Author: Lim Bei Ling

Last Friday, an NUS student, Monica Baey took to Instagram (IG) to seek justice for her case: she was inappropriately filmed by a fellow student while showering in the school hall last November.

Her string of IG Stories has since gone viral, picking up attention from several media outlets.

There has also been some progress in Monica’s case. However, having followed her story and seen the way the events have unfolded have raised some very uncomfortable truths about the kind of society we live in today.

You can find the full story from Monica’s IG profile highlights here.

Singapore still has a long way to go when it comes to how we view sexual assault and harassment

From the way the police told her to “just accept the outcome,” and, “if you want real consequences or more action to be taken, go to NUS and push for action,” to the correspondence between Monica and NUS, the way the relevant parties handled this seemed apathetic at best.

Image captured from Monica's IG highlights

And this is a sad reflection of the society we live in today. A society that only gives attention to an issue when it is blown up enough.

Had Monica accepted the results and quietly made peace with just being that unlucky one who had to experience such an incident, this case will easily and quickly be swept under the rug and forgotten. Just like the many other peeping tom incidents that have happened.

Image captured from Monica's IG highlights

Just last year, a 26-year-old male student was given the same 12 months conditional warning when he was caught committing the identical act that the perpetrator in Monica’s case committed. This student was later sentenced to nine months' jail and three strokes of the cane for molest and outrage of modesty, which he committed during the conditional warning.

Another man was jailed in 2017 after he committed sexual misconduct-related crimes while “under a conditional 12-month stern warning for attempting to take an upskirt video on a woman”.

Yet, NUS has, within two days of Monica’s story going viral on social and mainstream media, announced its intention to convene a committee “to review its current disciplinary and support framework”, making it a prime example of why people rely so heavily on social media to incite for real impact.

It is also very sad that we have come down to this. Why do we need the court of public opinion to know what should inherently be right or wrong in our morals?

Our nonchalance towards cases of sexual misconduct

We like to think of ourselves and our society as encompassing all the morally right values: fair, righteous, honourable, and et cetera.

However, Monica’s case is a perfect example of how we’re a long way from that—how Singapore is a long way from that, especially when it comes to sexual assault and harrassment.

Often, we are told to go to the official channels whenever we want to seek redress for an incident. But if the official channels fail us, where else do we go to?

While there were results that came out of the case, it did nothing good for society. I agree with second chances, but the conditional warning is but a joke if one were to consider the fact that the perpetrator had previously snuck into another toilet. Furthermore, there have already been convicted cases of sexual misconduct as shared above, similar to Monica’s.

If it is also true that many students have been a victim of such predatory behaviour in the campus residences before, I question the good in settling such cases with restrained or even hush-hush procedures.

We’re talking about second chances for someone who has committed an inappropriate act with the intent of doing so, albeit under alcohol influence—this cannot be an excuse.

Regardless of gender or location, there is no excuse for entering a shower facility with the intention to film someone else.

We’re talking about the questionable lack of a zero-tolerance policy against sexual misconduct and predatory behaviour.

For NUS particularly, sending an apology letter that Nicholas was obligated to write under the school’s direction to Monica is nothing but patronising. Anyone who read it could tell the lack of sincerity in the words, and a standard PR template-like apology does nothing to assure a victim.

The one-semester suspension and ban against entering campus residences do nothing for long-term deterrence and assurance if NUS does not display any empathy and concern for the case beyond closing it.

Monica has also shared in a Ricemedia article that NUS had told her that “she’d sent them her statement ‘a bit late’, and that they’d already arrived at a punishment” when she went back to NUS to push for action. In the same article, Monica also shared that NUS had claimed to take her statement into account, but said the outcome “would have been the same”.

This, to me, is a clear indication of the school’s consideration of her case, or rather, the lack thereof. While the victim was crying out for help from the people whom she believed would serve the justice she deserves, the people whom we trust to keep us protected only reacted with the minimal concern—your statement will be taken into consideration, that’s all.

But this should not be about closing the case and moving on. This should be about our tolerance for sexual misconduct across the board.

It should not matter whether the perpetrator is a student or a working adult. It should not matter if he succeeded in capturing the victim on his phone.

Closing this case as it is will only allow for such inappropriate misconduct to continue on, as it signifies to the community that such behaviours aren’t that severe (as it should be). In time, this will only lead to other victims having to go through exactly what Monica has had to.

If Monica’s and all those previous, similar cases are not enough, how many cases must it take for us to make substantial change?

Why Do We Need To Wait For Storms To Blow Up?

A snapshot of the conversation Monica had with another IG user: “if this happened in America that kid would be expelled SO FAST.”
Image captured from Monica's IG highlights

It’s heartening to know that social justice is at least a lot more prevalent in Singapore compared to other places—a 19-year-old girl in Bangladesh was burnt to death after she spoke out against sexual assault, and <a href=" in India struggle with extreme cases of sexual harassment and assault on a daily basis.

However, we have our own problems.

Not only does our society seem to be nonchalant about issues until it starts getting viral, Monica’s case also reminded me of how desensitised we have become to such issues.

Perhaps it is our progessively liberal mindsets, or just the increase in the number of sexual assault-related stories that we have been exposed to, perpetuated by the #metoo movement. This has inadvertently created a victim-blaming culture among us. At the very least, because of the way we’ve seen Singaporeans react to such stories with scepticism and judgment, most victims would rather stay mum, forget the incident, and move on.

But I wonder if we are fighting the wrong wars here.

Should we not be looking into ways to empower victims in speaking up, and in protection and recovery efforts instead?

In a statement issued to NUS by almost 500 students following Monica’s case, four sets of recommendations were proposed. The recommendations included an “Office of Sexual Harassment Prevention, Reporting, and Response with a 24/7 emergency hotline service for survivors,” and also campaigns to raise awareness on sexual harassment in the university.

These are great examples of initiatives that would allow students to have a greater understanding of what constitutes sexual misconduct.

More importantly, we should consider how important it is for all of us to adopt a zero-tolerance mentality towards any kind of sexual misconduct, especially in a society that prides itself for safety and equality for all genders. It is about cultivating a community that can accept and openly discuss matters so sensitive (sexual assault and harassment), and it is only possible with time and dedication from every part of the institution.

Rethinking the way we look at sexual misconduct and support for the victims

I trust that NUS and the police both have a fair amount of challenges and stakeholders to be accountable to.

However, they need to understand that this is beyond being an impartial third party. They need to know people’s trust in them to serve and protect us in ways we cannot do so without their support.

It is not about enabling women to seek attention or affirmation through social media. Neither is it about clamping down on such behaviours with the harshest punishments.

It is about their apparent lack of empathy, compassion, and concern over what is clearly immoral, predatory behaviour that causes trauma victims.

Also read: S’porean Women Share Stories Of Being Sexually Harassed, Revealing It’s More Common Than We Realize.

(All images used in header image taken from Monica Baey's IG)

They say that you are a reflection of the company you keep. For Asher, who had his brush with being “a little bit delinquent” in his secondary school days, this couldn’t be more true.

“You know lah, like most boys, I had those days where I was a ‘wannabe <a href=" (gangster)’,” Asher jested. Having a best friend with “a very beng perspective” and whose friends and family were all equally ‘beng’ rubbed off of him. He was on the path towards a similar lifestyle at that point. Those were the days where he would get into a lot of fights, just because.

Growing up in a single-parent household, things weren’t as simple back at home either. Due to conflicts he had with his mother, the animosity between them grew. Things escalated to the point where he decided to leave home. He lived with a friend, taking on multiple part-time jobs to cover his own school fees and personal expenses.

He was just a young polytechnic student at that point.

Asher back then
Image Credit: Asher Low

Then, he started to struggle with body dysmorphia: “I felt like I was ugly and that I was never good enough.” This feeling of inadequacy stuck with him well into his 20s and over time, developed into full-blown depression.

The turbulent emotions from dealing with the transitions in his life, coupled with the complications he faced with a dysfunctional family, led Asher down the path of self-harm. He had even attempted to take his own life as a way out.  

“I was actually really good at hiding it—my depression. The ones closest to me know, but it still came as a shock when they know that I hurt myself, especially for my mentors.”

It didn’t help that socially, it was also “not cool to have mental health problems, and not cool to get panic attacks.”

