Category: Millennial Voices

On the 9th of June, more than a million people (according to organisers) took to the streets of Hong Kong to protest against an extradition bill. 

Since then, things have been escalating and for the majority of us who have kept up with the episodes of violence and drama that have been plaguing Hong Kong, we’re concerned for the people there. But beyond the superficial worrying, we should also take a moment to consider:

What if this happens in Singapore?

What if, for whatever reason, one million unhappy Singaporeans were to take to Orchard Road to protest?

It’s hard to fathom something as extreme as this happening in Singapore, not just because of the safety, security, stability, and structure that we are so accustomed to but also because of the history of how strict our authorities have been on cases of unlawful assembly. Knowing this, it would have taken a major government f*** up for one fifth of our population to be riled up enough to execute a protest of this scale.

But that doesn't mean that it will never happen.

What If The Riots And Violence Were To Happen In Singapore?

Take the recent ‘brownface’ advertisement saga and a hypothetical scenario of our government enforcing a strict ruling against the Nair siblings for example. This could very well have provoked the minority groups in Singapore enough to fuel the start of a protest for the siblings to be cleared of charges. Subsequently, this could also be fodder for protestors to demand for more racial equality.

Imagine then, like what happened in Hong Kong, peaceful demonstrations along Orchard Road turn into violent riots with each new protest. Imagine going to town for a night out only to see barricades along the streets, and riot police patrolling wherever you go. 

Usually, the presence of law enforcement officers would make us feel a bit safer, but this time, we won’t know if it’s actually going to be safer.

This time, they would be ready to do whatever it takes to establish control on the ground should a protest break out—even if that means innocent bystanders or peaceful protestors become collateral damage.

Imagine going home one night, only for the train to be intercepted by a group of masked men at Bishan (for example) who storm the train station with bamboo sticks, threatening protestors who happened to be in the same cabin. 

Brandishing their weapons at everyone as tensions rise with heated exchanges, they would start hitting whoever weren’t on their side with their weapons. Everyone would try to flee the cabin. You run with them, but the masked men follow, hitting anyone and everyone they can reach while chasing after all of you. 

A photo of the MTR attack on 21 July
Image Credit: Yahoo News

You’d get home in one piece that night, but with cuts and bruises.
You thank heavens that, at least, you’re alive, but you also fear for the days ahead, because this is neither an isolated incident nor the end of the chaos in the country. 

The protests have already evolved into violent-prone riots all across Singapore. Private and public properties have been destroyed in the process.

Shops, trees, street signs and anything in the way of the protests would have been destroyed. 

Lives would have been destroyed too, as people are injured or even killed in these riots. 

Most significantly, trust in law enforcement personnel, the government, and your fellow countrymen has been eroded.

When All Of That Happens In Singapore, What Do We Even Do? 

Do we wait for instructions? Who do we even take instructions from now that it the government we are protesting against?

Do we drop everything and seek shelter at home?

Perhaps schools will be suspended to keep the kids safe, but what about everyone else in the workforce? 

Assuming that life still has to go on, how are our companies, business, or our shops going to deal with all the disruptions in the workforce and economy? 

With the mounting unrest across our tiny island and the unpredictability of protestors, it would be impossible to know if it’s even safe to go anywhere. Can we put a standstill to our life at this point then?  

Honestly, none of us will know what to do if it actually happens.

Sure, the SCDF has always been running free Community Emergency Preparedness Programmes. There are also the occasional emergency preparedness events to ‘prepare’ citizens for possible emergencies. 

But having attended some of these events before, I can testify that all the attendees are a lot more fascinated at the action and special effects (smoke and fire) than the critical messages of what one should do in emergency situations.

I say this because these are also the only things I remembered from the events. 

One of the things citizens will get to do on Emergency Preparedness Days
Image Credit: Safra

Call me a sceptic, but even if we were to witness this simulation again today, I doubt we would have learnt how to handle such situations as a civilian besides waiting for instructions.

Will We Be Ready To Make Difficult Choices?

Amidst all the mess and uncertainty, most of us would have probably just rode it out, hoping that somehow, somewhere, someone will step out to help us end the mess. 

It is only our men (or women) in uniform who have been trained, in one way or another, to maintain law and order here. And for the most part, the rest of us would also put that same onus on them.  

Imagine then, in the case where a fifth of the country is protesting to fight for something that our people must have felt extremely passionate and adamant about, there are also Singaporeanswho would be activated by the state to maintain law and order across the island. 

In the case where the clashes become increasingly violent, these Singaporeans, who are also our loved ones, would be the ones who are required to follow the protocol to quell the riots: To fire tear gas and rubber bullets at fellow Singaporeans, and to possibly use violence against us if it really comes to that point.

I have trust in our army to protect us against external threats, but it is never the same when you’re talking about ‘fighting against’ your own people—your family and friends. 

At the same time, the situation will begin to escalate with each day of inaction by the government. More innocent citizens will be wounded from the clashes. 

Three months on, it would come to a point where even Changi Airport has to close all its terminals as protestors take an even more drastic approach. 

A woman was also blinded after a bean bag round shot by the police flew into her eye. By now, the police has also admitted to infiltrating groups of protestors so that they could make arrests while undercover. 

What’s even scarier is when these police officers are also suspected of planting ‘evidence’ on protestors—which was what happened in Hong Kong just two days ago. The police denied these allegations. But everyone else claims otherwise. 

Whatever the case, you start to wonder how much you can actually trust the police and law enforcement as they resort to such underhanded tactics to keep the situation under control.

We Will Never Be Prepared for This

Sure, we have special forces, the riot police and tactical units trained to deal with such situations. But it’s one thing to be trained through lessons and drills, and another to face the real deal.

In such extreme situations, everything will change even after all the riots and protests subside.

Everything from our economy, to trust in our authorities, and every part of our livelihood will never be the same again.

Which brings me back to the point of the safety, security, and stability, that we have been so accustomed to in Singapore. 

It is because of the peace that we have right now that makes it even scarier to think about that scale of chaos in Singapore. But it is exactly what is happening in Hong Kong, and it’s a reminder that nothing is ever permanent. So at least for now, we should be thankful for what we have: peace.

Also read: The War Against OT: Why Staying Back Late Doesn’t Make You A ‘Good’ Employee.

(Header Image Credit: Goh Rhy Yan, Hasan Almasi)

For 364 days a year, we complain. 

Then, for one day in August, we somehow become the most patriotic brothers and sisters, banding together to celebrate our Mother(land)’s birthday.

It’s ludicrous if you look at it this way: All year round, we see countless remarks from Singaporeans about how Singapore is a terrible place to live in, and all it takes is for one day dedicated to celebrating the country for people to become patriotic. 

Conversely, there is another group of Singaporeans that will roll their eyes at the patriots for such an absurd display of love and pride for the country—Call us hypocrites, for we sing praises about Singapore and flaunt our patriotism on our social media accounts for that one day, only to go back to complaining after. 

Yes, Singaporeans Hate Singapore

And it is true that there’s a lot to hate about Singapore. 

Right off the bat, there is the recent E-Pay and Preetipls saga, which once again put a spotlight on racism in Singapore—an issue that has been bubbling just beneath the surface for quite awhile now. It has caused quite the brouhaha, causing a divide as many took to polarising ends of the debate on what constitutes unacceptable behaviour. 

It is a harsh reminder that despite a growing number of Singaporeans taking on a progressive mindset, Singapore is still a largely conservative society. Racism is but one one of many issues our ‘divided’ society struggle with. It is also the reason behind the longstanding fight for and against 377A.

Along with all of that is the perception of a ‘strict’ or ‘authoritarian’ government among Singaporeans, especially the very outspoken ones on forums, Reddit and Quora threads, and social media comment section. From their view on censorship (fake news law) to how they crack down on the most minute of things like having to regulate PMDs and drones—disgruntled Singaporeans have time and again seen these as signs that the government is running the country with an iron fist. 

