyday, learning and making things up as we go along,” explained Aida. Last year, Aida got her first taste of being a ‘mom’ as her parents left her to take care of her two sisters for a whole month. She worked on a series of comics that depicted the mayhem that ensued when their parents left for a religious pilgrimage to Mecca.
yellow mushmellow
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
“My parents were away for 34 days. If you watch movies, for most people, this probably means a month of misadventure and mayhem, of screaming and dancing, of breaking things, breaking rules, and all hell breaking loose. It was exactly the same for us,” Aida shared. Before her parents left for their pilgrimage, they devised a pre-emptive gameplan to distract her sisters so they wouldn’t kick up a fuss knowing that the parents will be away for a whole month. While the parents were in Mecca, Aida shared several short stories on her website and Instagram to document the adventures and mischiefs they got up to. She brought her sisters out for cafe dates, trips to the museums, and stayed out late. Instead of cooping them up at home, Aida ensured that her sisters were exposed and not limited to any experiences due to their conditions.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
“The comics were funny but my emotions were real and very raw. I’d write down notes on my phone to remember how I felt in the moment. I remember feeling all sorts of sad and stressed that month,” she added.
yellow mushmellow
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
Being the eldest meant that she had to shoulder a lot of responsibilities. Knowing that her parents were away, she had to step up and play the parental figure. “I think I’m more than happy to be a less-than-proper mom,” she jokingly added. She also shared that since young, she would often question her parents, “Why are my sisters like that?” Aida’s parents gave her the gift of perspective from a very young age. Despite her sisters’ conditions, her parents taught her a lot about love and acceptance. While most kids would whine over the lack of attention from our parents growing up, Aida turned her situation around and celebrated her sisters’ differences instead.

Discovering Her Love For The Arts

Over the past weekend, I met with Aida at her first art installation at The Artground. Called ‘Hullabaloo’ - it is an explosion of colours, patterns and shapes, which beckon children’s exploration and discovery. Aida drew inspiration from the expressive and colourful drawings done by her youngest sister, Aisha, who has autism. Hullabaloo was born out of her fascination towards Aisha’s silly and sometimes unconventional points of view.
hullabaloo art ground
Image Credit: Millennials Of SG
“Aisha went on a rainbow rampage for a year and her obsession with everything rainbow got slightly out of hand. Her collection of rainbow things even included My Little Pony Rainbow Dash figurines that she arranged in her rainbow corner like a shrine. My mom calls it the rainbow warpath,” Aida laughed.
hullabaloo art ground
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
Art, for most of Aida’s life, was just a hobby. It wasn’t until her ‘A’ Level Exams that she realised her love for creating little doodles was something worth exploring - not just in University, but also as a profession. When The Artground approached her to create a play space, she wanted to use her sister’s rainbows as a starting point, and they provided her with a space and audience to showcase Aisha’s brilliance. “People with autism have a unique point of view. Hullabaloo is a safe space to have fun, play and learn about different perspectives,” she added.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: The Artground
After 4 years of working as a freelance artist, Aida has gained a strong following on Instagram as many relate easily to her work which reflect fun and interesting points of view from everyday observations and a glimpse into the everyday chaos that comes with caring for two special needs sisters. Most of her projects start out as silly ideas or just mindless hobbies that she does for no reason other than that she really wanted to do them. She also found that drawing forces her to process the events that has happened at home and publishing it forces her to make light out of her situation. Despite feeling all sorts of emotions at home, she channels it into her drawings and comics instead.

A Celebration For People With Special Needs

Over 5 months, Aida worked on bringing Aisha’s rainbows from page to stage. She compiled all of Aisha’s previous drawings and drew inspiration from them. The space at The Artground was designed to resemble Aisha’s world she has created in her drawings.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: The Artground
“My family was heavily involved in the process of building Hullabaloo,” she added, “we even roped in Aisha and her group of friends who are on the spectrum in the process.” Aisha would meet her friends weekly to engage in art projects, with plenty of tactile experiences including woven patchwork blankets with sensory materials for toddlers.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
The exhibition eventually became a celebration for kids with special needs. On the day of the launch, The Artground invited Roly Poly Family SG to hold a dance party for just Aisha and her friends. They also flew in Oddysea by Sensorium Theatre which is an immersive, multi-sensory theatre production designed specifically for children with disabilities. There was also this little exhibition box within the installation that housed a display of Aisha’s drawings from over the years - a demonstration of her little quirks, obsessions and world rich of imagination.
hullabaloo art ground
Image Credit: The Artground
“I’ve always thought Aisha was brilliant because no one ever taught her any of these things,” Aida smiled as she proudly showed me Aisha’s works.