Fortunately, Asher’s personal anchor with his religion helped him out of such a lifestyle that he was on track for: “what really did save me was when I saw how my friends were taking drugs and all, and I saw the kind of lifestyle they were falling into.”

In church, he was given opportunities to work with youth-in-need, which opened up his eyes to social work.

“I was also blessed with mentors, friends, and a community that cared and believed in me. Today I want to give the struggling youths out there the same opportunities that were created for me.”

With that motivation, Asher’s work with youths later culminated in Limitless—a Voluntary Welfare Organisation (VWO) he started.

Running Limitless

“Imagine where will you be if all your boundaries are taken away. What can you achieve?”

Asher pitched, when I asked about how Limitless came about.

Together with his partner and a couple of like-minded friends, the initial concept of Project Imagine went through several changes before Limitless came to be today.

“We founded with the main mission of empowering youths, regardless of background, circumstances, or history, to fulfill their potential.”

Three years on today, the team has grown to include 40 volunteers with about 15 to 20 of them supporting Limitless with administration work, design, social media, web platforms, therapy and counselling work, and events.

Screen capture taken from Limitless’ website

Mental health is increasingly emphasised and not only do we hear of more people suffering from mental health disorders today, there are also increasingly younger Singaporeans seeking help for mental health issues.

But Why Is Our Younger Generation Facing Suffering?

Having gone through a difficult rite of passage himself, Asher explained that a lot of youths struggle with mental health issues because of the changes they face in their transition years: “It is where they are [susceptible to feeling lost and confused.]”

This is where Limitless steps in with various therapy work, befriending and counselling services, and a support helpline to provide a sort of ‘safe haven’ for youths to share their troubles. For youths who are born with disadvantaged circumstances especially, giving them that little boost goes a long way in empowering them to step out of their comfort zone and to fulfill their full potential.

“Say a youth who can’t focus in school because he has bipolar disorder and struggles with thoughts of killing himself. Or the youth who comes from a poor family and when she went to primary one, everyone else could do math already but she can’t because they went to preschool and she didn’t, and that caused her to be behind everyone else all the way into secondary school. So, we see our work as that of bridging that gap.”

Social programmes like dance, music and sport programmes are also avenues Limitless provides to facilitate their aim for the youths they serve.

Limitless

One of the climbing programmes organised by Limitless
Image Credit: Asher Low

A snippet of another programme
GIF credit: Limitless

With increasing focus on outreach and education on mental health, Limitless has also partnered with a network of organisations and companies to provide opportunities like subsidised tuition, internship, or even work for young adults.

It’s A Battle, But One Worth Fighting For

Although, running a VWO (charity) in Singapore is in itself the greatest challenge.

“To be honest for the first couple of years, the directors, including myself, were the primary [people funding the organisation]. Meaning I didn’t take a salary, and instead gave to the organisation whenever it was in the red. But it’s gotten better as more people hear about the work that we do.”

Today some of the funds that support their work include the Tote Board Shared Gifting Circle for Children and Youth Mental Health, the National Youth Fund, and private family led funds such as the Zen Dylan Koh Fund—which has been covered in a heartbreaking feature by Straits Times earlier this year.

https://www.facebook.com/TheStraitsTimes/posts/10155909003097115

For Asher, who finds privilege in being able to be surrounded by people in the ‘helping professions’, like counsellors, running Limitless is for himself as much as it is for the youths he champions for.

“When I meet young people who grew up with similar struggles to myself. Those who come from single parent or broken homes, and those who struggle with depression or come in telling me they hate themselves. I see myself in them.”

Although, working in such a social and service oriented industry still takes its toll on him. As someone who relates on a personal level with the many struggles his clients and youths go through, he has to keep steadfast to his vision. This, on top of having to sacrifice family time for work, and having to deal with problems of his own—his position makes it that much harder for him to share his problems freely.

However, he strongly believes that every youth have their own calling in life, regardless of circumstances, and all they need is the opportunity.

“These callings and destinies may right now be in the form of a dream, an aspiration, a strength, a passion, or quoting Marie Kondo: something that sparks joy in their life. I don’t want them to lose the opportunity to live out that potential.”

With a vision to continue advocating the concept of potential in youths, Asher hopes to train people to be able to stand through their struggles, and to be that friend to help others around call out the good in their life.

“If the youths get that support, a mentor, or opportunities in the most mouldable stage of their lives, I believe amazing things can happen. Because it happened for me.”

Also read: Paying It Forward: Why Volunteering During Chinese New Year Was More Valuable Than Any Angbao.

(All images used in header provided by Asher Low)

If you’ve ever looked down at the spare tire around your waist and felt sad for yourself for having grown so fat, then resolving to diet but never actually getting down to it, cheers.

Unless you are one of the lucky bastards blessed with high metabolism, you will know how hard it is to stay fit. It’s damn near impossible when you love food, especially when distractions are everywhere—GrabFood promotions, seasonal fast food menus, and new food places popping out every so often.

And when work already sucks the energy out of you, exercise’s hardly an option.

For those who have been following our Real Talk episodes however, you would have noticed the transformation of one of the cast members, Dew, whose weight loss journey inspired the #DUNSTOP ‘challenge’.

Here, we spoke to him to find out how he went from fatso to (quite a) fitspo in just a few months.

The Beginning Of #DUNSTOP

In an old photo of Dew from 10 years ago, he was actually a tall and thin guy, although, he had gone “in and out of the fat zone” before.

Dew when he was a teenager and him in 2018

It was only when he started working full-time when he started to gain weight. While he knew that he was in the “fat range”, he never knew that he was that fat: “Y’know? When you look at yourself in the mirror and start justifying yourself?”

The realisation came when he casually decided to weigh himself after a indulgent Mala BBQ dinner.

“In my head, I was maybe like 85KG to 88KG, but I wasn’t! I WAS F***ING 99KG. So I was like, f***! I can’t do this, I need to lose weight.”

Knowing that he was once stick thin when he was in his teens motivated him a little, as it gave him the understanding that he could lose weight quickly if he tried.

It wasn’t the first time he had tried to lose weight either, as he had lost 14KG from dieting back in 2015. However, eating only meat and vegetables, and taking only two meals daily was a dreadful experience.

“I was suffering and I didn’t want to go through that again. I remembered seeing Fakkah Fuzz (a local stand-up comedian) posting about YOLO Food. I started researching and decided to try it for a month.”

For the whole month, Dew did nothing but diet, sticking to a strict meal plan from YOLO Food (a healthy food delivery service), and ensuring that he was doing a calorie deficit of 500kcals.

“You need to find out your base metabolic rate. For me, I burn 1900kcals a day at that time. So, I only eat up to 1,400kcals a day.”

Healthy food is pricey and the money for his meals was one significant investment, but for Dew, the most ‘painful’ part is having to cut out the things that he was so used to.

Fighting Distractions And Desires

Besides completely abstaining from sugar and carbs for the first month, Dew started to switch out a lot of his usual go-to foods for healthier alternatives.

Kopi Peng turned into Kopi C Kosong. Rice turned into Cauliflower Rice. Potato turned into Sweet Potato. Mala turned into… no more lah.”

Naturally, it was hard at the start. For Dew, taking away certain foods is akin to taking away his weekends, because “I had nothing to look forward to in terms of food.” But, the results began to show when he lost 8KG purely from watching his diet.

Subsequently, he started working out and breaking up his diet to complement his workouts.

Screenshot taken from his Instagram Highlights


Dew’s workout routine in the second month

Like his diet, working out is also a lot of self-discipline and self-motivation.

It’s also key to reward yourself for the hard work and for Dew, it’s as simple as taking a puff at the end of his workout—which he always documents on his Instagram Stories with “#DUNSTOP”.

As the months passed, he added more bodyweight and core workouts to suit his pace.

It Wasn’t That Easy Of Course

There were times where it got really exhausting. For times where Dew feels like he needs a little ‘break’, he settles it with a small bag of chips, “and then I feel like shit because I cheated and I’ll stop.”

However, a stronger motivation was the peer support.

“It might sound superficial but what really helped me to not stop is when people go like ‘whoa! you lost so much weight!’ It also helped that my friends were cheering me on day-to-day and most importantly, they joined me for workouts.”

Dew exercising with one of his friends

The personal satisfaction he got from seeing results, mentally and through the numbers on the scale, also kept him going

By the end of the fourth month, Dew lost 18.5KG.