Corruption is also an issue that people are increasingly discussing, but this is a whole other debate for another day. I am also in no way qualified to make any judgment on this, as I lack the political knowledge. However, one doesn’t need to that knowledge to know, from the kind of nasty comments online, that what many people belief. 

High Cost Of Living

I penned a letter to our government last year and in it, I talked about the hopes and fears as a young Singaporean. 

I spoke about the reality of hopeful Singaporeans fearing for our future here because of the high costs of living here. Singapore is an expensive city to live in, we know. However, it is when we start to realise that sooner or later, we have to juggle being a full-time worker striving for success in our career, a reliable provider to our own children, and also a caregiver to our aging parents all at once that it becomes overwhelming. 

Heck, how can one not feel the pressure when the moment we ‘start our life’ with a new home is the moment we enter a 10 to 25 year debt? 

I’ve met underprivileged families. Families with more than two children and that lives in small, basic rented one-room flats, because that is the best that they can afford. I am also aware of the truly impoverished and the homeless who live among us but who are hidden away from sight. 

There is always a small part of me that fears falling through the cracks to that state one day, and I am sure it is the same for the rest of the Singaporeans. 

Highly Competitive Society 

It is also because of these worries that Singaporeans are aware of the need to work hard, spend smart, and stay prudent for rainy days. It is also for this very reason that a lot of people hate Singapore—We are extremely competitive.

It is not like our parents time, where degree holders are highly sought after. Today, everyone is a degree holder, and it is one’s expertise or experience in the industry that makes one valuable to a company. Which means that it is now about aiming for excellence in school and also when we start our first job. 

Yes, nothing comes easy, but this also comes at a time where we are also being encouraged to chase our passions and turn them into our career. All of us want that, and it is definitely achievable if one works hard for it. But the truth is that most don’t get there because the need to be financially stable makes it a struggle to even find that balance between passion and profit. 

It’s also a harsh truth that in whatever we attempt, it’s a constant fight to be better than all the 3.7 million employed individuals in Singapore who can easily displace us. Because Singapore is that competitive. 

There’s many other little things that add up, and it will possibly turn this article into 50 page thesis if I were to touch on everything in detail.

On the other hand, there’s also a lot that we are thankful for. And often, it is when we come home from vacations overseas when we feel it. 

But We Also Love Singapore

We aren’t happy with our people and our leaders, but on the other hand, it speaks volumes about how much people actually care. 

In the case of the recent ‘racism saga’, a lot of emotionally-driven responses were posted across social media pages. Maybe it turned out to be a whole lot of noise, but we can take comfort in knowing that people care enough to fight for justice and awareness.  

It is idealistic, but I believe that at the end of this episode, Singaporeans hope for our society to progress towards being more racially harmonious and not just tolerating. 

We often criticise the government for their inaction on various issues from racism to 377A, but if we stopped to think about what they had done, however, we will see how they try. 

I am not pro-government and neither am I a leftist. However, I have to acknowledge that we have a government that is attentive of the issues of our nation. Not everything is ideal for everyone, but we cannot deny that we have a government that is constantly worried about the welfare of our society and always looking at ways to progress the nation.

What is sad, is if our leaders completely disregards the issues that we worry about. 

Privilege

It’s been said before, and it needs to be said again: We are privileged. 

For all the imperfections that make us hate Singapore, we are blessed with so many luxuries. 

Over the past year, I’ve spoken to many millennials who shared their stories of when they volunteered overseas: In certain parts of the world, it is normal to have no access to electricity, normal to have cockroaches crawling around in their home, and it is normal for students to skip school just so that they can walk two hours to a lake for water. 

There’s also one who told me about ladies who were catfished and lured into prostitution from a young age, and whom have to face authorities who are indifferent to their plight.  

Knowing these, we can be thankful that at least we have easy access to all the basic amenities we need, like water, food, transport, healthcare, and entertainment.

We can also be thankful that we are given largely equal opportunities, whether it is education, jobs, or the chance to build our own homes. 

It’s also encouraging to know that for all the squabbles we have over unpopular opinions, we have a relatively healthy society with equal opportunities for everyone to speak and to suggest or even execute new ideas for the good of the country and the people

Last but not the least; Our safety and security. Singapore is one of the safest countries in the world, and all it takes is for us to travel to any other country for us to know this better. 

Singaporean Pride

For what it’s worth, I think it doesn’t matter if we complain about Singapore all year round. And it doesn’t matter if we are hypocrites to be one-day patriots, because we, at least most of us, know that this is ultimately a place that has given us a lot for us to call it home.

The very fact that one can be wherever one is and reading this article through our phone, desktop, or tablet shows how much privilege one already has. 

Most of us are proud to be Singaporean, as much as we are ashamed or shy to admit. I know this from the way we love to see Singapore-inspired stuff overseas, and how we are more than happy to #SupportLocal. 

At the end of the day, most of us know that for all the flaws that we have as a nation, it’s a darn good country to be born in and to be living in. 

So let’s celebrate that.

Also read: Home Away From Home – Is Living In Australia Really A Match ‘Mate’ In Heaven?.

(Header Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

It’s been a week since the infamous E-Pay ‘brownface’ advertisement got called out for its portrayal of local artiste Dennis Chew as members of other races. The issue of racism has escalated since then, fuelled on by the chain of events that followed after: Preetipls’ K Muthusamy video, the apologies from each party, and the involvement of the Info-communications Media Development Authority (IMDA) and Ministry for Home Affairs (MHA). 

A lot has been said and done. There’s a lot of anger among Singaporeans and a lot of criticisms being thrown around at all the parties involved. But with so many people weighing in on social media, the discussions have—although well-intentioned—turned into just a whole shedload of noise. 

What Are We Arguing Over?

The entire saga has been blown out of proportion, to a point where many are just cherry picking behaviours they agree with and finding fault with parties they disagree with. It’s encouraging to see more Singaporeans getting involved in discussing a topic so close to our hearts, but it has also shown how ugly and bitter we can be with handling opposing viewpoints. 

The ad creators (Havas Worldwide Singapore) has since removed the contentious ad and released their apology statement. Despite the apology however, people still weren’t pleased.  

Screenshot taken from<a href=" Channel NewsAsia

The main gripe is that it is hard to understand how the ad creators could make such a mistake, especially since Mediacorp was already fined once for a similar incident in 2017. To most people, it also shows a cavalier attitude towards racism, which is highly unacceptable, particularly for groups of people whose actions have an impact on the masses. 

However, the fuel that sparked a greater divide was Preetipls and her brother’s rap video. While it was ostensibly understood to be a satirical parody video meant to depict the casual racism that minority groups face in Singapore, the way it was delivered only attracted the ‘wrong’ kind of attention. 

“Chinese people always f***ing it up” - possibly the most controversial line that got people riled up
Screenshot taken from Reddit 

IMDA stepped in to call Preetipls’ video to be removed and MHA criticised the video, as well as the Nair siblings' apology for being 'mock’ and ‘insincere’.

However, when IMDA and MHA stepped in, it was seen by many people as a move by the government to silence discussions. Judging from the comments one can find across social media, some also see this as a move for the government to take the side of the ad creators, since the Nair siblings seem to be receiving more flak from the authorities than Havas, or any parties involved in the production of the E-Pay ad, are getting. 

Screenshot taken from a Facebook friend's page

Let’s first establish that whether it’s the ad creators, the Nair siblings, the authorities, or any politician, I believe that whatever they have said or done are out of good faith. 

However, we also have to acknowledge that these individuals could have done better in addressing the situation, especially when there’s an increasing need to be even more racially sensitive.

No Point In Invalidating Each Other

For one, none of us should invalidate any of these parties’ experiences. 

In the case of the Nair siblings' video and subsequent apology, many people fought for and against them. 

Those who supported them felt that despite the seemingly offensive lyrics against the majority Chinese race, the video was just an edgy way to get people to listen to the grievances of minorities. And for one to take offence would mean that one is being overly-sensitive, or not being able to take self-deprecating humour.  

Though objectively, the lyrics alone were more offensive than respectful or meaningful. One can replace the race with any other race and it will be equally offensive.