Not A Walk In The Park

Aida’s special needs sisters has been her biggest source of inspiration. Children have the ability to imagine, to be playful about things, which she sees in her sisters. Just encountering how they see the world gives her a whole different perspective on life.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: The Artground
However, growing up with them and the unpredictability that comes with it forces her to make light of every situation life throws at her, whether good or bad. It’s never been an easy journey for Aida, balancing time for herself and being there for the family. “They take up a lot of my energy but I’m lucky that I have friends and family members who are supportive and willing to help out in any way,” said Aida. On days when she’s too tired to bring her sisters out, her friends would help out by taking the sisters on long drives and making it a fun experience out of something that is typically mundane and ordinary for most of us.
hullabaloo artground
Image Credit: Nur Aida Sa'ad
“We’d dress up, sing out loud in the car and make it a fun excursion for everyone,” she added.

They’re Inspiring And Brilliant In Their Own Ways

Despite the smiles and her chirpy demeanour, Aida constantly worries about the uncertainties that lies ahead. “I’ll have to take care of my sisters once my parents pass on. But what if I get married someday? Can my partner accept and be understanding of my situation?” she exclaimed. Regardless, she hopes to give an insight to the behaviour of people with special needs through her light-hearted illustrations and comics, which she shares online. “I try to be funny lah even though I don’t really think I am, but I feel like humour is a good way to talk about things that people may be uncomfortable about,” she added. People commonly associate (people with) special needs to be burdensome or less capable, but they are inspiring and brilliant in their own ways. “I hope Singaporeans will be more aware and understanding when they see people with special needs out in public,” she said. Also read, Life After Prison: After 6 Years Of Being In A Gang, He Is Now Pursuing A Future In Music
There are the traditionally celebrated professions that everyone recognise, like lawyers, doctors, and teachers. Then, there are those off the beaten path. Lesser-known professions that make most of us frown and wonder: legit or not? In this new Legit Or Not? series, we will be exploring unorthodox professions in Singapore and where we seek answers to the questions that most of us have: what the heck do they actually do? Kicking off our first Legit Or Not? Series; Meet Professional Hypnotist, Lee McKing.

It’s All In Our Mind

Pokemon Hypno GIF
GIF from GIPHY
“Look at the watch, now, you are feeling very sleepy, and you are going to fall asleep...” We’ve all heard these instructions and seen those swinging pocket watches and the swirly eyes of the hypnotised in shows or cartoons. And because of how it has been portrayed to us since young, we tend to view hypnosis negatively. Like something that one should avoid being under. But are what we know of hypnosis real or are they really just uninformed stereotypes? That was what I sought to find out when I met McKing, who’s a Certified Hypnotist specialising in Conversational Hypnosis and also Certified Member of the International Association of Professional Conversational Hypnotists. Though it is probably nothing compared to professional hypnotherapy, I had already gotten a taste of hypnosis at a Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) course my previous company sent me to. I learnt how our mind works and how hypnosis is based upon an understanding of that. But as much as I could rationalise the theory of hypnosis, I was still a sceptic and wasn’t convinced about the effectiveness of it. Nonetheless, I kept an open mind as I chatted with McKing. At least, I tried to as much as I could. For the sake of journalism.
Hypnotherapist Lee McKing
Image Credit: Lee McKing
First impression counts and it was clear from McKing’s ensemble of a tailored vest, bow-tie, and a vintage pocket watch neatly tucked into his vest pocket that he wasn’t the conventional corporate slave. “I like the overall professional look as it builds trust in my clients. It’s good for branding,” McKing explained. Unlike what’s typically portrayed in shows however, McKing’s pocket watch is a lot more more aesthetics than it is for therapy. Though it is one of the tools that traditional hypnotherapists do use to induce trance. “Hypnosis happens when you are in a trance. It’s all about focus and imagination, and getting someone to look at something, like swinging pocket watch, helps them focus and ease them into a trance-like state.”
Hypnotist pocket watch
McKing's pocket watch
In fact, on McKing’s website, he elaborates that we already experience trance in our everyday lives, like when we brush our teeth and later on forgetting whether we had brushed it. Or when we are staring into the distance as we daydream. I’m glad that it’s not the age that is making me forget if I had brushed my teeth these days.