Healthy living is a lifestyle, not a sprint

Eight months into his fitness journey and having hit his 20KG weight loss goal, Dew has gone on to do strength training while still keeping his diet—eating at a calorie deficit and avoiding white carbs and sugar.

Although, he’s also a bit more lenient on himself on weekends, where he eats what he wants.  

Apart from the shift in wardrobe and body size, his physical transformation has also boosted his confidence and helped him a lot mentally.

“It feels good to know I'm at lesser risk of getting health problems. This journey really taught me the importance of trying and not giving up. I tend to call "bullshit" on people who keeps quoting ‘don't give up don't give up’, but this has shown the actual results.”

Dew emphasised that at the end of the day, “healthy living is a lifestyle, not a sprint.”

Instead of comparing yourself and your progress against others, go with the pace you’re comfortable with. Try the different diets available and find one that suits your day-to-day needs. Stick to it for three months or so, then change it up so you don't get bored.

But most importantly, slow progress doesn't mean no progress. Just—as Dew also says in his Stories—#DUNSTOP!

Also read: Hustle Together, Stay Together – These Singaporean Couples Prove That Office Romance Can Work.

69-year-old Mr Zhen once attempted to take his own life. “Since there’s nothing [left] to do, I may as well die.”

In my attempt to learn about the lives of elderly in Singapore, I had spoken to five other seniors in their 60s to 80s. The one thing that struck me was how there is an unspoken, but very perceptible sense of aimlessness.

In an article by The Epoch Times last year, a 2008 research article was brought up, where all 19 interviewees “reported feeling lonely or depressed, and many said they live by the day and endeavour not to think of the future.”

Where one has pretty much fulfilled the most of our life goals, like getting a job, saving up, starting our own family, or seeing our grandchildren, it can be hard to fathom that there is nothing else to look forward to.

And Mr Zhen is just one elderly person who has struggled with his thoughts of mortality as he age. There has been studies on how there are more old people who struggle with loneliness and how socially isolated seniors have a higher risk of dying prematurely.

When I visited <a href=" Home for the Aged Sick last Saturday, I got to speak to 72-year-old Winnie Koh, who has been running the nursing home as Chief Executive Officer (CEO) for more than 15 years.

She shared that one of her residents has suicidal tendencies, and had once tied bedsheets and put it around his neck in a suicide attempt. Likewise, that resident did not see a point in living, “when [to him,] he’s already 90, nearing 100 years old, and does not have the ability to do many things himself.”

This resident has also went through certain rough patches as well, as a very close female friend of his had passed away.

“I can feel the loneliness in him. He doesn’t speak to [a lot of] people.”

I asked Winnie if residents fear death.

After a short pause, Winnie explains that the elderly do not fear death per se. For the most, those who fear death fear going to hell.

However, Winnie acknowledged that there are those who struggle to let go, in the sense where they could have unresolved wishes: people they want to meet, messages they want to tell their loved ones, or something they want to complete.

32-year-old Alvin, added that having worked in the eldercare sector for about six years, he has often hear elderly regretting not treating their family members better or not better providing for them, “they definitely fear for the people and the relationships they are leaving behind.”

This is where, at a nursing home, they play up their role of caring for the residents. Winnie explains, “it’s the comfort [they need], to affirm them that they are ok, and that [whatever they want accomplished will be taken care of.] I will arrange for family members to visit. Usually they do go off peacefully after that.”

Along with the physical or cognitive impairments, the elderly face a whole set of very personal and emotional hurdles as well.

Before working in the eldercare sector, Alvin, like many of us, never understood the stubbornness and ego that many elderly have. But now that he has got a glimpse into the lives of different groups of elderly through his six years, he explains that most elderly fear losing their independence, and when an elderly go from “a provider, a giver, a successful person on their own rights losing the respect, mobility and cognitive ability they have [when they age], the frustration they are going through can be very overwhelming.”

As sad as it sounds, these seniors turn to stubbornness and ego as a way of holding on to that last bit of control that they still have.

Although, there are also “difficult ones,” those who who choose to isolate themselves, and who refuse to interact with people. In such cases, Winnie explains that in the nursing home, they still try to show the elderly their presence and care in one way or another.

Drawing similarities between elderly and babies, Winnie said, “once you make them feel safe and comfortable, they are easily cared for.”

At Moral Home, the residents may suffer from different illnesses and each, their own sets of disabilities, but Winnie tells me that most of them are generally happy.

Having reached the point where they know that they are old and are ready to die, most of them would live every day to their fullest in the little ways they can, like eating, reading, or praying.

“Once, I have this resident who [had severe dementia and] is, on the whole, a very happy person. One day, she was just resting in the lounge after her coffee, then she just said to me in Cantonese ‘I am going to sleep, bye bye.’ She never woke up after that.”

“I think it’s better that way,” Winnie said, on passing on peacefully.

When I visited the home I also got to speak to this two sisters who had sold their house to live at the nursing home.

For 82-year-old Tan Nya Nya and her 83-year-old sister, their choice to live in a nursing home is for convenience, and to ensure that they get the physical support they need at their age. This came after Nya Nya fell down once and both her sister and her realise that they were unable to manage on their own if anything were to happen. Being able to socialise with the other residents of the home are perks that they enjoy too.

Nya Nya added, on seeing residents who don’t share the same happy-go-lucky attitude she has on life, “if you naughty, throw tantrum, [your family] also won’t [feel happy to visit you]. Correct? No point [being so gloomy]. Don’t think so much. Must be happy.”

Like Nya Nya, 82-year-old Uncle Lee also have an optimistic outlook on life, despite the fact that he lives alone in a one-room flat in Toa Payoh

His daily routine includes waking up in the wee hours of dawn for a walk around the small park right beside his home, going for his meals, and watching TV. Sometimes, he would hop on a bus that would take him to Jurong, Pasir Ris, and even Changi.

As he regaled me with his accounts of these ‘mini adventures’ he goes on when he is bored, he emphasised that at his age, there is nothing much to do except eat and watch TV, “what else can I do at this age?”

When I visited him with three volunteers on a Sunday night, he had cooked a pot of Bak Kut Teh for us. And as we sat in his living room savouring the soup, I felt a little like I was in my grandmothers’ old house again.

Elderly Life Singapore

Although he lives alone, his house is filled with knickknacks. Chinese New Year decorations still adorn his walls and the side of his fridge. I couldn’t help but noticed that he also has four clocks on one wall.

“He really likes clocks. There’s more in his bedroom,” one of the volunteers laughed when I asked.

These volunteers first knew Uncle Lee through a programme initiated by Youth Corps Singapore, but have since grown closer to Uncle Lee and for the past two years, have been visiting him every month.

Elderly Life Singapore
A photo collage done by ‘Uncle Lee kids’, the group of volunteers who have grown close to Uncle Lee

Once a driver who made a livelihood off driving for commercial and private businesses, Uncle Lee retired more than 20 years ago, when he sprained his hip. This work injury, however, has become a permanent problem at 82 years old.

“I cannot really walk long distances, unless I take breaks.”

Curious about my own mortality when I reach his age and avoiding being so rude as to ask Uncle Lee - whom I just met - about how he feels about death, I asked if there is anything he fears now that he is this old.

“No lah! Scared of what? Don’t need to be scared of anything [at this age].” He jested, “Last time, scared of my mother, but mother not around already, so there’s nothing to be scared of [anymore].”

Ever since his elder sister passed away, Uncle Lee’s only other family members are his nephew and nieces, whom still visits him occasionally.

Most days however, his humble lifestyle revolves around watching TV and eating, which he loves doing.

“Uncle is a food king!” One of the volunteers teased, “whenever we go out, he will tell us what’s good and where to find good food.”

Unable to comprehend living alone at his age, I asked Uncle Lee if he ever feels lonely.

“Won’t lonely lah! [If I’m] lonely, then I’ll just watch TV, or put on a DVD, or go out and eat lunch. Lonely for what?”

His positive reply showed very much his outlook of life and in a way, it was also a reminder that happiness is a choice. He could very well dwell on what some would assume as unfortunate - he is old, never married, and living alone and off financial support from the government - but he had chosen to lead a simple and happy life instead.

A study done in 2004 found that seniors living alone were twice as likely as their peers to develop depressive symptoms. In the last stage of their lives, it can be very easy for seniors to feel frustrated and aimless.