Likewise for Preetipls as an experienced content creator, it should be known the kind of power that content (especially on social media) has on people. And it is quite clear that a content that literally raps about a certain race always “f***ing it up” would only create a greater divide among the racial groups. 

Screenshot taken from a Facebook friend's page

On the other hand, it’s no secret that there’s racism in Singapore and we must acknowledge that the Nair siblings would have had their share of unpleasant race-related experiences to have come up with what they had. 

Knowing the motivations that all parties have in this saga, I respect the right for the Nair siblings to want to raise awareness on the issue, but I disagreed with her video because even if it’s satire, there are better ways to get the message across. 

Yes, being controversial will get people to listen, but it is different altogether when it is fodder for more contemptuous remarks against each other. 

And on that part, perhaps IMDA and MHA could have done better when they first stepped into the picture. There’s long been displeasure with the government, and their heavy-handed approach of immediately denouncing and calling for the video to be taken down without first acknowledging the experiences the Nair siblings had only gave people more reason to criticise them. 

Should IMDA Have ‘Clamped Down’ On The Video?

However, when you put yourself in the shoes of a ministry, especially one whose vision is to “make Singapore our Safe and Secure Best Home”, it is a tough decision that needs to be made. For a country that has spent the last 50 odd years trying to build a racially harmonious society, I’d say we’ve done a pretty good job in cultivating a society that respects each other as fellow Singaporeans.

But there’s also a very important need to acknowledge that yes, there are many little nuances in our society, like casual, but hurtful racist remarks, that affect people. I am not a minority and I cannot speak for them on the kind of racism they face, or how they truly feel about casual racism. But what I do know is that race and religion issues are very close to each of our hearts, and if not handled properly, is something that constantly threatens to divide us. 

And for MHA, this is a serious matter. Singapore cannot afford another racial riot. In Minister’s Shanmugam’s latest Facebook post, he also elaborated on Racism and the reason behind his stance on the saga involving Preetipls’ video: “If everyone starts discussing race and religion in the way they did, then you will in fact get more racism, not less.”

I spoke to 20-year-old Hafez, who facilitated the first Youth Conversations session on Race and Religion last year. A Persian who has had his share of unpleasant brushes with racism, shared how even though the E-Pay advertisement was “done in poor taste and was inappropriate for our Singaporean context, the lyrics, gestures, and insinuations used in the Nair siblings' rap video could hurt people and cause more racial tensions.”

“At the same time, it can lead to a normalisation of trading insults and slurs between people of different racial groups, seeding resent and unhappiness between friends, neighbours, and strangers.”

We are nowhere near the extreme racism that minority groups in other nations face, but what minorities face here, are these little but equally important microaggressions that potentially create an “Us vs. Them” mentality. 

So What’s Next?

There’s no winner in fighting to pin the blame on someone. All of us know that there’s a certain degree of ‘wrong’ in all that has happened, so instead of harping on the ‘wrongs’, we can do better in figuring out what we can do moving forward. 

As much as there are many people making a lot of extremely one-sided and downright revolting comments online, majority of Singaporeans are actually hopeful for a racially harmonious society, and are very receptive to helping us achieve that.  

Perhaps this also comes apt as we are counting down to another national day. We are reminded of how delicate maintaining the peace is, in the sense where one insensitive remark or behaviour can threaten to put Singapore back 50 years. 

Hafez added, “I encourage everyone to join the conversation on race and religion; but do so in a manner that actually forwards a good intention for Singapore.”

There will always be some people who are simply racist and for them, there’s nothing we can do. However, I truly believe that many are either not aware of how their comments are hurting another individual and just require more exposure on how to be racially sensitive. 

And because these are issues that are so close to our hearts, the power is in us to control the narrative. Nobody with enough power could have said or done the ‘right thing’ that appeases every side but how we choose to move on, stronger together, lies within us.

Also read: 'I Converted To Christianity And My Muslim Friends And Family Condemned Me'.

Three years ago, Yvonne lost her mum to cancer. 

She was only a secondary school student when the doctor first diagnosed her mum with breast cancer. The cancer went into remission after chemotherapy treatments and a mastectomy, but eight years later, it came back. And it was after that relapse that the labour of caring for a loved one suffering from a debilitating illness began to take a toil on Yvonne. 

The period of five years after that was one of “the most traumatic period, because I was still doing my work.” That was also a period that saw Yvonne’s sister gave birth, and the heavy responsibilities her sister had with nursing a newborn meant that Yvonne had to step up as the main caregiver to her mother, whose condition was deteriorating by the day.

“Towards the end, her treatment options sort of dwindled down. She tried quite a few treatments but developed a tolerance. It came to a point where there was one option left.”

The cancer cells had spread to her mother’s spine when they were told that the only option left was an intrathecal chemotherapy: “Which means it has to go through either the spine at the end, or they have to put this ‘tap’ at her head and I think for her, that was too much. She didn’t want that.”

Her mother was adamant about not going for that treatment. In a sense, that meant that Yvonne could only bring her mum home and watch her condition deteriorate—there was nothing much else that could be done medically.

It wasn’t hard for Yvonne to accept her mother’s death when she passed five years after the relapse, as it was something that they foresaw, “but I felt like I lost my opportunity to reconcile with her.”

“I don’t think we knew how to talk about reconciliation, especially when she was sick. It was never the right time to bring up past grievances.”

When one is dying, the emotions that accompanies being aware of one’s mortality can make it very difficult to discuss. The same goes for their loved ones, who will deal with a confusing mix of sorrow, despair, and helplessness as they watch their loved one get weaker by the day. For Yvonne, what stuck with her is not being able to have ‘that conversation’, or to properly plan her mother’s last moments together. 

“I feel like it’s important to talk about all aspects of life, and you can do that even when there’s no sickness,” she added, as she shared about why she volunteered with Both Sides, Now, a community engagement project about what it means to live well, and leave well, after her mum’s passing. 

The Importance Of Talking About Death

What if your mum is suffering from cancer and has a 50% chance of surviving if she goes for treatments, but she chooses not to go for the treatments? 

“It’s too expensive,” she tells you. “I’ll also have a 50% chance of dying, so, what for?” 

However, not going for treatments also means that she has a zero percent chance of surviving. 

Do you respect her choice, knowing that she is dying, or do you force her into going for the treatments?

This was a moral ambiguity that was very similar to what Yvonne faced, and it was a scenario that was presented at an interactive theatre show at the recent BSN event at Telok Blangah. Although hypothetical, it was a reflection of dilemmas that many people face in dealing with the last stages of their loved one’s life. 

Taken at the recent BSN event at Telok Blangah, which gave the public many opportunities to think about death

The stakes are so high because when a loved one passed away, it’s too late. Too late for last goodbyes or last acts of love.

Those were the points that ArtsWok Collaborative’s Ngiam Su-Lin, Creative Producer of BSN, brought up when she highlighted the importance of talking about death.

“Often, when illness strikes and it’s terminal, it’s too late to plan. It can result in a lot of suffering, and when people pass on and there’s no closure, it can cause a lot of grief, loss, and conflicts in the family.”

We all die one day, and we know that. 

We are aware of how unpredictable and transient our life is, but we never talk about it. Perhaps we do occasionally, when we joke about the funeral we want for ourselves with friends. However, it is the details of what we want in our last moments that we miss out.

“We talk about giving birth and preparing for all these milestones like birthdays and first jobs, but how come when it comes to dying, we don’t talk about our fears, desires, and plans?”

Different people's Last Moment that they envisioned for themselves, encapsulated into a ball

Dying With Dignity With An End-Of-Life Plan

Accompanying every death are intense degrees of pain, grief, and loss—which was what Drama Box’s Artistic Director Kok Heng Leun, who is also Artistic Director of BSN, stressed when he explained the motivations behind BSN.

“People associate [death and loss] with not moving on, not going forward. But loss is such an important aspect of life.”

However, the fear of an unknown and the suffocating emotional pain makes it hard to talk about it. And mortality is such an awkward topic to bring up. It definitely isn’t something you just casually bring up to your parents like so: ‘Ma, pa, how do you want to die?’