No, It’s Not Black Magic

Coming from a staunch Catholic family, McKing’s family and relatives used to think hypnosis is ‘Devil’s Black Magic’. He didn’t believe in hypnosis either, but his interest was piqued after experiencing it firsthand during an NLP course. He then went on to a specialised course to further study hypnosis. McKing practiced hypnosis on a casual basis for awhile. It was only after successfully using hypnosis to relieve the ache his mother felt in her arm and seeing her swollen arm heal that he began thinking about using hypnosis to help people. In 2015, he officially registered his practice. McKing goes on to explain why hypnosis isn’t magic as much as it is tapping into the unconscious mind. “You have your conscious mind which acts as the gatekeeper, and the unconscious mind, where all your internal beliefs, personal ethics, and core values that have developed since young are stored.”
Hypnotist Lee McKing
Felt a little like I was talking to a doctor, but for the mind.
“Our conscious mind filters information and because we will believe what we want to believe, it’s more effective to foster positive change when someone is in a trance (hypnosis). This way, you’re able to speak to the unconscious mind.” Made sense, I thought, despite my scepticism.

Traditional VS. Modern Conversational Hypnotherapy

Like the impression most of us have of a hypnotist’s pocket watch, I asked McKing about the need to put someone to sleep for hypnotherapy. “No need. I’ve even done open-eye trance before!” While traditional hypnotherapists tend to rely on scripts and take very long to bring a person deeper and deeper into hypnosis before planting a suggested solution, McKing explains that his modern conversational style focuses on targeting the problem directly without putting the person to sleep. He also claimed that most issues can be resolved within one session. Spending time to first understand his clients history and background is one of his ways in achieving that. Then, I asked if it’s possible to be stuck in hypnosis. McKing laughed as he said no. I was relieved, as I was going to be hypnotised by him.

How Hypnosis Felt Like

McKing first let me experience what is supposedly a common technique used in stage hypnosis (performances): arm levitation. I was asked to imagine a helium balloon tied to my left wrist. As he gently described the scenario further, it did start to feel like my left wrist was lighter than the other. My left arm started to rise slowly. I wasn’t sure if it was truly psycho semantic or whether I just did it because I felt like it was expected of me to do so. Next, we worked on my procrastination problem - something that was worked on when I did NLP but to little success.
Being hypnotised
I may look like I was ignoring him or asleep, but I was on a little adventure in my head.
As I relaxed, McKing brought me back into trance again. This time round, I was asked to imagine a safe place and describe it to him as specific as I can, I eventually ‘travelled’ to my room, got in bed and under the blankets. By then, I was in that calm and peaceful state that felt like when you’re about to fall asleep but your mind is still, maybe 50% conscious. With McKing’s verbal guidance, I went on an entire imaginative journey in my mind where I was to find the solutions to my problem. Although not the best way to describe how that whole hypnosis felt like, it was a bit like I was daydreaming, but with a soft voice giving me instructions on what to daydream about. Before McKing brought me out of my trance back to reality, I did identify the reasons behind my procrastination (laziness, lack of inspiration), and how I can solve them (do things that I like and that makes me happy). Though it also seems like a reminder of something I already knew but didn’t want to think about. Perhaps, though, this is what hypnosis does? Directing your mind to fully concentrate on something so you can find solutions. I wasn’t sure if it had resolved my problem with procrastination.

Hypnosis As A Profession

While I still wasn’t a convert, it’s evident that hypnotherapy isn’t exactly a fad either. As McKing shared success story after success story of the 493 individuals he has treated over the past three-and-a-half years, I could sense the passion and belief he has in his trade. And I believe that there is a reason that he’s still able to do this full-time after more than three years. Studies have also proven that hypnotherapy has been effective in treating various issues from mental and behaviour issues to illnesses. In a thoroughly researched article written about hypnosis, there are even case studies that prove the success of hypnotherapy beyond just mental issues.
Hypnotherapy case studies
Screen capture from the article here.
As for McKing, he’s treated many clients for mental health-related issues like anxiety and depression. Fears, which to him, are the easiest to treat, and other interesting issues like unusual soreness in the cheeks are also issues clients ask to be treated for from time to time. Judgment is inevitable as a professional in this field, and the 29-year-old admit that he had lost friends for his choice of career, “I had friends who didn’t want to meet me anymore after finding out what I do.” However, it’s the joy and satisfaction of being able to solve problems for clients that conventional treatments or medicines aren’t able to treat that push him on. Being his own boss is an additional perk, as that meant that work is ‘own time, own target’. McKing meets an average of six to ten clients weekly, half of which are chit-chat sessions to find out more about his clients’ problem and history to determine a suitable solution. This is also when he explains to them what hypnotherapy is. “They have to be willing to accept hypnosis for the therapy to work, so I always let clients deliberate at home and call me back when they have decided to proceed with it.” McKing doesn’t charge for the chit-chat session, so his only income comes from the actual hypnotherapy sessions, which he charges for $350 per one hour hypnotherapy session. Occasionally, he draws more when he gets engaged for corporate or event jobs.