Which is why, it is important not just for seniors to be able to adopt a positive mindset, but also for the people around them to empower them to do so.

Besides, our elderly citizens may be old and frail, but they have so much to offer in other ways.

Yong Shin, one of ‘Uncle Lee kids’ said, “They always say ‘seniors are a wealth of knowledge’, and I think [Uncle Lee] really displays that. You can tell that he really likes to share with you, about history or just whatever knowledge he has. He really likes interactions.”

And of all the conversations I have had with the seniors, the one thing that all of them have said, albeit not ad verbatim, is “we’re old already, what else can we do?”

To them, it is just better to lead a happy life and enjoy the simple things when you are already at that stage of life.

Also read: People Leave, But You Don’t Have To Be The One Left Behind.

One gram of pure gold costs S$56.33 (at time of writing). A Magic: The Gathering card weighs approximately 1.8 grams. In pure gold, that is worth about S$101.39. Just last year, one of such card was sold for a whopping US$87,000 (about S$117,900) at an auction on eBay. The 55,000 grams me cannot even fetch that amount in two work-years. The Alpha Black Lotus card is more valuable than me. In fact, it is one of the most valuable pieces in the world of Magic: The Gathering, a trading card game that has been around since the 90s. The hottest fad back in our primary and secondary school days, most of us would have seen our brothers (or even sisters) and classmates playing it. And after school, the same group of boys would gather at the mama shop equivalent of a card game store back then. On some levels, trading card games like Magic were cool back then, until technology and video games took over. In this day and age where everything is digital however, we hardly see card or board games anymore, save for the Poker or Blackjack sessions during new year gatherings. Even toddlers have iPads these days. Surprisingly though, tabletop gaming is a growing interest in Singapore. And it’s nostalgic to see that what was once a craze in our childhood days still popular. It is no longer just for the teenage boys either. In fact, unbeknownst to most of us, we have a Singaporean world champion, who is a lawyer and father of two. Justin Phua, who is in his fifties, was the 2017 world champion in a miniatures game, Star Wars: X-Wing. The win was a big deal as he was the first Asian to have won the tournament. Though it wasn’t that big of a news back in Singapore. Unlike academic, entrepreneurial, or sporting achievements, gaming isn’t as much appreciated or celebrated here, let alone tabletop gaming.

In The World Of Tabletop Games

For 29-year-old Travis Wong, who was crowned the 2017 Oceanic Champion for ‘A Game Of Thrones: The Living Card (AGOT: LCG) Game Version 2.0’, it is disheartening that such achievements (in the tabletop gaming world) go unnoticed, but support need not always be in the form of public recognition. “There was little to no recognition of my win because no one really knew about it, but my close friends congratulated me, which was all I really needed. More than anything else, the win was a self-achievement.”
2017 Oceanic Champion for AGOT: LCG
Image Credit: Travis Wong
Travis’ 2017 win at the 2017 Oceanic Championship for AGOT: LCG
Like Justin, Travis had to clock in hours at the tournament before he won in the finals, which lasted a “mentally-exhausting 1 hour 42 minutes.” Meanwhile, we struggle with keeping a Monopoly game going at the one-hour mark. Some dive into the world of tabletop gaming for leisure, but for competitive players like Travis, the pressure as a Singapore-represent at such international competitions is no different from athletes competing in international sports events. “I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to win. I’ve trained for it [through regular gaming sessions] and analysed videos of high-level tournaments to prepare myself. The night before the top cut, I had nightmares and dreamt about the countless scenarios I would have to face.”
Playing Rising Sun
Image Credit: Travis Wong
One of the many board game sessions he holds with his friends. In here, they are playing Rising Sun
His passion for AGOT: LCG has led him to start a group with his friends while juggling a full-time job in corporate compliance for his family business. Together with the group, Travis runs events and recognised tournament circuits for other AGOT: LCG players in Singapore and across Asia.
2018 AGOT tournament
Image Credit: Travis Wong
2018 AGOT:LCG Tournament in Thailand - one of the events Travis’ group organises
Prize Pool for AGOT Tournament
Image Credit: Travis Wong
Commission works and special cards make up the prize pool for one of the tournaments they held
It was just about five years ago that Travis started looking into tabletop games, as a way to bring back the ‘human interaction’ element of gaming. Today, his queen-size bed storage is fully filled with his collection of board and card games. The amount of money he has spent on this passion easily hits the four-digit range, which he fears “might be creeping into the five-digits territory soon,” as he got into painting miniatures last year another facet of tabletop gaming that is extremely wallet-unfriendly.
Warhammer Miniature Models
Image Credit: Gamersaurus Rex
Warhammer miniatures
Essentially, tabletop games are any games that are played on tabletops.
Tabletop Games Categories
Screen Capture from: Wikipedia
Game categories under the expansive umbrella of tabletop games
 
Casual Tabletop Card Games
Image Credit: Shopee
Casual card games like Cards Against Humanity, Unstable Unicorns, and the homegrown The Singaporean Dream are tabletop games that are easy to pick up for its price point and accessibility, so is our favourite Monopoly.
Among enthusiasts, trading card games like Magic remains wildly popular. There is even an online version of the game, which I learnt from veterans in the community, has helped boost interest in the actual, physical cards. Miniatures games like the Warhammer 40,000 are another popular range of tabletop games for the more ‘hardcore players’. The game has even been described by The Guardian as ‘Heroin for middle-class nerds’ for its fascinating worlds and stories. I’m guessing that the fair bit of (love) labour one has to put in before actually playing the game would have contributed to its appeal. Because the Warhammer game first requires players to assemble and paint their own miniatures models from boxes of model parts.

Making A Career Out Of Trading Magic

For another 28-year-old Mark, tabletop gaming has gone from a hobby to a career, and it all started from Pokémon. From the Pokémon Trading Card Game he picked up in primary school, Mark went on to Magic: The Gathering.
Magic The Gathering Cards
Image Credit: Wizards of the Coast
Likening it to chess, it was the strategic part of Magic’s gameplay that kept Mark invested, and was also what got him deeper into tabletop gaming. “When I was about 16, my friends and I would buy a new board game and come together to strategise. We’ll spend hours trying to plan what’s the best way to play the game, and figuring out counter-strategies when we play.” Metagaming,” he told me over the phone, “that’s what really got me into it.” When he was polytechnic, Mark started trading his Magic cards on eBay, earning $1000 to $1500 a month a very decent sum for his age. He continued buying and selling cards to fund the lifestyle. At 21, his stint at a card company laid the path for him towards a profitable career out of trading cards. Currently residing in Germany, Mark deals with sales and international trades of Magic cards for a card shop there. As Magic has been around for more than 20 years, older cards that are no longer in production become rare collectibles that would fetch extravagant amounts from collectors and hardcore enthusiasts like the Alpha Black Lotus card mentioned at the start. To most of us, these cards are nothing more than ‘expensive cardboard’, but in the community, they seen as pieces of art. Mark explains, “the original painting of Black Lotus could go for millions of dollars for [it’s prestige in the community].”

Growing With The Gaming Community

Nicholas, who is in his forties, saw exactly that the potential in tabletop gaming in Singapore, and he, like Mark, made a career out of his passion for the games. Previously a freelance copywriter, Nicholas and his friends took over the reins of a game shop they used to frequent when they were designing their own board game. Now onto its seventh year, Gamersaurus Rex is a popular tabletop game store in Singapore. For Nicholas, whose foray into tabletop gaming started when he picked up Dungeons & Dragons in secondary school, it is also heartening to see the growth of the community in Singapore. Back in his days some 30 years ago, “there were just one or two [tabletop game shops]. Now, there are more than 10 shops.”
Gamersaurus Rex
Image Credit: Gamersaurus Rex
The gaming tables at Gamersaurus Rex are always full on the weekends
Saber the cat at Gamersaurus Rex
Saber, friendly resident cat of Gamersaurus Rex, probably contributed to the shop's popularity too
Besides retail offerings for a wide range of tabletop games and accessories, the shop hosts regular events of their own as well. This includes game nights, painting workshops, and tournaments for a variety of games.
Warhammer games rack
Entire racks of Warhammer items at the store
Just like fans who buy into the world of Star Wars, Harry Potter, or Lord of The Rings, some tabletop games come with background stories, comics, merchandises, and even their own films. “There are those that sell you their universes and creative settings, like the Warhammer games,” Nicholas explained as he held one of the miniature models he had been painting before I reached the store.
Miniatures Game Model at Gamersaurus Rex
Gaming models sitting on the tables in one of the rooms at Gamersaurus Rex
Warhammer Poster
One of the many posters that line the walls of the play area at Gamersaurus Rex
There are also games that build upon existing geek or pop culture, like the the Star Wars: X-Wing Miniatures Game. Although, for all its artistic and otherworldly appeal, it is the social aspect of tabletop gaming that keeps the crowds coming.