The less we talk about it however, the more difficult it will be when a death occurs, because when you look at it objectively, it is the lack of preparation that makes it difficult. 

I particularly remember this lady (presumably in her thirties) at a previous BSN event, who amidst trying to hold back her tears, shared how she struggled with seeing her father in the last moments in his life after a sudden medical emergency. She struggled because the family never found out what he really wanted for his last moments. They never got to speak to him about it because it was just too sudden. In a way, it was a closure that she never really had, as she will never know if they did the right thing or if they did enough for him before he left. 

Our society as a whole lacks the knowledge in conducting such discussions. We see death and dying as something too grim to seriously discuss about. Yet, it is such a critical conversation to have with the most important people in our life. Because if we never have such conversations, we will never truly know what our loved ones want for their last moments. 

It goes down to the smallest details that you never knew you had to know until it is way too late: How they want to be remembered; what kind of flowers they want at their funeral; the kind of care they want when they are in deep pain; or even questions like whether to pull the plug or not when the time comes. 

Likewise, if anything were to happen to us, our loved ones will never know what we wanted for ourselves.

Also read: Having Stage 4 Cancer At 32 – “The Greatest Lesson In Life Is To Learn How To Die”.

For a Singaporean Chinese guy with a long boxed beard and striking green hair tied up into a ponytail, that image alone would warrant antagonistic comments from conservative locals. 

What's more, for a Singaporean guy who raps for a living. That’s like a double whammy, in the sense where that would be everything everything our (traditional) parents would have discouraged us against. 

In the 90s where most of us grew up in, one would have been an ah beng to sport such a bold look, and crazy to pursue music as a career—as stereotypical as it sounds. 

But for 27-year-old Pek Jin Shen, otherwise known as ShiGGa Shay, these are all merely forms of expression.

Before I met ShiGGa, I was like most Singaporeans: I wasn’t particularly a fan of rap music or of him as an artiste. I didn’t dislike him either. But there’s just this impression of him as someone unfriendly, despite having never met him before. His physical appearance and his form of expression as a rapper probably contributed to that air of arrogance he seemed to give off. Though on the other hand, it’s strange if rap and hip hop is cheerful and merry. 

This impression is something that ShiGGa has long come to accept, as it isn’t something within his control. Everybody’s got their right to judge, but at least for ShiGGa, he’d rather people have a chat with him before passing him off as arrogant. 

“I don’t think I’m better than anyone else, I’m just a human being.”

And to be fair, he was actually pretty chill. It could be that I was an outsider, and a journalist in his eyes, but he was nothing like what I’d perceived him to be when I joined him at Zendyll Productions studios one afternoon, a usual spot where he would work on his music besides his home studio. 

In fact, it felt more like a casual gathering of friends coming together to chill (and make music).

I spent a significant amount of time just listening to some lo-fi beats together with his producer and a musician friend

I was also treated to a couple of his unreleased works, which includes a collaboration with Korean artiste, Jay Park—set to release later this year. 

ShiGGa Shay is also a man of humour. When I asked about his Moniker, he explained that it was an onomatopoeic play on the Chinese words, “是个谁” from “你是个谁,” which translates to mean “who are you”. This came at a time where it was unusual for a Singaporean to do rap. 

Being A Lion City Kia

After a 3-year hiatus, ShiGGa recently released his comeback single, Paiseh, in April. 

Image Credit: ShiGGa Shay

Just like a lot of his other tracks, it is, for lack of a better description, very Singaporean. And it is what got ShiGGa interested in writing rap in the first place. It is a way for him to express the many thoughts he has about Singaporean life.

“Growing up in Singapore, I was just like anyone else. I lived in a HDB and in that environment, I just had a lot I wanted to say but there wasn’t an outlet for me to say what I wanted to say. So I’d just write raps, and rap to kind of express myself.”

Contrarily, he was the only one in his family that’s musically-inclined and used to play the dizi and the trombone in school. Rap and hip hop came about after he heard an Eminem song on the radio. His fascination with the sound of rap songs grew when he dived into the world of Snoop Dogg, Tupac Shakur, and other hip hop artistes of the 90s era.

He was only 9 when he started writing rap. At 14, he performed at his dad’s 55 birthday party, to which he bashfully brushed away when I asked what he rapped about at such a young age. 

“I don’t really remember but it’s something… kind of lame,” he laughed. 

Mum And Dad Are The Main Motivations For Making Music

In 2009, his dad passed away. It was a pivotal period for ShiGGa as the sadness and trauma from losing his dad could have led him down an entirely different, darker path. However, it became the driving factor that contributed to his career today.

He had always been writing rap, but this time round, music became an avenue for him to express all the negativity he was feeling. More than just as a way for him to cope with the pain of loss, he also wanted to channel all his energy into putting something out there. 

Music helped him get through his darkest time, and it was also his wish for his music to be a source of comfort for others going through what he had. 

This became a goal that he consistently works towards when he makes his music. 

As one of the first few musicians of our generation to have made a name for himself, and possibly the first Singaporean who have made it this far in rap, the challenges he faced are undoubtedly aplenty. There’s also the pressure of living up to expectations as a front runner for rap music in Singapore but for ShiGGa, it’s all a matter of staying true to what he had set out to do. 

“Being recognised or known is not really why I did it in the first place. I really did it and am still doing it for the passion of music. And for the fact that I really want to share what I have with the world.”

A true Lion City Kia, many of ShiGGa’s song talks about Singaporean life. Hip hop is a reflection of the current state of society after all, and for ShiGGa, it is both his goal to make locals’ lives a little bit better through his music, and to put the Singapore sound on the world map. 

He’s accomplished a lot for a Singaporean self-funded rap artiste, but nothing beats recognition from his mother. 

His drive to be successful also comes from the need to take care of his mother. As an only child, ShiGGa has taken it upon himself to provide for her ever since his dad’s passing. His mum has also been his strongest pillar of support in his toughest times.

“I’m very close to my mum. She’s my emotional support, my rock. Everything I do, I do with her in mind.”

Since 2011, he has released several singles and albums, collaborated with many different artistes, and represented Singapore on local and international stages. He even dabbled in acting. 

These are all laudable accomplishments but for ShiGGa, nothing beats being a filial son to his mother. 

“Accomplishments and all that are external. It’s great being able to represent Singapore at the White House. It’s great performing for NDP. But hearing my mum say she’s proud of me is like the most important thing to me.”

Also read: “You Learn To Roll With The Punches” – A S’porean Millennial On Growing Up With 2 Sisters With Special Needs.

What is $200 to you?

To a wealthy person, it is probably loose change. On the other end of the spectrum, the same amount could very likely feed an entire family for a month.

Money has always been a concern in our lives. After all, it is the only tangible currency that dictates our lifestyle. That is, unless you lead an ascetic life.

For average citizens like you and me, the ever increasing costs of living in Singapore continues to be a worry and that little voice nagging at the back of our minds every time we spend.

A lot of us also grapple with the fear of not being able to ‘afford our life' when we grow old, frail, and sickly. But when I look at how our mothers (and fathers) have saved up very decent (five-figure) sums of money not just for themselves but also for us, their children, it makes me wonder: How the heck did they do it?

Considering the circumstances in which our parents grew up made me genuinely wonder why we struggle with finances now. With the generally lower income they would have drawn compared to our salaries today, it should not be too difficult for us to achieve the same kind of financial stability and still lead a fairly comfortable lifestyle, right?

Maybe not.

Being Barely Financially Literate

Awhile back, I penned my thoughts on my future in Singapore, where I shared the fears I have and the uncertainty of whether I’d be able to afford (a graceful) retirement in Singapore. To which I believe is the same concern felt by many Singaporeans.

Over the last couple of months however, life milestones like marriage and home ownership has made me realise how clueless I had been with money.

Yes, of course. There are many factors to consider. Our policies, the ten-fold increase in housing prices, and inflation are all changes that has made it more challenging for us. But these are all areas that we have no control over, and are complex topics to debate over as itself.