Legit Or Not?

I better understood the rationale behind hypnosis and got an insight into the possibilities of using it for therapy. And I believe that there are people who have benefitted from hypnotherapy. If it was to get me to relax, hypnosis easily put me in to a state of zen. But whether it works in solving mental health issues or even medical illnesses, I remain unconvinced. Though perhaps that is the very reason that is deterring me from fully accepting hypnosis in the first place. Whichever it is, one thing’s for sure: hypnosis definitely isn’t Get Out or Inception. Keen to know more about hypnosis and hypnotherapy? Head over to <a href=" website <a href=" Also read, An Afternoon With A ‘Handphone Shop Ah Beng’: “My Mum Said That I’m A Disgrace".
If one were to walk past Crow on the streets, one would easily pass him off as ‘one of those matreps’. After all, he fits perfectly into that mould: Malay, tattooed arms, smokes, plays the guitar and sings. His appearance and the stereotypical label that comes with it naturally meant that he has to put in twice the effort to earn the respect of society. What makes it that much harder is the stain of a criminal record that follows him for life. When I met Crow at Orita Sinclair School of Design & Music where he’s studying however, his calm and friendly disposition is a complete opposite of who he described himself to be in his wayward adolescent years. If I wasn’t aware of his past from a video feature our team did of him a year ago, I will never fathom that he was once a prominent gang member and had served six years in prison for gang-related activities and what was classified as a murder case. https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/749610395200380/ He spoke briefly about his journey in our video so when I caught up with him last week, I wanted to dive deeper into how everything started and also how much life has changed for him since the team last met him.

Growing Up In A Different World

Unlike average Singaporeans, Crow never had a proper family growing up. Neither did he really have a home. Home was wherever the person his single mother paid to look after him stayed, for she had to slog day and night to support him and his stepbrother.
Crow Yuzree
An old photo that Crow kept of his mum and him
With no family and no place he could truly call home, he sought solace in his friends. The many fights he got into with his mum for his lack of interest in studies pushed him further down the wrong path. At 14, he dropped out of school and a year later, joined a gang. “All my friends started joining the gang so I thought, why not? Since they are all in there, I’ll just join them too.” It is from thereon that Crow fell into the typical ‘gangster lifestyle’. He got tattooed, went clubbing, took drugs, sold drugs, got into fights, slashed and hurt many people with the use of weapons. To an outsider, these are acts done by people who do not know what they are doing. And this isn’t far from the truth. These made up Crow’s teenage years.
Crow Yuzree's past
A typical day for Crow back then include hanging out at the club, which tend to lead to fights
Crow’s world was about survival in the most primal sense. Where fights are default solutions to conflicts, violence became normalised behaviour for him. “I’m someone who want to be the best so I did whatever is expected of me and do it well to prove my worth in the gang.” Soon enough, Crow climbed the ranks and made a name for himself in the ‘gang scene’. Yet, none of his family members knew about his identity.

The First Changing Point

Things took a turn when Crow was 19. After surviving from a fight that left him with injuries so bad he was admitted to the ICU, and seeing his crying mother at the foot of his bed, the mother and child reconciled. That moment brought back long lost feelings of love and concern that he had always longed for from her. Their relationship improved but just four months after, she passed away from a sudden illness.
“It felt like the world just stopped.”
It was at that point that Crow started reflecting and decided to leave the gang. At 19 and serving NS however, it wasn’t long before Crow found himself back in the predicament of going back to his old days due to financial pressures. With $350 of his $520 monthly allowance going towards the rental of his mum’s flat, the remaining was barely enough to cover utilities, food, and transport among other expenses. Life After Prison He started selling cigarettes to earn and eventually succumbed to selling drugs when the bills piled up. One thing led to the other and he was soon back in his old gang. This time round, as a headman of a particular territory with over 20 boys under him.