Making Friends And Landing Jobs From Playing

Most of us perceive tabletop gaming to be for reclusive nerds, but tabletop gaming is a community-based game by nature, and a lot more of a social activity than e-gaming, for example. Once a “pretty reclusive person”, Travis have “made countless friends through this hobby, which is weird since this hobby is thought to be full of nerds and introverts.” For Mark, “a full gaming experience for me is something that comes with social interaction. I really like meeting people, talking face-to-face, and discussing game strategies. It’s more wholesome.” Business aside, Mark runs several Facebook groups as well, where he continues to hold events like community meet-ups for the gamers. “It is the community building that I really enjoy in tabletop gaming. It’s like grouping all the ‘misfits’ in life, people from all walks of life just coming together to enjoy a game.” As someone who is also trying to make a living through connections, Mark highlighted the social fabric created by this ‘hobby’. “Even if you’re introverted, you will open up when you’re relaxed and having fun. You bond over the game and you start talking about each other’s life.” Mark not only knows people from all over the world now because of tabletop gaming, he has seen many people find jobs merely through playing with someone else who was hiring. Currently engaged, Travis’ fiancée emphasised that as with all things, of course, balance is important and probably the line between obsession and hobby. “I’m very supportive of him because I understand it’s his hobby. I don’t dislike board games too. It’s a great way to bond and relax. I think that we just need to have a good balance of our priorities and don’t go overboard (pun intended).” Though, even with all the good things that have come for Travis, Mark, Nicholas, and other gamers in the community, they will remain as ‘anti-social nerds and geeks’ to the uninitiated. For them, however, it’s not a big deal. “Geeks are also cool kids nowaday.” They all told me. And it’s true, considering how Razer’s CEO, Min-Liang Tan, has (a cult following of) more than 560K followers on his Facebook page. Also read: What The Heck Do Dumpster Divers Do In Singapore?. (Header Image Credit: Geek and Sundry)
A recent case of a Singaporean couple who abused their maid has yet again brought up discourse over the way we treat our maids, or domestic workers. The mistreatment of domestic workers isn’t unique to Singapore, but knowing that such is the way that Singaporeans continue to treat maids is saddening. The discrimination against them is one that is so embedded in our culture that most of us don’t even see it - until it is said. Or when the discrimination or bullying escalates enough to capture media attention. However, there any many instances of ill treatment that has been and still is happening all around us. Many of us have either seen or heard about them before at some point, but we trivialise them. Cases out there bordering on worrying, but not drastic enough to fuss over.

But why do we wait until it’s drastic enough to pay attention?

I’ve never had a domestic worker. My mother considered hiring one, but I was against it because “they very smelly.” If I was my mum, I would have slapped that primary school version of me for being such a rude and ignorant kid. I exaggerate, but the point is, it is exactly the little things like this that shows our discrimination against them. There is also this long-standing sense of lowliness that is attached to the work that they do, since they are figuratively ‘bowing their heads down to serve their employer’. The discrimination and the view of them being lowly shows in the way we ridicule them for having picnics with their Bangladeshi boyfriends. It shows in the way we scorn at them for being too boisterous when they’re gathered at Lucky Plaza on Sundays. And it shows when employers ask:
“Do I really need to give them an off day?”
I cannot vocalise how sad it is when I visit the homes of friends or family and see that the resting spot for their domestic worker is literally that one mattress hidden away at the back of the kitchen, or in a cramped storeroom. From how frequent I’ve seen such arrangements, it seems that this is considered normal.   Often, employers find that they do not have a choice as there is no other space in the house for the worker. However, would you put someone up in the storeroom, surrounded by household items, if that someone is a friend or family member? I’d like to think as domestic workers as a part of the family, since they are going to be spending their life with the family, though to some employers, domestic workers are still merely workers. I spoke to a freegan in Singapore, Colin, who runs a project that blesses Filipina domestic workers with dumpster dived items that they or their family back at home can benefit from. He spoke of some alarming things he has heard from these Filipina about their employers. There are employers who would steal their domestic worker’s items. Then, there are employers who would rather cut up clothes they no longer want than pass it on to their domestic worker. I’m making a wild guess that these employers think of domestic workers as unworthy - that these workers cannot possess too many material goods. Whether it’s pride, ego, or some masochistic need to assert their authority, I do not know.    A lot of us are also uncomfortable with the idea of our domestic workers having their own social life here. Similar to how we don’t like to think of our own family member and their sexual relationships, it is hard to think about our helper getting involved that way. It’s also a worry that their romantic relationships get in the way of them performing on their job. Though, the most alarming of it all is when employers practice superiority in their everyday actions. My mother was once approached by our neighbour’s domestic worker in the lift, who asked my mother if we had any leftover food we could give her. Upon probing, my mother learnt that the domestic worker was only allowed to eat the family’s leftovers (if there are even any). They even bought a separate loaf of bread just for her, as they did not want her to be eating the same food the family eats. It was a shocking discovery. Not just because it is a family that has been living right beside us all this while, but because we couldn’t tell at all. We couldn’t tell that beneath the facade of a friendly family with two toddlers and a grandmother, they would do such a thing as to locking their domestic worker at home alone when they go on holiday. Colin had also told me about having met this Filipina who was so happy to receive a plain plastic cup that is of no value to most people. This domestic worker was scolded for using a cup to drink water on the first day she was at her employer’s home - the employer told her that these cups are theirs, and that she is not allowed to use their cups.

There Are Horror Stories Of These Workers Too

Although, just like domestic worker abuse cases, there has been many cases of errant domestic workers as well. There was the domestic worker who killed a baby because the baby couldn’t stop crying, another who got jailed for hitting her employer’s elderly mother, and one who sexually exploited her employer’s underaged son. A colleague’s aunt rehired a domestic worker who had worked for her family for 10 years previously and left to find another job. The domestic worker had wanted to work for them again as she said other places mistreated her. The family took her in out of goodwill, only to find out a year later that she had been stealing items from their house. My aunt had a fear of maids because of the many horror stories. She hired one after much deliberation, as motherhood and household chore got overwhelming. She ended up with a problematic maid, who would sneak her lover into the house for some fun when she was home alone. Talk about the laws of attraction, huh.

It's a reflection of ourselves

These cases of domestic workers misbehaving are just as terrifying, and they can really undermine our confidence in them. Another colleague spoke about how her grandma would treat their maid badly because of a nasty experience with a previous domestic worker. Because the last domestic worker argued with the grandma a lot and called her names like ‘stupid’, the grandma now behaves the same way towards the current maid. It’s inevitable that we have our guard up when we meet domestic workers that go rogue. But if one is really so suay to hire a domestic worker who has potentially errant tendencies, treating them badly is only going to incite them to misbehave. And exactly because domestic workers are humans too, there will always be black sheeps. The horror stories may give us a certain amount of prejudice against them, but it should not stop us from being humane. Seeing them as inferior or not worthy of respect is not only an unreasonable generalisation of domestic workers, it reflects our ignorance and narrow-mindedness. Punishing them to the point of abuse on grounds that they did not perform well makes us no better than the slave-drivers in stories we hear about the ancient times. On the other hand, there are so many more hardworking domestic workers who grow to be a crucial part of their Singaporean family. My cousin’s family maid, Parti, has been with them for 16 years now and is pretty much a part of our family. Parti has seen my cousin, S, through the formative years of her life, and even though my cousin knows that Parti will leave for home one day, it is still a painful prospect for S. “Recently, there’s been talk about Parti going home for good. I was really upset and affected by that. It’s akin to a family leaving. I know she can’t be with me for life but at the same time, I’m still really sad. But I’m grateful too, because she had to give up her own family to come over here to work. Hopefully, during all these years, I was able to be a part-time family to her as well.” Like Parti, many domestic workers leave their home to come here to earn a living. They sell their own youth and life to work so their own children, parents, or spouse back at home can have a better life. Many end up working for their employer’s family for so long that bonds are forged. An annual ceremony organised by the Association of Employment Agencies awarded 19 pairs of maids with long-service award - One Filipina was honoured (longest-serving maid) for having worked for the same family for 28 years. We are only here because we are lucky enough to be born at a place more affluent. At the end of the day, these maids are but young women who have left their home in search of better opportunities. We could have easily been them.  Just like how we ‘sell our life away’ in our office on Mondays to Fridays to make a living, the maids do too, only, they are selling their life away to earn money. They sell their youth and life away so they can feed their families back at home. The least we can do is to treat them with dignity and compassion.
A previous version of this article included a sentence that can be misunderstood to imply that employers should not feed domestic workers cheaper food. We have made amendments to address that error.
Also read: We Live Under One Roof, But We Don’t Feel Like Family At All. (Header Image: Flora Isabelle)
Once upon a time, tidying up was a dreaded affair. This period leading up to Chinese New Year however, Singaporeans are finding joy in spring cleaning and decluttering their homes. It’s amazing how Marie Kondo turned chores into an international obsession. This couldn’t have come at an even better time since many families are banking on the KonMarie method to make their pre-Chinese-New-Year spring cleaning a little more joyful. As with the increasing amount of things we throw out, our green (rubbish) bins and blue (recycling) bins at our neighbourhood void decks have also been filling up more quickly than usual. Some of you would have even noticed that these ‘trash spots’ are overflowing with items recently. For some people however, these ‘trash spots’ are treasure troves: Dumpster divers.