On a more personal level, I have come to realise how little we know about money and affordability in our day-to-day lives.

“What does it mean to live within our means?”

It's a question that is so important, yet so hard to answer.

A lot of us spend based on our whim and fancy, not caring too much about whether we can afford it or not. Or rather, we spend based on a very vague assessment of whether we will be able to afford our meals (and necessities) for the rest of the month without going ‘broke’.

The problem with this is that when you add personal desire into the equation, you can bid logic and pragmatism goodbye.

Take for instance how we will usually avoid spending more than $20 on a meal, but we wouldn’t hesitate to spend $200 on a ticket to watch our favourite artiste live in concert.

It's exactly what 29-year-old Zafirah would do. $200 can be used to finance two to three weeks worth of her expenses, but like many Singaporeans, her spending is also very sporadic. As another millennial I spoke to explained, the amount he spends “is totally proportionate to how much of a life I have that week.”

The chart of Zafirah’s spending in the last six months shows just how unpredictable her spending is—she attributes the drastic increase in Dec to Christmas sales and her wedding preparations

Image Credit: Zafirah

While Zafirah avoids spending too much on lunches, she is willing to splurge on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, as well as concerts of her favourite artistes and on holidays.

“Beyond the price I look more at whether it's value-for-money. Even if I splurge or 'go big', I try to find vouchers and promos to reduce my spending. Like right now, I'm eyeing the Dyson Airwrap but I just can't justify spending $600 on a hairdryer.”

Value Is Arbitrary

All of us attach a different value to the same amount of money, and even on the same amount of money, we perceive value differently based on context.

Take for instance a literal comparison of apple to apple. $5 apples Vs. $55 premium apples. The $50 difference is a lot for fruits. However, $50 is not that big of a deal if you’re comparing long-haul flight tickets, and nothing when you’re looking at housing prices.

There are also those who end up being in debt for years after spending a bomb on achieving their dreams, like a dream wedding—a once in a lifetime affair. A 2016 TNP article shared the struggles faced by a couple who spent $110K on their big day, which left them with a four-year debt.

Is the $110k considered affordable or not then?

Because the value of money is so intangible, it is very hard not to have a biased perception of value, which makes it very hard to discern whether one can really afford something or not. Personal preference, the context of which we're spending, and our earning power all affects our perception of value.

Make It Rain Money GIF
How we feel at the start of the month
GIF from <a href="
broke sarah colonna GIF by Insatiable
And how it’s like at the end of the month
GIF from GIPHY

With plenty of payment options and interest-free instalment plans easily available today, the line between affordable and not over-budget isn't clear anymore. We’d all like to think that we are sensible enough to know what we can and cannot afford. But we probably don’t.

We spend on our whim and fancy because there has never been immediate pressure for us to save. For the majority of us, it is a fact that we have lived a sheltered life and never faced a real fear of not having enough to get through another day.

Financial literacy isn’t natural to us either. The only thing we’ve been taught is to save for a rainy day, period. As we grow older, we just grasp for information in the dark, trying to find out about the best savings account and plans, and financial planning tips through Google, friends, financial advisors, and through trial and error.

It’ll Take A Big-Ticket Item To Jolt Us Awake

In our daily lives, we often blurt out the occasional “I can’t afford this.” But I’d make the bold claim that one will only truly know what one can or cannot afford when faced with either having to pay off student loans independently, or when one is getting married and buying a house.

From young, my mother has always stressed this to me: Every dollar counts. When I started working however, I began to lax on that principle. The liberating freedom of seeing 4-figure amounts deposited into my bank account every month gave me the false impression that I can afford luxuries.

There’s always that tiny voice at the back of my head that continues to make me feel guilty for splurging, but on most occasions, the lure of gratification is way too enticing, especially when it comes to food. Not forgetting the FOMO on trends: the seasonal McDonald's burgers, the carnivals, the countless new bubble tea brands in Singapore, and basically anything that's on everyone's Instagram at any certain period of time.

The scariest part is when everything is digital, because it is way too easy to just swipe the card and worry about the money later.

Honestly, it is only after having to pay for a wedding banquet and a house that made me truly realise how careless I have been with my money. And this is probably the same for many of us and going to be the same for many more of us.

It is when you put things into perspective, like how the bill of a wedding banquet alone can be 20 to 30 months of your take-home pay, when you realise how f**ked you are in terms of your finances.

Until then, enjoy all the little luxuries while it lasts.

This is not a sponsored post.

Also read: Are Young Couples Jumping Onto The BTO Bandwagon Too Soon?.

(Header Image Credit: Fabian Blank on Unsplash)

If there’s one question I dread the most in a job interview, it’s “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I don’t even know what I want for lunch, let alone the next five years of my life. Sure, I’ve been taught model answers to impress employers, but that doesn’t take away the fact that it’s honestly a freaking scary commitment to make.

Recently, a Redditor posed this question to Singaporeans:

“Corporate slaves, how do you stop dreading going to work every day?”

To which the top reply began with “Welcome to work life bro.”

Top reply from Redditor aSingaporean: “I envy those who love their work and love what they’re doing.”

Indeed. Welcome to work life.

As a (relatively) young Singaporean who has come to realise the importance of money in modern day life, this is highly relatable. When I first graduated into the working world, I was on hindsight, naively idealistic. “Money isn’t everything,” I used to proudly proclaim. “I’d rather earn little doing what I like than be paid well doing something I hate.”

However the truth is, the moment you start becoming financially independent is the moment you realise that money is important.

Yet, the scariest part of this ‘welcome to the work life’ notion is how everyone of us relate to it. It is scary because there’s this sense of aimlessness and purposeless that is so pervasive in our society.

This concept of us having to work till we die just to survive in Singapore isn’t new.

All my life, I’ve heard people sigh over not knowing what they truly want in life (myself included). A lot of us end up just cruising through, hoping that someday, somehow, we will find a deeper purpose. And until we do, we will continue to put up with jobs that we convince ourselves to stay in, and we will continue to despair over having to spend nine hours a day, five days a week for the rest of our lives, selling our soul to work just to earn money to live.

We’re But A Nation Of Corporate Zombies

Image Credit: Yoga delle Stelle

It’s a problem of the privileged. For our previous generations and the poor, the need for survival far outweighs the luxury of achieving ideals in one’s career.

However, having grown up in an entirely different world where survival isn’t a concern, the many opportunities we have been given have inadvertently spoilt us. Where there isn’t that pressure of survival, what we face is a deep longing to chase something that fulfils us. And for many of us, we either don’t know what fulfils us, or we are too afraid to chase it.

Our perpetual state of mind
Image Credit: YourTango

Perhaps it’s our upbringing. We're all moulded according to a default educational structure set out for the masses. Grades were everything and scoring well in school pretty much determines one’s journey ahead—score well and be rewarded a smooth-sailing journey ahead, else, be prepared to work extra hard in the future just to reach a level playing field.

And when there's no more academic excellence to pursue, it is very easy for one to feel lost. We have never been taught to pursue excellence in non-academic interests, or rather, it is always not a priority compared to scoring well in our English, Math, and Sciences.

Having worked with batches of interns across the various jobs I’ve done, I can confidently say that a lot of JC, polytechnic, and university graduates don’t really know what they want to do or where to go after they graduate.

“Maybe I’ll travel first lor, see how.”

“Not sure leh, see what opportunities there are out there first.”

Everyone is just lost. There’s no clear direction in life. When we have reached that point of our life, no one’s there to tell us what to study or what to do anymore. And that can be very scary for a fresh graduate, because we want to prove our worth. Even our first job has to be ideal, because we know how important a first job is and how it is going to affect our resume and portfolio.

Many youths I’ve spoken to who has taken a gap year shared how they’ve had to convince their parents, because taking one year to ‘find yourself’ is a waste of time in their parents’ eyes. However, it is often this one year of exposure and experience in the ‘real world’ that matures us. For some, it is what helps them find purpose, or at least, it is what shows them what they absolutely do not want to do. But I believe there is also a large number of people who teeter on, just getting a job for sustenance and wishing for change to happen.