The Law Caught Up

Things started going South when a huge fight left one of his gang members dead. Knowing that the investigations will lead the police to him, he went into hiding at various hotels and friends’ houses. He was caught in the end, along with all his boys when they were celebrating Ramadan back in his rental home. Detained by MHA under the Criminal Law Act and sent to prison immediately with no release date came as a shock to Crow at first.
“I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but I never imagined actually being in prison.”
Prison life was undoubtedly hard and it took him more than a year to accustom himself to the new life. Facing four walls all day, losing the freedom to do what he wants to do, and having to perform the same routine over and over again was a huge mental challenge. The hardest part, however, is that there was no ‘end date’ to all of that because he did not know when he was going to be released, or whether he was even going to be released. Many times, Crow had to distract himself from such depressing thoughts by doing things he never would have done prior, like reading. Disgruntled by how the legislation could lock anyone up without any release date, he decided to ‘take revenge’, “I was thinking that since they are going to do this to me, fine, I will take full advantage of whatever facilities or resources they have.” Who knew that that motivation was what became the turning point of Crow’s life. Life After Prison After getting into Prison School and realising that he could actually do anything well if he puts his mind to it, he went on to complete his O-levels and A-levels there. Most of all, as he was exposed to more knowledge, he begin to realise what he wanted to do when he gets out. “I want to be a better me, to do good things for myself and for people. If not for myself, I owe it to all my loved ones who have visited me to do so.”

Letting Bygones Be Bygones

After six years, Crow finally got his second chance in life. Leaving prison and his past behind in 2016, he decided to use what he experienced and channel his learnings towards touching the lives of people through music.
Life After Prison
“Music can make people feel things and it’s amazing that within that few minutes, you can change someone’s life or perspective. I want to do that with my music.”
He went on to pursue a two year part-time Diploma in Music Production and Audio Engineering. As a personal bid to prove his self-worth, Crow also works on freelance video editing projects to earn his own keep despite receiving full sponsorship from Yellow Ribbon project to help his reintegration into society. When asked if he is worried about potential trouble from his past for sharing about it, Crow explained humbly, “there’s a lot of genuinely nice people who have made bad choices in life, but lack the motivation or courage to change. I hope that my story can inspire them, that they can change too if they want to.” With only a few days to his graduation show on 15 October where he will be performing his first Single, Dunia Duit(Malay for ‘World of Money’), I wondered if the 29-year-old regrets his past. “I wouldn’t say I regret because if not for all the things that I have done and gone through, I will probably still be that naive guy with no clue what he’s doing with his life.” Beyond the social stigma, being branded an ex-offender comes with real impediments like not being to travel, having a curfew, and being restricted from certain places. Regardless, Crow doesn’t see his past actions as a hindrance to his future. When I asked if he feels the same way with his mother however, I could tell the remorse in the slight quiver in his voice. “My mum worked very hard to make ends meet so my only regret is not being able to show her my O-level results. I’ve gone on to succeed in many positive things but she will never be able to witness it.” Also read, 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.
There’s a saying that you should never forget your roots. As millennials, we’re guilty of knowing more about pop culture than our own Singaporean heritage. But knowing our cultural heritage is important because it’s what makes Singapore distinctive in an increasingly globalised world. It also anchors us to our families, our communities and our shared values.

In our journey to go back to our roots, we caught up with 3 millennials who are pursuing their passion for traditional art forms. Here are their stories on disputing generation stereotypes, chasing their dreams, and preserving the invaluable cultural heritage passed down from our forefathers.

ISMAHAIRIE PUTRA ISHAK, 32 – VIOLINIST AND OUDIST

Image Credit: Ismahairie

EMBRACING TRADITIONAL MALAY MUSIC

I was first exposed to traditional Malay music when I was a member of the Singapore Malay Orchestra in 1996. I picked up the Oud then. Never expected to fall in love with it, but I did. People are surprised to see me play the Oud because they relate it to traditional music and assume that it’s only played by the older folks. I create original compositions by combining traditional and contemporary elements. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction to show people that music is for everyone, regardless of age, genre, or style.

MAKING A TOUGH DECISION

Image Credit: Ismahairie
It wasn’t an easy choice to pursue my passion in Malay music, especially in the early years after my national service. My mum wanted me to sign on to have a stable income with sufficient CPF. I had to assure her that I could do it and that there is a growing market for Malay music in Singapore. There were many sacrifices I had to make, and it’s really tough when I have to give up celebrating festive seasons or family gatherings because of rehearsals.

BELIEVING IN TRADITIONAL ARTS

But I’m glad that I didn’t give up on the dream. I chose to follow my passion for Malay music because I not only believe in my craft, I believe in doing what I love. To me, traditional arts is important because it teaches us important values. It keeps us grounded in our culture, which is rapidly losing its flavour among other influences. Being a traditional musician allows me to stand out.
Image Credit: Ismahairie
Today, I am a violinist and an Oudist. In the day, I teach little kids the violin, and by night, I’m a performing musician, promoting my own craft as well as traditional music. I’m in the midst of producing my own instrumental album now and am planning to write a music syllabus for the Oud one day. I want more people to know that playing the Oud is as easy as playing the guitar, and I hope my syllabus will help more people pick up the Oud.