Digging Through Trash?!

As the term suggest, dumpster diving is digging through dumpsters to salvage useful items. In other words, finding treasure in someone else’s trash. Some do it to save money, some do it to save the environment, some do it for charitable reasons, and some, just for the fun of it. Since dumpster diving in Singapore started getting more attention two years ago, more Singaporeans are opening up to it. But even with the increasing interest, Singaporeans still largely perceive dumpster diving to be a bizarre activity. “Why do people even want to dig through trash?” “Only poor people need to dumpster dive.” “Can find anything good from dumpsters meh? If it’s still good why will people throw it away?” However, as shared by the co-founder of Freegan in Singapore, Colin, “people have the wrong idea that everything in the trash is worthless.”

The Man Behind ‘Freegan In Singapore’

Ever since he started dumpster diving in 2016, Colin has found valuable items that we would never have thought we would find in dumpsters. Electronics like television sets, mobile phones, and ovens are common finds, so are kitchenware and perfect condition furniture. He has also found hundreds of branded bags before from Prada, Louis Vuitton, Coach, and Gucci. Besides small defects, most of these bags are still in good, working condition when he found them in the dumpsters. For example, one of the bags he found had a broken zipper pull tab which he simply replaced with a twist tie - “the kind from the bread from bakeries.” In a post he wrote on Freegan in Singapore recently, a Facebook page he co-founded, Colin added that “when people shift, renovate, spring clean or have a recently deceased loved one, they will throw away amazing items in perfect condition.” As a leader of the freegan community here, which has close to 7,500 members in its Facebook group, Colin has trained and is still training disciples to continue the work of dumpster diving for charitable reasons and advocating the freegan lifestyle.
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Colin
Colin - Co-founder of Freegan in Singapore
Colin also initiated the “Filiporean Project”, where he gives away dumpster dived items to Filipina domestic workers and assists them in sending boxes of rescued items back home, where most of the poor there do not even have the luxury of affording the items we relegate to the trash heap. These items are collected from dumpster diving, and from donations by fellow freegan members and the public. And he has so much that he sets aside an entire bedroom just for these items.
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Filiporean Project
Giveaway Items that often pile up in Colin's master bedroom
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Filiporean Project
Filipina domestic workers get to grab stuff from the room during the giveaways every Sunday
“Sundays are the highlight of my weeks because that’s when I have the maids come over for giveaways. I’ll do a lucky draw for expensive items (like branded bags). Then, after prayer, they can grab whatever they want from the room.”

Dumpster Diving Singapore - Filiporean Project

Although a big part of Colin's lifestyle now revolves around dumpster diving for altruism, he initially started doing so as a way to reduce living expenses. Having decided to take a break from working, Colin started researching for ways to stretch his savings. That is when Colin picked up knowledge of dumpster diving online and through shows like Extreme Cheapskates. His inspiration for his Filiporean Project also stemmed from there. Even after his interest was piqued, he had spent two to three months researching more before going out for his first hunt.
“I didn’t even dare to do it initially! I watch a lot of videos until I’m very sure and got the PHD already then I went to try.”
Colin later found that his food, merchandise, and monthly expenses dropped to less than $100 after he started dumpster diving. The beginning of the Filiporean Project came on his fourth day, when he took home a bag of good quality female clothes, which was later passed on to a Filipina.
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Filiporean Project
Occasionally, Colin will hold special cash giveaways that’re sponsored by members of the freegan community or himself.
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Filiporean Project
What goes on during some of the major Sunday giveaways.
He started giving away more dumpster dived items to this Filipina to be sent back to the poor in Philippines. Out of curiosity, Colin picked up the logistical processes of it. Eventually, news of him giving away merchandises to Filipina maids spread and today, he has four main leaders in his Filiporean project and more than 150 maids in his list. Although he has gotten quite a bit of public hate for his project, Colin maintains that “all these negativity will not stop me from continuing to be kind to the poor and needy. Whenever I see a maid scream in joy when I give her something I found in the trash, that is my reward already.”

Rescuing Food

Like what Colin does for merchandises, Daniel does for food.
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Daniel Tay
Daniel Tay, co-founder of the Freegan in Singapore community and SG Food Rescue initiative, on an expired food rescue.
Every Thursday morning, Daniel runs the Pasir Panjang Food Rescue mission, where the group of food rescuers collect vegetables and fruits that shopkeepers no longer want. The rescued foods are first distributed among themselves before the bulk of it gets sent to soup kitchens and charitable organisations. These days, Daniel does not dumpster dive for food as much anymore, because the foods he has got from the rescue missions are more than enough. Over the past two years, Daniel has also collected various food products that he can “probably eat for years.”
Dumpster Diving Singapore
Bottles of expired soya sauce that Daniel rescued and uses.
It began with an interest in learning how to save more money and three projects: to ask neighbours for leftover food, and looking through the dumpsters and the back of supermarkets to see what people throw out. Over time, Daniel rescued so much food that he had to give most of it to his neighbours, friends, and the freegan community. Communities form easily through food sharing, and for Daniel, this arrangement helped build a good community spirit between him and his neighbours. Fruits like apples and oranges are foods that Daniel finds a lot of in bins all around, which were probably prayer offerings. Another category of food that he saves a lot of from dumpsters and food rescue missions are expired processed or canned food.
SG Food Rescue - Veggie - Daniel
On one of the veggie rescue missions
SG Food Rescue - Veggie - Daniel
Rescued vegetables that would have otherwise gone to the incinerator
Rescued vegetables that would have otherwise gone to the incinerator because of minor cosmetic defects or just couldn’t be sold
“A freegan is someone who rejects consumerism and seeks to reduce waste, especially by retrieving and reusing discarded items.”
As defined in the Facebook group and reiterated by both Colin and Daniel, freegans do see the need to spend money on things that they can get for free. In the middle of my interview with Daniel at McDonald’s, he got up suddenly, “wait ah, wait ah,” only to return with a used straw, which he proceeded to wipe with paper napkins before using it to stir his cup of tea. He explained how this is one of the many things that encompasses the freegan philosophy. “You’re signalling to the company that they need to put more straws, but that’s not good for the environment. But if you take one that somebody has already used, you’re not creating any more demand.” While Daniel’s rationale made sense, I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable thinking about the possibility of contamination. Who knows what people do with straws, or their utensils, or food after they are done with it. I shuddered at that thought, but also felt guilty for my nonchalance in using plastics. On the flipside, Daniel had only ever gotten food poisoning from food that was bought. “Because I know it’s rescued food, I’m a lot more stringent and careful.” As a general practice, freegans like Daniel practice the Look-Smell-Taste test method to determine whether a certain food product is safe to eat. Obviously, meat with maggots crawling around is out of the question, and for Daniel, so are dented, rusty, or bloated cans of food. Expired food however, are one of the common foods that freegans rescue for consumption. As Colin best puts it, “Most [locals] think that food spoils one second after midnight of the best before date. But we freegans believe that food is not equipped with a self destructive device that can activate itself at the stroke of midnight of the expiry date. Daniel had even had 12-years-expired chicken essence. Even though the initial thought of consuming something that has expired for 12 years did make his stomach churn, Daniel explains that it is most a psychological reaction that can be overcome by testing it out. As leaders in the dumpster diving and freegan community, Colin and Daniel are what Colin refers to as ‘Rambo dumpster divers’ who map out their attack route, and dig and grab every good thing they see.