Nothing’s Going To Happen, Bro.

However, purpose is also a choice. And a lot of us end up never finding our purpose because we are too afraid to pursue what we want.

Most of the time, it is not that we don’t know what we want in life, but we are too afraid to acknowledge those dreams we have. Pursuing dreams is hard work and as with anything, a risk.

It could be that we are worried about finances—what if we lose money? It could be the self-doubt and fear that we aren’t good enough to ‘make it’ in Singapore’s ultra competitive landscape. Along with that, there’s the fear that we will be wasting time if our efforts go to nothing. Even with advice like ‘don’t be afraid to fail’, the possibility of failure and ‘losing face’ from failing is terrifying, and it deters a lot of us from dipping our toes into new territories.

We end up creating excuses to convince others and ourselves to stay within our comfort zone. At the end of the day, we just follow through the motions, waiting for something to happen. This will cause anyone to get jaded very easily and very quickly.

The only way to find purpose and be happy with our life is to figure out what we truly want and more importantly, to work for it. And it’s encouraging to see more and more Singaporeans quitting their corporate lives in their late twenties to thirties to pursue what they’ve always wanted to do: in starting their own fashion label, running their own hawker stall, and many more.

There’s no way to achieve perfection in all aspects of life because life is just that short. It really goes down to knowing what we want to prioritise.

It doesn’t matter if we are driven by money or if it’s a desire to do social work, because as long as we know what to work for, half the battle is won. Because only then will we be able to figure out what we can do in our everyday lives to fulfil ourselves. And nothing ever comes easy, so either we get busy living, or get busy complaining.

Also read: A Letter To The Singapore Government, From A Young Singaporean.
(Header Image Credit: <a href="

It’s 9am on a Friday. I’m usually on the bus on the way to office at this hour (even though work’s supposed to start at 9am). Today, however, I am on my way to my neighbourhood coffee shops to make some friends with the uncles and aunties there.

As an introvert, I’d avoid most situations that require me to speak to strangers (ironic, considering my job as a writer), but today, it is my goal to better understand the lives of the older folks who seem to always be at the coffee shop in the morning, for hours at a time.

What do they actually talk about? How much time do they spend there? And for the sceptic in me; do they really have nothing else to do besides drinking kopi here every day?

I walked around the first coffee shop trying to find a strategic spot to park myself so I could voyeur and eavesdrop on conversations. Like any nondescript neighbourhood coffee shop on a weekday morning, the place is sparsely populated with mostly middle-aged to pioneer generation folks.

old people at coffee shops
A usual sight at a neighbourhood coffee shop

One table is occupied by what I presume to be a family of a 2nd generation Singaporean with her toddler and her elderly mother. As I dawdled down the corridor suspiciously eyeing the occupants of all the tables, this group of about 6 aunties caught my eye. One of them, who is on a wheelchair, is accompanied by a maid.

They must have been there for quite awhile. Their almost empty cups of coffee (or tea) were already pushed towards the middle of the table, and some of the cups has coffee stains that had already started to dry up on the sides of the cup.

The tables around them are all taken, and it will be very strange for me to be idling by the side of their table when there are other empty tables around. I threw the initial plan of voyeuring out and decided to approach them instead.

“Hello! I’m a reporter,” I greeted them chirpily with the limited amount of communicable Mandarin I can manage. “Can I join you all?”

After explaining that I was there to understand more about their lives as the older generation, the aunties around the table laughed and welcomed me.

Aiya! Our life is like that lor, what about it?” They teased, in Mandarin. As I pulled a chair up, one of them jokingly asked if I was going to treat them to a meal. I played along.

As I chatted with them, I learnt that they had all met each other at this very coffee shop. It was all those years of having their breakfast there daily that have seen them gather over time to form this ‘breakfast group’. All retired, this has become a daily routine: They meet for breakfast at 8+am every day and stay on to chat about their lives, talking about anything from the vegetables they are going to get, to catching up on the lives of their children and grandchildren. It is exactly what one would expect of a typical Singaporean auntie.

The group will then disperse by about 10am, with each of them making their rounds at the market to stock up on groceries before heading home.

One of them in the group is Mdm Kang, who’s in her sixties and is one of the most eager to share in the group. Later, she tells me that all three of her children had already married and shifted out, and ever since her husband passed away many years ago, she has been living alone in her HDB flat nearby. Despite the circumstances, she seems to me like a free-spirit.

“一个人在家会闷, 就到处乱跑 lor.”
(I’ll be bored alone at home, so I’ll venture around.)

Sometimes, she’d travel all the way to Boon Lay to visit her son. At other times, if she is able to, she’d help to look after her grandchildren.

For all of them in the group, life is pretty much similar to how Mdm Kang spend her days—they go about each day “just like that”, eating and chatting with friends, working on the never-ending list of household chores, and spending time with their family. Sometimes, they will visit the resident’s corner or community centres for light activities.

As one of the aunties puts it, once you have reached that age, you are pretty much “jiak liao bee”, a Hokkien phrase which indirectly means that they are just sitting around waiting to be fed. Since they are no longer working and are all financially stable (enough), boredom is inevitable. Ultimately, it is all about the mindset that they have.

One, Mdm Tan, whom I spoke at another coffee shop later on, shared: “If you have been working for all these years and you suddenly stop, you will go ‘crazy’ very quickly. You have to find something to do to keep [your mind stimulated].”

For Mdm Tan, singing is one activity that she has been actively engaged in at her neighbourhood RC. It was also through there that she met a couple of her long time friends today, one of whom joined us midway after her morning exercise at the park.

Another coffee shop, where I tried approaching a group of uncles but got ‘chased away’

I got to speak with one Mdm Ea, who is the youngest of the group of 6 aunties, after the rest left to buy groceries.

In her forties, she sees the other aunties in the group as her elder sisters. A freelance property agent, she tells me how she joined this group by chance when they noticed that she is also a regular there.

“This group of aunties are very happy-go-lucky. They are very warm and it’s a very community-spirit feeling. Like, one of them, the husband just went fishing recently and she brought the fish here and gave out to all of us.”

The group has become so tight-knitted that whenever one of them doesn’t turn up for their daily breakfast, the others will be concerned.

“They will really worry that something happened to you. So now when I go overseas, I will inform them.”

She shared that the rest of them are averagely in their sixties and have children that have all grown up and leading their own lives. Most of these aunties spend their days simplistically, spending their time with their family as much as possible.

However, for Mdm Ea especially, her life does not revolve around her only son, because she cannot afford to do that.

She explains:

“Of course, ideally our children will look after us, but they got their own lives to lead also. We cannot possibly rely on them to look after us completely.”

Her wish as a parent is to continue being a part of her child’s everyday life when she’s in her golden years. However, the pressures of work in an ultra-competitive society today has made her realise that this may not be the most practical arrangement.

“It’s very difficult for the younger generation these days because both have to work. Then they have their own family to support also.”

As such, Mdm Ea has, together with her husband, started to set aside their own retirement funds. In any case, she would rather plan for her own retirement than let it become a burden for her son.

Hearing this reminded me again on how our parents’ sacrifice last for their lifetime. It starts from the moment they give birth to us all the way till they leave. They always want the best for us and would often place our interests before theirs.

At another coffee shop, I spoke to one Mdm Tan. Also in her sixties, Mdm Tan also stressed the importance of having to plan for her own future without having to be dependent on her two children.

Her son had already married and shifted out, and her daughter will be following suit next year.

A trait of a typical Asian mother is how they find it difficult to ‘let go’ of their children. After all those years that they have invested into their babies and bringing them up, it can be hard when their babies are now grown adults leading their own, private life that does not necessarily include their mother in it.

From the times Mdm Tan repeated herself about how she has learnt not to intervene in her children’s life, I inferred that perhaps, there were conflicts that she had faced with her children in their life decisions, like her daughter’s choices in housing and wedding preparations.

Then, she said something that showed that no matter what, her love for her children will never falter: “What I can do is to see them grow up, get married, form their own family, and if they ever need anything, I’m just a phone call away.”