ELIZABETH CHAN, 27 – CHINESE DANCE PRACTITIONER

Image Credit: Elizabeth Chan

IT STARTED WHEN SHE WAS THREE

I was three when I saw my mum taking dance classes. I pestered her into letting me join my own Chinese dance classes, which I eventually attended weekly. In secondary school, I joined the Chinese dance club and it was there that I decided I wanted to do Chinese dance professionally. I went on to do a degree in dance at the Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts (HKAPA), majoring in Chinese Dance.

THE PURSUIT

Just like everything else that matters, pursuing dance is difficult. For me, the hardest part is having to overcome the constant self-doubt and discouraging sentiments from people who don’t understand the practicality of pursuing such an art form. As a growing dancer, you’ll doubt yourself over and over again, especially when there are better dancers out there with better technique and better bodies.
Image Credit: Elizabeth Chan
One significant milestone in my journey was when I received the Singapore Hokkien Huay Kuan Arts and Cultural Scholarship in 2010 to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Chinese Dance at the HKAPA. I went into dance research and further discovered the beauty of Chinese Dance there. That experience really opened up a whole new world to me.

TRADITIONAL ARTS IS A PART OF US

The arts are about many things, but you can't take the human element out of it. And it’s the same for tradition. These are things that we create for ourselves and our fellow human beings to enjoy, experience, and appreciate life. In today's society where people are constantly scrambling to be the best and chasing after profits, the traditional arts promotes the warmth of our community, and the sensitivity that we need when trying to understand others.

SUSHMA SOMASEKHARAN, 30 – CARNATIC VOCALIST

Image Credit: Aalaap

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW

I started learning Carnatic Music at the age of four. My parents were very fond of it and it was their way of rooting me back to my Indian heritage and culture. Today, I’m a Carnatic Vocalist (South Indian Classical Vocalist). Carnatic music is one of the oldest forms of music from India and is associated with the Southern part of India.

FINDING JOY IN TRADITIONAL ARTS

 

 

People tend to see Carnatic music as a niche art form and I can understand why. Even as a traditional arts practitioner myself, I’m not an aficionado in every other traditional art form out there. But when I listen or watch other art forms, I do it with an open mind and I am prepared to be inspired and pick up something new. And that is what I hope for the public – to see traditional arts with an open mind. Even if the art forms are different from pop culture, there are many beautiful moments which can be experienced if you are open to it.

IMPORTANCE OF THE ARTS

Traditional arts play a huge role in any heritage and culture. I think it is important to acknowledge that what we have today stemmed from the traditional arts. It is the same reason why schools teach History as a subject. We wouldn’t be where we are today without the happenings of the past.
Image Credit: Shankar Ramchandran
That said, I do wonder if it’s practical for me to pursue Carnatic music every now and then. The emphasis on material success is very apparent in Singapore and it can be daunting to an arts practitioner, especially if we are not getting enough concert opportunities to quantify the time and effort spent on it. Many times I have been asked: “Oh, you’re a singer but wait, what do you do for a full-time job?’’ Such questions can make us doubt ourselves in pursuing the art.
Image Credit: Shankar Ramchandran
There are moments when I compare myself to my peers and wonder if a full-time corporate life would be better, but I realise that there is truly nothing more satisfying than music for me. It was an important process for me to understand that this is not a fundamental pursuit of money or fame. It is the pursuit of art itself.

SUPPORT TRADITIONAL ARTS!

It’s not common to see the younger generation appreciating something we think only our parents and grandparents would enjoy. But these millennials took a path less travelled and persevered. More than that, they are striving to give our traditional arts scene a new lease of life, so show them some love and support! Find out more about the traditional arts scene in Singapore and check out their upcoming activities and performances <a href=" This article is written in partnership with the National Arts Council.
Is it possible to have a friend 60 years older than you? In today’s digital era where Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook are the average millennial’s best friend, you’ll be hard pressed to find millennials connecting with their family members ‘offline’. As millennials ourselves, we know how hard it is to feel and be close with our parents, much less our grandparents. And as our folks age, we do too. We start living our own lives and they start to lose touch with our generation. The many commitments and distractions don’t help either, and most of us are skeptical at the thought of bonding or being friends with our parents and grandparents. However, a very unlikely pair has proved us wrong. Meet 14-year-old student, Riddhi Rai and her best friend, 77-year-old retiree, Louise Bell.

When Riddhi Met Louise

Riddhi and Louise were complete strangers when they met at a social experiment Channel NewsAsia ran. Titled “Back to School”, this four-part series followed Riddhi, Louise, and 4 other pairs of strangers as they spent 10 weeks together.