Dumpster Diving As A Hobby

Then, there is the second type of dumpster divers which make up the bulk of the community - the ‘casual encounter’ type. And we met one such casual encounter dumpster diver last month: Bianca.

https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/604032170054484/

A fellow millennial in her first full-time job as a teacher, Bianca usually dumpster dives with her boyfriend. Although their dumpster diving ‘trips’ are never planned, Bianca has found herself rescuing bags of clothes and assortments of housewares for her family, boyfriend, friends, and herself. “It’s usually when we are walking to my block from the bus stop for example, and we’ll just check the bins along the way.” Bianca also often does barter trades and gives away rescued items on the various dumpster diving and freegan groups online. Unlike Colin and Daniel who started for practical reasons, Bianca’s interest in dumpster diving germinated from a concern for the environment. “The whole thing started when I watched some PETA videos in Secondary school. I started realising that whatever we consume, be it shampoo, soap, or anything we use on a daily basis, have an impact on the environment.” Knowing that her spending money on certain companies indirectly supports them in their cruel practices, Bianca began to switch to companies which are ethically or environmentally conscious in their business practices. It was when she went on a ‘clothes fast’ in 2016 to curb her shopping addiction when she realised that she didn’t need a lot of material goods in her life. “I didn’t buy any clothes for one year. Dumpster diving came along shortly after the clothes fast. I realised that if I can do with fewer clothes, I can do with fewer things. At the same time, I thought, maybe I don’t need to buy stuff, I can just look out for free stuff.”
Dumpster Diving Singapore - Bianca
Like most dumpster divers, Bianca dumpster dives at night as that’s when the bins tend to be the most filled
“I’ve always been very auntie. I don’t mind secondhand clothes. I’ve very comfortable with clothes from the thrift store, ever since young. So I think the open-mindedness and willingness to get my hands dirty just sparked off a ‘love’ for [dumpster diving].” - Check out Freegan in Singapore’s Facebook page to learn more about dumpster diving and freeganism here! Head to SG Food Rescue if you’re keen to learn or join in their food rescue missions here! For those who want to donate used items to the Philippines, you can reach Colin at [email protected]. Also read: 65-Year-Old Mdm Rebecca’s Life: A Look At The Reality Of Singapore’s Privilege Gap.
I’ve got a friend who had to hide her relationship with her boyfriend just because they were colleagues. They worked on the same accounts and because of the toxic office environment, had to be wary of revealing their status. “There was a culture that you should always be pulling your weight and there’s always a fear that our relationship would be used against us. Like ‘oh they're not OTing because they're probably going out and leaving all the work to others’.” Keeping the relationship under wraps was also to safeguard themselves against colleagues they could not trust: “We don’t want people to say things like ‘she/he's slow because she/he's distracted by their partner." Which begs the question: is it a good idea to date someone you meet at work, or to even work with your romantic partner?

Mixing Business And Personal

There’s a saying that you should never work with friends, otherwise, you have to be prepared for the possible death of that friendship. Working with family or a loved one? Even tougher - how do you even deal with them back at home after fighting at work? In our Singaporean culture especially, where we are too non-confrontational and would feel too paiseh to offend anyone, that ‘anyone’ being someone we love makes it that much more problematic. And no one wants to be stuck in that awkward dilemma between being nice and having to do their job right. Similarly, there’s a long-standing belief that you should never ‘shit where you eat’. Some would rather leave a company than start a romantic relationship with their colleague. Yet today, all these beliefs seem to be more of a myth, as we see more Singaporeans choosing to work with friends, continuing their family businesses, and also being co-bosses to their businesses with their romantic partner. We spoke to some couples who chose to hustle together to find out how the heck they survive as partners-in-crime in all aspects of their life.

Daniel and Natasha - From Boss And Employee To Lovers

Singaporean Couples That Work Together
Image Credit: Natasha
He was her boss, and they found themselves falling for each other as they spent many late nights working on projects together. Their boss-employee dynamics meant they had to keep their dating status under wraps before they found a right way to break the news responsibly to upper management. Natasha: “It was quite weird at first, but thrilling! For example, because we had to be low-key at the start, we would leave at different times and rendezvous somewhere so it wasn’t obvious.” Meanwhile, they spent that period setting ground rules to ensure that they wouldn’t let their relationship get in the way of work. However, Natasha admits that there were fights that got so bad, they ended up not talking to one another the whole day. Those instances tempted her to quit. “In the end, we just sat down with one another and talked about it and laugh at ourselves because of how silly the situation was.” Now that both of them have moved on to another company, where their job scope also require them to work closely with each other, Natasha talks about how working together has contributed to their growth individually and as a couple. “During the first 1.5 years, it tested us both. From working on pitches to having a normal brainstorm session, there were times where we let our personal lives come into such work situations. But we realised that it wasn’t healthy so we sat down to thrash things out. From thereon, it became easier to separate work and personal lives.” Although Natasha admits that both of them would occasionally blurt out “baby” by accident during work hours. Dedicating quality time with each other out of work has been something that they have practiced as well. To Natasha, having that one-on-one time with each other lets them check in on each other without the ‘noise’ at work. “We try to keep to our rule of not talking about work during our dates because we don’t want to let it define our relationship. It really helps because you realise that there’s so much more happening in your partner’s life even when you’re working in the same office.”

Wei Zhang & Pauline - A Marriage Of Work And Play

Singaporean Couples That Work Together
Image Credit: Wei Zhang
Running a business is a big deal, and for husband and wife Wei Zhang and Pauline, they are in it together. Each high-achievers who had their own ventures before their partnership in business, Wei Zhang and Pauline have co-owned four businesses since they were 20-years-old. On top of running Lendor, their latest business venture as a couple, both of them are also lecturers at education institutions. With so much on their plate, stress and conflicts are inevitable. I wondered how they have managed to stay sane and happily married. Wei Zhang: “It’s true that a conflict that happens at work becomes personal after you get home but I think every couple has conflicts over different issues. At the end of the day, it is more important to know how to resolve conflicts. To also build trust and respect in order to sing in tune and minimise conflicts from arising, be it in business or at home.” Contrary to what we are used to believe, the husband-wife dynamic has actually made it much easier for them on embarking on projects together. “We know each other’s strength and weaknesses, and we respect every opinion put on the table. Therefore [working together] was never a big problem for us considering the scale of problems we are attempting to tackle [in our businesses.]” I asked Wei Zhang if there is any ‘secret sauce’ to making it work as a couple who hustles together. “I think husband and wife dynamics should be brought to all business partnerships because for business partnerships to tick, there needs to be the same kind of mutual trust and respect between partners.”

Nerissa and Abel - No Sweat In Working Together

Singaporean Couples That Work Together
Image Credit: Nerissa
Abel has always been active and Nerissa has always wanted to open her own business, thus Box Office Fitness was born. The two of them found a mutual love for the boxing-inspired fitness classes they attended overseas and decided to bring that concept to Singapore. Being romantic partners and business partners only strengthened their relationship. The only downside? As they shared with Vulcan Post, it’s that “we spend a lot of time talking about the business so we rarely talk about anything else, but that’s fine and will probably change with time.”
Singaporean Couples That Work Together
Image Credit: Vulcan Post
As it is both their very first business venture, I asked Nerissa if they had any major conflicts. We very rarely fight over the business since we handle very different aspects of it. The biggest fights we’ve had have always involved cleaning. Like whose turn it is to clean the toilet or whose turn it is to vacuum!” The couple handles the different aspects of the business based on their individual strengths: Nerissa handles most of the day-to-day operations while Abel focuses on the training aspects of the studio like the programming of classes. As for segregating work and 'play', “we don’t separate work matters and personal emotions and that’s what works for us!”