For both Mdm Tan and Mdm Ea, their ‘job’ as parents is to bring up their children the best they can and hope that they have cultivated a good person. And as grandparents or soon-to-be grandparents, they also know that the prime of years have long passed.

While our generation are going about our lives proving ourselves at work, romancing with our partners, and mingling with our friends, these aunties and uncles spend their days, for lack of a better description, ‘just like that’.

It is places like these, the coffee shops, resident corners, community centres, places that the younger generation like us pay no attention to, that continue to be to older folks what is to us our restaurant, bars, cafes, and chill out spaces. It is where they spend a substantial number of hours each day because otherwise, what else are they supposed to do when their home is empty?

As I continued chatting with Mdm Tan, I realised how the morning has taken me from wanting to learn about the life of the older folks at the coffee shops to being a confidante for them. When I finally bade goodbye to Mdm Tan, who was the last person I spoke to at the coffee shops that day, I was relieved. It reminded me why I always avoided chatting with aunties: they have a million things to talk about and sometimes, you just don’t know what to say but nod.

But then again, one day, I’ll be like them. We all will.

Also read: 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.

Editor’s Note: Andrew passed away peacefully at 11:25pm on 31 August 2019. We'd like to extend our heartfelt condolences to Andrew's family and friends.

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“It’s the absence of hope that makes cancer patients lose all sense of life.”

At 32, Andrew has only about four to six months to live, should his current treatments fail. He has Aggressive Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and it isn’t the first time medical treatments have failed on him. He had already gone through 10 rounds of what is supposed to be the most effective, available chemotherapy for his case, only for the cancer cells to return with a vengeance.

Within the span of less than a year, he has gone from optimistic and hopeful to terminally ill.  

When I first met Andrew about 9 years ago, he was an assistant producer at the place I interned at. In short, just an ordinary, healthy person who is few years my senior. Yet, when I met him at a cafe near his home earlier last week, he had to walk with the help of a cane. What used to be the physique of a sportsman is now this frail person with a slight hunchback, pallid face, and a bare head, save for a soft fuzz of hair that has started to regrow.

He was first diagnosed with stage 1 Aggressive Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a type of cancer that affects certain types of immune system cells, last June. The tumour has since grown to a point where he is unable to ‘survive’ without the use of morphine. The tumour growth near his lungs presses on his rib cage every time he takes a breath, causing him immense pain.

Morphine Sulfate Syrup
Andrew needs to take Morphine every few hours as the medication numbs the constant pain he is in
Image Credit: Andrew Hui
Morphine Sulfate Syrup
‘Pain patches’ like the one pictured above also helps to relieve the pain
Image Credit: Andrew Hui

Back then, it was only by pure coincidence that the doctor stumbled upon the tumor.  

Stage 1 Only, No Biggie

It was only when Andrew checked himself into A&E for a high fever one night when they found out.

He had gone to the hospital as a precautionary measure, as he had a history with Pneumothorax (collapsed lung). Fearing complications that could have arose from the major surgery he did for Pneumothorax prior, the doctors ran some x-ray tests on him. The tests returned with signs of a tumour growth at the upper part of his chest.

Further biopsy tests identified it as stage 1 Lymphoma.

“Back then, the doctors were super confident—it wasn’t a complicated case. 90 percent of people who had this [cancer] at this stage have been cured.”

With that assurance and his strong belief in the medical system, he proceeded with the recommended treatments—chemotherapy—confident that it was nothing to worry about.

“I had great trust in our medical treatments. Like eh, stage one [only], what is this man! You know, I thought this will just be something like a few months ‘holiday’ where I go for treatments, then I’ll be out soon enough.”

Nobody would have expected that he was that 10 percent.

Instead of shrinking, the tumour grew from 8cm to 13.5cm. By this time, the cancer cells had began to spread to his other organs—the worst sign of any cancer. The 10 rounds of chemotherapy, which comprised of R-EPOCH therapy, and another stronger, RICE therapy, had failed.

As he went on to explain how chemotherapy works on cancer patients, Andrew added that it is something he would never wish upon anybody.

“It lives up to its reputation as a very uncomfortable process.”

The side effects of chemotherapy varies for each person. For Andrew, the sessions completely sucked the life out of him and made it impossible to palate anything.  “I would eat and then ‘Merlion’ everything out.”

Besides the nausea, lethargy, and hair loss, there was also a general uneasiness in his body which he could only describe as “an oily feeling,” and “it’s like your body is rejecting [what’s being done to it]”

Coming To Terms With The Truth

When he saw the PET scan and heard the doctor’s remarks, his first thoughts were: “So how long more do I have left?”

“I don’t want to be in a situation where I haven’t said my goodbyes and I haven’t done my final things before I pass away.”

Any cancer patient would have mentally prepared themselves for the worst, but knowing that the worst that they could expect came true is another thing altogether. The news gutted Andrew and his family.

A Christian, he had on many occasions questioned why God allowed this to happen to him. He questioned why it had to be him. Why it had to be cancer.

Acceptance only came later, and it came from the pain that he had to go through.

“There was one night I really thought I was really going to die.”

He recounted to me about the night a bad coughing fit left him curled up into a ball on his bed. Besides the physical pain he felt at his ribs and the stars he was seeing from it, it also broke his heart to see his mother crying by his bedside.

“My mum said that she wished she could take the pain from me. She said that she wished she could be the one who had cancer instead of me. For me, for a child to see your mother crying for you so helplessly, it was so painful.”

In our generation, a lot of us spend long hours at work or with our friends. It was no different for Andrew. Looking back at the times he had placed work and friends above time with his family, his biggest regret is not having spent enough time with his mother.

“Ultimately, during the most difficult time of my life it was my mum who sat at the side of my bed. She cannot do anything but sit there and cry, but it’s this kind of relationship that [reminds me that this is something] we should never compromise.”

When You’re In The Face Of Death

Andrew's everyday life now revolves around rest. His therapies leave him with little energy for anything else. Besides the 16 or 17 hours of sleep he needs a day, he spends his time on simple pleasures like reading, catching up with friends, or fulfilling his wanderlust through travel shows on Netflix.

Since the traditional treatment of chemotherapy has failed, he has gone on to alternative therapies, which works slower and have a lower success rate. And because his is an aggressive cancer, it is now a race against time—for the alternative therapy to save him before the cancer takes his life.

However, the prognosis, or ‘time till death’ is not something that the doctors can determine as he is on a relatively new treatment. If it does not work, he will only have up to six months to live.

“The truth for cancer patients is that we cling on to every bit of hope if possible because otherwise, there’s really nothing else to cling on to anymore.”  

Hope. It is the one thing that keeps Andrew alive despite being in the face of death. Besides, cancer is unlike the common cough and flu, where you know recovery is only a matter of time with the help of medications.

Reflecting on his journey, he tells me about how the worst part is when the doctor looks at him with a look of defeat—when they look like they have no idea what else to do.

“It’s the absence of hope that makes cancer patients lose all sense of life.

The fear of death is what makes people struggle with coming to terms with being terminally ill, he explained, and stressed the importance of seeing death as a happy closure. The change in mindset and the understanding that death is one end to the pain and suffering is what helped him accept death.

Screen capture taken from Andrew Hui's Facebook page

Last Words: Prioritise Happiness & Hold On To Hope

As someone who used to be extremely health conscious, Andrew joked about how he regrets not living life previously. "I used to actively clamp down on a lot of things believing that I have my health under my control. I should have just eaten whatever I want!”

Lymphoma, however, is one of those mysterious diseases that do not discriminate. He just happened to one who has it.

“I think we should live our life as happy as possible. Make a commitment to live as happy as possible. Happiness is now. Happiness is eating dinner with friends and family instead of doing paperwork at 9pm thinking that your boss and company will appreciate.”

For those who are also terminally ill, “Never stop fighting. Fighting on is a big part of fighting cancer.”

Many patients get very depressed and scared as they fear the ultimate result of cancer: death. However, one needs to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel and believe that the pain will end.