Watch Episode 1 of Channel NewsAsia's Back to School <a href=" The experiment gave invaluable insights into 10 average Singaporeans' lives and proved that despite the huge age gaps, friendship is possible. While the episodes presented very interesting and endearing interactions between the Secondary school teenagers and their elderly partners, we wanted to find out more about what went on behind the scenes. We spoke to Riddhi, Louise, and the production team. Here’s how they succeeded in making friends out of strangers who are generations apart.

Breaking The Barriers

Like most teens, Riddhi has no clear direction in life yet. She doesn’t fit in with peers in her school either, and prefers her world of fan fiction and indie music.

As for ex-headhunter Louise, most of her time is spent on church activities and picking up different interests like crochet (to help with her Parkinson’s) and acro-aerobics (to keep herself fit).

Naturally, it took a bit of time to warm up to each other over the palpable age barrier. “She was shy, tall, and thin,” Louise recalled, “she reminded me of myself when I was younger, and I knew that I’ll need to be patient if I want her to open up.” Similarly, Riddhi felt nervous and a little bit awkward to be meeting someone she knew nothing about. Then, things got a lot easier when the pair found out that they’re both bookworms. Speaking to Louise over the phone, I could picture Louise smiling as she shared a fond memory of when they were getting to know each other, “Riddhi even brought me around her school library and we picked out books together.”

Becoming Friends

Despite the challenges in accommodating to each other’s needs, Riddhi and Louise grew to not only embrace, but help each other in their weaknesses.

In an Escape Room game, Riddhi went out of her way to lift Louise up as Louise was having a bit of trouble with her weak legs. It was there that Louise saw a different side of Riddhi: that she isn’t that shy after all.

As for Riddhi’s lack of confidence, Louise managed to break down the walls and got her to be more vocal about her inner thoughts and feelings.

As the pair did more activities together, producers saw how they started to inspire each other. “There’s still a bit to work on and I really hope to help her be more confident about herself,” Louise shared about her wish for Riddhi.

More Than Just Companionship

Having set out to test the success of intergenerational friendship researches done in US and Japan, the producers were “quite apprehensive about whether a simple friendship could make a difference, but the results showed a definite improvement.”

Not just for Riddhi and Louise, but the seniors from the other pairs also showed significant improvements in fitness, memory and mood, while the teenagers got a massive boost in self-esteem and a better attitude towards life. The pairs also formed real friendships and saw the other generation in a significantly better light. “She taught me to be more responsible and punctual,” Riddhi said. “(And) she opened up my eyes to how teenage girls today are like,” Louise added. Now, besides writing stories, reading books, or going for piano lessons, Riddhi would hang out with Louise. And Louise is more than happy to spend quality time with Riddhi, “Riddhi would actually call me and ask me if she can spend the day with me. I’d cook for her and we’d just talk about anything under the sun as we ate.”

Best Friends Forever?

Now that the 10-week ‘project’ has ended, how do Riddhi and Louise see each other? While Riddhi sees Louise as a good friend whom she can share problems with, Louise thinks of herself as Riddhi’s surrogate mother without the parental control, “I think Riddhi trusted me as an outsider, that’s why she shared her worries with me. It’s easier to share your problems to outsiders than to your own parents.” What is the secret to their surprising bond? “Listen, listen, and listen,” Louise emphasised, “seniors must take the first step to reach out, and don’t rush to impose or impart your knowledge until the young ones are ready to listen. Be patient.” And for the young ones, “Don’t judge someone just because of their age,” Riddhi shared. Watch the 10-week journey of Riddhi, Louise, and the other senior-teenager pairs on Channel NewsAsia’s Back to School <a href=" This story is written in collaboration with Channel NewsAsia. Also read, These 14 Heartwarming Stories Show That A Mother’s Love Is Like No Other.
Figuring out my sexuality was a struggle. As most LGBTQ will attest, there are no surefire signs, no criteria, no checkboxes you can go through to determine whether or not you’re it. The only way to figure it out is to live your life, feel what you feel, and eventually, piece it all together—at least that’s how it happened for me.

Just A Phase?