Blurring Lines Between Business And Personal

Working with someone you are close to can be tricky as there is an emotional baggage, making it tough to clearly distinguish work conflict apart from personal feuds. Furthermore when you’re dealing with someone you love. It’s also bold to start and run a business in Singapore’s ultra-competitive landscape. And it’s heartening to see that millennials are breaking the trite stereotype of millennials being underachieving strawberries. What more, going against the grain together with their other half. There may be a belief that business and personal can never go well together, but these couples, and the couples we spoke to on camera a year ago for the video Can Couples Work Together?, prove otherwise. https://www.facebook.com/millennialsofsingapore/videos/844305589064193/ Juggling work and personal is no longer a miracle as long as each individual is determined to make things work with the other. Most of all, it is the trust and respect that they have got each other’s back. Also read: Paktor Do What? 9 Singaporean Couples Share What They Do On Dates.
In our strict justice system, humanity exists. And somewhere in Singapore, a gay couple is going to have one of their best Christmases, complete with a family of their own.

Here’s What Went Down

On Monday, a landmark high court case has allowed a gay Singaporean man, who’s a pathologist, to legally adopt his own surrogate son. He had wanted to adopt a child together with his long-time gay partner, but was told by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) that this was unlikely because of their sexuality. The pathologist then went to United States (US) and paid US$200,000 for in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) procedures. He successfully fathered a son in 2013 through surrogacy arrangements. He brought his son back and applied to adopt his son but was rejected by a district court last year. Judges maintained that the pathologist was attempting to (in other words) ‘find a loophole to legally adopt his child despite the existing laws that are preventing it’. The pathologist appealed his case. The case was brought to the High Court (Family Division), which, on Monday, approved his appeal to legally adopt his biological son as a single parent.

Why The Adoption Was Allowed Even Though It Violates Public Policies

Singapore has always been known for having a no-nonsense attitude towards law enforcement. So, the fact that the court ruled (in a way) against certain public policies is a pretty big thing. In particular, the judges had to weigh the concerns of Singapore’s public policies of parenthood within marriage, and against the formation of a family with same-sex parents. Ultimately, the judges ruled in favour of the adoption as they found the welfare of the child paramount, and that the adoption will contribute to enhancing the child’s sense of security and emotional well-being, and care arrangements. Although, the three-judge court stressed that the decision was made based on the facts of the case and in accordance to the law, not on any emotional grounds: "Our decision was reached through an application of the law as we understood it to be, and not on the basis of our sympathies for the position of either party," Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon wrote on behalf of the court.

Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon
Image Credit: Mothership
The court also said that the judgment “should not be taken as an endorsement of what the appellant and his partner set out to do”. In other words, the decision to allow the adoption for this case should not be interpreted as the court (or judges) endorsing or approving the formation of a family with same-sex parents. Neither is it a statement about being pro-surrogacy. Nonetheless, it is worth noting that despite all that has been said out loud, the court has also approved the adoption knowing that the child will (inevitably) be adopted into a family with same-sex parents. Which begs the point: what is Singapore’s view on same-sex parents household now, and how is MSF going to deal with this and its relevant policies moving forward? The ripple of social implications is significant, and it is already beginning, with MSF responding to concerns on whether the recent High Court ruling on the case sets a precedence for the formation of same-sex families in Singapore. MSF has also affirmed that they will consider if relevant policies need to be reviewed. As Singaporeans are going to start probing for answers on issues of IVF, surrogacy, and LGBT rights following this case, our civil servants in the ministries will, perhaps, need to OT more and our ministers need to start assembling their committees to think of how to tackle all these rising concerns. Even keeping things as status quo wouldn’t be easy as the relevant ministries will still have to justify their position on these issues that has been indirectly dug up by the high court through this case. Regardless, it is heartening to see our high court doing their job as a judiciary and being able to objectively prioritise welfare above ‘the rules’. Afterall, that’s the point of a court system: so that the judges can interpret and apply our laws on a case-by-case basis. Anyone can blindly follow the rules in the book, and honestly, it would have been no surprise, albeit sad, if this case was ‘brushed away’ again just because ‘public policies say no’. For rising above that and being able to prioritise the welfare of the people in our strict and world-class court, I’m thankful and glad. Thank you Chief Justice and the two other judges for restoring my faith in our courts.
Chief Justice Sundaresh Menon
Image Credit: Supreme Court of Singapore
Also read, Don’t Just Blame The Government For Our Struggling Art Scene. (Header Image Credit: Aditya Romansa on Unsplash)
“Don’t anyhow spend money ah, mummy give you $2 everyday doesn’t mean you can spend $2 everyday ok,” was something my mother use to tell me a lot as a primary school kid. I eventually grew up with a high regard in being prudent with my finances. Although I still succumb to the occasional restaurant meals or $20 cab home after a late night, I see the importance of setting aside money for rainy days and do try to save as much as I can. Then, as I grew older and saw more of my peers venturing into investing, I started wondering if I should start too. As a Singaporean, who doesn’t want to see their money grow without having to ‘work too hard for it’, right? Besides, we’ve all heard about how ‘wasteful’ it is to just leave all our money in a savings account because of the low interest rates. I have always wanted to try investing, but being cautious with my money and clueless about investments, I never dared to take the risk of the unknown. I believe that many millennials can relate to this predicament. Growing up, school never taught us what to do with our money, and our parents would only teach us how to save by telling us to ‘feed’ our coins to our pig(gy bank). None of our elders would discuss about investing with us at a young age. Even if they did at a later age, most of our parents would, for fear of our inexperience, discourage us from ‘playing with stocks’ in case we ‘get our fingers burnt’. With no knowledge on investing and such fear driven into us, it scares many of us away from dabbling in it.

Scared Best Ink GIF by Oxygen GIF from GIPHY The fact that it is such a foreign concept also made me think of the worst that can happen, and I sure as hell didn’t want to end up bankrupt from uninformed investment choices at such a young age.

So How Did People Actually Get Into It?

Curious to see how some of my peers got started in their foray, I checked in with two of my friends who’ve invested in some stocks since their early twenties. Exactly like how many of us who haven’t started investing would feel, the main struggle that 26-year-old Daniel faced when he started investing at 20 is finding the initial courage to do it. Fortunately for him, a degree in finance and capital from a father who is quite an avid investor gave him a head start. For the rest of us who aren’t that lucky in that sense, it’s hard to start because we don’t even know what we don’t know - which is pretty much the most helpless state one could be in.

Frustrated Conan Obrien GIF by Team Coco GIF from GIPHY However, like what DollarsAndSense.sg wrote in an article about investing with just $100 a month in Singapore, “Setting aside a large sum of money and acquiring extensive knowledge before you actually start investing is not only unnecessary and impractical, it may not even be the ideal situation.” As for 26-year-old Billy who paid to learn from investment courses, his challenges were figuring out what stocks to buy and which platform to use when he first got started at 22. And it was a nerve-wrecking process of trial and error before he got the hang of things. Even for Daniel and Billy today, they still find themselves lacking time to monitor their investments. That’s where technology like the new robo-investing service comes in.

A Gem For Beginners And The Time-Starved

As the name suggests, robo-investing works like a virtual consultant and is basically an online investment advisor that uses algorithm to monitor your investing portfolio. The automated digital investment platform will help match your needs and preferences to portfolios best suited for you. In other words, your ‘digital assistant’ will recommend portfolios to you so you can get the best possible returns. One such robo-investing service available in Singapore is OCBC RoboInvest. Whether you’re new to investing or want to invest but are too busy to do so, OCBC RoboInvest helps you invest and grow your savings with minimum effort. The first of its kind offered by a bank in Singapore, it’s an investment platform that lets you choose your preferred portfolio and uses algorithms to track and rebalance your investment portfolios, with your approval.  
OCBC RoboInvest - Benefits
Screen capture from OCBC RoboInvest website
Not only will you get a peace of mind that your investment will be optimised to give you the best returns without the need for constant monitoring, you can deposit and withdraw your funds anytime! This means that you don’t have to be an expert nor will you need to manually track your investments to ensure it’s doing well, because RoboInvest does it for you - great for beginner and time-starved investors. Let an automated robot do the heavy lifting and grow your money for you! Here’s how you can get started.
OCBC RoboInvest - Steps to setup
Screen capture from OCBC RoboInvest website
Anyone 21-years-old and above can start investing with S$3,500! Find out more and apply for OCBC RoboInvest here. (This post is written in partnership with OCBC RoboInvest.)