“You need to believe that it will not be darkness when you close your eyes for the last time. [For me,] that is the hope I need to cling on to because otherwise I will fall into depression.”

Even loved ones will not be able to help in this journey, for it is a very personal battle when it comes to accepting death.

“We need to cling on to something larger and stronger than ourselves,” Andrew emphasised.

“The moment we give up hope, the battle is lost.”

Also read: Meet The ‘Spiritual Guru’ Whose Job Is To Make You Rethink Your Life.

Singaporeans are always complaining about life in Singapore. Comments like “this is the gahmen we vote for,” and “not happy then migrate lor” have been commonplace on online forums and can be found on pretty much any post related to Singapore.

Even a recent post that mapped out the key financial stages for Singaporeans have managed to rouse the ire of some Redditors, who alluded their dissatisfaction of Singapore's governance through proclaiming their wish to leave for greener pastures.

The original roadmap, by DollarsAndSense
Image Credit: DollarsAndSense

Migrating seems to be the ultimate solution to every bit of law or policy that Singaporeans are pissed with. And it’s human nature—the grass is greener on the other side. But is it really?

One country that comes up every time someone talks about wanting to migrate is Australia. Many of us think that life is better Down Under, and we envy those who get to enjoy the slower pace of life there. This is based upon the sheer number of times we have heard stories of people migrating, of those who want to migrate to Australia, or those who wish for an opportunity to relocate there just to have a different life experience.

So What’s Life Really Like In Australia?

Awhile back, I spoke to 33-year-old Jasmin, who shifted to Perth in 2002 to pursue her dream of becoming a vet. After spending five years there, she decided to make the switch to permanent residency.

“Life in Perth is pretty slow paced and relaxed compared to Singapore. The people here are more interested in enjoying life in the present than slogging away or planning for the future.”

Meanwhile, Singaporeans are perpetually stressed out about working hard for a better future.  The need to push ourselves now while we can has been so indoctrinated in us that you'd find many Singaporeans chasing career milestones up until retirement.

Don’t get me wrong. The desire to strive for excellence is great and it is a respectable trait in Singaporeans to have such pride and ownership in our work. But our work culture has also come to a point where most people find it hard to switch off after work hours. Likewise, we find it hard to accept slow or late responses at work, especially when it comes to work that we deem "urgent".

Even if our work demands our attention at midnight or when we are on vacation, we would still do our best to squeeze out time to attend to it. I’d like to believe many of us do it out of personal accountability but any honest man will also tell you that they fear losing their jobs otherwise.

Such is the work culture difference between Singapore and a place like Australia.

Jasmin went to Perth to pursue her dream of being a veterinarian
Image Credit: Jasmin

For another Singaporean, Lydia*, it is this culture difference that she has come to love ever since she relocated to Sydney more than a year ago. She got jaded by the hectic lifestyle in Singapore and had decided to shift in search of personal growth opportunities.

“I managed to get a job in a fintech company and it’s so unlike what I had expected. It’s all about a life outside of work, and if someone needs to get you, they have to wait till it’s tomorrow. Nothing is that urgent and your time or life outside of work is respected.”

The change in pace and the shift to a culture that places more focus on a healthy work-life balance gave Lydia more time to her other pursuits in life, like more personal time with friends and family as well as more time for leisure—exactly what many Singaporeans wish they have.

Although, Lydia acknowledged that she was lucky, as everybody's experience will differ based on the industry practices, company culture, and the dynamics within a company. Where she is at, she also enjoys perks like flexible working hours, going on sick leave without an official MC, and free coffee at every team meeting.

These perks are only possible as employees respect the integrity based system it is run on. It only takes one bad sheep to abuse and destroy such a system, and if you think about it in Singapore’s context, this will probably not be possible here. Remember when we used to have Ofo, Obike, and Mobike?

Despite the welcome change in work-life balance and employee welfare, finding a job wasn’t that easy for Lydia initially. Her attempts to find work in her area of expertise came to nothing as her Working Holiday Visa restricted her from staying in the same company for more than 6 months. Most of the jobs she had came here in search of required someone with a longer commitment.

“Initially, part of me expected to get a job pretty easily, even if it means I had to do odd jobs here and there. I thought like Singapore, it’ll be easy for me to get a retail or F&B job for example, but it wasn’t that easy.”

To get a retail job, she had to submit a video of her speaking and presenting herself. She’d also need an RSA certification if she wanted to work in F&B.

Fortunately, settling in wasn’t an issue because her partner was already living there and had sorted out the nitty-gritty of moving, like finding accommodation, sorting out the lease, and setting up the utilities.

Nonetheless, the pressure of living independently and solely off her savings, began to build up. “The cost of living in Sydney is really high, and I saw how quickly my money was depleting about 2 months in. I started to put a lot of stress on myself to find a job and somehow no one was getting back to me.”

Lydia later chalked up even more expenses when she had to be sent to the hospital primarily due to her stress and anxiety.

“I was broke and in a country with no medical benefits or subsidies for me.”

“Being jobless and living under your parents roof was stressful but being jobless and having to worry about rent is a heart attack waiting to happen.”

She only managed to secure her current job five months after she relocated. Ultimately, she admitted that it was a job that she settled for as there were bills to pay.

Singaporean filmmaker Tim* echoed Lydia’s sentiments on the work landscape in Australia.

The 28-year-old spent 5 years in Sydney, where he pursued his interest in film in a university there. While studying, he also took up several work projects and jobs. In the media and film industry he is in, he explained that while Australia has more opportunities for him, the overall work landscape there is pretty similar to Singapore’s. It is as highly competitive there as fresh graduates and experienced locals and foreigners are always rising up and competing for the same jobs.

“I think it is important to manage [your own] expectations, know what you want to do, work hard on your craft, and to be open to change if it comes.”

Daily Life Differences

Day-to-day conveniences and living expenses are other aspects that one needs to consider before making the shift.

If there’s one thing all of us are right about, it’s the short operational hours of shops there. Most of the shops there shut by 6pm and some buses end service at early evenings.

Born and bred in Singapore where we gripe about shops closing at 9.30pm, I wondered how these Singaporeans aren’t bored there. How do you ‘survive’ when ‘everything’ is closed by the time you end work?

“Usually the shopping malls close early but in Sydney the clubs, karaoke joints and movie theatres still open till late,” said Tim.

As for Lydia, it took her awhile to get used to the largely outdoor lifestyle compared to what most of us are inclined to do in Singapore: “People [in Australia] tend to go to the beach, surf, drive up the coast, go on road trips, camping, hikes, and go to the markets. That’s what my partner and I do besides all the housework. New South Wales is massive and we never stop being tourists if money permits.”

The focus on work-life balance gave Lydia more time to pursue her personal interests
Image Credit: Lydia

The early closure of shops also means that many food places shut early. But Tim assured that “there are definitely food you can get at supper hours but your selection is really limited. McDonald’s are open 24 hours and that’s about it. There is no Al-Ameen to save you from a grumbling stomach at 2am.”

Eating out in Australia is also expensive compared to Singapore. This is undoubtedly one of the best parts of living in Singapore—the abundance of food options and how you can easily get a complete meal from as cheap as $3.

What Kind Of Life Do You Want?

With all that said, we have to acknowledge that life isn’t perfect. No matter where we go, there is bound to be problems of some sort, and it is important that we consider every facet of our life and habits before we go on a great migration. There are also plenty of helpful guides online to walk us through specific areas like taxes and cost of living.

Another tip from Tim is to know what we want.

“I guess Australia is good for anyone who wants to try a different lifestyle and explore a different country. If you pick Sydney, be prepared to work hard and be ready to compete with the best.”

There’s no rights or wrongs to migrating and only you would know if life would be better for you elsewhere. It is still a big decision to make, having to leave your entire life behind to set up a new one in a foreign land. At the end of the day, it boils down to where you want to call home.

For me, as biased as it is for someone who has only ever resided in Singapore, and for all the imperfections in our policies and infrastructure, home is Singapore.

Also read: The Hopes And Fears Of 20-Somethings.

(Header Image Credit: Zoe Holling on Unsplash)