Growing up, I was always a tomboy. I went to an all girls’ primary school and my schoolmates would often tease me and make fun of me for it. At the time, I thought nothing of it. When I was 10, I became really close to a girl. We were best friends in school and would hang out together all the time. I felt like I liked her more than just a friend. But of course, at that age, I didn’t understand it. Thereafter, I had some innocent crushes on girls as a pre-teen and teenager, but I didn’t think too much of that either. As I was trying to understand why I had such feelings, I spoke to my mum and siblings about these girl crushes. We all believed it was a phase I would eventually grow out of. As I grew older, I had my fair share of guy friends, but I never liked them as more than just bros. And as time went by, I gradually realized that I was different.
Sam Koh

Keeping A Part Of Me A Secret

It was a very different time back when I thought I might be gay. It wasn’t a big social issue. There was very little talk about sexuality in the media and in society, and not many people were gay—at least, not that I was aware of. I didn’t personally know anyone who was gay. Because it seemed so rare back then, I worried constantly about how people would perceive me and treat me if they found out I was gay. I was also afraid of how it would affect the people around me; I was scared that people would treat the ones close to me differently because of their friendship with me. As a teenager, whenever I went to church, I felt like I had to change. I tried to change, tried to feel differently. And when I couldn’t, I buried my feelings and kept them to myself. When nothing worked, I got upset with myself. I was angry that I didn’t change. Now, I realise it’s because I couldn’t. This is just the way I am. Being gay and having no one to talk to about it, it was tough, trying to make sense of how I felt and why I felt that way. I avoided thinking about it, and when I did share my struggles with those who accepted me for who I am, it felt like no one truly understood. For a long time, I felt alone and wished I knew someone who shared the same difficulties and challenges as me. Eventually, after a long and hard struggle with myself, I came to terms with the fact that I was “different”. I knew there was no running away from me.

Loved, Supported, And It Meant Everything

My mum and siblings were the first few people I came out to. It wasn’t a complete surprise to them, considering that I spoke to them about the girl crushes I had in the past. It was my dad I was more afraid to tell, because he’s a bit sterner. It took me a while longer, but eventually, I summoned up the courage to come out to him when I was 24 or 25. I still remember how scared and nervous I was up to the point I actually said the words to him. In the weeks that followed, I could tell that he was trying his best to understand it – to understand why I was this way. I felt bad that I, too, couldn’t explain how this happened.

Not Everyone Understands

Even though the people that matter most to me accepted me for who I was, not everyone received the news well. I’ve had my fair share of nasty reactions from friends and even complete strangers on the street. In fact, just recently, when I was out shopping at a mall, the mother of a little girl followed me just to tell me how offensive and gross it was that I didn’t ‘dress like a girl’ or have long hair. She wanted me to apologise for scaring her daughter with my ‘lesbian appearance’. Apparently, the little girl had asked her mum why my hair was so short. It wasn’t about how I looked or how I behaved; my hair alone was enough reason for her to come up to me to confront me. I ignored her remarks and tried to get away, but she followed me and made harsh remarks about my lifestyle, saying things like, “I don't care about how you choose to live your life but say sorry for confusing my daughter and making her scared.” Dirty looks from strangers are normal for me. So are harsh words from the people around. Even though I’m proud of who I am, things like these sometimes still get to me.
Sam and her girlfriend, Roslyn

Still The Same Person, Regardless Of My Sexuality

Accepted or not, it was good to get everything off my chest; coming to terms with who I was and being able to say it out loud to the people I love liberated me. Those who stuck around realised that beyond the label of ‘lesbian’, I was still the same person with the same heart and character. I am still the same Sam Koh, regardless of who I fall in love with. I’m 29 years old, a barista at my own café and I’m also happily attached to my partner Roslyn. We’ve been together for about 8 months now, and I’ve never been happier. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for some of the people I know who have been forced to stay in the closet and to put up a front all their lives because their families do not approve. Everyday, I know how fortunate I am to have people around me who accept me exactly as I am. I am more than grateful for a family who lets me figure out my life on my own.

LGBT In Singapore

Being lesbian has definitely left me feeling lonely and excluded at times. Still, I wouldn’t wish away the things I’ve experienced and the fact that I’m gay. I, and the LGBTQ community, are not gay just because we want to be different. We’re not here to challenge heterosexuality. We’re not asking anyone to be gay. We just want to be accepted for who we are. At the end of the day, we are just regular human beings who want to be able to love who we love, free of condemnation. To have people frown upon your relationship is just like having parents who don’t approve of who you're dating, but worse. We have total strangers disapproving of our choices too. It’s frustrating. Thankfully, times are changing and so are attitudes. Still, there is more to be done. I hope one day, people will be more open and accepting. I hope one day, people will see beyond the labels and the prejudice, and realise that all we want is the freedom to love. - To show our support for the freedom to love, we will be publishing stories under our new series My Sexuality, My Right. In it, we share the journeys of Singaporeans who are fighting for their right to love, and who embrace their LGBTQ identity. Also read, Sexual Harassment Not That Unusual – S’porean Girls Reveal Their Nasty Encounters With Perverts.